May 1
I made Roark sleep on the couch last night. There was no way that I was going to lay in bed next to a jerk. He left before I woke up and didn't even bother leaving a note. He isn't being very nice to me… I'm going training today and I'm not leaving a note either. Maybe I'll go on a long training trip and not tell him.
May 1, Later
I can't get Cleffa to come outside with me. She just goes back into her pokeball every time I open a door or a window. Poor little thing… And Iggy isn't making things easy. I had to have Ned and Sinatra watch over him because he kept trying to throw cookies at Cleffa. I told him that if he wanted to share he could do it in a nicer way, but Iggy would just throw more cookies when he thought I wasn't looking. It is very frustrating…
May 2
DD,
Roark apologized to me last night, but I'm not sure how sincere it is. At least we kissed and made up. He talked to me too, which I'm very happy about. Most of the time he just keeps everything inside and he thinks that I'm some sort of seer who can read his mind. I wish I could… If I could have one super-power, it would be the ability to read people's minds. Then I could tell if somebody is lying to me or know their true intentions…. Or maybe I could control their thoughts and make them do whatever I wanted. I could rule the world!
The main thing that's been upsetting Roark is that machinery keeps breaking. It's put the mine behind schedule and he feels like he isn't doing enough because of his injured arm. I wish I could do something to help… Poor Roark. He's so young and has so much responsibility. I probably haven't made things easy for him when he gets home either, so I feel bad about it. I suppose I'll just have to try harder if I want this relationship to work. It's so easy to lose track of the important things…
May 2, Later
I'm very proud of Cleffa. I don't know what caused this breakthrough, but she's going outside and letting other people come near her. I'm very happy that she's finally made some progress. We're going to bake cookies to celebrate!
May 2, Later
Cleffa and I brought cookies to the miners taking a break at the gym. Cleffa loves to bake with me and we spent all morning making yummy cookies. Iggy kept trying to eat them, but I put Ned and Sinatra on guard duty again. I didn't see Roark at the gym, but I can't say I'm surprised. He's been a total workaholic lately.
The guys I met there were really nice. They said that they'd heard of me but never met me. I joked with them and said that I hoped they only heard good things. They chuckled and looked at each other like they knew something I didn't… I don't even want to know. Men are men and I'm sure that, as nice a guy as Roark is, he talks to his guy friends. I don't want to know everything that was said… My sanity depends on it!
May 3
Cleffa really likes Roark. It's so cute how she'll perch on top of his shoulder and give him a hug when he gets home. I think Roark likes it too. It's so ironic because he's used to being around big, tough pokemon all day in the mines and then he comes home to me and two baby pokemon who only want to cuddle and be cute. If Iggy were a girl, then Roark's home life would be the exact opposite of macho.
I've been hatching the eggs I got after the mansion incident. So far I've hatched nearly 40 Bulbasaur. They are absolutely adorable little beasts. I love plant pokemon so much, but I know that I can't keep them all. I think I'll make a flyer and give them out to other trainers… But maybe after they've grown up a bit more. They are too cute to let go of as hatchlings!
Later I think I'm going to plant more berries in the garden. I'm running low on leppa berries and there is only one way to get more…
May 3, Later
I can't sleep. I just find myself laying in bed and staring at the ceiling… Roark keeps tossing and turning, I think he's having a nightmare… I don't want to wake him up because that is terribly bad luck. I don't want to jinx Roark or make things for him worse. In the morning I'll ask him if he remembers what he dreamt about.
Cleffa and Iggy are so cute right now. They're both sleeping at the foot of the bed and it is absolutely adorable. I wish they would get along this well when they're awake. I wish that Iggy would treat Cleffa better. It breaks my heart to see Cleffa hurt because of Iggy. He KO'd her twice yesterday. Twice! That is worse than Happiny treated him… I've done my best raising him, but I think Iggy is a bit spoiled. I'm going to do my best to change him, but I know it will be a challenge. So much has changed in such a short amount of time. I don't blame Iggy for acting out a bit because of it…
May 4
Dear Diary,
Roark left before I woke up yesterday. But he left me the most adorable note. It says "You're cute when you sleep. Can't wait to come home tonight. Love you." It is so, so sweet of him to do something like that. I'll have to think of something even nicer to do for him tomorrow… Or tonight when he gets home. I'm not sure what, but I am going to do something…
May 4, Later
Okay, I've got a plan. It will take a few days but I think it will be worth it. Hopefully I can pull it off…
I spent some quality time with Iggy today. We sat around watching TV and cuddling. No Cleffa, no Ned, no Roark. Just Iggy and I. I love spending time with the little guy. Sometimes I wonder if I'm giving him enough attention. Things have changed so much in the past few months and I don't know if I've really thought about how it all affects him. It can't be easy… It was just the two of us for so long and now he has to share my love and attention. Iggy will always be important to me; we are the best of friends.
May 5
Dear Diary,
Hopefully I can surprise Roark tomorrow. I have almost everything ready… I just need to find somewhere to ditch all of our pokemon. I want it to just be the two of us, no distractions. I would board them at the pokemon center, but Iggy would attack that poor, poor Nurse Joy… Maybe I'll have a talk with some of the more reliable ones and keep them home alone. Hermit and Ned are very responsible, I'm sure that if I left either of them in charge nothing would go wrong. And there is always Tower…
May 5, Later
DD,
I'm leaving them at home, Ned and Tower will be in charge. Hermit wants to spend some time meditating, but promised that he would intervene if things became crazy. Iggy is a little bit hurt, but I'm sure that he'll be fine with me gone for a few hours. Tomorrow is going to be great! I had a long talk with Ned and Tower and I'm confident that they can keep Iggy under control. I also spoke to Iggy and Cleffa and explained to both that I loved them very dearly but that love doesn't mean that constant attention. Cleffa understands, but Iggy took it pretty hard. I feel bad about it, but hopefully the little fluff will do just fine. Ned tends to keep him in check…
May 6
Dear Diary,
My plan worked perfectly! Roark loved it. Will write more tomorrow, maybe.
May 7
DD,
Roark gave me a necklace today! It is a beautiful green and white stone that has a symbol on it. He said that the symbol is of an Unown. I love it! It is so beautiful... I gave him a big hug and kiss when he gave it to me. Roark smiles every time he sees me wearing it. It's so cute, I love it.
I hope things stay like this forever, but in my heart I know it is little more than a fleeting moment… No. I'm not going to think like that. This can really work. Nothing can stop it from working but me and Roark, and we're both very much committed to each other.
May 7, Later
My leg is doing better than ever. The wound is nice, pink, and healing. I just got back from visiting the doctor and he said it was looking great. I'm going to have a nasty scar on my leg, but that's the price you pay for being a pokemon trainer. Pokemon are dangerous at times and on some occasions they do attack. I consider myself lucky; all things considered it could have been much worse...
The past few days have been a complete bliss. I've been completely wrapped up in my feelings for Roark. I wish I knew why my mind acts this way… When he is around then it's like nothing else in the world matters. It is just me and him. I don't even notice Iggy half the time, and that little fluff has been my life for the past several years. I feel very conflicted over it, but it's hard to dwell on those feelings. I'm living in the moment instead of just going through life not caring. I don't know how I lived before. The world is a much brighter and happier place to me now than I think it ever was.
