I finally got around to writing this. I wrote it at 3 o'clock in the morning so don't judge me. I was pretty loopy with sleep deprivation and that resulted in this crazy chapter. My little sister tells me that I should always write when I'm sleep deprived. Tell me if she's right.

"Time to reveal our secret weapon!" Envy announced, throwing something to the ground.

A bright flash of light blinded the brothers and they had to look away. After several moments, the light faded and the brothers could see a figure standing in the middle of the clearing.

He stood there with a malicious smile as he eyed Ed and Al, "Good evening. My name's Roku."

Ed's eyes widened in horror as he recognized the name, "No! Anything but him!" Al was equally horrified.

"Make this quick." Envy commanded.

Roku's smile deepened, "Alright then. But I'd stand back if I were you. This may get a bit messy."

The homunculi did as he suggested while the Elrics were frozen in fear. Roku assumed a hunched stance, placing his palms together as he chanted, "Ro-ku-chu-chu. Ro-ku-chu-chu. Ro-ku-chu-chu."

A mist appeared around him, shrouding him. Crackles of energy began to spark within the mist.

"Ro-ku-chu-chu. Ro-ku-chu-chu!"

With his final chant, the mist thickened to the point where he could not be seen. Another bright flash of light blinded everyone. Then his spell was complete.

Roku's voice rang out, "Behold! My summoned creature! Fear its mighty wrath!"

The mist dissipated, leaving a small creature visible.

Ed sweat dropped, "That's so not what I was expecting."

"It's so cute!" Al cheered.

The creature meowed at them.

Roku grinned evilly, " Let me introduce you to Ed'.Kitten. Don't be deceived by its cuteness. Its vicious."

Ed laughed, "You're telling me that little fur ball is supposed to make me scared? I don't think so pal."

Roku narrowed his eyes, "You'll see. Go my pet!"

Suddenly, the cat's eyes turned black and it jumped into the air faster than you can say " ". It pounced on Ed's face and began clawing him like he was a scratching post.

"Ah! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" Ed began flailing around.

"Hold still, Brother!" Al shouted as he chased him around in a circle.

"!" said Envy. Roku frowned at him. Envy stopped abruptly and asked annoyed, "What? Aren't you going to laugh?"

Roku shook his head, "Cackling evilly is so overrated. I rather show my amusement with a smirk. Just like the great Flame Alchemist."

Meanwhile, in Central, Roy Mustang was sitting at his desk when he sneezed.

"Are you alright, sir? Are you getting sick?" Riza asked him, concerned.

Roy shook his head, "Nah. It's probably just some pretty girl talking about me somewhere."

Back at the swamp of doom…

"Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!"

"I would if you'd just hold still!"

"What are you doing Envy?" Lust asked.

"I'm getting this all on video." Envy replied, recording the whole thing on his phone.

"You guys are hopeless." A new voice announced. From out of the bushes stepped a new person. They opened up a can and sat it on the ground.

The cat immediately left Ed to go eat the offered can of cat food.

"How did you know to do that?" Al asked the girl, amazed.

"Duh. Animals are my life." she said, then walked back to wherever she came from.

"My face! My beautiful face!" Ed cried, pawing at his scratched up cheeks. He turned to Roku and glared at him, "You'll pay for that!"

Roku held up his hands in surrender, "Don't look at me. I'm just doing what I've been ordered to. But, I'll tell you what," Then he reached behind his back and pulled out a pie, "I'll give you this as an apology." He handed Ed the pie.

Ed looked down at the gift with a surprised expression. It smelled good. "Fine. I'm going to eat this but then I'm going to beat you to a pulp."

Ed went to take a bite but Al stopped him, "No! You can't eat that!"

"Why not?" Ed asked in irritation.

"That's dangerous pie!"

"Gotcha!" Roku chuckled as the pie exploded in Ed's face.

"Why you!" Ed seethed, face covered in pie. Steam rose over his head as his anger boiled over. "I'll get you for this!"

Ed went to punch but Roku evaporated into thin air. Ed caught himself and looked around, "Where'd he go?"

"Wow. He didn't stay long." Envy commented.

"At least he didn't cause so much trouble this time." Lust said.

Envy laughed, "Yeah, I remember. We summoned him to fight Elementess and then-"

"I thought I told you never to speak of that again!" Lust glowered at him.

