Going to the door, Alfred started putting on his worn leather jacket. "So I have to go. Tonight I can't sleep over, so I'll see you tomorrow." He said, bending down so he could give Matthew a goodbye kiss.

Making sure their glasses wouldn't knock together, Matthew grabbed onto his shirt to deepen the kiss for an extra second before pulling back. "I miss you already. Je t'aime."

Having figured out what that meant after Matt saying it constantly before they fell asleep after having sex, Alfred smiled. "Ditto." He started moving towards the door, but looked back and couldn't stop himself from stealing another kiss. "Bye."

"Bye." Matthew put on a smile as Alfred went out to his car. As soon as he was gone from the driveway though, he face slid into a pout. It hurt him a bit that he didn't say it back, but it was Al and the Canadian should have been used to it by now.

Still, having him not come over the next day was somewhat beneficial. Matthew had been watching what he was eating around his boyfriend for a while, but never really stopped himself from eating anything. Now though, he hadn't been losing as much weight as he had hoped for and was hoping to use the time alone to get into a set diet. If Al wasn't around, hopefully it would be easier to stick to in the long run.

He had already purchased a recipe book boasting that if you sticked to it for at least a week, you were guaranteed to lose at least two pounds. The longer you stayed on its restrictive meal plans, the more weight you would lose. These next few days were a trial period if anything.

After flipping through the book to find lunch plans, he found an easy one that was just a small garden salad without dressing and started to cut up all the vegetables for it. Hopefully if the food was good for him, he wouldn't have to purge it to not get fat.

Sitting down on the couch in his living room, Matthew turned the TV on and started to watch as he nibbled his food. It didn't taste very good, but it was going to have to do.

.oOo.

Getting out from under a car, Alfred looked around for a wrench. He knew he needed the overtime, but really he would rather be spending the time with Matthew. Deciding not to think about it anymore, he grabbed the wrench and got back to work. He really loved his job, because he loved working with his hands and loved cars. This particular one was being a pain, literally as he scrapped his knuckles on something. "Shit!" He said, shaking his hand. It started bleeding.

"Hey, anyone got a rag? And maybe some tape?" He asked out to the guys working on different cars. They hardly ever had band-aids around, but he was fine if the blood didn't get everywhere. Of course, Matthew hated it when he just put tape on them, but it had to be done.

The man that handed him a rag laughed. "Thinking about your girl on the job again?"

"Hey, when you have someone as fine as I have, you would think about them a lot too. Of course you can only get prostitutes, hey?" Alfred said, giving a laugh as he soaked up the blood with the rag.

Smirking, the guy also handed him some electrical tape. "Yeah, whatever. I'll get a girl so sexy she will knock yours out of town, and then what are you gonna do?" They both had another laugh and he left, going back to working under the hood.

.oOo.

Two lunches, a dinner and breakfast were done since Matthew had started to diet. It felt nice not to have to purge, but all the food he was eating - to put it simply- was boring. There was no taste or anything. All it really was were vegetables, fruits and the occasional helping of meat or bean. According to the recipe, none of it was supposed to have spices or sauces which kept it all incredibly bland.

It was to keep him skinny, but the Canadian could already see the complications that were going to appear. When Alfred and him were able to spend more time together, he would insist that he was 'perfect the way he is' and laugh at him for dieting even if he secretly wanted Matthew to be skinnier. Then because he wouldn't want him to worry, Matthew would eat burgers with him or something else filled with trans and saturated fats. Then he would have to go back to purging which had stopped helping him as much.

Because of the purging, he had also somewhat noticed that he became thirstier, but Matthew didn't want to put on any more weight, even if it was from water. Sure he would have a glass with his meals, but not much more than that.

But that was diverting his attention to what was really at hand. He had become increasingly bored with his meals, and was finding the temptation to just reach into one of his cupboards to get a box of cookies much too distracting. Well... Would it really hurt if he just had one? Just for the taste, so he could make it the rest of the week with Al whining at him to eat fast food crap with him.

His hand shaking slightly, he went into the cupboard and got out a box of cookies. One, and then he would be done.

At least, that's what he told himself.

And hour later he found himself stock still on the floor, his brain filled with fear, anguish, and disgust at being surrounded by boxes upon bags of junk food containers. What had first been one cookie turned into two, which turned into five which turned into one box and so on and so forth. Now despite his overwhelmingly full stomach, the only thing he could taste was shame. Shame that he could let himself get so bad.

Without a second thought, Matthew got up from the floor and went straight to the bathroom. This had helped him for the last two months, and it was about to again. Shoving two fingers down his throat once he was positioned at the toilet, Matthew threw up most of what he had just eaten. The rest was brought up as he continued to aggravate his gag reflex to completely empty his stomach. It wasn't until he was dry heaving and his entire oesophagus and mouth felt like it was on fire from the acid that he stopped and flushed the toilet, letting himself cry.

Really, how was he supposed to expect Alfred to love him if he couldn't even control himself? Never mind that he was still wasn't skinny or beautiful enough. He knew that Alfred liked thin people, and Matthew had to fit that bill or he would just get up and leave. Just like that. Love meant nothing if he couldn't stand to look at him for being so fat.

Grabbing his mouthwash, he followed his procedure after every time he purged and then went back to his kitchen. Al wasn't coming back until tomorrow, so he just needed to get rid of the evidence today and go buy more to restock later. He would definitely notice if one of his favourite snacks were missing.