Disclaimer: The following is a fan-based parody based on a fan-based work of fiction from two fans that based it on a work of fiction. Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT are owned by Fuji T.V., Toei Animation, Funimation and Akira Toriyama (With special mention to the Purple-People-Eater). Bringer of Death is owned by Sir NP of Berry Hill and the great Count David of Starlingm. Support the official releases or somehow I will prank call you.
Claimer: This idea is owned by Batman. Because Batman owns everything. (Credit to Team Four Star for inspiration).
Chapter 3: Shot through the heart!
On the small planet owned by none other than King Kai, the deity was currently counting the money he'd won in his bet with Chiaotzu. "Let's see here: twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, and twenty-five space dollars. Guess that will teach you to bet against an all-knowing deity." The Kai laughed at his own joke as he put the money away and the midget crossed his arms in anger.
"We'll see how useful you are when the Buu Saga comes around…" muttered the white imp.
"So…Vegeta won. What now?" asked the three-eyed human known as Tien. The three dead fighters and the deity each had drops of sweat on their heads, looking around and waiting on whoever was supposed to speak next.
After a few moments, all of them retrieved their scripts from their pockets and began to turn the pages. King Kai, being the first to find the right place, broke the silence.
"Let's see here, page 13…Yamcha has a good idea, causing the world to implode." At the blue being's words, Yamcha celebrated with a fist pump then flung his script into the air.
"All right! Finally the Y-Man gets some screen time! Looks like I finally found a writer who won't bag on me every chapter! Right, guys?" In response, a piano fell from the sky and crushed the former bandit. As he groaned, his voice muffled from being under the ivory keys, the scar-faced warrior began to whine and mumble "Why me?! Why is it always me?"
"Uh, yeah...why don't you guys get Yamcha out from under there while I contact Kami," the deity sighed as he pointed his antennae towards Earth. 'I swear, the things I have to put with…'
"I can taste my spine!" Yamcha moaned.
On Namek...
The ground slowly ceased its shaking, a hole as big as Space Kansas marking the eternal resting place of Frieza.
"And...repressed. It's finally over!" Vegeta slowly descended to the ground and lowered his guard. "It took two decades, a planet, and my pride, but it looks like the dice are finally coming up for Vegeta!"
The Super Saiyan landed before Goku and folded his arms with a smile. "So, Kakarott, what did you think of that?"
"Wow, Vegeta, that was…really anti-climactic."
In response to the comment, the prince merely shrugged.
"What? Did you think I was going to have some long, drawn-out battle while the planet was destroyed around me? As. If. My way was far more entertaining. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some things to do." The prince removed his phone from his pocket and entered Spacebook, whereupon he updated his status. "Totally just pwned Frieza and Namek XD!"
"Daddy!" came a yell from the sky, as both Saiyans looked upward to see Gohan coming in at great speed. Upon his arrival, he hugged his father's leg. "I knew you could beat him! Did you hang him up by his entrails like I asked you to telepathically?"
"No, Gohan…I did not do that," the Saiyan said, a bit of worry in his voice. "Actually, Vegeta was the one one who finished him off." They both turned to see Vegeta typing away on his phone with a furious expression while he grumbled inaudibly.
"Oh, what's this? 'Pix or it didn't happen,' says Wemu. I'll get your proof, you spineless sack of entrails." The Saiyan turned on his screen camera function so that he could get a better idea of the picture he was taking. "All right, let's see here. Giant hole in the ground, golden Super Saiyan aura, my armor's all busted, and...say, Frieza, could you move like two feet to the left?"
"Like this?" came a chilling voice from a few feet away.
"Perfect!...wait a second…ah shi—" The Saiyan never got to finish his sentence as a purple Death Beam pierced his heart, time slowing down as he felt it pass through his body and out the other side. 'How is this possible?' Vegeta thought, his hair losing its golden glow. 'I killed him! I call total hacks!' Even in that moment, with hope seeming to fade, Vegeta resolved himself. He would still find a way to survive and win this...somehow.
"Is that the best you can do, Frieza!?" Vegeta yelled, his voice choked with blood.
Turning, the tyrant's right eyebrow lifted. "Eh, Vegeta...you sure you're not losing it?"
