Chapter Three:

After approval from his parents we walked the few blocks toward my apartment in silence. He fidgeted the whole time. I guess he was either afraid of what slum I would live in or he was just anxious thinking about what we might do in my apartment. The look of surprise on his face when we walked into my apartment was priceless. The disbelief made me want to laugh hysterically at the irony and cry at what people expect of me all at the same time. One of the first things I did when I got enough money was move into one of the nice apartment complexes in South Park. I had lived in the slums long enough, so the extra money was worth it. Plus, I had enough left over after paying my rent to buy all the booze, drugs, and cigs I wanted. Working in my line of business had its perks. The reason that the stereotypes of living in shit when you are a whore was perpetuated by all the stupid ones out there. They all thought they had to have a 'daddy' run it for them, but all he does is take your money and keep you down. They lived in the projects because they had no business sense.

Though the apartment was pretty dirty, clothes, bottles, and cigarette butts were spread throughout the house, it wasn't horrible. It looked like a teenage boy lived there, which was, of course, very accurate. I threw my stuff down and cleaned off the couch for Pip. I tossed him the remote.

"Put it on whatever you want, I'll be back in a minute." He nodded and sat down obediently. He looked like a deer in headlights. He was completely out of his element with me and we both knew it.

I went to the bathroom and changed out of my sweat shirt and into a normal fitting T-shirt. Unlike most people that share in my profession, I didn't flaunt my body. I found that there was no need to, everyone approached me. They didn't care what I wore. After all, it was going to all come off anyway, so why not be comfortable? It was hot in my apartment though, so after adjusting the thermostat I went back into my living room. Pip was sitting rigidly, like he was scared of touching the couch, with his hands folded neatly in his lap. He was staring at the television like he was afraid of the rest of the room.

"My house isn't that scary, is it?" He jumped at my voice and then proceeded to blush.

"Ah, no. I'm just not used to visiting other people's houses…" He laughed nervously.

"You blush very easily." His eyes widened in surprise before his blush deepened even more.

"I'm sorry."

"That's no reason to say sorry. I think it's cute and very endearing. Your face shows what you feel. There is no reason to be embarrassed over your feelings."

He was silent for a moment before he smiled at me. "Thanks."

"No problem." I walked into the kitchen and grabbed me a beer. "You want something to drink?" I came out to ask him and he looked at me like I was holding a crack pipe when he saw the beer bottle in my hands. I couldn't help but smirk at his reaction. "I have non-alcoholic drinks too."

"N-non alcoholic, please…" I grabbed a Dr Pepper, handed it to him, and plopped down beside him on the couch. He stared strangely at me as I drank the beer.

"What, have you never had a beer either?"

"No…"

"Want to try?" I held it out to him and he just stared at it. "Come on, one sip isn't going to make you drunk or anything."

"Well… Why not?" He surprised me by grabbing the bottle and then tentatively taking a sip. He scrunched his face up and then stuck his tongue out. "This is vile! Tastes like horse piss!" I couldn't help but crack up as he shoved the bottle back at me and chugged his Dr Pepper. "I can't get the taste out!"

"I know what will get the taste out," I got up and grabbed a Smirnoff Ice from the fridge, "You look like a wine cooler kind of guy anyway."

"Does this taste better?"

"Loads."

"Then why aren't you drinking it?" He eyed me suspiciously.

"Because it's way more expensive than beer. Don't waste it, they are my favorite." I wiped the spit from my beer and proceeded to drink it as he looked the wine cooler's bottle over. I nudged him with my elbow and he took a sip.

"It burns… but it does taste way better." I nodded in agreement and we both sat and drank. It was weird, but I was completely in ease around him.

About ten minutes later I had knocked back two and he finally finished his. He looked at me funnily, like he was trying figure something out.

"What?"

"How'd you drink so many that fast?"

"Practice."

"I feel funny."

"Oh, God. You are a light drinker, aren't you?" He shrugged and I sighed. "Just don't puke. I can't handle puke."

