Thank you SO much for your cats and dares! Your wait is worth it, for here, I present to you…THE FIRST ACTUAL EPISODE OF TDAR! *cool music plays*
Firestar is running away from Berrynose with a bad of Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream.
"GIVE 'EM THEY'RE MMMIIINNNEEE!" Berrynose shrieks, tackling Firestar and grabbing the bag. He pops it open, grabs a handful of chips, and rubs them all over his face, turning it orange.
"RCBTT! GET ME THE REMOTE!" Mousewhisker screams from by the TV.
"Umm, technically, YOU are the RCBTT, Mousewhisker, since you are random, and are by the TV." the former RCBTT pointed out.
"SHUT UP AND GIMME EET!" Mousewhisker screams back.
The former RCBTT sighs and hands the remote to Mousewhisker.
Mousewhisker flips through the channels until he reaches Comedy Central and runs to get a bag of popcorn before the cats create an impenetrable wall surrounding the TV (believe me, he has tried MANY times).
Swiftcloud: Hello, all you TDAR fans out there! And welcome to our very first real episode! I am your honorable host, Swiftcloud!
Mintpool: SWIFTCLOUD! SWIFTCLOUD!
Swiftcloud: That's enough, Mintpool. Anyways, we have a special announcement to make!
Snakebite: Yes, a few more cats will be joining the crew today! Please welcome… Nightblossom, Blacktalon, Eaglepaw, Goldpaw, Sweetflower, Stinkfrost, Shimmerpaw, and Fallowheart!
*said cats walk in and bow, everyone making a ten-foot circle around Stinkfrost*
Fallowheart (Myranda): *glares at Snakebite*
Snakebite: *gulps* I mean, Myranda.
Hollowthoughts: So, anyways-OW! *Justin Beiber CD hits him smack in the back of his head* What the heck?
Nightblossom: *giggles uncontrollably*
Hollowthoughts: *rubs the back of his head and sneers at her, planning revenge that he will probably forget later*
Eaglepaw: WAS IT YOU? *points at Snakebite*
Snakebite: *O.o* Umm…..no?
Eaglepaw: AAAHHH HE'S GONNA MURDER MEEEEEEEE! *runs out of the set screaming*
*everyone stares after him for a second in an awkward silence*
Swiftcloud: Aaaanyways, you can all go back to your stations now.
*all cats walk off set except for Fallowheart (Myranda) who glares one final time at Snakebite, then disappears mysteriously*
Swiftcloud: Now, ON TO THE DARES! Snakebite, go kidnap Squirrelflight for me please.
Snakebite: *salutes and walks off the set*
Hyperpaw: *goes running by in the background screaming something about a nougat-breathing dragon in the cookie jar under the faucet; about 400,000 empty cans of Double Super Extreme Monster Energy Drinks fall out of the door he opens and smother him*
Snakebite: *comes back with a wriggling bag and dumps Squirrelflight on the floor* I got her!
Swiftcloud: Good and thanks Snakebite.
Snakebite No problem!
Swiftcloud: OK Squirrelflight, we have some challenges for you, but first, a few questions.
Snakebite: The first two are from Willow1720 and she wants to know, would you choose Brambleclaw? Or Ashfur?
Swiftcloud: We have a lie detector hooked up to you so you have to tell the truth.
Squirrelflight: Umm…Ashfur?
Machine: *beepbeepbeep*
Squirrelflight: Alright, fine! I would choose Brambleclaw because Ashfur is a retard but I would never let anyone know because he would kill me if I did.
Machine: *silent*
Ashfur: STUPID MACHINE! *comes in out of nowhere and beats the lie detector with a baseball bat*
Swiftcloud: Goldpaw and Dogtooth, go buy a new lie detector.
Goldpaw and Dogtooth: *salute and walk off set*
Snakebite: The next question from Willow1720 is if you were to live in a different Clan, which Clan would you pick?
Squirrelflight: OK, this time there's no reason to lie. Definitely Windclan. If I was in Shadowclan, I would bump into a tree three seconds into patrol. And anyone with the knowledge of what a leaf is would know that I hate water, so that counts Riverclan out.
