"It doesn't matter where you come from, it matters where you go. No one get's remembered for the things they didn't do."
Frank Turner, Peggy Sang the Blues
Far away to the east of Hobbiton, over high mountains and green woods, a small group of heavily armed people waited anxiously in a clearing. They were standing too close together, almost huddled for protection, their eyes nervously scanning the trees.
A white shape emerged soft as a ghost from the gathering dark, followed by numerous others. The group was quickly surrounded, both the wargs and the orcs eyeing them like the meat that they were. Despite a few snarls from their mounts the orcs did not attack, waiting in silence.
The group had shrunk tighter together as the orcs approached, then one of them was pushed reluctantly forward to speak, clearing his throat uneasily. "They will be travelling in the wilderness between Ered Luin and the Misty Mountains over the next few weeks," he said in a quavering voice; he felt horribly guilty about the message he had to relay, but in doing so their master had bought their peoples safety from the Gundabag raids. "It will be a small company, not heavily armed. Should be easy enough for your ... people to track."
Azog gave him a slow, evil smile, the metal claw of his truncated arm trailing softly over his wargs fur. "Tell your master that the Dwarf King's head will be mine," he said in a low and guttural voice, speaking broken Westeron. At his signal the other wargs moved in closer, making the company clutch their weapons in white-knuckled hands. "We have far to travel and our mounts are hungry ... it only takes one to deliver a message."
They tied their ponies in Bilbo's garden alongside two others and approached the round door, Gandalf's mark glowing clear in the moonlight. Fili and Kili had not asked her how she knew the name of Bag End, much to her relief, but they were shooting her surreptitious looks as Kili rang the bell.
Moments later Bilbo answered the door and Lizzy couldn't help but grin at his thoroughly put out expression, clearly wishing that they were miles away.
"Fili."
"Kili."
The two brothers looked at her in unison, waiting for her to introduce herself too. "And Lizzy."
"At your service," the brothers finished with a low bow in Bilbo's direction. Lizzy simply gave an awkward half wave.
"You must be Mr Boggins!" Kili said cheerfully as he straightened up, making her roll her eyes amusedly at his enthusiasm.
"No, you can't come in, you've come to the wrong house," Bilbo said firmly, trying to shut the door in their faces.
"What?" Kili said with mild panic, catching the closing door on his hand and pushing it wide again. "Has it been cancelled?"
"Nobody told us," Fili put in, giving the bewildered Bilbo a serious look.
"Cancelled?" he repeated, sounding confused. "No, nothing's been cancelled -"
"Well that's a relief!"
"Man, this is surreal," Lizzy muttered to herself as the three of them pushed their way into Bilbo's house – meeting Fili and Kili had been one thing, but seeing stuff from the story actually playing out in front of her was just plain weird.
"Careful with these, I just had them sharpened," Fili was saying, loading up Bilbo's arms with his numerous weapons.
The Hobbit noticed her gazing curiously around his home and frowned slightly at her. "You're not a Dwarf," he said to Lizzy, looking up into her face. He was at least half a foot shorter than her, though slightly taller than a few of the other Hobbits she had seen in the Shire.
"Nope," she said, taking pity on him. "Sorry to barge in like this."
"That's ... quite alright,"
"Can I please use your bathroom?" she added with a sunny smile.
"Uh, yes," he said, seeming to not quite know how to react in the face of her politeness. "Straight down the hall."
"It's nice, this place," Kili said as he returned from his brief exploration down one of the corridors, his eyes focused on the beams supporting the roof. "Did you do it yourself?"
"No, it's been in the family for years – that's my mother's glory box, can you please not do that," he added as Kili started scraping the mud from his shoes.
"Fili, Kili, give us a hand," a deep voice said from the other room. A Dwarf she recognised as Dwalin emerged from under an archway, clapping Kili on the shoulder, followed by a white haired dwarf she guessed was Balin.
"Mr Dwalin," Kili said with a smile, clasping the Dwarf's arm. Dwalin was bald but with an impressive beard and about an inch or so taller than Kili. Lizzy found herself disgruntled that so far Balin seemed to be the only Dwarf she was taller than despite being human, though it was a nice change from constantly having to crane her neck to look up at people back in her world.
