"Love Yourself"

windlady

She never exactly believed in love. For 19 years, her heart belonged only to her fantasies. He was always surrounded by the brightest lights. In his heart, he is always unsure of where his path will take him. Could it be his fate? Or just is it just one of her fictional stories?

windlady: Are you enjoying this story? It's still slow-paced but I hope it can entertain you. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own and Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge nor do I own KAT-TUN's Love Yourself. I'm only an ordinary soul who is under a spell for a while.

"Back of Test Paper: Obstacles"

By windlady

My recorded video is very annoying since I think I was rather stupid to act like a clueless child then. Ever since a week ago when I have received a notification which says I was hired by Peak Recording Company, I've been constantly uncomfortable and strained. A bit too panicky, I'll admit. I can't blame myself though because it was my childhood dream to be a manga artist and but even so I still stand that I looked like an idiot. And that is really unacceptable. This video they showed how stressful life can be even when I'm on vacation from school and I think it will be the ugliest me for the rest of my life.

"I don't hate Love. I just don't know where to find it."

The first sentence of my draft for the manga I'm making proves to be right because love can lose its way so easily. The manga needs its title to be about the self, for the plot to be inspiring and light-hearted, and for it to include romance in its genre. My employer is the one who requested this manga from the company just like a whim. Since he is a wealthy young singer who is now rising to his stardom, the company readily agreed and hired me for his sake. Yes, it's amazing to get hired but I didn't expect my job to be this difficult now that I'm under Kazuki Yamato's mercy, figuratively and literally.

Is it luck or an effect of some sort from a spell I learned from a freaky witchcraft book? Well, that doesn't matter now that it is too scary for me to handle. Who on earth is this monster above me? And why the hell is he picking on me? Somebody… please save me! I wanted to scream and punch the lights out of his eyes but I just can't move! My body is frozen from my foot to the tips of my hair. Eck, for heaven's sake, I don't want to be a fan girl anymore!

I am Akimoto, Suzuna. For about 19 years, I have never been kissed nor touched by any guy. That is because I never found it interesting to do this and that with other real male humans. Humans lie. Humans are arrogant. Humans can hurt you. So if I just stuck myself with fiction then I wouldn't be harassed. There won't be any lies, secrets or hurts. There won't be anyone who'd do bad stuff on me or try to make me feel so degraded. I won't be stepped on and my value of self will not be measured like any commodity with a price tag. That was my fantasy of love. It was how I define my dream of Love. It has always been like that. But somehow my heart has started beating differently. It was that time. That time when I heard his voice.

"You're…" I suddenly said which stopped him from leaning in for a kiss. "… 5 years older than I am."

"What?" His eyes looked at mine, a bit confused on what I am saying. I took this as a chance to push him away as hard as I can. He fell off the sofa. I immediately stood up and picked my laptop bag.

"SO DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME OLD LADY! STUPID YAMATO!" I was trembling and breathing heavily as he stood up and brushed his clothes. And even if I don't use a mirror, I know that I'm blushing really hard too since my body feels like it's lighted with fire. I swiftly turned away and started walking briskly towards the door. I'm leaving and no one can stop me. Who cares if I don't know where the cab station is? Who cares if I get fired from this job? Who cares if I get soaked because of the rain? Who the hell cares if he's Kazuki Yamato? HE CAN JUST GO AND DIE FOR ALL I CARE!

"Hey, wait!" He called but I started walking faster.

I won't be degraded any further. I value my dignity as a person more than my job. I worked hard to receive awards and recognition for my talent so I won't let him step on me. Just because I like him, it doesn't mean he can simply treat me like trash or a toy he can play with! I felt my eyes grew warm but tears didn't flow. I was about to grab hold of the main door leading out of his house when he pulled my arm.

"I had your stuff packed and delivered here. It will only take an hour for it to get here."

WHAT? I looked at him with a puzzled-look and he replied while staring into my eyes with much seriousness.

"You're going to live here with me for a while."

IS HE FRIGGING SERIOUS?

WHAT THE HELL IS HE SAYING?

"I DON'T EVER WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU!" I shook his hand off my arm and protested as I felt my anger surge again. Who does he think he is? He thinks he can just work his way out, decide about my life and do whatever he likes because he is rich, handsome and famous? I'm not his toy!

"I might have liked you! And hell yes, like all your fan girls, I would have died just by seeing your face so you can laugh at me and think I'm trash because I am an idiot who liked you for the wrong reasons. For reasons that are only true in my fantasies!"

I felt my cheeks heat up as I blurted all my feelings out. His eyes didn't seem to show much emotion as they met with mine. Perhaps he's not yet done sizing me up and stepping on my stupid heart. I felt frustrated and only a tiny bit of shame was biting me as I can only think of my rage on how he belittles me and how he measures my dignity. If he is to put price on my principles, he better prepare for bankruptcy. No amount of money can sum up for an individual's soul.