Vegeta looked down, seeming to laugh at how the blood from his torso squirted out onto the ground. "Tch. That's...just a scratch!"
"A flesh wound!? Vegeta, your chest has a hole in it bigger than Zarbon's enormous, floppy—"
"No it doesn't," Vegeta said casually.
"Well, what's that then?" Frieza said with a smile, pointing down to the spurts of blood that were puddling on the ground.
"I've had worse," the prince replied, trying to shake it off.
"Have you?" Frieza laughed. "Well, I'll just have to do better then." The demon lifted his deathly finger once again and fired several more beams through the prince's body, laughing all the while. "What about now, Vegeta!?" Frieza said.
The prince's gut, shoulder, chest, and hip all had large death-beam-sized holes in them now. How Vegeta was still standing was a mystery in and of itself.
"This?" Vegeta laughed, looking down at his body. "Pah, it's just a flesh-wound."
"But—" Frieza was in disbelief.
"Yeah, that's right, you freakish alien genotype. I can totally take anything you can dish—oh, shit, never mind; there go my organs."
The proud prince fell forward, his face in the dirt and his finger on 'send'. Next to him, Gohan and Goku shook with fear. Behind him, a zombie-like Frieze stood with his index finger extended.
"Sorry, Vegeta…" The tyrant narrowed his eyes, "...but flash photography is prohibited."
Back on King Kai's planet, Yamcha had finally been pulled out of the rubble when all present again felt the Frost Demon's horrifying power.
"King Kai…is that—" Tien, however, was abruptly cut off by the deity.
"Nope."
"But—"
"Uh-uh," the Kai replied quickly
"If you would just—"
"Not going to happen. The only way I'll believe that Frieza is still alive is if Goku himself contacts me."
"Seriously, you're putting the fate of the galaxy in danger…over twenty-five dollars?" the three-eyed fighter questioned.
"…maybe."
Back on Namek, Vegeta had realized this was his end. "Ka…Kakarott. Come closer. I need to tell you something." His fellow Saiyan walked closer and listened intently. "You have to finish what I started. Frieza…he killed everyone. My father, your father...the entire Saiyan race. He's the reason I'm like this. You have to fight him with…everything you have. Not just for me, but for everyone…save the universe…please."
Goku stood there, a stoic expression on his face as he thought things over. "Sorry, I zoned out there for a second, Vegeta. What were you saying?"
The prince wanted to slap his own face in irritation but could not due to Goku currently leaning on it.
"Kakarott…I'll make this as simple as possible: Him bad, you good, you kill him, everyone happy. Comprendes?"
"…almost. Maybe explain it to me one more time, just to be sure?" Goku asked, his voice sounding childish and ignorant.
"I...can't believe...you're the last...remaining Saiyan," Vegeta said, breathing his last. His eyes went dim and his body limp. Slowly, Goku picked him up.
"Why? He was too young to die! Don't worry, Vegeta, I'll honor your request…as soon as I can remember it." Moving a boulder with his mind, Goku found a small cave and placed the prince's body inside gently. He then closed it back up with the same boulder.
The Saiyan knelt and marked the small tomb by engraving a crudely drawn picture of Vegeta in his Super Saiyan form with himself next to the prince; the pair was holding hands and skipping. The caption read "Best friends forever."
It was at that particular moment that Gohan became very curious about something. "Um…mister Frieza, why exactly haven't you attacked us yet?" the tyke inquired.
"Oh yes, that. Sorry, I'm usually a much better villain than this, but the overwhelming blood loss is making me lapse in and out of consciousness. So then, " the Arcosian flexed his power, disrupting the planet once more. "Who's first?"
"Really, Freezer? This is how you repay us after I saved your life?" Goku asked with clenched fists.
"Actually, it's Frieza...wait, what in Space Hell are you talking about? I survived that blast because of my absolute strength, no other reason…wait a second…"
Moments prior...
Frieza was about to be destroyed by the Super Saiyan's blast when he spotted that dimwitted Saiyan just standing there. In a moment of desperation, the Icejin reached out to Goku telepathically.
'Hey! Monkey!'
'Me?'
'Yes, you.'
'Who is this? King Kai? Are you okay, because you sound way more girly than usual?'
