Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to the small planet of Naboo. While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debates this alarming chain of events, the Supreme Chancellor has secretly dispatched two Jedi Knights, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, to settle the conflict...
"So this happens before the others?"
"Yes."
"This is weird."
"I know. The prequels are not the epitome of Star Wars, but it makes more sense to see them and then 6, which ties everything together."
"And now there's action."
"Aww, he's cute."
"You think Jar Jar Binks is cute?"
"Yes. Why?"
"I am officially abandoning you."
"What does this have to do with Star Wars?"
"Wait a bit."
"Okay, why is this a Star Wars film?"
"That little kid is Anakin Skywalker."
"Anakin?"
"Luke's father."
"Oh."
"Why are we back with the pointless conflict?"
"So Jar Jar can die."
"Why?"
"Because he lives long enough to become a nuisance."
"Technically, Qui-Gon is the red shirt."
"Red shirt?"
"Okay, I'm going to tell Dad to put Star Trek on the list."
"And it's over. Is the next one better?"
"Spoilers."