"Who in Mahal's name are you?" Dwalin said, noticing her.
"Lizzy," she introduced herself. "Friend of Fili and Kili's."
There was a deafening silence.
"Boys ..." Balin said with stern disapproval.
"Not what you think." Kili had his hands raised with his palms outwards in the universal sign of innocence.
"We found her on the road," Fili quickly explained. "She's looking for a Wizard to help her out with a … slight problem. We told her we were meeting one tonight and that she could join us."
"A Wizard, what Wizard?" a heavily laden Bilbo asked, though he was ignored.
The two older Dwarves did not look impressed, so Lizzy decided to escape the situation and allow the brothers to sort out without her hovering around. "Right, Dwalin is giving me the stink eye, so I'll leave you to explain," she said. "I'm going to go find Bilbo's bathroom."
"What's this about then?" she heard Dwalin ask gruffly as she headed down the hallway towards where Bilbo had pointed. "And help us shift this table while you explain, or we'll never fit everyone in."
"Everyone?" she heard Bilbo squeak. "How many more are there?"
Lizzy located the bathroom, dumped her pack on the floor and bolted the round door behind her, leaning against it with a sigh. The bathroom was warm and cosy and, while certainly not as modern as the plumbing she was used to, had infinitely better facilities than simply squatting behind a tree. There was even a huge copper cauldron over a fire with a tap to fill the bath; discovering a vast quantity of deliciously hot water inside, she opened the tap and started filling the tub.
She examined her reflection in the large mirror above the sink for the first time since arriving in Middle Earth. Her hair, still tied up in a bun, looked like a rats nest and her clothes were dusty and yet she still looked the same. It was strange, she half expected to find some change, an indelible trace on her features that reflected the emotional turmoil of the past few days, but her face remained unchanged – same grey eyes, same faint freckles and the same hair that couldn't decide if it wanted to be blonde or brown.
She rooted through her pack while the bath was running, looking for the changes of clothes. There were two changes of underwear and socks, one bra, another t-shirt and a light blue cotton dress that she had been planning on wearing to the barbeque. She also found her comb and travel toiletries, her brother may have the toothpaste, but she luckily had their two-in-one lime showergel and shampoo.
The bathwater had turned to a trickle as the cauldron drained so Lizzy quickly stripped off her clothing, leaving it in an untidy pile, and stepped into the water. She allowed herself a few minutes to simply relax, but hearing the loud noises of Dwarves down the hall soon started scrubbing away the dust from two and a half day's travel.
Someone thumped on the door. "Gandalf's here," she heard Fili call.
"Will be out soon!" she hollered back, dunking her head the water to rinse the bubbles in her hair. Stealing two towels from a rack by the bath, she wrapped one around her hair and one round her body, drying quickly and donning fresh underwear before putting her cargo trousers back on with the clean t-shirt. It took her a good few minutes to work through the tangles in her hair alone, but she soon emerged from the bathroom rubbing the excess water from ends of her long hair with the towel.
It was organised chaos outside, with numerous Dwarves flooding the area between the pantry, kitchen and dining room, bringing a heavy supply of food. Bilbo was standing in the middle of the fray, alternately scolding them for taking his food, entreating them to put certain things back and telling them not to use his antique chairs, doing his very best to sound assertive. "Those are my best guest towels!" he said in dismay to Lizzy when he noticed her, the sight of the damp material clearly adding to his distress.
"Sorry," she said, only just noticing the elaborate embroidery on the towel she was using.
"Did you use my bathwater too?" the Hobbit asked, looking mournfully at her clean hair. "I was going to have a nice long bath after dinner, but ..." he sighed deeply, "this is not how I planned to spend my evening."
She was saved from replying by a friendly hand clapping on her shoulder and turned to find a smiling Dwarf that she was easily able to identify as Bofur by his winged hat. "You must be the other-worldly wraith Fili and Kili found."
"Which one of them called me a wraith?" she asked, not liking the descriptor at all. "I think I want to hit them."