Machine: *silent*
Swiftcloud: Cool. The third question is from Priceless Cat Lady. She wants to know, why didn't you tell Brambleclaw about Leafpool's kits?
Goldpaw and Dogtooth:*come in with a new lie detector and set it on the table*
Swiftcloud: Thanks.
Dogtooth: No prob'
Squirrelflight: I refuse to answer the question.
Littlebreeze: If you don't answer, I will set Hyperpaw loose on you. Don't think I won't do it.
Hyperpaw: *growls and pulls back his lips, revealing sharp teeth that are stained orange, purple, and green from soda*
Squirrelflight: Who ever said anything about not answering? I didn't tell him because he would've chatted about it to the rest of the Clan and the other Clans at Gatherings and he would've texted every kittypet and rogue on the planet about it.
Machine: *silent*
Brambleclaw: You see, that's why I left her.
Swiftcloud: Wow. Anyways, on to the dares!
Hollowthoughts: Your first dare is from-wait, who is it from? *checks clipboard* Oh! Your first dare is from Willow1720, who dares you to climb to the top of the trees at a Gathering and yodel Ke$ha's Tik Tock.
Squirrelflight: *opens her mouth to protest but sees Littlebreeze pointing at a shivering Hyperpaw with 5 cans of DSEMED(Double Super Extreme Monster Energy Drink) at his paws and 11 candy bar wrappers stuck to his orange(now blotched brown)fur*
Squirrelflight: *sighs* Fine.
Swiftcloud: Good. We will transport you to the Gathering going on right now. *claps twice*
Squirrelflight: *disappears in a cloud of smoke and appears at the top of the tallest tree on the island*
Squirrelflight: *yodels* Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
(Hey, what up girl?)
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city
(Lets go)
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back
I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy
Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us
Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me
With my hands up
You got me now
You got that sound
Yeah, you got me
DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me
With my hands up
Put your hands up
Put your hands up
Now, the party don't start 'til I walk in
Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
*all the Clan cats boo and throw cans and bottles and other junk; the crew decides to teleport her back when a cat gets ready to throw a piano*
Squirrelflight: I'm gonna die-Oh, I'm back here. Yay! Wait, that's not a good thing.
Snakebite: Your next dare is also from Willow1720, who dares you to be a kittypet for a season of your choice. You must be a perfectly cute kittypet and you must not hurt other kittypets.
Squirrelflight: *runs and jumps off a nearby cliff*
Swiftcloud: ****, I'll send Halfleg after her.
Halfleg: Already on it. *leaps down the cliff with a closed hanglider and scoops up Squirrelflight, opens the hanglider, and flies back up to the studio*
Swiftcloud: Thanks, Halfleg.
Halfleg: *salutes and flies away on a jetpack*
Squirrelflight: Why did you do that? I would've been better off down there splattered to bits of orange fur instead of sitting in a Twoleg nest drinking sour water and eating pellets that look like rabbit dirt!
Swiftcloud: Trust me, you wouldn't. Now go get your collar on.
Squirrelflight: *sighs and grabs a blue collar with a gold bell that she slips over her head*
Swiftcloud: *claps twice and Squirrelflight is teleported to an animal shelter*
Girl: Awww! Look at the orange one, mommy! She's cuuuuuute!
Squirrelflight: *starts to growl, but remembers the rule and mews in a pitiful way*
Mother: Yep, I think that's the one!
Store Clerk: I don't remember getting that one…oh well, that'll be 20 bucks, ma'am.
Mother: *hands the store clerk a 20 dollar bill and unlocks the door*
Squirrelflight: You owe me big time, Swiftcloud! *is carried off*
Swiftcloud: Now, let's go to her house and finish up the dares. *claps and she is teleported into an empty backyard*
*a car pulls up and the mother, the girl, and a man step out. The mother is carrying a cage in which you can see flashes of orange fur*
Swiftcloud: There she is.
Squirrelflight: *comes out the cat door with her fur ruffled up from the Twolegs petting her* Please tell me you came to wish me good luck.
Swiftcloud: Nope. I came to finish up the dares.
Squirrelflight: Darn.
Swiftcloud: The last three dares are from Priceless Cat Lady. The first one is that you have to dip Daisy in chocolate, cover her in skittles and Reese's cups, and set the kits on her.