He nodded, "I'm okay." Suddenly the nicotine monster called me and I went to fish my pack out of my backpack. I grabbed one, lit it, and took a long drag. When I turned around Pip was staring at me. "You sure look better in that shirt than you do in sweatshirts."

I cocked my eyebrow, surprised at the mild mannered boy's comment. "Really, now?"

His eyed widened and then he blushed profusely. "D-did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah." His blush got even deeper, which I didn't think was even possible. His neck flushed and he covered his face in shame. I couldn't help but laugh. "It's okay."

Bad thoughts started racing through my head. I sat down next to him and my heart started to race. The prospect of his confirmed attraction to me, like anyone's, excited me to no end. The predator side of me fired up at the chance. I was like a cougar and he a little, white bunny rabbit; and believe me when I say I've taken down way bigger things than bunnies. That part of my brain took over, but at the same time it made me sick to my stomach because I knew that it would ruin a nice boy like him. I also knew that a small part of me was disappointed that he was attracted to me for the sheer fact that it liked his acquaintance and it didn't want him to run away after this. The predator was hungry and a cute fluffy bunny looked absolutely delicious right now. I took a deep drag on my cigarette before putting it out on a nearby ash tray.

I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "I don't mind. I can even take it off, if you like." He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. His face burned where my breath touched it and his breath caught in his throat. He looked over at me with wide, surprised eyes when I touched his shoulder, but he didn't protest. I slithered my hand in between two buttons in his button down shirt and he shuddered.

"You're a virgin, aren't you?" He gave a shamed half nod and I looked into his eyes. They were a bit cloudy, meaning he liked this, but I could also see a lot of fear. It stuck a pang of guilt through me, but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. The part of my brain that always had fantasies about everyone but him wanted to know him and place a memory in the absence of a fantasy. A bit of the guilt broke through a crack in my brain so I stood up and reached my hand out for him.

"Huh?" The puzzlement on his face would have cracked me up if I didn't feel like a demon for all of this.

"Come on. Everyone should have the dignity of their first time being on a bed," he stared at my hand like he was trying to figure out what was going on. "Come on," I grabbed his hand, "My sheets are cleaner than this couch anyway."

He slowly took my hand and I led him to my bedroom. He looked around wildly and I didn't blame him. My room looks like it belongs in another apartment. It was pretty much pristine. I only ever came in to sleep and entertain my guests, so it wasn't used much. I pushed him backwards onto the bed before crawling onto him. His eyes looked kind of wild now, which enthralled me. He probably wanted this, knew this was going to happen. He was probably rebelling against poor mommy or something. I filled my brain with excuses so the guilt would hopefully dissipate.

He leaned up like he wanted to kiss and I had to draw back. "Remember how I said I don't swap spit?" He nodded and a slightly disappointed look crossed his face. I leaned down and breathed oh his neck, "Don't worry. I'll make up for it in other ways."

I straddled him while I unbuttoned his shirt. I started to kiss his neck and rub under his shirt. He responded positively, so I began to pull off his jacket. He didn't lean up to help me, so it was stuck.

I whispered into his ear again, "Sit up so I can take your jacket off." When I leaned up, he didn't move. His eyes looked conflicted, like he really wanted to, but he was worried about something. "What's wrong?"

He was silent for a moment before he spoke out in a timid voice, "Okay… but don't say anything about it."

I looked at him confusedly, but he didn't expand on the subject. He sat up and I started to pull his jacket and shirt off. Maybe he thought I was going to make fun of his body? What was 'it'? Was he talking about his manhood? When it was finally off I searched his body with my hands as I sucked on his nipples. He moaned lightly and I knew he was ready for more. I pinched his nipples as I busied my mouth with the task of unbuttoning his jeans. He moaned in approval.

"So, tell me. Do you want me to keep like this, or do you want it rough?"

He thought for a moment before looking away, embarrassed, "The second one."