"Ha, I like that – you have some spark!" Bofur laughed, and then guided her through to the dining room, receiving curious looks from several of the others. "Come, I believe you were looking for Gandalf. He is through here."
The tall wizard was supervising the laying of the table, giving directions to Dwarves setting out various plates and bowls of food as he topped up a glass of wine the size of a shot glass. He looked up when she entered. "Ah Miss Darrow, I'm glad you could make it."
Lizzy blinked at him. "... Make it?"
"Gentlemen," Gandalf said, speaking louder to the Dwarves who were in the dining room and following the conversation so far with interest. "I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of the company, Miss Elizabeth Darrow."
"What?"
"I'm sorry I was not able to meet you in person upon your arrival, I had business elsewhere," he said, ignoring her shocked outburst. "I thought Fili and Kili would adequately be able to guide you here in my stead."
The Dwarves gazes all swivelled to where Fili and Kili were standing, looking equally stupefied as Lizzy. "Don't look at me, I don't know what's going on," Kili said defensively.
"Wait, you're the human advisor for our quest?" Fili said, apparently picking up the implications of Gandalf's comment quicker than the others.
"Indeed," Gandalf confirmed. "I have bought Miss Darrow a considerable distance so that she can aid our quest – from another world, in fact."
"You have bought?" Lizzy repeated, her voice rising to a screech. Regaining what little composure she had left, she folded her arms and glared at the Wizard. "Gandalf. A word outside. Now."
She turned on her heel and stalked towards the front door, fully expecting the Wizard to simply follow her. He quickly joined her in Bilbo's garden, taking a seat on a small cushioned bench down a few steps from his front door and pulled out his pipe. Lizzy remained standing, too full of nervous energy to even think about sitting.
"Gandalf," she said sternly when the Wizard showed no signs of explaining himself, rubbing his fingers to create a small flame to light his pipe. "What the hell is going on?"
He took a long pull from the pipe stem and contentedly blew a smoke ring out over the garden.
"Gandalf," she all but shouted.
"Yes, my dear girl?"
"Did you bring me here?" she asked simply, wanting to confirm this point.
"Yes."
"Why?"
There was a long pause in which Gandalf was occupied in blowing an intricate smoke horse to gallop through the lazily expanding ring – she was far too on edge to be impressed by this feat. "As I said inside, I was rather hoping you would join us on our little expedition."
"No."
"No?"
"No, send me back right now," she demanded.
"I am afraid that is simply not possible," The Wizard said congenially, sounding distinctly unsympathetic to her demands.
"I don't believe you, if you can bring me here then you can send me home just as easily," she said logically.
"Oh certainly," Gandalf agreed. "But it will take me several weeks to devise such a complex spell, there are numerous factors to be considered in the mechanics of such an endeavour. One wrong incantation and you could be years away from when you left."
"Several weeks?" Lizzy squeaked. "But I can't -"
"Yes, you can. And in the meantime, you are the perfect person to join our company."
She folded her arms over her chest once more and gave him a sceptical look. "And what makes you think that?"
Do you not remember our last conversation?" Gandalf said, irritatingly answering a question with a question of his own.
"We haven't met before," she said with narrowed eyes.
"Yes, my dear, we have."
"I think I would remember."
"I looked rather different at the time. It was in the charming bookshop you worked at."
Lizzy thought for a long moment, the memory of an August day a few months ago stirring. "You're the old man I spoke to about The Hobbit ..." she said slowly, and then sat down next to him, uncrossing her arms, pressing her lips together and giving the Wizard an annoyed look. "Grey fedora, nice touch."
"I am glad you think so," he said smilingly, touching the brim of his pointed grey hat. "Do you remember what we discussed?"
"... The ending?"
"The idea of Dain as King Under the Mountain does not sit well with me. The Dwarves of the Iron Hills are a strange, grim folk," Gandalf said, all business now. He gave her a serious look, his eyebrows bristling. "Something is wrong in this story and I believe you are meant to help me fix it."
"You've read the book, you know the future," she said, frowning at him. "Why do you need me?"
"Ahh, but I cannot predict what will happen," he corrected her. "You are a part of this tale now and that means everything will change."
"What do you mean?"