Squirrelflight: Fine. Daisy doesn't have that much of a temper, she'll just be surprised.
Swiftcloud: I have supplied the chocolate, skittles, and Reese's cups you will need.
Squirrelflight: *takes the candy and trots off to Thunderclan*
Daisy is sitting peacefully in the nursery, alone because Rosekit, Toadkit, Briarkit, Bumblekit, and Blossomkit were racing each other outside. Suddenly, a dark orange shape with something blue around its neck jumps out of the shadows and thoroughly lathers her in melted chocolate.
"What the-Hey, this stuff is good." Daisy says, licking her fur. Then, a downpour of Skittles rains on her head, followed by Reese's cups. "Ow!" Daisy cries as one particularly large Skittle conks her on the head, knocking her out.
Squirrelflight grabbed all five kits and set them on top of a very sticky Daisy. "Peanut butter!" Toadkit exclaimed, sinking his teeth into a Reese's cup.
Squirrelflight: *is teleported back to the backyard*
Swiftcloud: OK, the second dare from Priceless Cat Lady is for you to imitate Firestar in one of his most embarrassing moments, which, conveniently, is happening right now.
Squirrelflight: I'm doomed.
Firestar is sorting through his undies, classifying them by Cute, OK, and Boring. Most of the ones in the Boring pile have logos of AC/DC and Aeriosmith on them, while most of the ones in the Cute pile have rainbows and unicorns and fairies. The OK pile was entirely of stained tidy whities.
"Hey, Firestar, can you come look at this? Daisy has chocolate all over her-"Berrynose pokes his head in and sees the piles and piles of unicorns and rainbows sitting at Firestar's paws. His eyes stretch wide for a moment, and then he explodes with laughter.
Firestar's cheeks look like they're bleeding they're so red, he picks up the first pile he can find and throws it under his nest. Berrynose grabs the next pile and races outside, laughing so hard that his own cheeks turn red.
"Look what I found in Firestar's den!" he yowls as loud as he can, which isn't very loud since he spent most of his breath on chortles. Cat's heads poke out of every den and all eyes are laid on the pile of rainbows, unicorns, and fairies sitting in Berrynose's paw.
Soon, mice and voles dart into their nests, spooked by the uproar of laughter coming from the Thunderclan camp.
Firestar snatches the tidy whities from Berrynose and throws them into the lake. "Those weren't mine!" he screeches.
"Oh yeah?" Berrynose lifts an eyebrow mockingly, pulling a hidden pair of undies from behind his back and reading the waistband out loud. Mousewhisker hands him a microphone, giggling uncontrollably.
"With love and kisses, Rusty, these are for you my sweet little boy! XOXO, Nutmeg."
The uproar grows to a sound like having every speaker and volume button turned to full blast, connected to 5 boom boxes like they have at concerts, which are also at full blast.
Then, just to make things worse, Firestar sees out of the corner of his eye, on top of the Highledge, Squirrelflight, who is copying every move he makes.
Firestar roars in anger and leaps for Squirrelflight.
Swiftcloud: *claps twice and Squirrelflight is teleported back to the yard just as Firestar reaches her*
Squirrelflight: That was actually kind of funny.
Swiftcloud: I'll say. The last dare from Priceless Cat Lady is for you to tell Brambleclaw that you're pregnant.
Squirrelflight: …That's just wrong.
Swiftcloud: As you are, too. Now get on with it.
Squirrelflight: *sighs and goes to Thunderclan*
Brambleclaw is sitting on the edge of the lake, smoking a cigar and giggling to himself, still amused by Firestar's tidy whitie catastrophe. Suddenly, he feels a paw on his shoulder and he looks up to see Squirrelflight. He stops giggling and stares at her closely.
"Why are you wearing a collar?"
"That's not important. What's important is, you really are going to be a father this time." Squirrelflight says.
Brambleclaw leaps to his paws, staring at Squirrelflight intently with wide, amber eyes.
"How long until the kits arrive? How many? If you feel anything, even if it's nothing, call me." Brambleclaw stutters.
"I have to go." Squirrelflight says, leaping into the bushes before Brambleclaw can reply.
