Hopper stood in El's open doorway. It was already afternoon on their first full day back at home, and despite the fact that he had been making too much noise on purpose, El was still curled up on her side, fast asleep. Wrapped tightly in her arms were two stuffed animals- the red bear Mike had given her for Valentine's Day and the brown bear Hopper had gotten her well over a year ago.
When they first moved in together, El was often already wide awake when he would come in her room to get her up in the mornings, even though she looked exhausted. The bear was the first thing he'd ever given her, aside from life necessities such as clothes and food.
El hugged the toy close to her chest every night while he would read to her, and after a few nights, he realized she was actually sleeping all through the night too. Eventually, she didn't need the bear to fall asleep anymore, but it still never left her bed.
The red Valentine's bear was different. That one sat on her shelf next to her mirror and dresser. She rarely touched it for fear of getting it dirty or ruining it.
Valentine's day was on a Thursday that year, which was not one of the usual nights that he allowed the two kids to see each other. But El had made Mike a Valentine's Day card and used her own money that she had earned doing chores to get him two new comic books, so he begrudgingly agreed to let the kids meet for a few minutes.
Hopper couldn't hold back an eye roll when Wheeler showed up on their front porch that night holding a red rose, the bear, and a heart shaped box of chocolates. El almost cried when he gave it to her and she quickly wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly and planting a kiss on the boy's lips, before she sheepishly pulled back glancing at Hopper. It was the kid's first Valentine's Day together and he didn't have the heart to pry them apart, so he just turned away and pretended to be very busy doing the dishes instead.
When Mike heard from Will that El was back home, he immediately began calling the cabin. He had already called three times that morning to see if he could come over to see her, or at least just to talk to her on the phone but Hopper informed the kid that she was still sleeping. He promised he'd let her call him as soon as she woke up.
During the time that El had been missing, Hopper felt that the boy was probably in worse shape than he had been. Mike was in Hopper's office every single day, and if he wasn't at work, the kid was on the phone wondering if there were any new leads or ways he could help look for her. He had dark rings under his eyes too, and Hopper was sure that he wasn't sleeping well.
None of them had been.
It was hard to sleep when they knew El was out there somewhere and possibly in a lot of danger.
Last night was the first night that Hopper slept for more than a few hours, and he actually felt well rested that morning when he woke up. He couldn't exactly blame El for still being asleep; she needed it more than he had. El had been asleep for almost 16 hours now, and he felt like he should wake her up soon so that she'd still be able to get to sleep tonight.
He really hated having to wake her up, but he wanted to get things back to normal for her as quickly as possible and that meant getting her back into a normal sleep schedule.
Plus, she hadn't really ate much since she'd been with him, and the little bit that she did eat, she had thrown up on the side of the road.
Seeing her asleep with her stuffed animals made her look so young and innocent. Sure, the kid was nearly 15, but in her short time on this planet, she'd gone through some absolutely awful things, things that Hopper was sure that most grown adults weren't even equipped to handle.
And El wasn't exactly a kid anymore either. That was something he became well aware of over the past year, especially over the last few months of summer. But seeing her like this almost made that time hard to recall. He found himself actually wishing for the teenage sighs, eye rolls, and door slams again.
"El," Hopper called, lightly patting her shoulder. El didn't open her eyes, but only whined and nuzzled her face closer into the two stuffed animals. "Hey, kid. Time to wake up," he tried again.
This time, El quickly inhaled and bolted up, startling Hopper.
"Hey," he reassured her with a smile. "You're home. Everything's okay," he promised to the kid who was blinking quickly, looking around her bedroom as if she didn't know where she was. Her panic only lasted a few seconds until she found his eyes and her face softened, though her fingers stayed gripped so tightly around the stuffed bear that her knuckles were white. He put his hand on top of hers, lightly rubbing her wrist. "Are you ready for some breakfast? Or I guess, maybe lunch and an afternoon snack?"
El turned to look at the clock on her nightstand. It was almost 3 PM. Her stomach felt so empty, like it was gnawing itself from the inside.
"Got a full box of Eggos. Do you want some of those?"
Eggos.
They used to be her favorite food. But now the thought made her feel sick. Right after Brenner had taken her, he tried to be her 'friend.' He knew she liked Eggos, and it was all he attempted to feed her for the first few days, even though she refused every bite, no matter how hungry she felt.
He eventually became frustrated with her and resorted to threats and controlling her with fear and medication instead.
Brenner was no longer her Papa. She saw him for the evil man that he truly was, and he greatly disliked that.
After days without any food, she finally broke down and ate a few bites of the cold waffles that sat all day on the table next to her bed. The taste was so familiar yet made her so homesick and upset that she threw up, accidentally getting it all over herself. El took off her ruined pants that night and no one ever even bothered to bring her another pair.