"The future is not set in stone, not even printed in a book," the Wizard said. "The story you know is but one possible outcome among many – even in your world there are several different versions of this tale, and there are others in different worlds. There are versions of the tale in which Bilbo will kill the dragon, in which there is no battle, a version in which the Dwarves smoke rather questionable pipe weed and even numerous instances of a female joining the company."
Lizzy scowled at him, not really having considered that the versions of the story she knew were potentially inaccurate. "I do believe you are referring to fanfiction with that last one – and I am pretty sure I heard about one called Fifty Shades of Thorin, are you seriously trying to tell me that that's a possibility too?"
"Perhaps not, but my point still stands," Gandalf allowed. "No one can accurately predict how events will unfold with you in the equation."
"Events will not unfold in any way because I am not going to do this – I don't want to do this," she said, a hint of despair entering her tone. "I don't know the first thing about fighting or dragons or living in the wild!"
"As I understand it, you were travelling in the wild when I transferred you to Middle Earth."
"Kidnapped, is the word you're looking for," she said acidly. "And I was backpacking! A rural hike to a campsite with tents and running water, even wifi! Hardly roughing it in the wilderness!"
"The fact remains that you are exceedingly well equipped for this journey," Gandalf pointed out.
"Bloody convenient, that," Lizzy snorted, thinking of her pack filled with useful things like clothes, a compass, a lighter and a first aid kit.
"And as for fighting skills, they can be learned on the road."
Lizzy looked at him, noticing how deadly serious he was – and the scary thing was that she was beginning to consider the idea. "What about my family, my friends? And my little brother, he's now all alone in New Zealand. They are going to think I am missing."
"Not if you are returned to the precise time and spot in which you left."
"Can you do that?"
"Yes."
"Will you do that?" she pressed.
"Will you come with us?" he retorted and, seeing her hesitation, added, "it was my understanding that you wanted to see Middle Earth."
"I do," she said, having rather enjoyed her two days with Fili and Kili, getting to see the Shire and meet Hobbits.
"More than anything," he added again.
"I did, but ... God, what if I accidently mess everything up?" she said, thinking about the sheer responsibility she was on the brink of accepting. "What if I change everything?"
"You will change some things, such actions are inevitable – indeed, I want you to change some things," Gandalf said, refilling his depleted pipe with more pipe weed from a small pouch and lighting it again. "But as for messing things up, as you put it, I can promise that you won't."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Because your presence here in Middle Earth is like the wind in the trees, Miss Darrow," he said, smoke wreathed around his head. "You may stir the branches, even knock loose a few leaves, but the tree itself remains untouched."
"Very poetic," she huffed, distinctly unimpressed with his metaphor.
"But ..."
She sighed at the Wizard. "A but, of course there is a but."
"It would not be wise to bandy about the fact that you have potential knowledge of the future," he said, a hint of warning in his voice.
"Right," she agreed, wondering how he expected her to change things when she wasn't allowed to tell people.
Someone cleared their throat from behind them and they both turned to see Fili and Kili loitering by the open door. Gandalf touched her shoulder briefly. "And now I am going to see how our host is getting along," he said, excusing himself. "I'll leave you three to talk. Don't be long, dinner will be ready soon."
Lizzy gave the boys a slightly strained smile and they came over to join her on the bench, sitting on either side of her. There was silence for a long moment, then she sighed and put her head in her hands: despite her vast knowledge of the story, it had only just occurred to her that Fili and Kili could die, and indeed they would if she couldn't do as Gandalf asked. It was a sudden and very overwhelming responsibility that left her shaken.
"Are you alright?" Fili asked softly.
"No."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Kili said in a similar tone to his brother.
"No," she repeated, her voice muffled by her hands. Could she really do this, go with the company and try to change things? Did she really have a choice?
"You know, something's been bothering me," Fili said with the air of one trying to change the subject.
Lizzy sighed once more and lifted her head from her hands, leaning back against the wood of the bench. "Do tell."
"When you asked for directions earlier you knew to ask for Bag End," he said, his voice neutral and completely devoid of any accusation.
"I heard you saying it the other day," she lied without missing a beat.