Squirrelflight: *dashes back into the yard* I did it.
Swiftcloud: Good, well, that's the last of the dares so, enjoy your seasonal life as a kittypet.
Squirrelflight: I hate you.
Swiftcloud: *teleports away to the studio*
Snakebite: So that's pretty much it, folks! See you next time, on TDAR!
Look below to see the studio's crew and their bios:
Hosts:
Swiftcloud-She is a white she-cat with black tabby markings covering her pelt and green eyes. She is sweet and kind, but if you rile her up, she can knock out every cat in the studio, including herself. She has a soft spot for Reese's Cups and will often snag a bunch from Littlebreeze's secret safe of DOOM. She also is a big fan of the Jonas Brothers.
Hollowthoughts-He is a dark brown tom with deep blue eyes that has a bad case of short-term-memory-loss. He has a little clipboard that he carries around to record things he needs to remember, like why he is carrying the clipboard. He is deaf in his right ear, so he tends to get instructions turned around backwards. If he doesn't forget them first.
Snakebite-He is a ginger tom with two large, brown dots on his shoulder that look like a snake bite and amber eyes. He has a very deep voice that he uses to creep people out, although it doesn't fit his personality very well. He is timid and shy, but for some reason wants to be a host. He carries a stuffed bear named Charles around with him at all times. Even in the bathroom, he is chatting and joking with Charles.
Eaglepaw: white and brown tom with creepy yellow eyes. He's very accusing, and thinks everyone is out to kill him. He wants to host the show so he can fire all the "assassins", a.k.a. every living and breathing human being. (Or cat.) He likes to yell "WAS IT YOU?" All. The freaking. Time. If thinks someone is about to kill him, he launches himself at them. And tries to kill them.
1 adult female needed
Camera Crew:
Puffytail-He is a dark gray tom with a fluffy, white-tipped tail and stormy green eyes. He is utterly random due to the deformation of his brain when he was a kit in his mother's belly. If you ask him why he's filling the camera case with parmesan cheese and sprinkles, he will often respond with,"Because my Coca Cola pie nut wanted a mayo, parsnip, and marble sandwich to go to see the movie, 'Little cheese meat' with him."
Mintpool-She is a pale ginger she-cat with speckles of brown on her pelt and deep blue eyes. Her only goal in life is to get Swiftcloud's autograph; she thinks Swiftcloud is some kind of movie star. When Swiftcloud introduces herself at the beginning of an episode, Mintpool will clap and whistle and chant, "Swiftcloud! Swiftcloud! Swiftcloud!" She is insane.
1 adult male needed and 2 apprentices, 1 male 1 female
Medicine Cats:
Dustcloud-He is a sandy-colored tom with faint black speckles covering his fur and amber eyes. He loves to heal cats and will often ambush a cat and injure them, only to heal them right back up again, good as new. He is very clean and doesn't like to get his paws dirty (literally). He is looking for a social, kind, (clean), and caring apprentice to teach his healing ways.
2 apprentices needed, 1 female 1 male
FOEC (Felines Of Explosion Cooperation):
Halfleg-He is a pale brown tabby tom with half of his leg torn away. He is looking for an apprentice that doesn't mind his scars to pass his bombing skills onto. In fact, he lost that part of his leg in an unexpected bomb explosion. He is an expert bomb defuser and will often set off bombs in the middle of a show, and then defuse them just to practice his skills.
Sweetflower: cream-colored she-cat with blue eyes. She's trying to get people to behave, and is like a mother figure. When people don't obey her, it's like Hyperpaw with 1,000,000 bars of Hershy, and 1,000 bottles of that Monster Soda thing he drinks. BOOM. She explodes, and has the biggest of tempers. She took the job because she thinks its 'a big kid' job. (A.k.a., she doesn't trust any one else with it.)
1 adult female needed and 3 apprentices, 2 female 1 male
Technicians:
Dogtooth-He is a dark brown tom with scars on his green eyes and a large tooth that pokes out from under his bottom lip. He loves repairing things and has a knack for technology. If you give him a remote control toy, some screws, and a paperclip, he could turn that into a supercomputer! He is in love with his apprentice but hasn't told her. Little does he know that his apprentice has a crush on him too!