I grinned, happy because that was my favorite kind. He smiled meekly back before lifting his arm and tugging on my shirt. I had forgotten my promise, so I peeled it off. He ran his hands all over my torso, the shyness he had had earlier must've disappeared. It made me feel a bit smug, so it made me want to torture him some. I bent down and bit one of his nipples and he moaned loudly. Jackpot. Apparently he hadn't lied about liking it rough. I bit the other and got the same response.

His sweet moan was music to my ears and made me want to punish him even more. I felt excitement overtake me like it hadn't in a long time and I became a bit rambunctious. I bit and sucked on his neck, knowing full well that it was going to leave huge hickys later and that I was breaking one of my own rules. I never left marks, but I couldn't help it. His pale, unmarked skin just screamed to be marred.

He was enjoying every second of it too, his usually quiet voice almost shaking the furniture. I nibbled and sucked all the way down his arm and was about to bite his fingers when the tangy flavor of iron tainted my mouth. In surprise I jerked away, in fear of that I had bitten too hard and had broken the skin. I looked at his arm and realized instantly that I hadn't broken the skin; I had just knocked off a scab.

His forearm was covered in lines, some old faded scars and some fresh pink ones. The one I had knocked the scab off of was slowly oozing blood. I just stared for a moment, not comprehending why his arms would be mutilated like that. The thoughts clicked together in my head and I realized this was the 'it' he was talking about. He didn't want me to say anything about the fact that he cut his arms. I looked over at his face and his eyes were looking at the wall beside us in slight shame. I paused until he finally looked at me.

"Please ignore it," he said. I was too stunned to move though, so it took him pulling me down to him for me to pull it together. I began biting and sucking all over his stomach, trailing my way down, but I couldn't block all the things floating around in my head. Maybe he was a masochist? He did like it rough… In the back of my mind the image of him crying in the bathroom and all the secret frowns played and I knew it was way more than just a like of pain. His moaning drew me away from my thoughts after a moment or so, so I decided I would deal with it after. After all, maybe I could distract him from whatever was leading him to this behavior, at least for this moment.

I decided to take it further. A few moments later we got down to business. He didn't seem to mind and I wondered if he actually wasn't a virgin or that he actually likes pain that much. I decided to ignore it, what does it matter to me if he actually wasn't a virgin? And at the other aspect I just settled on the old stand-by that "it's always the quiet ones." Most guys on their first time were usually screaming in agony at first, not ecstasy. He defiantly seemed to love this. His loud moans set me off and for once in my life I thought I might finish before my client. He didn't last long and once his screams rang out, I couldn't help myself.

I jumped up and started cleaning myself up before dressing back in my clothes. Pip moved nervously and self- consciously. He mimicked my actions like a lost puppy. His faced burned every time our eyes made contact and the silence seemed louder now than when he was screaming. I felt like I was going to explode if the silence continued, but I said nothing.

My normal actions after sex, which was to clean up, demand payment, and either leave or usher them out depending on the circumstances, seemed inherently wrong. I didn't really know why and it bothered me. I brushed it off and blamed it the overall surprises of the day. The one thing that really bothered me was what lay just underneath his tidy, black blazer's sleeves. The tangy metallic flavor still sat on the back of my tongue, reminding me of the secret the meek British boy kept under a few layers of thick clothing.

I thought as I threw away the trash. Along with the mental reel of all the frowns and scowls I had ever seen the happy boy show, was a realization that in every moment I had been near him he had had a jacket or something of that effect on. In a place like South Park that was common, but everyone took their jacket or pushed their sleeves up due to the heat in places like school. I thought back to freshman year, when we were all fulfilling our physical education requirement, that he had even always worn the long sleeved shirt we were supposed to wear if we dared venture outside during the harsh mountain winter in P.E. The thought of Pip secretly being a tortured soul and hiding his hurt, almost ironically, on his sleeve still surprised me. If I hadn't just being fucking the small boy and had the taste of metal in my mouth I would not have believed it.

