I frowned. "What is it? What's coming?"
The Doctor eyed me levelly. "An invasion, Archivist. An invasion of creatures only you can stop."
"Only me? What could I possibly know about stopping an invasion?" I asked crossly, pacing the floor. The Doctor kept his distance as he explained.
"There's an alien race, one I've never encountered before, one that could potentially wipe out the entire human race-"
"Just like every other alien invasion ever," Donna mumbled. The Doctor glared at her.
"Back to the point, they are coming, but I have never seen anything like them," the Doctor continued. "So I don't know how to stop them or even if they can be stopped."
"And how does this concern me?" I asked. The Doctor raised an eyebrow.
"Well you live on Earth don't you?" he asked sarcastically. I glared at him.
"Fair enough. But if I can't remember anything, then how am I supposed to remember an alien race?" I demanded.
The Doctor got up and began to pace. "We need to find your fob watch," he mused. "In order to do that, we need to find a place that would have been important to you, important enough that you would have hidden your memories there."
"How are we going to do that if she has no memory?" Donna asked. The Doctor ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'd thought about that," he said, running around the consul, pressing buttons, pulling knobs, and flipping switches. "I would take her to Gallifrey, but since that's not an option I'm going to take her to a place the Archivist spent a lot of time at."
"Why can't we go to Gallifrey?" I asked, rubbing my hands together. I felt cold, from my head to my toes. The Doctor froze for a moment, his hand resting on the consul. His tongue flicked out to lick his lips before he turned his head to me.
"The Time Lords weren't the only thing that burned up in the time war. Gallifrey was destroyed too." he couldn't meet my eyes when he said it. He turned his head away quickly and leaned against the consul.
"How did Gallifrey burn?" I asked. I felt a stab of remorse for the world I couldn't remember, but whose name I knew. The Doctor didn't look at me.
"An accident," he said. "A stupid, unfit, monstrous Time Lord, did something very foolish. It cost more than he'd ever dreamed."
I stood from the seat. "I need to be alone for a minute," I said. "This is a lot to process."
I walked towards the first door I saw, pushing it aside, heedlessly ignoring the Doctor's call to come back. I ran down one hallway after another, until a door appeared before me. I turned to go back the way I came, but I was faced with the door again. I turned back around and faced the same door. I had already guessed that the TARDIS was special, and this was only further proof. I opened the door and went inside.
It was a room, decorated for a girl, or by a girl in pinks and blues, with fluffy blankets and pillows covering a bed. There was a small in-table next to the bed. It had several pictures, a blonde girl with an older blonde woman that must have been her mother. Another held a picture of the same blonde girl, standing with Jack Harkness from the school. The one that really caught my eye was the one of the blonde and the Doctor. They had their arms wrapped around one another, smiling like two teenagers in love. It caused a prick of pain to go through my heart.
I sat down on the bed, curled up and cried. I cried for the strange feeling that the ship gave me. I cried for not being a human. I cried for a planet I couldn't remember and a race I didn't know. I cried for lost memories, alien invasions, my brother and my parents. I cried because I wasn't his sister or their daughter, if the Doctor was telling the truth.
After I'd finished sobbing I picked myself up. I hadn't noticed the curtains in the corner until now. They were pink with white polka dots. I walked over and pulled them back. The sight took my breath away, and I forgot about my grief as awe overtook me.
The view beyond the window was of space, a great black backdrop, pierced through by millions upon millions of stars. I gazed in shock as a shooting star whisked by, and planets approached and grew small. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
"It wonderful isn't it?" the Doctor said from behind me. His voice was soft and he leaned against the door-frame, making no move to enter the room. There was a wistful sadness on his face as he looked around the room.
"Yes." I said, my voice thick from my tears. I coughed and tried again. "I've never seen anything so beautiful." my voice sounded more like mine now. I rarely ever cried.
"You've seen this view before. Maybe not through that window, but you've seen it before." the Doctor said. I noticed he held a leather book in his hands. "You loved it just as much then." he heaved a rather large sigh. "Do you know what room you're in?" he asked, walking over to the picture frames.
I shook my head. "No. Who is she? She's pretty." I nodded and the pictures. He laughed.