May 8
Dear Diary,
Roark gave Cleffa a name today. We were eating lunch together and I was getting something out of my bag when Cleffa jumped into said bag. I told her to get out of there, and she came out covered in a sparkly powder. She had gotten into a pouch of stardust. So Roark decided to start calling her Stardust and she seems to love it. I'm usually against re-naming pokemon, but she's gotten to the point where she won't listen to me when I call her Cleffa. So Stardust it is… Iggy and Stardust, my two baby pokemon…
May 9
Stardust is missing! I woke up this morning and Iggy was his normal self but I cannot find Stardust anywhere. I have Shuppet and Pidgeotto out searching for her now… I'm so worried. Iggy claims to know nothing, but he looks to happy over this ordeal not to be involved… I hope Stardust is okay. I'll be crushed if anything bad happens to her.
May 9, Later
DD,
Stardust was with Roark. She woke up with Roark and went to work with him in the mines. And Roark is acting like it was no big deal! I was worried sick and started on an all-out search to find her and needlessly interrogated and yelled at Iggy and Roark acts like I'm a heartless villain for scolding her for leaving without telling me. I am so mad at Roark for that, actually. I am her trainer and she needs to obey me. The way she acts now you would think Roark is her trainer. Gah! I hope that he gets teased relentlessly by the other miners for having a Cleffa in a coal mine.
I apologized to Iggy and he forgave me instantly. He's a great little guy like that. I don't know what I'd do without Iggy; he's been the one consistent thing in my life since I left Vermillion. I miss how we used to travel around. I haven't even challenged the gyms here in Sinnoh yet, maybe Iggy and I will do a gym tour. Just me and my team; no Roark. Well, save when we challenge his gym. I'll probably save him for last. Either him or Volkner. It's hard to battle somebody you know because win or lose they'll remember it. I remember all the battles I had with Lt. Surge… The day I got his badge was the best and worst day of my life.
May 10
Dear Diary,
Stardust went with Roark again today. Roark told me that she mostly stays in her pokeball when he is in the mine and it kinda hurts. She would rather be in her pokeball with him than out and about with me. Whatever makes Stardust happy I suppose... Roark could use another pokemon anyways. All he has now is a Rhampardos, a Geodude, and an Onix. At least I try to keep six on my team at all times… If Cleffa doesn't want to be on my team then I'll have to get a different pokemon to fill the final slot. Shouldn't be too hard, there are plenty deserving of it…
I think Roark is getting back to normal now. For the longest time he's been rather high-strung, but I think he's getting back to his happy-go-lucky niche. It makes me very happy to see. Poor Roark, he must feel like the world is on his shoulders sometimes. So much responsibility at such a young age… I know it isn't easy on him. I'm doing my best, but sometimes I wish I could do more to make his life happy.
Sometimes I feel like all his troubles are my fault. If he hadn't left the mine to go running after me then he wouldn't have fractures his arm… If I wasn't in his life then he would be happier. Sometimes I know that without a doubt. I've been thinking about just leaving and going back to life with just me and Iggy. Sometimes I think that everybody would be happier that way. But I don't leave. All those thoughts leave my mind the moment he grins in my direction or says those three little words… most of the time. More and more it still seems to echo in the back of my mind. I love Roark more than anything, but I feel like I'm ruining his life…
May 11
Dear Diary,
I decided to bring Claudene into the party. She is my beloved Weavile. We met when I was visiting Floe Island; it was somewhere in Icefall Cave. She was the cutest little Sneasel! She was in my party for the longest time after that. Right up until she evolved, actually. I was very surprised when she evolved. We were up north in Snowpoint City when she found a razor claw in the snow. She really liked it, so I let her hold onto it during battles. Several days later, when we were training at night, Claudene evolved into a Weavile. She gained quite a bit of attitude after evolving, so I kept her at the house with all of the other pokemon I wasn't actively training. Hopefully that gave her an attitude adjustment… I'll see if that strategy worked or not when I get back home…
May 11, Later
Dear Diary,
Claudene is doing great! She listens to me now and she isn't "too cool for her trainer". In fact, we hugged the moment I found her. She is so cute… I love Claudene. From the moment she entered the party we were close, but evolving changed her so much. Now we're closer to how things are when she was a Sneasel. That gives me hope…
I love my pokemon and when they evolve I'm very happy for them, but deep inside I'm also sad. They change. Evolution changes even the best pokemon. There is no getting around it… I would never stop one of my pokemon from evolving. To be honest, I'm surprised that Iggy hasn't evolved. I suppose he just isn't ready for it… Or maybe I don't make him happy enough to evolve…
Stardust seems very happy lately. She and Roark are so close. I'm happy that they share a strong bond, but I'm also jealous of it. I wanted to be that close to her. I'm very close to all of my pokemon. I'm also jealous of the attention Roark gives her. Lately, he's been fawning over her all evening and barely paying attention to me. I spend all day working on hatching eggs, cleaning house, and making his life better and what does he do when he gets home? Gives all his attention to a pokemon he had with him all day. If she weren't a baby then I would probably freak out, but I know that baby pokemon need a plethora of attention. I just spend plenty of time with Iggy; telling the little fluff that I love him and watching him sing and dance. It's just like things were before we lived in Oreburgh City. But I'm not in Oreburgh City so that I can keep the status quo my life had before. I wish Roark understood that…
May 12
Dear Diary,
I'm going into the underground today. I am going to take Iggy with me this time. It just makes life easier when I keep him with me. Iggy listens to me and the other pokemon don't have to worry about taking care of him. I know he's a handful and Ned needs a break. He hates being so far away from a decent body of water. Maybe I can talk Roark into going on vacation with me to one of the lakes…
I need to go find a hardhat to wear in the mines and then I'm off. Hopefully I can find something nice while I'm down there.
May 12, Later
DD,
I found a heartscale! It is so pretty. It is like a little rainbow heart thing. And they are so hard to find, I didn't really believe it when I was digging. I am so, so, so, so happy right now! I also found a fossil. Roark said it is a Kabuto fossil and that the museum could resurrect it back into a pokemon. I'm not sure if I want to have that done or not… I'll have to visit the museum tomorrow to see what the process is and how it all works. Who knows what will happen, it might just stay in my bag with all the other random things I've collected over the years.
Roark said I looked cute in his extra hardhat. I told him that the light on it doesn't work and that I had to use Charmeleon as light in the underground. He just laughed and said that it was broken because of me. Apparently it's the hat he wore when we first met. That was an interesting day… I don't remember a lot of it. I think Roark had to tell me most of what happened because I hit my head pretty hard. I remember running off of a cliff, but the rest is hazy. Apparently I landed on top of him. Not very glorious, I know, but it works. It didn't seem to have scared him off. I mostly remember what happened after I left the hospital. I was on my way out of town when Roark came running after me and gave me a Cranidos egg. I thought it was a bit odd at the time, but looking back I think he like me, even then. We were just friends and pen pals for a while after that, and then somehow we became us… I can't tell you how that happened, either.
I wonder if he ever regrets going from an I to an us. Sometimes I wish I could get inside of his head and find out… Come to think of it, I could. I have Hermit… Perhaps I will put Hermit back into my party full time again. He and Claudene used to get along so well, but when she evolved they were at odds. Who would have thought that a Sneasel and an Alakazam would get along so well, but a Weavil and an Alakazam would get into so many fights? Oh well… If he is in the party again then I'll have to have to ask him what he thinks about Roark. Hermit has always been the best judge of character because of his psychic abilities and intelligence. He's average for an Alakazam, but that is still worlds better than most pokemon. I've always considered myself lucky to be so close to him. He's been with me ever since I left Celadon City… What they did to him was cruel. He wasn't cooperative at first, but I earned his trust with time.