"We didn't know the name of the house."
"You also seemed to know who we were when we you first met us, asking if we were acting out a story," Kili put in. "And you used Mr Baggin's first name when talking about his bathroom."
Lizzy said nothing.
"We heard the end of your conversation, about changing things and knowing the future," Fili said, looking intently at her.
"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to eavesdrop?" she retorted, staring down at her hands.
"Lizzy," he said quietly. "What's going on?"
She sighed again. "Any chance you two will just drop this?"
They both shook their heads – oh well, she thought, so much for keeping things a secret, that lasted all of thirty seconds.
"Didn't think so," she said in response to their head shakes. "Okay, but you have to promise that you won't tell anyone about what I am about to tell you – not the company, not Thorin and certainly not Gandalf." The brothers looked a little hesitant at the idea of keeping something from their uncle, but nevertheless indicated their agreement. "In my world this is also one of the stories I was telling you about, you're all characters," she explained. "I told you I have been thrown into a fictional world, but I am actually in a story at the moment."
"We're part of a story?" Fili repeated, not really sounded all that surprised – it was probably the reason they had anticipated for her behaviour. "What about?"
"The company's journey to Erebor," she said, wondering just how much she could feasibly give away.
"We succeed then?" Kili smiled.
She smiled sadly back at him, still perturbed by her recent realisation. "Gandalf bought me here to change a few things."
"Like what?"
Her wan smile widened a little at his enthusiasm. "Spoilers," she said, channelling River Song.
"But you do know things that will happen?" Fili wanted to clarify.
"Hence my role as advisor, apparently."
"So you're coming with us?" he wanted to know.
She took a deep breath and nodded. "Looks that way."
Kili grinned at her, leaping to his feet. "Come on then, let's introduce you to everyone," he said, and she allowed Fili to pull her up by her arm and lead her back inside.
Having had the immense privilege of knowing her all of two days the Dwarf brothers had appointed themselves as her introducers to the company, practically dragging her into the dining room and personally seeing to it that she met every Dwarf in the house. Most of them were polite enough at first, taking her hand and bowing over it with many an 'at your service, Miss Darrow' – Ori blushed, Dwalin scowled, Bofur and Bombur beamed, Dori looked disapprovingly at her clothing and Oin asked her to repeat her name, but when Kili announced that she was indeed definitely coming with them almost all the smiles dropped from their faces.
"Thorin is not going to like that," Balin said and there were nods around the room.
"You can leave Thorin to me, Master Dwarf," Gandalf said, ducking his head as he came into the room. "I handpicked Miss Darrow for this task myself and she has something very unique to offer this company."
"Gandalf, this quest is no place for a woman," Dwalin rumbled, looking thoroughly unimpressed with her.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she bristled, rather offended.
Gandalf touched her shoulder lightly, silently asking her to stand down. "In the world where Miss Darrow is from women are treated as absolute equals to men," he explained to the Dwarves. "Unless you wish to be on the receiving end of her ire, I suggest that you do not imply that her being a woman is a problem."
"Nevertheless, I think I have to agree with my brother," Balin said, his lips pressed together in a thin line. "Women generally stay protected at home, only travelling in great need. We cannot promise you will be safe, lass."
"In fact you can probably guarantee that I won't be," Lizzy said directly, her hands thrust deep in her pockets. "You can trust me when I say that I know exactly what I am signing on for, I know this is no simple walking holiday."
"Aye," Balin agreed, and then seemed to think of something. "Speaking of signing, I shall have to change all the pronouns in your contract before you sign it, it was not drawn up with a woman in mind."
"We can sort such matters later," Gandalf said, gesturing to the table. "I believe the food is ready."
They all sat down, Lizzy beside Gandalf at the opposite end of the table to Fili and Kili, and soon everyone started merrily passing round dishes, loading plates up high. There was no ceremony to the meal, everyone digging in, tossing bits of food across the table to others and talking loudly. Lizzy sat largely quiet, feeling the faint awkwardness of being the only stranger in a room full of good friends and only really speaking when someone addressed her.
