*Vampire Knight does not belong to me but to Matsuri Hino. Although Sakura(OC) belongs to me.*
The Beginning Of The End
Chapter Three: The Feeling Of Love And Sadness
It's really dark here. Where am I? I am sitting in the darkness thinking about all sorts of things that troubled me lately.Suddenly light started to shine on me. In front of me were Onii-sama and Yuuki. They were slowly walking away from me. No matter how I yell for them, they seem like they cannot hear me. No matter how fast i try to catch up to them, they would always appear to be far away. I continued calling and running after them but they just appear to be further away from me. I keep on yelling" Onii-sama, do not leave me behind. I shot out of bed and started panting. Where am I? I looked around and realized that i was in Onii-sama's room. I looked around the room for Onii-sama but cannot seem to find him. I got out of bed and started walking out to the living room. I gasp in surprise on what i saw. The sight of it made the stab of pain came back again. Onii-sama had his arm around Yuuki's shoulders while Yuuki's head was resting on Onii-sama's left shoulder. Since I do not want to wake them up, i quietly walked out of the room. I walked out of the Moon Dorms and sat on the bench. A lot has happened this year, Yukie, my best friend, passed away due to blood cancer. I never realized she got this disease until the day her mother phoned me informing that Yukie passed away. Yukino and Kanata-san, my other two best friends and childhood friend, went missing for three weeks already. I have asked the Shiba family to keep looking for them. They did what they can but still both of them cannot be found. As I think about everything that happened this year, none of them were happy times, there were only sad times. As i thought about Yukie, Yukino and Kanata-san, I could not help but tear up. Tears kept on flowing. It cannot stop at all, like a waterfall. Suddenly a hand rested on my shoulder. I turn my head to face the person. I was Headmaster Cross. He then moved to sit beside me.
"What happened? Why are you crying?" the headmaster asked in concern.
Then he looked around and had a frown on his face.
"Where is Kaname-kun and Yuuki? I have not seen Yuuki return to the dorm at all yesterday."
"They are still in Onii-sama's room. They are sleeping together on the couch." I said it while my voice cracked a little at the last sentence.
He seems to notice it and tries to ask further.
"Is it because you saw Kaname-kun and Yuuki sleeping together so you were upset?"
I did not answer him at all. He looked at me while i looked at the sky.
"I am not sure but I am positive that i am upset over something that happened to my best friends and childhood friends."
"I am always here to listen if you are willing to talk about it."
I paused for a while then i start to tell him the story of Yukie, Yukino and Kanata-san. As I retold what happen to him, I once again cannot stop the flow of tears sliding down my cheeks. My cheeks were pinkish color due to crying two times a day. Headmaster Cross once again rested his hand on my shoulder. I remember when I was retelling what happen, I was crying and he hugged me to comfort me. I really appreciated that. I actually needed that at that moment. He really would make a great father. How sometimes i wish that I could see my biological parents again.
"Sakura, I did not realize that you have gone through so much in such a short time. It must be really hard for you to accept it all at once. Do not worry. If you feel anything like today, feel free to come and talk to me about it. I would always welcome you to come to the dorms or the office to find me. Please do not forget that you are not alone now. You have Shiba family, Kaname-kun, my adopt children and the night class to talk to. Not talking about it would make you feel miserable."
"Thank you, Headmaster Cross for listening to what i have to tell you."
"It seems like that is not the only thing that is bothering you or upsetting you, am I right?"
I kept silent for a while looking up at the sky. Suddenly I started talking.
"Even if I wish for it to be true, it could never be true."
Headmaster Cross stared at me in concern and was about to ask but he thinks that he know what i am talking about.
"Is it about Kaname-kun?"
I stared at him in surprise. How does he know? Do i look so obvious about it that even he could guess what or who is evading my mind right now?
"Yes, it is about onii-sama. It is just that i am confused about what i am feeling for him right now. I think i love him more as a brother. When i see onii-sama and Yuuki on the sofa sleeping so comfortably and soundlessly with Yuuki's head on onii-sama sholder while onii-sama's arms around Yuuki's shoulders, i feel really depressed and sad. I also feel this stabbing pain everytime i see them together. It is as if i fell in love with onii-sama. Also whenever onii-sama is close to me, i tend to blush so hard. My heart beat excelerates as well when he is close by. I am so confused. Is this what you called love? " I asked sadly.
"Yes, my dear this is what you call love. Is it your first time falling in love? You seem real foreign to it." he asked curiously.
"Yes, it is my first time. That is why I am not sure if this feeling is love or something else. I do not know what to do." I said desperately covering my face with my hands.