I'm so tired… Roark and Cleffa are up watching TV and Iggy is sleeping on the ground next to me as I write this. I think I'll take Iggy and go to bed. Those two can have all the fun they want together…..
May 13
Dear Diary,
Today has been very boring thus far. I'm thinking about taking some of the little Bulbasaur training with me in the mountains with me, but they might still be a bit too young for that…
May 13, Later
Dear Diary,
I gave seven of my baby Bulbasaur away today. One was to this old man, I didn't catch his name. He was bald and kept talking about the good old days before 'whippersnappers like me ruined everything' and catching Weedle… It was weird. I gave him the pokemon and just walked away… I think I've seen him lurking around Oreburgh City before, especially around the gym. I'll have to ask Roark about him when I get a chance… I gave the others to a bunch of poke-kids. The look on their faces made me so very happy. I hope they take good care of the little beasts… I worry about them all, but especially much for Hungry. That old man was unsettling… Hopefully he won't forget to feed the little guy…
It was hard to let them go, but I know that it was the right thing to do. I couldn't possibly take care of each and every one of them… I have a hard enough time keeping up with my current team of pokemon. Which reminds me, I need to battle-
Lost my train of thought… Byron called. He asked me to have Roark call him when he gets home and I said that I'd pass on the message. I get the feeling that Byron doesn't like me. Every time that he sees me he looks at me weirdly… I feel like he's judging me. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough to be with his son. Roark is lucky that he doesn't have to deal with that at all. I'm sure that if I hadn't run away that my mom would have been infinitely worse than Byron. She was always that way, and always nosey too. I can't tell you how many times she would listen to conversations in the pokemon center and then just butt right in and 'try to help'. It irritated me to no end when she would do that to me and my friends. Not that it mattered towards the end, they were all off on their pokemon journeys and I was stuck in Vermillion alone...
May 13, Later
DD,
Turns out that Byron called to invite Roark and his gym assistants to train on Iron Island. He called him back after we ate dinner. Dinner went… interestingly. Iggy had a bit of a freak out and bounced all the way onto the roof. I flew on Pidgeotto to get him back but I slipped and nearly fell off the roof. Luckily Pidgeotto managed to catch me… Iggy calmed down after my near-death experience and Roark yelled at me for being careless. I hate being yelled at, especially by somebody like him. But I digress, sometime next week Roark is leaving to train with Byron and a bunch of gym assistants on Iron Island. Maybe some time away will get Roark to appreciate me… Or maybe I'll just leave when he's gone. Roark was way out of line by yelling at me. If it weren't for Stardust I probably would have walked out right then…
I am not happy.
May 14
Dear Diary,
Iggy and I are going to bake plenty of cookies today. I wanted to give the gym assistants something to much on while traveling all the way to Iron Island. I hope that Roark chokes on them. Well, not literally, but still… I can't wait for Roark to leave. He was such a jerk this morning. He acted like I was the unreasonable one because I didn't give him a hug or a kiss on his way to work. I say that he is unreasonable to expect me to be affectionate towards him after he yelled at me for no good reason last night. I have pokemon! I don't have to be careful when I've got them around watching my back. Just because he doesn't have any useful ones doesn't mean that I can't live my life the way I want to.
Oh, and it turns out that they aren't leaving next week; they're leaving tomorrow. Roark apologized for yelling at me, but I'm still not happy with him. I'm going to visit my former house in Floaroma Town while he's away on the gym trip. Just me, Iggy, and the rest of MY team. Who knows; maybe we won't come back.
May 14, Later
DD,
Roark and I talked today and he got several people to go training. Then he said 'Ian, Jonathon, and Darius are all going, so that makes five of us from Oreburgh Gym going on this trip,' and I was confused. I told him that he miscounted, it made four people going. He said the last person was me. I had no idea I was considered a part of the gym; apparently I didn't get the memo. Roark said my position was 'designated confectioner' since I've been bringing cookies to the gym for the miners. So it looks like I'm going! That makes me so, so happy!
I think I'll focus on training Shuppet and Claudene. Both have been very motivated lately and I want to encourage that spirit. I think both are tired of battling the pokemon around Oreburgh City. There are more powerful ones on the island that should really challenge them. I'm so excited for them and for me. I get to go training with a bunch of gym people. Best of all, I'll be one of them!
May 15
DD,
Busy day! We changed when we were leaving from tonight to first thing tomorrow morning. We're meeting the Canalave Gym people in Canalave City and then the entire group will take the ferry to Iron Island. Then we get to train to our hearts content! I want to bake some extra cookies for the miners while I'm gone and some to bring along for the trip. I'm so considerate, I know. Well, not really, I just need something to do today to keep myself busy. I think that I need to get myself a Miltank so that I can churn my own butter. I know the cookies would turn out better if I had real butter like grandma used to make.
I still don't entirely believe that she's gone… She was so vibrant and it all happened so quickly. I wish… No. I'm not going there. I won't let myself go to that place again.
...I find it hard to live in one place like this. It gets boring after a while… Same house. Same scenery. Same weather. Same people. Same food. When I would travel it was different every single day. I loved that part of it. Growing up it was exciting to leave Vermillion. It only happened a handful of times, but each one was so special and exciting. When I have kids, I hope that I can show them the world before they leave to become a trainer. If they even go that route… I won't try to force them into something they don't want to be like my mother did to me. As long as they love what they do then I won't have failed as a parent.
May 15, Later
DD
Iggy is sick! My poor little buff… I had to go to the store because we were out of sugar and I let him stay at the house with Ned watching over him. I came back and he had eaten over two dozen cookies! He ate his own weight in cookies more than twice over. And Ned let him do it! I am so disappointed in Ned… He usually does such a good job of watching Iggy...
I mixed up some berries and Iggy seems to be perking up, but I don't know if he'll be well enough to travel… We'll see in the morning. His health is my number one priority.
May 16
Dear Diary,
Iggy is still sick, but Roark insisted that we go anyways. So we're on our way to Canalave City. We're all squished into Ian's truck. Iggy is on Roark's lap and looks quite miserable right now… I think it's too stuffy in here. If Iggy gets any worse then I'm getting out and taking care of Iggy. The little fluff comes first…
May 16, Later
Dear Diary,
Forget them. I made Ian pull over the truck and I got out with Iggy. Then I told them that I was going to fly on Pidgeotto to Canalave City because it would be faster and Iggy would fare better through flying. Before Roark could say or do anything, Iggy and I were on Pidgeotto flying away. We're in Canalave right now. Iggy is doing better now than he was in that truck, but I do worry about him... I think I'll mix up another set of berries and give that to him when I get to the Canalave Gym… Hopefully Byron is around. I probably won't stick around long, but it would be rude not to stop in.
May17
Dear Diary,
Wow, yesterday was quite the day. I went to the Canalave Gym and met all the gym assistants. There are quite a few more here than there are in Oreburgh. Most were nice, but Ricky and David were… strange. They are really into martial arts and were sparring against each other when I first walked into the gym. There was a very nice trainer named Breanna that I talked to for a few hours while Iggy slept in my jacket. She was very nice and had an adorable Azumarill.