"Why you little! No…this is Lord Frieza. I was wondering, could you um…help me here? I'm in a bit of a tight spot.'
'Hmm…I don't know…King Kai did say that you were pretty evil.'
'But I have…um…a pie in the oven! If I die, it will be burnt to a crisp!'
'Pie? No! I'll slow the blast down, you sneak away.'
Back in the present...
"Oh yes, that. You see, the thing is...I lied," the tyrant spat, shocking Goku to his core.
"You lied about pie? Then you truly are evil! I should never have saved you!"
"Duh!" shouted Gohan and Frieza in unison.
"Well let's see how you like this!" Taking three unbelievably fast strides forwards, the Saiyan became enveloped in a crimson aura as he let loose a battle cry. "For all the real pies everywhere, I will defeat you! Kaioken times 20!"
"Kai-o-what?"
The Saiyan shot off at a blinding speed and hit Frieza in the face with a hard punch, forcing the Icejin airborne. Not wanting to lose his advantage, Goku shot off into the sky immediately afterwards. He just barely managed to get above Frieza, hitting the tyrant in his back with a double-fisted attack, sending him back down.
Needing to arrive on the ground first, Goku pushed his speed to the absolute maximum. Would he make it in time? Could he really beat Frieza if he did? Would Angelina and Brad ever actually stay together?
Goku reached the ground, bracing, and held up his fist expectantly. He would break Frieza's back just as he had done to Nappa. But when no weight was felt, he looked up to see Frieza with a Death Ball already complete.
"No, no, and highly unlikely," Frieza said, having somehow heard the Narrator's comments. The energy attack was thrown and a brilliant explosion followed, rocking Namek to its core…again…like, seriously, somebody should do something about all these explosions before the damn planet explodes.
"Daddy no!" yelled the young demi-Saiyan. He was certain his father would never be seen again, having been wiped away like dust.
The child balled his small fists and hung his head low in anger as his power slowly rose. What Frieza had just done was inexcusable! Intolerable! Unforgivable!
"What's the matter, boy? Upset that you'll never see your father again? Angry that I wiped him out like all the other filthy monkeys? Well then, by all means," the Icejin spread his arms and puffed out his chest. "Come at me, bro."
"You augmented…callous…narcissistic…bastard son of a Rancor!" The child raised his hands above his head and prepared the golden beam of energy. "He had my iPod! Masenko-Ha!"
The beam soared into the air and crashed directly into Frieza, yet it went no further. The boy pretty much soiled himself, seeing the tyrant's strength. "Truly, is this…the best you could muster?" the Icejin grunted as he held the beam off. "My brother could do better than this! Haha...I think." The tyrant's thoughts were cut off as another energy beam hit him in the back.
Sandwiched in-between the blue and yellow attacks, the tyrant found himself with no way out. He took the full brunt of the fiery explosion that followed.
"Dad!" Not wasting time, Gohan flew up to his father and gave him another hug. "Dad, how in the name of all that is logical did you survive?" The Saiyan responded with a smile and a pat on his son's head.
"Simple, son: The Muffin Button."
Gohan sighed as he had been expecting something like that. "Dad, can I have my iPod back now?"
"Well son, think of it as encouragement to beat Frieza once and for all."
"You're kidding? He's still alive?" The two Sons turned around to face Frieza once more; although this time he looked far worse for wear…than before…again.
"What will it take to get him down?" complained Gohan, visibly irritated.
"Don't worry, son. I'm certain that with the power of teamwork we can beat him!"
7 Frieza Seconds later…
The five year old powerhouse lay on the ground unconscious, drooling uncontrollably and having lost bladder control, whilst the once mighty Goku hung in the Arcosian's tail's grasp, trying to breathe.
'It's a good thing I don't use my brain so often or else I would need a lot more oxygen,' thought the warrior as his face turned blue. Frieza smirked happily.
"You know, I have to wonder at least one thing: Where are your most dear friends that you saved right now?"
Fifteen minutes prior, Frieza's power had been snuffed out and the group felt at ease. Gohan had taken off towards the location of battle, saying something about having lent his father his iPod for the journey to Namek.