I was wrong. I was really wrong to think that it is impossible to produce such a pure and warm music using only cold instruments and a dirty heart. I never knew there could be such a lie in music. Technology has made all these tricks possible. I never knew that there is really such a person who can throw on a fit which is so good it can fool morons like me to thinking it was reality. I felt self pity washing over me. This whole manga thing is a mistake.

"I MIGHT BE THE MOST LAUGHABLE IDIOT ON EARTH BUT I REFUSE TO BE YOUR TOY! AND I REFUSE TO CONTINUE BEING YOUR EMPLOYEE! I QUIT! SO STEP ASIDE AND LET ME PASS!"

"I won't."

"WHAT THE HE—"

"You are not safe living alone."

I was momentarily silenced and stunned as he said those words. Safe? My safety? Why will I not be safe? I'm fine on my own and besides, I've been living in my condo unit for a long time now. I know all my neighbors and they are very nice people. How can I be unsafe there?

"My fans saw you. The media talks about you. The internet has lots of information concerning you. Even the radio discussed about your personal background."

EH?

"Basically, almost the whole of Japan knows who you are right now. And all of this happened because of me. This is why it's best to stay here… where I can watch you, closely."

Kazuki Yamato… I don't understand you, at all. When I first heard his voice, I felt his kindness and warmth. When I first met him, he was indifferent and cold. He took me here in his home and he tried to scare the hell out of me by acting like a pervert. But just a while ago, he… Which one is it, Yamato? Which one is the real you?

I combed my hair while sitting on the side of my bed. I just finished taking a shower. He said his servants will arrive with my stuff soon. These clothes I am wearing… did he buy these for me? I touched the smooth and silky white dress I'm wearing. He had everything prepared for my stay here. The toiletries, this big room, these beautiful clothes and even the bath, he had them prepared. He also sent all his servants to personally pick my stuff because he thinks they are trustworthy enough to fetch those which is actually the true reason why we were alone a while ago. Dear God, he is so confusing…

KNOCK. KNOCK.

"Uhm, excuse me, Akimoto-sama." A maid peeped in. "We have your things here."

"Oh! Thank you for your hard work." I smiled at her and she smiled back as she stepped in with several other servants following behind her.

"Where shall we put them, Akimoto-sama?"

"Uhm, please leave them there. I think I can arrange them by myself. Sorry for all the trouble I caused you." I bowed low as I thanked them but they thanked me back and bowed lower than I did. One by one they left the room and I was left wondering again. How on earth am I, a commoner, going to live in this palace-like house with a very confusing prince?

I began to unpack my stuff and arrange them in the room. I'll place them while some are still bundled. I don't want to stay here for eternity. It makes me wonder what will happen to me now that I've been dragged into this controversy. How long will I be staying over? When will all the talks about Yamato and me die down? It seems like I got more than what I can handle. It might be true that I like him a lot but this kind of thing is just a little too much for me. I think I need time to process everything.

Yamato is very different. He also doesn't act like how I perceived him to be. He's rash, a bit too aggressive, stubborn, arrogant and impolite. He's also cold and distant. All are opposite to how I thought him to be. It's as if I am being told that I just forced myself to believe he's a living incarnation of my fictional boyfriends. He's very much a human after all. And his personality is a little worse compared to my other male friends. Was I chasing a fleeting dream? Am I just imagining his kindness of heart when I was listening to his voice? My heart feels heavy when I recalled how he treated me on the sofa. It makes me wonder of how many girls he must have done it with. I'm sure he has lots in his disposal.

Just thinking about all these things, these contradictions and falseness of what I have expected make me really tired. I allowed my body to fall on the welcoming bed. Soft. I spread my arms to savor the wideness of the Queen-sized bed. My eyes felt heavy as the amount of energy I used this whole day took toll on me. I have no idea I was so exhausted. My foot is also aching from wearing those high-heeled shoes I don't normally wear. Staring at the ceiling, my imagination went further. I wondered of how many girls he dated. How many of them did he kiss? How many of them did he embrace? And how many of them were brought to sleep in this room I'll be using?

My heart feels strangely warm and it is as if an acid is tracing it which leaves sharp pain on my chest. Sheesh. I rubbed my chest as if it can ease the pain. Why am I thinking like this? It's not like I have any relation to what he does. To him, I'm just an employee. I'm just someone he hired and is around here to do his bidding. As soon as the contract is done, my connection with him will be severed. That is how professional business is.