I mulled over what I should do as I robotically told Pip where my bathroom was. Should I say something? He asked me not to talk about it, but I felt obligated. A bitter part of me said I should just leave him be, I was nothing more than a prostitute to him. I didn't charge him though, and it felt wrong to do that, so I had no clue of what my standing was to him. I didn't know if he would just tell me to fuck off, in whatever way a genteel and polite boy would, or if he'd actually respond to me. My head spun and my body ached for some kind of release. I went in the front room and grabbed and lit a cigarette. I sucked on it so hard I actually choked like Pip had earlier.

"Rookie mistake," Pip tentatively said behind me. I jerked in surprise and my cigarette went flying through the air and landed on the wood floor.

"Shit!" I scrambled to pick it up before it marked on the plank and I'd have to pay a fine to get it fixed. I grabbed it firmly in my hand and sighed in relief when I found it didn't mar the wood.

"I'm sorry…" When I turned around Pip was staring at his feet, his long, lighter blonde hair obscuring his face. I could see the wrinkles of a frown peeking out and I felt overwhelmed by the sudden situation I was confronted with. Should I act coldly so he will leave or confront him?

"Its okay, Pip. No harm done." I was thinking of what to say next when Pip took care of it for me.

"So… It's getting late. I told my mom that I was just going to go eat with you and it's been a while now…" He moved forward and started to reach his hand out, but then he stopped. It looked like he might cave in on himself at any moment, but instead he grabbed his bag from near the door. He held it in his hands and fidgeted a bit. I noticed his cheeks were slightly pink and that he wouldn't catch my eye.

"I understand." So this was just a onetime deal.

"Kenny…. Please don't tell anyone about this." I felt a pang in my stomach, but I didn't know why. "Maybe… Maybe we could hang out again sometime?"

His question took me by surprise. I couldn't see his face; he was hiding behind that damn shaggy hair. "Sure." I highly doubted anything would ever happen like this again.

"I… I don't know how to say this, but… you didn't want… didn't want… you know…"

It took me a moment, but my brain clicked and I knew what he wanted to say. "No. This was free of charge." I could see his neck go pink, so I knew his face must have been blood red.

"Well…. I guess I'll see you later." He reached out to the door awkwardly and turned the knob. He was about to walk out when I stopped him. He turned his head and had an expectant look on his face.

"You might want to pop a mint. You don't want your mom to smell the alcohol."

"R-right…" A look of disappointment appeared on his face before I lifted my hand from his shoulder and let him free. It confused me, but I figured that it was probably nothing.

Except I was lying to myself. His absence left a sour feeling in my stomach and made my brain buzz with thought, something I did not appreciate since almost everything I did was to make it silent. I stared at the door until pain sparked in my hand. I looked down and realized that I had been holding that cigarette the whole time and the lit end finally reached my fingers.

I put it out in a nearby ashtray and grabbed another. I also decided to grab another drink, but this time something way harder than beer. I didn't want this situation. I wanted it to just go away. I knew then and there that if anything happened to him that I would feel responsible. I hated that. I hated that I had let the pity for him crawl into my heart and start this mess. I hated that I had let anything slither through my normal stoic manner. My heart grew a bit more bitter as I enthusiastically glugged some whiskey. I hoped that Pip would have never called on me or that I had refused him. I thought he was a harmless little immigrant, not some fucked up masochistic cutter.

My brain spun. I was bouncing back and forth between frantic, worrying thoughts and loathsome, hating ones. I realized that the whiskey wasn't making me sleepy like it usually did, it was just confusing me more. I stumbled into my bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet until I found something that would knock me out. I took three pain pills and swallowed them dry. I fell into my bedroom and onto my bed. My only hopes were that I'd wake up before school the next day and that this all would have just been some drugged out dream. I laid there for a few minutes before I plunged into deep darkness.

-..-..-..-..-

A.N.: Well now… All I can ever think of when I write such things is "teehee".