At that moment, Krillin was inside the ship hoping to maybe find a morsel of food and Bulma was trying to figure out how to fly the ship…the same one which Goku had somehow operated with the push of one button. Needless to say, she was not in a good mood.
Piccolo, however, was floating outside in meditation, trying to ignore the woman's shouts of rage…and trying to ignore his guest.
'Come on, at least one game. Please!?'
'How about no,' Piccolo grumbled.
'Oh, come on. Don't be mad just because I beat you ten times in a row…ten times.'
'I'm not mad, I'm just trying to relax. And you are preventing me from doing so.'
'Bauck, bauck, bauck!'
'Are…are you trying to taunt me with chicken noises?'
'I'm not trying, I'm succeeding,' Nail joked.
'Haha, very funny. Would you knock it off? I'm trying to—"
'Namekian Slug-Man who touched my junk says what?'
'All right, that is it! As soon as I find out how to do that mind training thing like Krillin and Gohan, I am going to kick your—what the hell is that?'
A humongous power surge rocked the planet again, even as Vegeta's own life-force was snuffed out. Krillin came from the ship and stuck his head out the door, "Piccolo, do you feel that?"
"I can smell that Krillin," the warrior said as he stood back up, his fists clenched in anger. The former monk, however, snuck back inside to where Bulma was working.
"Um…no big deal, Bulma, but do you think you could…start the ship, start the ship, start the ship!" the midget begged as fast as he could. He even fell onto his hands and knees in tears.
"Why? What's going on?" inquired the billionaire, removing her welding mask.
"Nothing, except the fact that we're all going to die," the monk mumbled out.
Outside, Piccolo was about to take off and help in any way he could when King Kai sent him a message. 'No! No! No! You cannot move an inch, Piccolo! I have everything far too delicately planned! I have too much riding on this!' The Namekian took off into the skies but was again stopped by the deity.
'Darn it, King Kai, I have to go help them! Gohan could die! And...I guess Goku as well.'
'Trust me on this, Piccolo. The plot wants this to happen.' Piccolo used every ounce of his willpower not to move, floating stationary for a few moments before releasing his aura with an anger-filled scream.
"Curse your plot!"
Back in the present, the tyrant continued. "Ah well, I'm certain that they would not be able to help. Now before I kill you then mutilate your son, your family, and your planet, do you have any last words?"
"You…may take our lives…but you'll never take our freedom!" Goku said boldly.
"Never did like Braveheart. Anything else?"
"You…can't win. If you strike me down now, I'll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."
"Good trilogy, and somewhat relevant."
"I'll…be back."
"Highly unlikely."
"Okay…what about: Live long and prosper?"
"Thank you, I think I will. Now I hate to disappoint you, but I don't think you'll be able to beat me with famous quotes." The Icejin was barely able to make out what the Saiyan said next.
"Wasn't…trying to beat you."
"Oh really? Then what pray tell were you doing?"
"…st-stalling," Goku barely made out with a smirk.
"Stalling?" The demon said with a laugh. "And for whom exactly?"
"A man with his priorities in check," came a booming voice from behind the Arcosian, followed by a golden flash of lightning.
Frieza's features became taut. All he could whimper was "Daddy."
Meanwhile, in Otherwolrd, "What?! What do you mean I don't get revived?" Nappa boomed at King Yemma. "I got revived in DBZ Abridged!"
"Yes, but there's a difference: This time they wished for everyone who was killed by Frieza's men on Namek to be revived, so Cui got to be alive again instead," replied the king, sitting behind his MAHOGANY desk as he turned a few pages in his massive book.
"But, Yemma! What am I supposed to do now?" the tall Saiyan whined, his arms folded like a stubborn child.
"Well, of course you'll still make your appearances with Vegeta, haunting him and such. And we're also giving you the Q&A," the ogre replied, bored and not looking up from his notebook.
A devious smirk came across the brute's features as he said with full confidence, "This is gonna be the best. Q&A. Ever!"
A/N: That's right folks, I'm going to do some Q&A Nappa-style! Ask any question you want, be it for the story, DBZ or even real life (nothing too personal like relationships or dilemmas, more current events) and Ghost Nappa will answer them!
This is Supersaiyaninfinitygohan, signing off :P!