Byron showed up when Breanna and I were talking about Iggy's cookie problem. He was with some workers and looked a bit annoyed when he saw me. I told him that I flew here on my Pidgeotto and he didn't really seem to care. He kept talking about how he has a piece of amber that could be revived into an Aerodactyl at the museum in Oreburgh.
After that he insulted my choice in pokemon by saying I don't have any defensive types. I immediately let Strength out of her pokeball and he was floored. Breanna chuckled at the entire encounter and then Byron ran off to do something or another with his assistants. Not that I mind, he's always made me a bit uneasy… I don't know, I just feel like he doesn't think I'm good enough for his son. Breanna and I talked about it a bit and she said that he always acted that way. Later she told me that she used to have a crush on Roark back when he lived in Canalave City. It's… weird when people tell you things like that. I liked Breanna up until she told me that. Now I feel like I have to keep an extra eye on her when Roark is around…
Roark and the other Oreburgh people never did show up. Hopefully they'll be here in time for the ferry at 4:00 p.m. tomorrow. It only comes and goes once per day and if they miss it than it's that much less training on Iron Island. I know that I don't want to go there with the Canalave Gym people. It would be weird, a bunch of gym people I barely know and then me with my little Iggy… If they don't make it in time then I'll have to find a way out of going. It shouldn't be too hard, I doubt that Byron would miss me. Although I'm sure Breanna would because I'm the only other girl scheduled to go on the trip.
May 18
DD,
I spent the night with Breanna; if it weren't for the Roark remark then I would say we've become instant friends. It's hard for me to be friends with her when I also feel competitive against… But we had fun. Pizza, soda, and random games all night. We got all the girly stuff out of the way so that we could be 'one of the guys' on the trip. It was fun and different. I haven't had a good friend like Breanna for a long, long time… At lease since I was back in 'school', but even then I was much closer to Wes and Gail than I was to any of the other girls in my class. They were more fun and less catty so we got along better than I did with the girls. In fact, there was one group of girls who absolutely hated me and I never did find out why… I suppose some things are better left unknown.
Well, I'm off to go ditto hunting. While I was taking with Breanna she mentioned how she saw some Ditto just outside of town. I've always wanted one of those little blobs… I think I saw a ditto once or twice when I was a child, but I never got a chance to catch one. Fingers crossed that I can catch one!
Even though Iggy is doing better today than he was yesterday, I left him at the gym. He was asleep inside of my jacket when I was getting ready and I just didn't have the heart to wake him… Hopefully he won't freak out when he wakes up. I'm sure I'll be back before that happens, though. I'm sure of it. Just going out to catch a few of those lovely Ditto. How long could it possibly take?
May 18, Later
Dear Diary,
Yikes! I can't sleep in this place… Even with Roark around, an abandoned hotel is just too much for me. I'm afraid that a Gengar will come out of the floor and scare me or something… Just like in that one movie. I can't sleep at all… My watch says that it's 2 a.m. I don't remember the last time I stayed up this late… Maybe the problem is that Iggy is gone. The gym is completely locked up so I hope that Breanna is taking care of the little guy. I left him in seemingly competent hands… He was really perking up, so I don't think that he'll be too badly off medically… But attitude wise he might be less than cooperative… That's just how Iggy is.
So… I'm sure you want to know what happened earlier. Well, it was an interesting day. I left Iggy with Breanna at the gym so that I could go and catch a Ditto for myself. It seemed like I was gone for only a few hours, but I must have lost track of time. I was in the middle of a grassy field when I thought I heard somebody calling out my name. I let Pidgeotto out of her pokeball and we flew high enough to see that it was Roark. But I also saw the pink blob of my dreams a few meters behind him.
Pidgeotto and I landed by the Ditto and called out to Roark. I called out Claudene and told her to cut the ditto off before he could escape. Claudene really seemed to scare the poor thing… He moved closer to me and just as Roark came running up to me, the ditto transformed. Not into some grass or Claudene or Pidgeotto like a normal Ditto would. Oh no, that would be too easy. It transformed into me. I smiled and laughed. Roark… Roark looked angry and tired at first, but after he saw the ditto he couldn't help but crack a smile. It was so very funny… I took a step next to the Ditto and then behind it. It turned around and raised its hand. It was surreal to see myself like that. It was like a living mirror… I couldn't help but critique myself. I need to do something with my hair… And I had no idea that my butt looked like that in those jeans. They are so comfortable, but they don't do me any favors otherwise. Next time I'm in Veilstone City I'll have to get some at the department store. Lilycove City back in Hoenn had the best styles, so maybe I'll visit there sometime to go clothes shopping. It could be fun…
Unfortunately, the Ditto got away because Roark tackled me. He claims that he thought that I was the transformed Ditto, but I have my doubts. By the time we had regained our wits, the Ditto had left the scene. I was sad, but figured that it just wasn't meant to be. Roark and I wound up back in town but had missed the ferry by over an hour. The Gym was locked up and I was upset… I was (and still am) worried about Iggy. But the worry turned into terror when I saw the NJ coming towards us. I grabbed Pidgeotto and went flying high to get away… She is the second most dangerous one. I can't let her see me; my life would be ruined if she recognized me…
I met back up with Roark after the NJ was gone. He told me that the NJ only wanted to tell him that the group took the ferry and Iggy to Iron Island. They expected us to be there in the morning. He asked why I flipped out and flew away on Pidgeotto… I couldn't tell him the truth. He would never understand. He… He is too good. Roark is golden. I wonder why he wants to be with somebody like me...
I remember the last time I saw her. It was at grandmother's funeral… She was so, so sad... And I was so, so angry… How could she leave me? How could she abandon me to deal with my mom on her own? I hate who I was back then. I was selfish and naïve… But I've learned. My redemption is in what I learned along the way. I don't think I'm a better person. I know I'm not a good person. I'm quite convinced that I'm a rather rotten person at heart. I will never understand what Roark sees in me. I will never fathom why somebody as wonderful as him wants to be with somebody as dark as me.
I was happy once. Back when I was a child and again after I entered the academy I was very happy. I remember a good friend telling me that I could light up a room with my smile and charms. I never thought much of it at the time. I was just being myself and it all came naturally. Even he thought I was something special… He got me into the academy in the middle of the semester and took special interest in my progress. I was only fourteen years old when we met… I gave him power over me and he loved it. I never loved him but I did love the attention and fawning… He said I could become elite someday and I knew it was wrong but I was so caught up in it all that I didn't care. Then one day I couldn't take it anymore. I took back the power he had over me... He was furious and I was broken… I don't think I've been truly happy since that day on the mountain…
Maybe I should try to sort it all out in you. Maybe it will help make some sense of it all… It all started when I left home. I went around Kanto getting badges. I managed to elude the police and other people who were looking out for me. Then I found myself at the final gym… The most feared leader of them all… Giovanni. It wasn't an easy battle, and I remember when it was over. It was the strangest of all… Other gym leaders would get upset or come over to congratulate me. But not him. He just looked at me and Iggy, as if he was sizing us up. Then he got up and walked over to us… What he said next changed my life forever. And believing him is the biggest regret of my life…
This is just too hard. It's hard to explain, really. I love Iggy and I've had some positively joyful moments with him, but as a whole I've just drifted through my life. Always traveling from one land to another… I wasn't even sure what I was running from most of the time. Every now and again I would meet people and for a fleeting moment my life would be more than just my own, but in the end I always kept moving on. It's hard to get hurt when there is nobody there to hurt you. It's just how I cope with it, I suppose. If nobody is close to me then I can't be hurt. I can't be abandoned or tortured emotionally. I can't be batter and bruised. But… I can't be loved either. I can't be cherished, worshiped, hugged, kissed… A few months ago I was happy with my solitary life. I think Roark has ruined that for me…
I can't stop thinking about it all now… I miss the days when Gail and I were friends. Me, him, and Wes were the best of friends and in a moment it all disintegrated… I spent so much time trying to forget them, but since I saw Wes I can't help but remember. I wonder about Gail most of all. Our relationship was always in the gray area between friends and more than friends up until the weeks before I left. I don't regret what happened between us and I don't regret leaving without a word to him. I didn't want to put him in danger; I cared far too much to do that to him… And then there was always the chance that his allegiance to him and the entire organization would trump his loyalty towards me. I couldn't take that risk. If they ever find me then they will kill me. I am on his black list. And I am one of the few still alive after making that list. I know how lucky I am to be alive.