El didn't know why, but she felt like she couldn't tell Hopper any of that, so she just shook her head no instead.
"Ah, okay," he said trying not to act surprised; El had never turned down a waffle before. "We've got lots of other things. What are you hungry for?"
"Hot dogs?" El finally asked. Hot dogs were the first real meal her and Hopper ever ate together almost two years ago. "Yeah, alright. We've got those. Mac and cheese too?" he added, waiting for her to get out of bed.
El wasn't sure she could eat that much but nodded in agreement anyway. She followed him to the kitchen and watched as he poured water into a pot on the stove. El brushed her matted hair out of her eyes and walked into the bathroom deciding to take a shower before they ate.
Last night when they got home, she was so tired and sick that she just grabbed her red bear off the shelf and crawled straight into bed without a single word.
In the bathroom, El turned the water on as warm as it would go, stepping into the shower only when the water was so hot that condensation started collecting on the mirror. When it hit the red skin on her ankles, she winced and jumped out of the shower stream, reaching to turn the water colder.
El didn't know it, but some of the doses of LSD started causing her to have violent seizures. She had no idea she was having them, just that one night Brenner and another man came in and strapped her legs tightly to the bed posts, warning her not to take them off.
"It's for your own safety, Eleven," Brenner had cautioned. As if he ever cared about her safety.
When El came out of the LSD fog the next day, her ankles were red and burned under the white straps. Even though they started causing her a lot of pain, she never attempted to take them off after they'd been put on; there was no point. Plus, she thought that maybe if she was physically strapped to something in this world, the monsters would have a harder time taking her.
Once the water in the shower was cooler, she grabbed her bottle of shampoo and washed her hair twice. She slathered it in conditioner and looked down at herself while she waited for it to work through the tangles in her hair. Even though she'd been gone for 4 weeks- or was it longer- Hopper had left all of her things in the bathtub just as she had left them. While she waited to rinse out the conditioner, she grabbed her shaving gel and pink razor off the soap tray and ran it over her legs.
She remembered how much she had begged and pouted for him to buy if for her and to let her start to shave her legs. That all felt like it was years ago, almost in a different life. It seemed so stupid and pointless now. The razor nicked her knee and she just stared down at herself as the blood mixed with water and dripped down her leg.
Hopper had finished making the macaroni before El had even turned off the water in the shower. Though his anxiety was getting worse every minute and he briefly contemplated knocking on the door to see if she was okay, he thought better of it and decided to give her more time. El deserved to have a few minutes alone without him hovering over her.
He suddenly understood exactly how Joyce felt after she got Will back. He almost felt like if he couldn't see El, then it was possible that something bad had happened again. Hopper knew that it was only a matter of time before they would come for her again. And he knew that if they took her a second time, it was likely he would never see her again.
The cabin, and Hawkins in general, wasn't the safest place for her anymore, and they would have to deal with that fact soon. But he pushed that out of his head. They weren't dealing with that today. The tripwires were still active, and Hopper felt like he could defend the two of them against any of the few men that Brenner had left on his team.
Hopper let out a breath when the shower finally shut off. After a few minutes, El came out wrapped only in a towel. She walked to her room and Hopper finished heating up their lunch. He mixed a gallon of her favorite flavor of blue Kool-aid and finally, she joined him at the table. She wasn't wearing any of her newer clothes, but instead, she was dressed in one of her over-sized flannel shirts and a pair of also ill-fitting jean shorts. Though her hair was longer now, she reminded him of the little girl who sat wide-eyed and nervous across from him at the same table nearly two years ago.
He set down her cup and plate of food in front of her. El picked up the glass and immediately drank almost all of the juice. Hopper grabbed the pitcher of Kool-aid and refilled her cup before sitting down at his seat across from her.
"Thank you," El smiled up at him. She picked up her fork and stabbed some of the macaroni noodles. Hopper smiled back at her, feeling so relieved to just see her smile.
"Remember when you thought hot dogs were actually made of dogs?" Hopper smirked at her.
El smiled again and nodded yes. Hopper felt even more tension evaporate.
His little girl was home.
The two were almost finished eating when the phone rang.
Shit. He'd forgotten what he promised the boy earlier, and he actually felt a little bit bad about it.
"I'm sure that's Mike. Do you want to talk to him?" Hopper asked, knowing that was a dumb question. The two were practically inseparable before she went missing.
El sat up a little straighter and went still.
"Do I have to?" she asked quietly.
"No," he told her instantly, though he couldn't hide the surprise in his voice.
He picked up the phone, not exactly sure how he'd gently let the kid down. "Yeah, she's up... It's just, uh, she's eating lunch right now. Maybe she can call you back later?"
He could hear the disappointment so clearly in the kid's voice.
"Yeah, that's fine," Mike sighed. "Just tell her I really miss her, okay?"