Fili had clambered inelegantly over the table to get more ale and passed them around. Lizzy had a tankard thrust into her hand but didn't join in the drinking competition, only taking a few sips as the Dwarves downed their drinks. Nori and Ori started belching, much to the amusement of the others, so Lizzy swallowed a small amount of air and burped herself – no way near as impressive or loud as the others, but still audible.
She received several shocked looks from the Dwarves and simply shrugged in response. "What? I've got two brothers, I've participated in my fair share of burping competitions."
Bofur, who was sitting next to her at the head of the table, laughed uproariously and whacked a hand on her back, almost sending her face first into her plate. "I think she's going to fit in just fine amongst us, lads!" The table erupted with laughter, even Dwalin cracking a smile, and several of them toasted her with her tankards. Lizzy couldn't help but grin.
The meal finished slowly, with several of the Dwarves drifting back into the kitchen to look for after dinner snacks and drink refills while others remained at the table. She could hear snippets of conversation and Bilbo berating Gandalf for the state of his home. Lizzy pushed her plate away with a deep sigh. "Oh god, I'm stuffed," she said, placing her hands over the slightly protruding bulge of her normally flat tummy. "I swear, Hobbit's really do know how to eat."
"Don't get used to it, lass, we won't get food like that on the road," Bombur said mournfully from the end of the table, currently helping himself to his fifth plateful.
"Ah, he's selling himself short," Bofur said, coming back from the kitchen with Nori and sitting back down, each of them carrying half a string of sausages. "My brother does most of the cooking and he happens to be excellent – hence his size!"
"A cook must always try the dish, otherwise how will he know if his food is good?" the large Dwarf said around a mouthful of food.
"Did you say you cooked fish?" Oin said, holding up his ear trumpet. "I didn't get any of the fish, is there any more."
"How about a little after dinner music?" Bofur suggested, ignoring Oin. He turned to Dori and Nori. "Did any of you bring your instruments?"
"Aye, but they're outside with the ponies," Dori replied. "Ori, will you go see what Mr Baggins wants us to do with the plates?"
"Guess we will have to make do then," Bofur said, twirling a fork between his fingers as Ori left to find Bilbo. Nori also picked one up and they clashed the cutlery together with a clang. Soon the other Dwarves at the table joined in and they had a merry tune going – Lizzy had the hugest grin on her face, knowing what was coming.
"A-and can you not do that," Bilbo called into the dining room, his face set in a scowl at what the Dwarves were doing with his cutlery. "You'll blunt them!"
"Ohh, do you hear that lads?" Bofur said teasingly. "He said we'll blunt the knives!"
The Dwarves started singing and soon plates were flying everywhere. Lizzy dived out of the way of one of the knives Kili threw as she headed into the kitchen, eager to see the Dwarves in action. She noticed Bilbo going round and round trying to catch flying crockery and grabbed him, pulling him to one side.
"Probably best to just leave them to it," she said as a bowl went passed her head.
"But they'll break something!"
"Look at them," she said, gesturing at the Dwarves who were moving with all the synchronisation of a dance. "Do you really think they will drop anything?"
"Yes!" Bilbo exclaimed, dashing out from under her hand and bursting into the dining room just as the Dwarves finished with a rousing chorus of "That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" There was more laughter as Bilbo noticed the clean table and washed, neatly stacked plates, the Dwarves clearly pleased with themselves – but their revelry was interrupted by a firm knock on the door.
Everyone went quiet, the tone of the evening changing to seriousness in a heartbeat. "He is here," Gandalf said hoarsely, knowing as well as Lizzy did who had just arrived at Bag End.
There was a long silence, then the Dwarves all scrambled into motion, moving to the hallway and practically assembling in the archways. Lizzy awkwardly took a place next to Fili, a half-drunk tankard of ale still in one hand. Gandalf approached the door, pulling it wide with a faint creak, and Lizzy got her first glimpse of Thorin, King Under the Mountain.
Yaaaaayyyy, Thorin coming next! And ... dun dun DUN ... some Thorin POV :)
Keep those reviews coming, they put big smiles on my face and prompt me to write more – and if you do review, answer me this: who is your favourite Dwarf and why?
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