I shouldn't be with Roark. It's too dangerous. What if they come to Sinnoh? What if they show up in the night and kill us both as we sleep? I wouldn't put it past them… I don't think Wes is associated with them anymore. If he was then he would have killed me at the mansion or the hospital. In many ways that scares me as much as what they might do… But at least it gives me hope. Maybe he got away and has bigger things on his mind than him. And maybe he has bigger fish to fry than a little girl from Vermillion City…
I had a dream two nights ago. I never got the time two write it down, but I think I will now… I've been having it off and on since it happened… I was screaming and being drug to him by two men in black masks. They threw me on the floor and he slapped me and then told the two men to leave us alone. He forced me to stand and stroked my cheek with his cold hand… I still shudder when I think about it. And I can still remember his words… "You had so much potential… And you still do. Once I break you then you will be truly glorious."
It always ends that way. I always wake up in a cold sweat… It was the first time I had that dream in over a year. It must have happened about five years ago, but sometimes I remember it as vividly as if it happened yesterday…
I wonder if Roark has ever experienced pain like that. I wonder if-
May 19th
Dear Diary,
I have my Iggy! I am so much happier today than I was last night and this morning. Iggy is cuddling with me right now. It's so cute when he makes a little bed for himself out of my hair. I love feeling him right there, so close to me. I love Iggy and I am so happy now that he's back with me. I think Roark is happier too because I'm not nearly as on-edge.
I talked to Breanna. She said that Iggy started crying after he woke up and I wasn't there. She said that he cried for several hours straight but stopped when he saw Byron's hair. She said that Iggy would cry and attack trainers whenever they took him away from Byron's hair, so Byron let Iggy spend most of the last day perched on the very top of his head. I find it so funny how Iggy gets transfixed by Byron's hair… I wonder if it's the shape or the color that does it. Maybe it's just Byron. Maybe he is an Igglybuff magnet. Roark smiled about it, but Byron had nothing bit a grimace on his face the entire time. I don't think he likes Iggy. Byron has such big, tough, macho pokemon and then there is Iggy, a pink baby pokemon. I wonder how he feels about Stardust…
Yesterday Roark's watch/alarm/loud thingy went off as I was writing in you. It startled me quite a bit, but he said that we needed to hurry up because he knew somebody we could get a ride from. We managed to find the man Roark was talking about and we road with him on his boat to the island. I slept during most of the ride. For some reason I always get very tired when I'm on a boat… Roark and I got to Iron Island around 6 a.m. Byron was already awake and watching the sunrise outside. When Roark and I came into sight, Iggy jumped from Byron's head and bounced right into my arms. It was great to have my little buff back. I missed Iggy so much…
Byron gave me a dirty look when he saw us and then started yelling at Roark about how he wasn't dedicated to being a gym leader or to finding fossils. Roark yelled back about how he loved fossils more than anybody and that he has done blah, blah, blah for whatever and however long and something about being dedicated. I love Roark, I really do, but I don't understand why they would argue over something like that. Who cares about who loves fossils more? Shouldn't they just be happy that we're together and able to go on the training trip as planned? I'll never understand those two…
The commotion they caused woke up all of the other people on the trip and we started getting ready while Roark and Byron finished their yelling match. I got a vibe from the gym assistants that this is pretty standard for when those two are together and that the relatively peaceful encounters I had before were out of the ordinary. We went into the caves for training a few hours later. Stardust came out of her pokeball and some of the gym assistants made fun of Roark. I thought it was funny and so did Roark. He mostly laughed it off and smiled at me. I imagine that the guys at the Oreburgh mine said the same things to him when Stardust first started following him down there. I love how Roark can take it all in stride. It's one aspect of him that I truly admire. I've never had that talent. Things that people say always seem to get to me… Even from people that shouldn't matter.
Stardust did upset me, though. At one point Breanna tried to touch Stardust and she immediately went back inside of her pokeball. I tried to coax her back out, but she absolutely refused to listen to me. Roark asked her once and she came out. Once. ONCE! I tried for nearly five minutes and she couldn't care less, but Roark does it once and she listens. Roark isn't even her trainer… It is very upsetting to me. But not quite as upsetting as how Byron swatted Iggy into a cave wall. Iggy got entranced by Byron's hair and Byron just swatted him away like an annoying fly. Iggy started crying and I couldn't get him to stop for twenty minutes. Byron can be so cruel… I'm going to keep a closer eye on Iggy so that it doesn't happen again. And I'm going to keep both of us as far away from Byron as possible…
So far today not much has happened. I've been focusing on Shuppet's training. Claudene was full of attitude this morning so she'll have to wait until tomorrow to get her training in. She needs to relearn how to respect me. Once that respect is there then we can be friends again and I think things will go quite well for us…
May 20th
Dear Diary,
I didn't think about it before, but I am the girliest girl here. This entire thing was a bit of a stag outing (save Breanna it is entirely a stag outing), but I seem to fit in with them well enough. Had I thought of it before then I think I would have stayed in Oreburgh City and let all the gym people have their fun training without me. But until I build a time-machine or meet The Doctor again that isn't going to happen…
Iggy is being adorable right now. He's doing a cute little dance for me as I write this. I think he wants my attention, so I must go.
May 20, Later
DD,
Wow doesn't quite say it… Roark is so full of surprises. Shuppet and I were chasing after a Mawile and got separated from the group a bit while battling it. Roark followed me and I didn't even notice him until I called back Shuppet and he came up behind me and gave me a hug. He said that we should stay lost, so we went off in the cave together.
Now we're outside of the cave on Iron Island. Don't ask me how Roark got us here…. It's not a ledge like before, just a small opening to the cave. Kinda grassy and lovely….. We just lazed about and talked to each other. At first about nothing. Then he started saying the sweetest things to me. He really loves me. I can see the sincerity in his eyes and when he hugs me I can feel how much he cares. Like it's tangible... I've never felt this way about another person. I've never had somebody feel this way about me!
I love Roark. I'd marry him tomorrow if he asked me.
May 21,
Dear Diary,
Rain, rain, go away…
We're finally leaving Iron Island. I'm on the ferry right now and it's raining outside. I'm getting a bit sea sick... The trip is over and I had a great time overall. At the very least I'm feeling better than ever about me and Roark. I really think we can make this work in the long run. I'm not afraid of us.
