I'm not sorry I met you…

As the days and weeks passed by, Blaine and Kurt grew closer once more. They shared coffee at the lima bean, they laughed and watched musicals together, they were friends. Blaine was very off and on when it came to being attentive to the little things. For instance, when he had just met Kurt, he could tell that Kurt needed someone to talk to about his bullies and troubles. But he was also completely clueless when it came to Kurt liking him. Kurt only hoped Blaine wouldn't question him.

Despite his outfits and loud personality Kurt kind of faded into the background a lot of the time, no one questioned his fashion or his actions. If he always wore long sleeve shirts even in doors where it was boiling hot it must be because long sleeved shirts are in style. If he didn't eat lunch it was because he had a big breakfast, or because he only ate organic greens now and the caf didn't sell that. If he lent you a pencil sharpener and one of the razors was missing, you didn't question it. Kurt knew what he was doing and he was healthy.

Everyone knew that Kurt's dad had taken a turn for the worse but he wasn't letting it affect him. Even Finn was amazed at how Kurt was taking his father's possible death better than Finn was himself, but he didn't question it. You don't question Kurt Elizabeth Hummel.

But Blaine did. It was a Wednesday and it was the first really warm day of spring, everyone else was in shorts and tee shirts, but Kurt was wearing a grey cardigan over his tee shirt, with dark blue jeans.

"Kurt, its beautiful outside! Take off the cardigan!" said Blaine. They were having a picnic in a park near Kurt's house. It really was a lovely day, they were the only people in the small park, Blaine eating some sandwiches and Kurt nibbling on celery. Kurt panicked, he knew this day would come but he wasn't prepared for Blaine to figure it out. He didn't want Blaine to know he was hurting.

"Blaine, tee shirts are completely out of style this season, haven't you read the last vogue. Cardis are in, short sleeves are out" said Kurt, trying to mask the sound of anxiety in his voice. "Kurt that's alie, I recently read the latest vogue and they said the complete opposite of what you just said. New spring tees with 100% cotton and block colors are the new black.. come on just lose the cardigan." "No" snapped Kurt. Blaine didn't know what had gotten into him but he made an action to pull Kurt's cardigan off. "Blaine! Stop it, its… its cause I hate my arms ok? I don't want people to see them" it was a bad lie and he hoped for Blaine to buy it, but he didn't he pulled up the sleeve of Kurt's cardigan and gasped. Kurt's wrists were covered in deep, razor blade cuts. Some of them were ugly white scars, some of them were fresh and dark red. They were irritated and red all around from Kurt wearing a wool cardigan in 30 degree weather. Some of the scars were cut over again. They were all different directions and covered his entire left wrist and some of his arm.

"Kurt. I… why?" Blaine sounded so pained and so guilty.

"Can we go talk about this somewhere else? I don't need to breakdown in public." Kurt said calmly, too calmly. "yeah.. of course" So they walked in silence to Kurt's house, then to his room. Once his door was locked Blaine sat on Kurt's bed next to him. He could only muster up one word…

Why?

That was it, Kurt broke down in huge tears and couldn't stop. He reached for Blaine and held him like he'd slip away if he didn't. Blaine uttered soothing words throughout the crying session, he knew no one else was home and no one would bother them. He just let Kurt cry it out. After what seemed like forever, Kurt finally calmed down and began to talk.

"When my dad started getting sick, I thought I would break down and become sad all the time, but I didn't. I became numb. Then you dumped me and I became number. Nothing brought me joy. I would smile but it would feel wrong, I forgot what happiness was like" Blaine winced at his words but urged him to continue. "This is in no way your fault Blaine. I loved you and yeah, it killed me a bit to see you every day and know what you're not mine anymore. But you weren't the reason for this"Kurt gestured to his now covered wrist. "I don't know what made me do it the first time. I was so angry and sad I dug my nails into my flesh until it left deep welts. I felt something. Soon after that I was scraping my wrists with pins and it barely bled. Then I found razors. I was so scared someone would find out. I couldn't stop though Blaine. It fixed everything for a little while. Then I got worse. One time I cut too deep and passed out, I know it probably makes no sense to you but it's the only way I can feel anything. He started to cry again and so did Blaine. They just held each other for a while, basking in the presence of each other. Then Blaine pulled away, took a breath and asked. "Show me the cuts Kurt." Kurt looked like he was going to say no, but he just nodded, pulling off his cardigan, but still hiding his wrists.

"It's not just the wrists, my ankles, thighs, shoulders, they're all cut up too" said Kurt in a whisper. Blaine just nodded. He gently took Kurt's wrists in his hands and flipped them so he could see the cuts. They were gruesome but he didn't make a face of disgust or judgment. He just looked at them. Then he cautiously brought Kurt's left wrist to his lips and kissed it ever so gently. He let Kurt's wrist gently down, as if it was made of glass and he would break if he wasn't gentle. Kurt was just looking at him.

"Oh god Kurt what happened to us?" cried Blaine. "You stopped loving me." Kurt said, voice shaking. Blaine shook his head and hugged Kurt once more. "I-I could never stop loving you. If I had known. Oh god Kurt if I had known any of this I would never have-" Kurt interrupted him. "Blaine. Please don't." Blaine looked at him, hurt. "please don't make me think I have a chance with you again. It hurts enough seeing you every day and not being able to kiss you, to hug you. It hurts so much. I feel numb every day, and then I see you and I feel again. I feel happiness, which is followed by anguish because I know I'll never have you like I had you junior year." Blaine was stunned. He was feeling the same way.

"Kurt. you have me, you always have had me. I'm not giving you false hope. You've had me since the moment you tapped on my shoulder and asked me about Dalton. You've had me before I had you. I thought breaking up with you was the only way to make you smile again. All I want is to see your smile Kurt." Kurt looked at him, stunned, forgetting that his exposed wrists were in full view of Blaine.

"Why did you think breaking up with me would make me smile?" Kurt was dumbfounded. "I was such a burden to you Kurt, between grades and your dad you were falling apart an di was only adding to the equation with my dad and my troubles. I could see you deteriorating and I just needed you to be happy again" Kurt didn't answer Blaine. He just hugged him tight.

"Kurt. c-can we please go back to the way things were, the real way? When I got to kiss you goodnight and you could trust me with your life? I want to help you through this rough patch. As your boyfriend. Oh please Kurt give me a chance." Kurt just kissed him. Blaine kissed back and it felt like things were going to go back to normal. They were together again. After months of sadness and being numb they were finally no longer two missing puzzle pieces. They were complete.

But happiness can only last so long. And everything crashed down after a certain phone call.

Is this Kurt Hummel? I'm Jane your fathers nurse. We have some bad news…

a/n dun. dun. duun! i really want to kill burt. i probably won't because then this fic would revolve around kurt recovering after that and i want to focus on the self mutilation and kurt and blaine's relationship more.. so review please :) i really value feedback.