"I'll explain why that's funny in a moment. Her name was Rose, Rose Tyler. She and Jack were my companions for a little while. I would have held onto them longer, but in the end all my companions leave. The only people who don't leave Time Lords are other Time Lords, and even that's not an unshakable rule." the Doctor said. I sat on the opposite side of the bed.
"What happened to Rose?" I asked. He smiled bitterly.
"When I first met her, all I could think was that she was almost identical to your first regeneration," the Doctor sounded like he was admitting a secret. "That's why I laughed. When you say she's pretty you might as well be complimenting yourself." he picked up the photo of himself and Rose. "I couldn't even admit it to myself, but she was so like you in appearance that I pretended she was you. I know she loved me. I loved her too, not the same way, and not for the same reasons but they were close enough that I could pretend. I felt like if she left, I'd loose you all over again." he set the picture back down on the in-table. "She's in a safe place now, with her family. She, her mum, her father, and her friend, they'll be alright where they are now."
I waited, while he gathered himself together. I didn't trust him at all, but I did pity him. This was clearly a painful subject for him to talk about, and it would be cruel to press him too hard. I wanted all the answers though. He said she looked like my first regeneration. That he'd pretended she was me. What were we to one another that he would have been so desperate to have me back, even if it wasn't really me?
"Why did you pretend she was me?" I asked after a moment. He looked at me, silent as the grave. There was such raw pain and sadness in his eyes. It felt like I was staring straight into his soul and seeing his pain, agony, and loneliness of years and years. How much had the Doctor suffered, thinking he was the only one of his kind?
"This is your diary," he held out the leather bound book to me. I took it, taking care to keep our hands separate. He smiled sadly at the worn cover. "You filled up ten of them. I have them all. If you read through, you may start to remember bits and pieces. You won't remember everything without your Fob watch, but it may be enough to tell us where you hid it."
"Answer my question." I told him. He shook his head.
"Read the diary and you'll figure it out. I can't... I'm a coward." he admitted, standing. "I'm too much of a coward for many things, but especially that. Take this room. It might as well be yours anyway."
He walked out, leaving me alone with the diary. I considered throwing my shoe at his head, or dragging him back and demanding answers, but I doubted either one would do any good. So I opened the diary and began to read.
Dear Diary,
Today was my first day at the Academy, and it is not what I expected. In my classes there are many students, smart ones and foolish ones. You can almost see in their faces, which ones were inspired, which went insane, and which ran away from initiation. I was inspired. The boy in the back of the class was driven insane. He talks about drums a lot.
The boy who sits next to me is called Theta Sigma. We mostly call him that, except Drax who calls him Thete. I think that Drax is fond of him, although I do not understand why. Theta Sigma does not try very hard at his schoolwork at all. He spends most of his time on pranks or with his equally foolish friends.
Today as I tried to read my book after I'd finished with my work, he kept tossing notes onto my desk. I collected them in a small pile and then after class dumped them in the incinerator. Theta Sigma saw me do it too. Hopefully he will not bother me tomorrow too. If he does I will ask to switch seats.
The teachers like me well enough, because I work hard and do well in class. I think I will achieve the Time Lord Status with little trouble. I can still see the Schism, burning and churning before my eyes. To understand all of that power and terrible beauty... it would be a dream come true. I won't pass if I don't sleep though, so I must put this book down and rest. I shall try to write often. I don't want to forget a single day of any of my regenerations.
It was strange, reading the diary. It was clearly in my handwriting, but I couldn't remember having written a single word of it. It was ironic, that I'd wrote that I didn't want to forget and then wiped my own memories.
The noise I'd heard at my home filled the air, a strange whir, like rasping metal. I set the book on my bed and walked out of my new room. I think that the TARDIS helped me find my way back, because I was there in no time. The Doctor looked up from the consul when I walked in. Donna was lounging in the seat. She waved at me.
"Find yourself a room?" she asked kindly. I found myself liking her a small bit. She had seemed like fun at the school.
"Yeah. Where's yours at?" I asked. She smiled.
"I'll show you after we look about... where have we landed again?" she turned to the Doctor. He wiped his hands on his pants and rounded the consul.
"It's called Grimbly. Sarah has a friend who still lives here. He and his library may be able to jog her memory."
I perked up. "A library?" I asked, excitement tingling in my stomach. "A good one."
The Doctor nodded. "Your favorite one." he said. "Let's go."
He walked down the ramp, and Donna and I hurried to follow him.