Last night Roark and I camped out in the cave. We managed to find our way back to where we left the group, but they were long-gone. We were both too tired to try to catch up any further. I felt horrible about it because Iggy didn't follow Shuppet and I when we left the group… But at least I had some quiet time with Roark. We don't get a lot of that; it's always work or training or something. We talked about a lot of things and I probably told him more than I should have… But he really opened up to me. We talked about his dad. It turns out that Byron has been much more mellow since Roark's mother died. Roark said that they were both crushed because it was so unexpected, and at her request they've actually been fighting less than usual. It was strange… Roark said that usually they fight over silly things, but that the fights can still get very heated very quickly.
It reminds me of how it was with my mom… I told Roark about my mom and how she always tried to push me in a direction I didn't want to go. I just didn't want to become a pokemon nurse like everybody else in the family. My grandmother was supportive of it; she said that there were plenty of Joy's that didn't go into nursing. Although… I think she only ever had a few examples of them… I think she said they worked for the Pokemon Inspection Agency. I still don't know what that agency does or why I would ever want to consider that, but at least she tried to get my mom to see the light.
Anyways, I think that Roark and Byron's relationship worked because Roark wanted to do the things his dad pushed him to do. He wanted to work at the mine. He wanted to become a gym leader. He wanted all of those things, so their relationship worked in a weird-dysfunctional type of way. My relationship with my mom didn't work because you can't force a zephyr to go east. Although… Looking back at it, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. I mean, nursing school would have been cake for me and I may have even done an internship with my aunt … And maybe I wouldn't be looking over my shoulder every day… But that's wishful thinking at best. I made my choices and I'm happy with the life it's lead me to. I doubt I ever would have met Roark if I hadn't made the bad choices.
Speaking of Roark, he also told me that he loved visiting Iron Island as a kid and that's why he knows all of the best places on the island. I can't imagine how brave he must have been to travel around this place alone as a kid! I was brash, but I hated being in the caves and forests alone. Even with Iggy and the others it was tough. Roark really is something else.
I think that's all of the highlights from our night together. Well, except for… No, I am not going into that. But maybe… I did open the door… Nah, not here and not now. Fast forward to when we met up with the group earlier today. It was just before noon according to my clock. Let's just say that some people didn't buy our story about getting lost. And other people insinuated things that did not happen. And Roark helped perpetuate those insinuations, much to my dismay... Men!
I still feel horrible about how I forgot about Iggy. I must have gotten caught up in the moment with Roark and he just slipped my mind entirely. My poor little buff…. I'm giving him lots of cuddles now. He looks a bit deflated and has been through so much the past few days. How could I have forgotten about him? How could I be such a bad trainer? There really is no excuse for my behavior. Hopefully I can make it up to him. Hopefully he won't hate me and run away for my momentary lapse in judgment.
May 22
Dear Diary,
Last night Byron invited me and Roark to say in Canalave City for an extra day. Roark accepted, of course. I…. I don't mind the part about spending time with Byron. I do mind the NJ at the pokemon center. It's painful to see her…. She's changed so much and I can't help but feel some of it is my fault. I can't keep doing this to myself. I left that life behind a long time ago and I need to stop looking back at it. It only brings me pain to do so… Why did I have to fall for somebody with connections to Canalave City? Any other city in Sinnoh and I would be fine…
We're here until tomorrow when we leave for Oreburgh City so I'm going to make the most of it. I think I'll do some shopping while I'm here…
May 22, LATER
DD,
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I almost had a heart attack. Close call with the NJ, if it weren't for Pidgeotto then she would have seen me and Iggy! In fact she saw Iggy… Iggy went right up in front of her before Pidgeotto grabbed him and flew away. Thank God that Pidgeotto is so fast…. The books weren't lying when they said it can fly as fast as mach 2. The people at the academy were completely right, now that I have a good flying pokemon I do wonder how I ever lived without it. And she is so beautiful… Such a pretty plume on the top of her head that is just a bit longer than her body. Thinking about our history and petting her glossy feathers really makes all of the stress from today just disappear. Then I look at Iggy and it is back again.
It all started out innocently enough. I was walking down the street with Roark and Byron. We were talking about some fossils that Byron found on Iron Island and the guys were trying to decide if it was noteworthy or not. We were making our way to the gym when the NJ came running out of nowhere. I don't know what she was saying or why she was doing it, but she came so close and Iggy was right there and looked up at her and smiled and acted like he always did around her. And he did a cute little cooing noise and then I grabbed Pidgeotto's ball and we bolted. I hope she didn't recognize me… I hope she forgot. My life is over if she remembers me. First there will be shock. Then outrage. Then yelling. Then I'll be shipped off to Kanto to answer a LOT of questions. I'm sure that they care about more than just the missing person… I know that there will probably be questions about the mountain and the Elite 4… God, I don't know if I can take all of that. It kills me to know that somebody I love is so near but I can't say anything to them. I can't tell her I'm sorry; I can't even send her a letter or leave her a note because it will just reopen the wound.
An even scarier thought came into my mind: What if she doesn't recognize me? What if she's moved on and doesn't care about what has happened to me?
Right now I'm looking out at the water from behind that abandoned hotel Roark showed me. I wonder what he's doing right now…
May 23
Dear Diary,
Last night was… interesting to say the least. Roark grilled me for information but I didn't let anything bad slip. He mainly wanted to know why Iggy cooed at the Canalave NJ while he attacked the one in Sunyshore. Apparently the story of what happened with Volkner has gotten around… Of course I couldn't tell him the truth. It would have too easy to say, "Oh, well, he acted that way because she is my aunt and the only living member of my family who actually liked Iggy instead of ridiculing him for not being a more traditional nursing pokemon, like Happiny." Yes, too easy. It would have opened up a can of worms that I can't handle. I might as well have told him right then and there that I was a runaway and have been estranged for my family for a decade because I chose to join Team Rocket!
…
Okay, I've had a moment to calm down… Roark found me behind the hotel and he saw how upset I was. He just… He just doesn't understand how hard it is for me to be here. We talked for a little while and I told him that I was just afraid that Iggy would attack an NJ again and that he would get in trouble. I think I ad-libbed something about him using his cuteness to get people to put their guard down. He believed me and he said that he knows how important Iggy is to me. He said he was just as close to his Rampardos. Then he got me to go back to the gym with him. He told me that the NJ just needed somebody to watch the pokemon center while she left to visit family. I wonder what the occasion is…
We're about to leave and go back to Oreburgh City. Roark and I talked earlier and he doesn't want to fly back on Pidgeotto. I think I know why he wants to do it that way…. It will give us time to talk. He'll want answers or at least a conversation… Why can't he just be happy with how things are now? Why does he need to know about the past? Isn't it enough that we make each other happy the way things are now? I don't know if I'm ready to share this type of stuff with him. I know that it will just scare him away.
May 23, Later
Dear Diary,
Roark is asleep…. But I just can't tonight. I feel so…. I don't know. Weird. Different. Strange. Not really sad or in a panic but not happy or calm either…. Not normal… Just in this strange state of lingo.
I spent so much of it just staring up at the stars and crying. Silent tears… I don't want to wake him. I don't want him to see me like this, so full of weakness… I told him that I'm from Vermillion City. And that was enough to stop his questions. Why didn't I lie? I could have said Safron City or Lilycove City or any number of other places, but I said Vermillion… I didn't lie. Why didn't I lie? I've done it so many times and to so many people. The truth hurts so much….
