RVB Arrancars Chorus
Barriers to Entry!
Fade in to the canyon where Rey is seen doing squats. Washington watches him.
Rey: Sixty! Sixty-One! Sixty-Two! Sixty-Three! Sixty-Four! Sixty-Five! Sixty-Six! Sixty-Seven! Sixty-Eight! Sixty-Nine...
Washington: Rey, you can't keep stopping on Sixty-Nine.
Rey: No! This time, my legs went out.
Washington: (sighs) Come on.
Rey: Ohhoh, Holy Christ! I haven't been this sore since that bachelorette party on Bourbon Street.
Washington: You want me to believe you banged an entire bachelorette party?
Rey: I want you to, but really the groom just showed up and cracked three of my ribs.
Washington: That's what I thought.
Rey: Why do we have to train so much? We never had to do squats when Skullak was in charge.
Washington: Exactly. I'd say you two have fallen out of shape, but generally in order to fall out of something you have to be in it first.
Rey: Hey, that's funny! You should try comedy Wash. Why make one person miserable, when you can work over an entire room?
Washington: Alright! Time for sprints.
Rey: Fuck you!
Washington: I want five laps around the canyon.
Rey: Die in a fire.
Washington: Six laps, around the canyon!
Rey: Hey! Why isn't Di-Roy down here? Shouldn't you be making him do dumbbell rolls, or inverted push-ups or something?
Washington: I think he's having one of his... off days.
Rey: Oh...
Cut to the Red base interior. Baraggan walks down a ramp and speaks to Nirgge and Findor.
Baraggan: Men! It has come to my attention that we have been approching this base problem from the wrong direction.
Findor: What do you mean?
Baraggan: I mean we've been approaching it from the outside. What we should have been focusing on is the interior, the layout is all wrong. Upon reflection, I realized that a man of my military expertise, requires more private quarters, a place where I can reflect on my vast victories. And contemplate, on my non-existent failures.
Nirgge: Is the place called denial?
Baraggan: Which is why I ordered Private Nirgge here to erect this new wall.
Findor looks around for a wall.
Findor: Okay, I give up.
Nirgge: The sandbags.
Findor: What?! That's the wall?
Findor and Nirgge approach a small pile of sandbags.
Baraggan: Nirgge! I asked you to give me a proper erection, not to stiff me!
Findor: So glad Charlotte's not here.
Nirgge: Hey! It's not like I'm some expert carpenter or something.
Findor: This isn't even carpentry, this is stacking things in a straight line... poorly.
Nirgge: Well, it's all I could find, so build a bridge and get over it!
Findor: Hey Nirgge, when I build a bridge, should I use a few sandbags, or you know, something fucking useful?!
Baraggan: Useful or not, I hereby declare that from this point forward, this side of the wall is to be reserved for my own personal use.
Findor: Wait wait wait, you get half of the base all to yourself? What about me and Nirgge?
Baraggan: Sorry Findor, afraid I can't hear you from the next room. These walls are just too thick!
Baraggan backs up from the two.
Findor: But I-
Baraggan: Enjoy your new roomate! (chuckles)
Baragga leaves.
Nirgge: Ground rules, if there's a sock on the door, don't come in!
Findor: But we don't have socks, or a door.
Nirgge: And I don't have an internet connection, but we've all gotta find some way to masturbate, now don't we?
Cut to Di-Roy looking at a mirror. Wash approaches him from behind.
Di-Roy: (depressed) Sigh. Groan. Oh, woe is me. Oh, I don't know what that even means.
Washington: (awkwardly) Still standing in the corner, Di-Roy?
Di-Roy: Oh yeah, Yeah, I just... yeah, I just miss Skullak sometimes.
Washington: I know you do, buddy. He was your leader for a very long time. (walks closer to Di-Roy)
Di-Roy: Yeah, I am just...I, I'm just so lost without him! I... I don't even recognize my own face!
Washington: (awkwardly) Well, you don't have your old helmet anymore, Di-Roy. Also, your helmet and face are not the same thing.
Di-Roy: Oh, god, that explains the blinking contest. (walks towards the ledge, sounding distraught) Why'd ya have to tell me that? Aghh, you just made it worse.
Washington: (walks over to Di-Roy's side) Look, Di-Roy. I'm sure that somewhere out there, Skullak is thinking about how much he misses you too.
Di-Roy: (sounding hopeful) You really think so?
Cut to a flashback of Di-Roy, Epsilon, and Washington. Di-Roy speaks loudly over Skullak.
Epsilon: Shut up. Just shut your mouth. ...Shut up. Shut up. DI-ROY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT THE FU-!
Di-Roy: (indistinct rambling) WE'LL GO ON ADVENTURES TOGETHER, WHILE WE RIDE BIKES AND SOLVE CRIMES! AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GO TO THE FAIR AND THEN WE'RE GONNA DRESS UP! AND THEN WE'RE GONNA FINGERPAINT-!
Cut back to the present.
Washington: (unsure) Yeah. ...Why don't you go for a walk? Take a little time to clear your head.
Di-Roy: Yeah. Yeah, I just... yeah, I'll go on a walk by myself, I guess. (starts walking away) That won't be depressing at all. (off-screen) Ohh. Oh god. I'm walking by myself now. Ohhhhhh. Ohhhhhh.
Washington: (sighs) What am I going to do with him? (spots Rey outside walking at slow pace) I said sprints, Private Rey!
Rey: (while running away) I'm going to spit in your next meal! And it's not going to be spit, if you know what I'm talking about!