Gluttony placed his hands on the sides of his head and whined, "Not the chickens again."

Lust shuddered as she remembered, "Yes, that alchemist possessed terrible powers. Let's not talk about it."

"Whatever." Envy shrugged. "Let's kill them already." The other homunculi nodded and then the three of them began attacking Ed and Al in earnest.

Ten minutes later…

"Done! Whew, finally." Nayru breathed a sigh of relief. She had at last completed her chapter and could make her next update. She closed her laptop in satisfaction and looked up. What she saw made her jaw drop.

"Oh my God! It's them!" Nayru said as she watched the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother fight against three of the homunculi. Then Nayru shook her head and laughed at her silliness, "What am I saying? Fullmetal Alchemist isn't real. I must have been breathing swamp fumes for too long. I'm seeing things." Then she walked away from the scene.

The battle waged on. Ed and Al fought off their enemies to the best of their abilities but this fight was going nowhere.

"Brother! Nothing's working!" Al said.

"I know. Just keep trying!" Ed told him. He threw a punch here, a kick there, but nothing fazed the homunculi. Although the brothers may be holding their own, eventually the homunculi would gain the upper hand. They needed a miracle to save them now.

Then an idea sprang in Ed's head, "I know!" Ed stopped fighting and cleared his throat and sang, "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!"

A man in a business suit appeared before him. "You rang?"

"Yeah, we need a little help." Ed gestured towards the homunculi.

"Okay." the man nodded and, faster than you can say " mushratheenterrancant log in", a figure in a cloak of mystery appeared.

"Um, who's that?" Ed asked.

The person said, "I am the ultimate fan girl!" She threw the cloak of mystery off and, 'lo and behold, there stood YourSecretStalker . "Nobody is going to lay a hand on my man!" She pulled out a rather large fish and began chasing the homunculi with it.

Ed scowled at the State Farm agent, "That's not help! That's one of those crazed fan girls that has been stalking me! What kind of agent are you?"

The agent laughed nervously, "Sorry, I'm just filling in for someone."

"Brother!" Al got Ed's attention. "Can you feel that? The ground is shaking."

Ed looked down and realized his brother was right, "It is…Wait a minute! You can't feel anything Al! How did you know?"

Al rubbed the back of his neck, "Um, the author told me?"

Ed would have said more but a large crowd burst onto the scene. They stampeded in, trampling YourSecretStalker. They didn't stop there, they trampled the homunculi too. They stopped though when they saw Ed.

"There he is!" one of them said, pointing at Ed.

"Oh no." Ed whispered in horror.

A girl in the front began yelling to the other girls, "Our mission is to take Edward Elric for ourselves. Jennii! Lexia! Moka-girl! IceFire Dragon Alchemist73! lonewolfgirl-sademo588! AuthorChick96! Ashleyelric! ChristianGirl1023! Fate's Obsession! Let's get him! Fan girls unite!"

"Not again!" Ed said as he ran for his life.

Al went and cried in a corner, "Why does Ed always get the fan girls?"

"Alright. That's it!" Envy drug himself off of the ground and threw something into the air.

"No Envy! Anything but that!" Lust tried to stop him but she was too late.

A flash of light engulfed the area as something else was summoned. Something even more terrifying than Roku.

Everyone stopped to take in the new sight. Al looked over from where he was crying. YourSecretStalker pulled her face out of the dirt to watch. All of the girls who had been climbing over Ed stopped their pursuit and stared. Even Ed with his now ripped clothing froze in his attempt to fight off the fan girls to watch.

"Envy, you've gone too far this time." Lust said. Envy just laughed manically. Gluttony had already fled the area before Envy had even finished the summoning.

All at once everyone in the clearing gasped, "Cursed Bunny!" They all scattered and ran for the hills. Even the homunculi. Envy was the only one left.

"That was priceless." Envy grinned, walking over to the tiny bunny. He looked down at it, "Honestly. I don't know why Lust was so against me using this thing. It doesn't seem the least bit scary."

That's when the bunny opened its mouth and swallowed Envy whole. Then it bounced away with a full tummy

Poor Envy.

Anyways, I'll update on this next weekend. There will always be more chapters for this story as long as I continue to get reviews for TBA. But I also appreciate reviews for this one as well.

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