I didn't want to, but Roark made me feel so guilty for not telling him. He just looked at me and said it wasn't about me it was about trust and how he can't believe that I don't trust him. And he said he would leave me if I didn't tell him and I should have just said "Fine, have it your way" and flew away on Pidgeotto but I didn't. God, why didn't I? I am in over my head. He knows too much… He's too close to me and he can see all the cracks in the persona I created. LC Strife…. She's a far cry from Lynnette Carolina Francis Joy.
I haven't written that name in a long, long time…. My mom was the only one who used it. Everybody else just called me Lyn. Except grandma…. She called me Cära. I remember how she'd lovingly call out to me when it was time for dinner… The good memories are so few and so fleeting. I wish she was still here. We were so very close and I was crushed when she died. It was all so sudden… And afterwards my life became a living hell. My mother went crazy with stress and took it all out on me. The things she did to Iggy were just cruel…. After a point I couldn't take it any more. One day I just left. I didn't bother packing any clothes or supplies. It was just me and Iggy out on our own. And we thrived.
I don't think grandma would love who I am now. She would be disappointed in the person I've become since her death; I'm sure of it. She would say that it was all her fault too. She would say that she didn't teach me well and that as a parent she failed and that I was a reflection of that failure. I always told her "But I'm my own person! What I do isn't because of you," but she would always say "Children are a map of their parents." That's where the conversation always seemed to end… I don't think I'll ever understand unless I have children. I don't think I ever will, but there is always that possibility.
Now that I think about it, what my grandma said can be translated to pokemon too. Maybe pokemon are a map of their trainers. So what does Iggy say about me…. He is headstrong. He doesn't take guff from anybody. He is absolutely adorable. He is the cutest and most cuddly little pink guy ever hatched. He refuses to change for anybody but himself. And he can battle more fiercely than anything I've ever seen. I definitely have the trait of a strong will just like Iggy. And who doesn't enjoy a good cuddle? Pink is one of my favorite colors. I remember at the academy that I hated the drab gray and black things they had us wear, so I bought fabric and made my own version in pink. I may have been a grunt, but I was the most stylish grunt out there. I was lucky that he found my choice in clothes amusing and not disrespectful…
Right now I can vividly picture what he said when he first saw me in my pink garb…. "Lyn, come with me." he said to me while I was talking to Gail outside of the academy. Gail was in his civies and got big eyes when he saw that he had talked to me. I left Iggy with Gail and followed him into his limo. "You seem to have a talent for catching my eye. You keep this up and you'll be elite before you even graduate from the academy…" He said to me after I sat down across from him. I didn't know what he was capable of and what his people did back then… My biggest regret in life is not having left without a word after our battle.
Our relationship was a complicated one. I impressed and amused him and he validated me. It was give and take up until I saw the type of man he really was. I wonder what type of relationship Roark and I have…. I suppose that we each see something in the other we wish we had in our lives. He has a loving family and stability. In me… Roark must see a mystery, somebody who is free from such entanglements. Or not….. I really don't know what he sees in me. I don't know why he wants to be with me. Roark could do much better. I'm sure he would be much happier with Breanna than he ever could be with a girl like me.
May 24
Dear Diary,
We're back in Oreburgh City. It's nice to be home. Even Iggy seems happy to be here. I think he likes sleeping on a real bed instead of sleeping bags and tents like when we're on the road. Earlier today Iggy and I baked more cookies and then lazed about and ate them. Iggy was so, so, so, so, so cute when he did this little dance with the cookies. I love the little guy so much. And he never hurts me. Iggy is perfect.
I have so much cleaning to do now that we're back home. Dusting and things in the yard mainly… I never knew that living in one place could be so hard.
May 25
Dear Diary,
I'm sad today… Just in a lousy funk. I haven't felt this way since I lived in Vermillion and it sucks. I blame Roark for it all.
Roark has been busy since before we even stepped into Oreburgh City. If it isn't something at the mines then it's something at the gym. He has absolutely no time for me. This morning he and Stardust left before sun up and now it's practically midnight and they're not home. I feel completely rejected. He makes me feel like I mean nothing to him and that I'm the least important person in his life. We'd might as well be living 400 miles apart! If he keeps this up then I don't know how much longer I can stay with Roark… He is driving me crazy in all the wrong ways.
If this keeps up then I'm going to leave. I won't even say anything to him. I'll just disappear into the wind like I always do…
May 25, Later
DD,
Roark brought me flowers today! And not just any bouquet of flowers, he got me a Budew! An adorable little Budew named Belami. He said that he got it from a nearby breeder and that the little guy reminded him of me. I can't believe that Roark remembered that grass is my favorite type of pokemon! You probably can't tell it from my team, but I love grass pokemon so much. They are absolutely adorable and so pretty. My grandma used to garden and the grass pokemon would come and go at their leisure. I loved watching them and all their graceful movements. And Belami smells so pretty! I can't wait until it evolves into a Roselia and Roserade because those are supposed to have a beautiful aroma that is prized by perfume makers.
Roark is so sweet and caring! Nobody has ever given me such a thoughtful gift before. This is the second pokemon that Roark has given me. He also gave me an adorable little Cranidos just after we first met. Things didn't go very well with him, though. He and Iggy didn't get along, so we don't train as often as I'd like… But he is still very much a part of my team. Just a less active part than some others. Right now he is in charge of security at my (former) house near Floaroma Town.
Tomorrow I am going to go outside and sun bathe with Belami! We'll bond and enjoy nature together. It will be grand.
May 26
Dear Diary,
Busy day! I spent all morning doing housework. Mostly laundry. It's always bitter-sweet for me to hang things outside on the clothes line… It reminds me of my grandma so very much. The anniversary of her death keeps inching closer and it becomes harder and harder for me to keep the memories out of my mind.
After I hung the clothes up to dry I sprawled out in the grass with Belami. And that's where I am now, just laying in the grass and writing in my diary. That little guy is so cute. And he gets along so well with Iggy. It always makes me happy when Iggy plays nicely with new team members. And Belami is just a cute little baby pokemon just like Iggy. Stardust seems to be a bit afraid of Belami. He may have slightly sprinkled some spores on her last night but I think he was just so excited to have a new trainer that he lost a bit of control over his power. I don't think that he did it viciously. I know that Iggy does the same thing sometimes. It's hard raising a baby pokemon because they have so much power but not always the control you see from older and more evolved pokemon. Belami means well, but I think that he won't get along well at all with Stardust… I know that Iggy doesn't, but now that he has Belami to play with things between them should get better. At least that's what I hope. They'll have each other to play with and Stardust has me and Roark. Well, mostly Roark. I'm split between my three babes.
May 26, Later
Dear D,
I have the worst sun burn right now. All over my neck and my back…. I took my jacket off because the sun was heating me up but it was a bad move. I didn't have sun screen on the newly exposed skin and I didn't notice the burning until it was too late. Now I'm terrified that I'm going to get a farmer's tan. Few things are worse than a farmer's tan….
Roark got home at a decent hour tonight. It was nice to spend some time with him. We just lazed about on the couch and watched TV. One commercial really caught my eye. It was about a fishing contest just outside of Sunyshore City. It looks like so much fun and starts at the beginning of next month. Roark isn't very keen on the idea, but I really want to do it. It looks like so much fun! And it isn't just one where you try to catch the biggest fish. In this one you want to try to catch the most average fish. It's so original and different and I want to take part.
We made time to do something that he wanted on Iron Island, so I don't see why he doesn't want to do something that I want to do. I'll just have to be extra nice to him. I already am being extra nice since he gave me Belami, but I'll have to take it up another notch until he wants to go fishing with me.