"Yeah, sure," Hopper agreed. He wasn't sure if he was going to actually do it, but when he sat down across from El, he felt like he had to. The two kid's relationship was intense, but he knew that Mike would make any sacrifice to keep El safe. The least he could do was relay a message to her from him.
"Uh, Wheeler wanted me to tell you that he really missed you." He spoke with his usual exaggerated annoyance, but added, "You can call him later tonight if you want."
El looked down to her plate and nodded. It was a strange reaction, but he tried to brush it off.
The first time he had ever let the two kids talk on the phone, they didn't hang up for over 3 hours. Their phone call nights were soon limited to once a week and for 15 minutes at a time. Once the boys got her a Supercom for Christmas, the telephone limitations didn't seem to make her as upset anymore since she could talk to all of them almost anytime she wanted.
After eating, El went into the living room and sat down on the couch. Hopper finished cleaning up the dishes and joined her. They sat quietly and watched television into the early evening. It was similar to how they spent their first few weeks together.
During a commercial break, Hopper knew he needed to get this out of the way. He was almost certain that she already knew, but he felt like he had to verbalize it anyway.
"El, uh, if you ever want to talk about what happened while you were gone, I'm here, okay? Or if you want to talk to someone else, Will, Joyce, Mike…we all understand. We're here for you, kid." Hopper groaned in his head. The sentence had come out sappier than he had intended. "It's just, I know sometimes it feels easier to keep everything inside and to try to forget about it but talking about things to people you trust can really help. You know, make you feel like you aren't so alone."
El heard a hint of frustration in Hopper's sigh when he got done talking. She looked to the floor misinterpreting it as frustration towards her, when that wasn't the case at all; he was upset with himself, and he so wished Joyce was here. Something like that always sounded better coming from her.
El couldn't bring herself to look at him again. She knew she that wasn't alone, and she desperately wanted to feel better, to feel normal again. And most of all, she wanted to talk to Hopper, but it's like the words were stuck in her throat with no way to get out.
She was still paralyzed with fear.
El was quiet for a moment before she turned to look at him. Hopper looked back at her hopefully. "Is it okay if I go to bed now?" she asked.
"Yeah, kid. Of course," he agreed, even though it was only a little after 7.
After El went to her bedroom, he cracked a beer and picked up the phone to call Joyce. He hadn't been able to spend much time with her over the past few weeks, and he hadn't spoken to her since he called her from the motel just to tell her that he had El and that they were both safe.
When he heard her voice tonight, he realized just how much he missed her and he sank down to the kitchen chair cradling the receiver against his shoulder.
"How are things going?" Joyce asked.
"I think she's okay. It's just, I don't know. She's different." Joyce could hear the frustration in his voice already.
"Of course she's different, Hop. We have no idea what she's been through," she reminded him.
"I know, I know. That's the thing. She's completely silent about it. I think she was on some kind of drugs or some other shit when I found her. It was almost like she was hallucinating or something. It was hard to see her like that," he revealed.
"Oh god, that poor thing."
"I just want her to talk to me," he sighed. This was almost the exact conversation in reverse that he had with Joyce regarding Will nearly a year ago.
"I know. And she will… when she's ready. You have to understand, she's a kid who's gone through nearly her entire life by herself. She's used to handling things on her own. The idea that she has people she can trust, people who care for her…you know, this is all still new to her okay?"
Joyce was right. She's always right.
"El didn't even want to talk to Mike today," he added.
"It's only her first day back. Let's just give her some time."
Hopper sank further into the chair.
"God, I've missed you so much." He had felt like he had to tell her. Apparently, he was feeling sappy all over again tonight.
"I missed you too," Joyce replied, wondering if he could hear the smile in her voice when she answered. "You should both come over tomorrow. If you think-" Joyce paused. "Is it safe?"
"Yeah…I don't know what I'm going to do about that. It's probably no less dangerous than having her here," he answered truthfully.
"Alright, well, just get some sleep tonight. And I'll see you tomorrow," Joyce added hopefully.
"Night, Joyce."
"Goodnight, Hopper."
Hopper brought his beer over to the couch and collapsed into the cushions. He felt like first checking to see if El was asleep, but he didn't want her to catch him in case she hadn't been.
It was after 10 PM when Mike called the cabin one last time. He had been hiding in Nancy's bedroom to use her phone so his mom wouldn't yell at him.
Mike could sense that something was weird earlier, and he started feeling like Hopper was hiding something.
When Hopper told him that El was back in bed already, this time the kid demanded to know, "Is she really okay?"
It had been the first thing that came out of his mouth earlier on their very first phone call too. Hopper had told him yes, and he hadn't intended for that to have been a lie.
"El just needs a little time readjust. That's all," Hopper said, reassuring himself just as much as he tried to reassure the kid.