Goldpaw: golden tabby she-cat with green eyes. She's very shy and soft-spoken, especially around Dogtooth. She's only loud when someone is bothering her when she's working on the computer. She invented the Automatic Elder Helper, which helps the elders with there ticks, there old moss, and produces a hologram so it looks like a group of apprentices are always listening to their stories.
Electrician:
Oddeye-He is a dark gray tom with silver tabby markings and deep blue eyes. He has a lazy left eye that is always looking off in the exact opposite direction. He likes to creep the crew out by staring at them intently in the middle of a show. It works very well.
Plumber:
Stinkfrost: his pelt could be any color, but it's so dirty, you can see what it is. He has blue eyes. He's always playing in the dirt. And garbage. And mud. And he took the job so he could have an excuse to go into the sewer and 'check things out'.
Janitors:
North Wing:
Ryestorm-He is a golden-brown tabby tom with intense green eyes. He is convinced that Shakespeare was his father and is often running around acting like him. He can rob everyone of their sanity, and clean up the studio in the process. He loves cheesecake and will often eat some on his lunch break, or in the middle of a show. He likes Peanut Butter best.
Shimmerpaw: pure black she-cat with bright blue eyes. She is the world's biggest drama queen, and has a temper shorter than Sweetflower's. She overreacts to everything, and thinks that Ryestorm is God. She is obsessed with Wicked, and the theatre.
East Wing:
1 adult female needed
South Wing:
Jaybird-He is a plump pale gray tabby tom with a limp that never seems to go away and ice blue eyes. He believes that the bird's in the woods talk to him and is usually staring out a window making little, 'coo coo' sounds. The birds just ignore him every time. He just says they're not in the mood to chat.
West Wing:
Foxsong-She is a reddish-orange she-cat with black socks and white toes. Her amber eyes are always twinkling with an angry fire that no one seems to understand, considering her happy personality. She carries around a mop that has the words, 'Be Happy 'engraved on the handle. She never argues or gets mad at anybody. She is a little bonkers.
Security:
Littlebreeze-He is a black tom with silver tabby stripes and pale blue eyes. He is the master of sweets and is extremely hyperactive from sugar. He has a secret safe of DOOM filled with Halloween candy. He got this candy by trick-or-treating. Literally. He would play harmful pranks on the poor cat until he gave Littlebreeze all the candy he had.
Hyperpaw-He is a ginger tom with lime green eyes. He loves anything with sugar or caffeine listed in the ingredients. That's also why he loves having Littlebreeze as a mentor. He gets free candy whenever Littlebreeze is happy. His favorite energy drink is Double Super Extreme Monster Energy Drink, just because he loves sending the studio crew into a panic.
Fallowheart (Myranda): She is a lovely pale brown she cat with a large bright red rose tattooed on her butt; slightly left of her tail. She has a peirced ear and always wears her diamond studded sterling silver earring. Myranda has dyed black tiger stripes all over her body and has one snowy white paw. Her natural eyes are a startling blue but she wears green contacts and sometimes puts in her amber, white, or purple ones to shock the audience. Myranda loves to beat people up and show her inner bad. She is the toughest cookie in town and loves to prove that she is a better security personel than Hyperpaw and Littlebreeze put together. Myranda hates being called Fallowheart or being called plain. She is always considering getting another rose on the other side of her butt (pink) but never really ends up doing it. One thing that Myranda won't stand for is bullying. She loves torture and inflicting pain and knows about the complex social society of cute or popular apprentices but will not stand for bullying or teasing. She's a real sweetheart and often says kindhearted things. But usually after a kindhearted thing, Myranda will feel too vulnerable and open as if she has just said something bad and quotes her favorite movie star; herself. What she says runs something along the lines of "if someone gives you a rock, throw it back at them and prepare to get either 1, mashed into a pulp, or 2, thrown off the edge of a cliff. It's good to participate in the violence of modern today. Besides, it's their fault for giving you the rock!" Sorry for the length.
1 adult female needed
Please tell me if you liked it! The next contestant will be…*drum roll*…Hollyleaf! So send her dares and questions and also send me more cats and I will give you a butterscotch candeh.