May 27
Dear Diary,
I wish every day could be like today. Where to even begin! The weather was perfect outside. Not overly hot or overly cold and there was a slight breeze. Mid-morning I went outside with Iggy and Belami to tend berries. After I finished pulling weeds I got the hose out and decided to do some watering. And how could I water the plants without Ned there to supervise? Nothing knows water better than a Vaporeon, after all. So I was watering berries and Ned was watering berries and Iggy and Belami were in the grass doing the cutest little dance. Then, out of nowhere, Ned squirted me with some water. I used the hose and hit him back. My laughing and water war got the attention of Iggy and Belami and they took sides. Iggy went between me and Ned's water attack and Belami jumped on Ned's back. The four of us had fun spraying water at each other and playing. It was great! I had so, so, so much fun.
All the fun ended when Roark came home for lunch. It's the first time in recent memory that he did that and Ned got him with a hydro pump. Roark laughed it off and gave me a sopping wet hug, but Stardust is now completely terrified of Ned. She won't even come out of her pokeball when he's around…. But that's Stardust for you. Terrified of anything and everything that isn't Roark.
After the water fight, Ned and Belami stayed in the back yard and lazed about in the hot mid-day sun. Roark, Iggy, Stardust and I went inside. I dried off the babes and changed into some dry clothes. Then we had lunch and Roark left to go back to work. Although I think I made him return later than he would have liked… Not that he was complaining. All and all, I think that everybody had fun.
After Roark left I made cookies and brought them to the gym. Some guys were hanging out there while on a brake from working in the mines two of them asked when Roark was going to "make an honest woman" out of me. Unless things are really that different between Sinnoh and Kanto, I think they were referring to marriage. It was all in good fun, at least I think… I hope. I love Roark very much but I don't think I could ever marry him. We're from two very different worlds and the fact we've made it work for this long amazes me.
Roark got home at a decent hour too. I really appreciated it. I love it when we can just sit down and relax with each other. We were both reading books when the fishing contest commercial came on again. We talked about it and I think that Roark is warming up to the idea.
I wish that Roark would stop looking at what I'm writing! This diary is full of PERSONAL thoughts and happenings that he is not privy to.
May 28
Dear Diary,
Victory is mine! I finally got Roark to agree to go with me to Sunyshore City and the fishing contest. I am so happy, words just can't describe it. I even found my nice fishing rod in my bag! It will be perfect for catching the most average remoraid ever!
I am so excited! I didn't really expect him to give in so quickly. It did have a bit of a clause to it but I think that I gained more than he did. Well, let me start from the beginning and then maybe it will make more sense in my mind. Because the more I think of it the more I think that Roark is black mailing me.
This morning Roark got up at his normal 4 a.m. to get ready and leave for work. His alarm woke me up as always, but this time I stayed up instead of going back to bed. I went into the kitchen and sat at the table while I waited for the kettle to boil so I could have some tea. Roark just came up behind me, kissed my ear, and said that he'd go with me to the fishing contest if I told him my name. My full name. And that I could think about it and tell him what my decision was tonight. And then he grabbed his hardhat and left with Stardust.
You know, it was a really mean and jerky thing for him to do. There is no way that I'm going to let him get away with him. When he comes home tonight, I'm going to tell him that I am going to that contest with or without him and that I will tell him my name when I am ready and not a moment sooner. That'll teach him to try and blackmail me. Jerk.
May 29
DD,
Well, Roark is officially a total jerk. His jaw dropped when I told him that I was going fishing with or without him but he still refuses to go until I tell him my full and proper name. His loss. I am not backing down on this one. He can call my bluff for all I care. I am more than happy to do this alone just to prove my point. As far as Roark is concerned, my name is LC Strife. Lynnette is dead.
I cannot believe how he reacted. I don't think he expected me to say what I did at all. But I can't believe that I didn't see what a jerk he was at first either. And I probably wouldn't have if it weren't for you, my beloved diary. It's so much easier to see things when I've got them written out in front of me.
I need to clear my head. I think I'll take Belami and Iggy into the mountains for some training. I think that Belami will grow up into a great fighter if I nurture him. I think that he's ready to start some minor training and we'll see what happens. At the very least I'll have some time to figure out this entire mess with Roark. I'm sure that we'll take a break and sun bathe. I'm taking Torterra with us and on the way there I plan on sunning and thinking while Torterra moves all of us up the mountain.
May 29, Later
Dear Diary,
Training with Belami went very well! He seems to love being in battles. In fact, he really loved teaming up with Iggy to take down a bunch of geodudes. The two of them work so well together. It makes me so happy to see that type of team work and cooperation on my team.
We're on our way home right now. I'm still not sure on the Roark situation… I don't want to go alone but I think that I need to stick with my guns. If I don't then it will give such a bad dynamic to our relationship…. Every time I want something or want to do something then he could say "Sure, but first you need to do/say/be this," and I don't think a relationship can exist there. Then it will just be him blackmailing me and me being miserable until I decide I can't take it anymore and just vanish into the wind. Doesn't he see that? I hope he does… I hope that he'll apologize. If not… I don't know. I know what I should do but I don't know if I can do it…
May 30
Dear Diary,
Roark and I fought last night. I really hope that Roark comes to his senses and backs down on this. I don't want to go alone! What if there are weird people there? What if I get lonely? I hate falling asleep without having his arms holding me tight…. It just won't be the same. I'm sure that tomorrow he'll have come to his senses and say "Let's go, I'm sorry for trying to blackmail you darling. Will you ever be able to forgive me? Here's a special little something to show you how much you mean to me. It's called a Pichu," or similar. I just need to keep my cool…. I can't let him see me panic. If he sees that then he will know that he can win and won't give in and that would be bad. Bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! I don't want things to go down that road. I just want to have a nice little vacation alone with the man I love. Is that really so much? Am I completely unreasonable?
May 31
Dear Diary,
Last night was a rough night… I made him sleep on the couch. Or rather, Strength did. I decided that I was too mad at him for what he said so while he was off doing God-only-knows what I let Strength out of his pokeball and had him guard the bedroom door. And Strength was not in a good mood about it either. I heard a crash, so Roark might have been hurt in some sort of Rhyperior-related accident. But it serves Roark right for saying those things to me last night. I had no idea that he could be so cold and heartless.
I'm still so mad about it that I haven't left the bedroom. It's getting pretty late in the morning so I really should go and do things, but I am too hurt and angry right now. Maybe I'll just leave right now. I have Pidgeotto…. I'll never have to see that jerk again. Ever.
May 31, Later
Dear Diary,
Okay, so maybe I was a bit rash… Maybe Roark isn't a total jerk and maybe I don't want to leave him.
I didn't mean to yell last night… I hope he understands that. I hope that he'll start talking to me again at least. Like we used to talk when I first came to live with him here in Oreburgh. We would just spend hours and hours talking about nothing. I loved that. I loved hearing his voice and I loved how funny and witty he was. And he would say things that always amazed me. He'd been there and done that and he knew. He understood. At least with the things I shared…. So many things I kept to myself. He's so good and pure and wouldn't understand some things in my past. He couldn't understand the darkness… He'd never understand him and what he did to me. He'd never understand why I left my family. He'd have no point of reference and though I know he desperately wants information I cannot give it to him.
Some days I think our relationship will last forever. Other days I wonder why I even bother staying around because I know we're doomed to fail. Why must my heart be so conflicted?