I am a professional so I should be fine after all this. But this Yamato I met... Maybe he sees me as a cheap girl. Some girl he can play with when he gets bored. I just want some respect from him. My eyes closed automatically at such a thought. Why am I not crying? I wondered as I drifted to sleep. I want to cry so hard but my tears won't flow. I feel like I'm drowning inside. Please, Dear God, allow me to release this pain…

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

HUH? I woke up upon hearing knocks from my door. It was the maid again. She came in when she saw me awake.

"Akimoto-sama, I was sent here to help you unpack. Young master said you shouldn't be late for dinner." She said so politely.

Dinner? I checked my wrist watch and was shocked to find out that I've been asleep for four hours already. It's already 8pm. I nodded and said I'm done fixing my stuff so that we can go have dinner already. I must have made him wait. I wonder if it's just the two of us having dinner. Come to think of it, I haven't heard much about his family. Where are they? Does he still have his parents? How many siblings does he have? Is he the youngest? Eldest? Middle child? Or does he have a twin? None was mentioned about his family every time there's a magazine article about him. The only thing they say is that Yamato grew independently at a young age.

I arrived at the dining room and as expected the table setting resembles that for a feast. Crabs, shrimps, lobsters, scallops, squids, fish, and all sorts of other seafood dishes are there. My favorite dishes are present in the table. I felt my stomach grumble. Uh- but wait, why is it that it's all my favorite food? Where are Yamato's favorite dishes? I gave a questioning look on the maid and she just smiled and nodded as she said, "Please eat as much as you want."

I'm having dinner alone…?

"AKI-CHAN! SORRY, I'M LATE!"

From the hallway, I heard Kyo's voice before his face finally appeared. I was shocked to see him gasping for air. Was he running his way here? "Kyo-san? Good to see you here. I'm just about to start." I smiled at him as he sat himself down opposite me.

"I'm sorry I'm late for dinner. Kazuki told me we're eating dinner here but sent me a message just a while ago that he's eating out." I felt a bit disappointed at the news. Does he dislike me that much so that he doesn't want to have dinner with me?

"I-It's okay." I forced a laugh but it didn't sound quite good. "It's not like I was expecting him to let me eat with him." CRAP. I sound like a retard. I mentally hit myself as I saw pity on Kyo's eyes. But this is as expected. After all, didn't I… at the heat of our argument… sort of confessed to him? My cheeks grew warm as I recalled it. How stupid was that? I suddenly wanted to do my signature face palm.

"Sorry, Aki-chan." He said silently as he turned his attention to a picture of Kazuki in a glass cabinet. "You see, Kazuki doesn't mean to be so rude. The truth is he must be acting this way because he doesn't know how to act in front of you. When he was younger, he lived with his family. The atmosphere in his home isn't very friendly. His parents fight almost every day and they never had dinner together. They kept pressuring him to become the successor of the family's business since he's the only son. His sickly little sister is the only reason why he held on for long during that time. However, when his father took his acoustic guitar away and kept on forcing him to give up on music, he ran away from home. Since then, he never allowed anyone to know of his family. The company protects the anonymity of his family background, which was agreed upon by his dad as well. His dad promised never to meddle in his life for as long as he stops communicating to his family especially from his sister whom he loves so much. In short, it was as if he was informally disowned and banished."

Disowned? Banished? How cruel can that be? I don't know how much pain he must have felt but it must have broken him. I didn't know how to react when I heard of his story. I had no idea his life was so complicated. I only bowed my head low and felt really sad for him. For the first time since I met him in person, I felt like I really want to embrace him and let him be comforted. Sure my family undergoes several obstacles and sometimes there are really big fights but no one was ever disowned or banished. Family remains a family no matter what. That's how it was suppose to be.

"Kazuki was not accepted by the people who should accept him fully and he didn't receive the unconditional love a family offers. This is probably Kazuki's complex." Kyo said, finishing his story.

Tonight, as I lay awake in my current room, I looked at the stars and uttered a small prayer. I might be too emotionally moved for a moment and I might be just delusional tonight but I'll let my passion lead me through for a while. Yes, I know that it's crazy and impossible for someone as ordinary as me to think of this but just for a bit, I want to believe that even the smallest stars on heaven help the biggest ones light the sky. I'll give this a shot. Life is a wonderful thing to enjoy. I won't give up even if he pushes me away.

Yamato, I think I might learn to understand a bit of you after all.

~To be continued~

windlady: Ack, the drama. *LOL* Sorry for that. Drama is not really my cup of tea but it's quite necessary for this story to work. Chapter 3 delivered. Cliché? No, not really. I have planted a turning point for a twist in there. Wait till you read next chapter. The only clue will be that Kyo is Kazuki's best friend and Kazuki has a very confusing personality.

And seriously, I want to hear from all of you, my ghost readers. You're already over a hundred but none of you appreciates this story enough to leave me something to harvest inspiration from. If you wish to continue reading the next chapter then let me have at least 5 reviews from you. I won't update till then. So don't forget to leave me a review!