Before Headmaster Cross could say anything, I heard the night classes, Onii-sama's and Yuuki's voice. As they headed towards me, I stood up and walked towards them. As I stood in front of Onii-sama, he suddenly embraced me.
"Where did you go? I was so worried about you." Onii-sama asked me with a look of concern.
"I decided to take a walk for some fresh air. I am really sorry if I made you worry. I saw you and Yuuki were sleeping soundlessly and I do not want to wake the two of you up so I left without telling." Actually I do not want to see the two of you sleeping together so I left.
The mention of it caused both of them to blush. As I looked at the two of them, I could not help but feel the stabbing pain again. Wanting to escape from the both of them, I faced the Headmaster and said:
"Headmaster Cross, can you let me take two days off from school today. I have something to do outside of the academy."
Headmaster Cross looked at me worriedly. He then pulled me into his embrace. I was surprised at first but slowly relaxed into it.
"You definitely need rest. You do not look too well. Do not push yourself too hard. I know you still are struggling with dealing with many things at once. Once day I am sure you would be able to smile and think back about the happy times you have with your friends. I am sure they are looking out for you even when they not by your side anymore. I am sure even if they are nowhere in this world, you would feel that they are still by your side."
"Thank you, Headmaster Cross. I really appreciate your kindness." I said while crying as I pulled away from his embrace.
Headmaster Cross signals Onii-sama and Yuuki to come over. I walked away as they talked, wanted to spend time by myself. I prepared to go back to Shiba family for a short break. As I was packing, I heard footsteps heading towards Onii-sama's room. I looked up to see who was it, it was the Onii-sama and Yuuki.
"I am packing my belongings preparing to head back home. I will be gone for two days and will return on Tuesday. Please do not worry about me. I just need to take time off to think things over. I will be fine." I said as I forced myself to smile.
"You are not okay. I know why you are so upset. Headmaster Cross told me everything. I did not know that you have been suffering all along. I would be happy to listen to it if you feel like talking about it. I should of spend more time with you so you would not feel so lonely and sad. Please do not go anywhere." Onii-sama said.
"I'm also here for you if you need me as well. I really want you to stay here." Yuuki said.
I looked up at them and smiled. Then I got up from my crouched position.
"I am just away for two days. You think I am not going to come back?" I said jokingly.
"It feels like you would not come back anymore." Onii-sama said as he looked at me.
"Why would you feel that way?" I asked.
"I know you have your own personal things that you do not need to tell me but I really want to know what you are thinking. I know not only are you grieving over the loss of your friends but you are also upset about something else. I can feel it." Onii-sama said.
"You can tell us if you feel like it. We can always help you out." Yuuki said with a smile.
"I…."
I started at the ground and went silent. They started at me worriedly. Then I started talking.
"I do not know what to do anymore. The feelings inside me for Onii-sama are so weird. I would feel stabbing pain when I see Onii-sama and Yuuki together as if the two of you are lovers. I would feel really lonely as if I am by myself. I long for Onii-sama to be by my side all the time. When Onii-sama is close by or embraces me, I would feel really warm, loved, happy and longing for Onii-sama. I would blush, feel embarrassed and my heart beat accelerates. I want to be by Onii-sama's side forever. When I woke up today and saw the two of you sleeping together, I could not help but feel sadness drowning me. The stabbing pain I feel came back. I could not stand the sight of you two hugging each other while sleeping so I ran out before I woke up the two of you. I am not allowed to have these kinds of feelings for Onii-sama. I cannot love Onii-sama as a lover because we are siblings. I know Onii-sama loves Yuuki. Onii-sama would never see me as his lover no matter what happens. I know so I would tell myself to give up, to stop feeling like this around Onii-sama." I confessed as I cried.
Before they could say anything, I bolted out of the room. I heard them following me. I ran as fast as possible out of the Academy. I have contacted Shiba family before I start packing that I would return home for two days, so they came to pick me up. As I was out of the academy, I sat down on the ground crying really hard. Then suddenly a hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up to see who it was. It was Ren-ni. Shou-ni, Umi-ne and Yukie-ne could be seen in the car. I could not control myself and threw myself in to Ren-ni's embrace. I could not stop crying. Ren-ni returned the hug and led me into the car. Umi-ne and Yukie-ne comforted me while Ren-ni is the driver. Shou-ni also comforted me by patting my head. As I cried and cried, I could feel my eyelids started to get heavy. Slowly everything around me starts to fade away as I fall into an endless sleep.