Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z

A new life

Goku sighed with a small smile, his eyes still closed as he shifted away from the land of dreams and back into reality. He reached instinctively for the warmth of his wife's body next to him; he could feel the mattress move as she rolled over, and could hear her even breaths, peaceful in slumber.

He reached, but found nothing.

With a jolt Goku woke, his mind clouded for a moment before the harsh reality hit him. He was not sleeping in his own bed, the blankets warm, the mattress comfy, despite its tendency to creak. Instead he was on the hard ground of a cave, a bear skin lying haphazardly over him as a makeshift blanket.

Worst of all, though, was that the warmth of his wife was not actually there; instead it was just a ghost image that remained, a reminder of what he once had.

A reminder of what he had lost.

Chi Chi was his wife no longer, he knew that now for sure, having spent the last six months coming to grip with the shock. Still, she plagued his dreams, and he was no safer in the day, either. Sometimes, he would hear her calling him in for lunch, as she always did, or see her in the distance, hanging out the washing.

For these brief moments, he would always experience relief, even happiness. But then he would blink twice, and realise she wasn't there, and the sense of loss would wash fresh over him once more.

He turned now to look out at the small patch of sky visible through the cave opening. It was dawn, the sky purple as it made the daily change from black to blue. A few stars lingered, holding on to their place in the sky, glittering like small jewels. Goku closed his eyes and sighed deeply, remembering countless times he had found joy in watching the stars.

His first memories of stargazing were hazy glimpses, but he could still remember the warmth that came with being wrapped in his grandfather's arms, and the distinct smell- a mixture of wood, grass and smoked fish- that said 'Grandpa'. He would sit on his grandpa's lap, his small tail- for he still had it, back then- wrapping around his guardian's arms, as he leaned back to look up at the sky.

Back then his grandfather had seemed so big. He shook his head now, amazed at what it meant to be an innocent child. More so now than ever before, Goku wished he could return to those times on Mount Paozu, back when he was entirely naïve about the world, and unaware of all the evils that lay in it.

Standing up now, Goku folded the bear skin neatly, leaving it beside his makeshift pillow, made out of an old shirt, stuffed with hay. He walked outside, stretching as he moved over to a nearby tree in order to relieve himself.

Looking back up at the sky, he remembered another time he had looked at the stars- this time inside a capsule house, on the day he first met Bulma.

He had found her very strange at first, and having never seen a girl before, he didn't realise why she looked so soft and squishy.

Goku laughed suddenly, shaking his head again at how dim he had been as a child. Really, it hadn't been his fault; his grandfather had been a hermit, and Bulma had been the first person to pass through the area in small Goku's entire twelve years of life. Still, he had been well into his teenage years before he had finally begun to admire the opposite sex for their curvaceous features.

This thought reminded him once more of Chi Chi, and the first time he had seen her as young woman of eighteen. She had tapped him on the shoulder, insisted that he remember her, and then stormed off when he could not recall her at all.

And how could I have? he thought, wandering through the forest towards the nearest river. Chi Chi hadn't realised herself, but she had changed greatly from a child into a woman, growing taller, curvier, and far prettier too.

Goku wasn't the kind of man to remark out loud about a woman's appearance- not like Krillin, Yamcha and Master Roshi- but it didn't mean that he didn't notice women at all. In fact, the first thing that he had noticed about Chi Chi, back in the preliminaries of the twenty-third tournament, was that she was beautiful.

Of course, it had surprised and confused him after he had proposed to her at the end of their match, when she had grabbed onto his arm and refused to let go, claiming that she was 'in love' with him. He hadn't had the faintest idea of what she was doing, and had felt extremely embarrassed, being forced to walk around with a gushing girl clinging to his arm.

Reflecting on this now, Goku realised just how lucky he had been. He had grown up for the most part in secluded society, and had lacked basic skills and knowledge that were deemed necessary to everyone else. And yet it had been him who Chi Chi- a strong, healthy, attractive young woman- had chosen, rather than his more street-smart friends. She had taken and accepted him as he was, teaching him many facts about life and the world around them, and given him a son within the first year of their union.

What saddened him the most, was that he now realised how ungrateful he had been.

He had always expected her to be there, and that had been his downfall. He should have appreciated her more; why was it only now that he remembered all the backbreaking work she did?

He hadn't taken any notice at the time, but now he could recall with clarity the way she served him breakfast, lunch and dinner, on time, every day without fail. Even when she was nine months pregnant, she would wake early in order to make a meal large enough to satisfy her husband's appetite.

Countless times he had paid no attention to her as she moved about the house, dusting, vacuuming, washing, and doing countless other tasks. Goku realised now that he should have told her more often that she did a good job, and that he was lucky to have her.

Unfortunately, he would never have thought to tell her those things back then, because they had never occurred to him. It was only now, on the other side, that he saw what he had lost.

Goku stripped off his clothes now, diving into the cold river in order to catch his breakfast- one of the huge carps that swam through these rivers. Skilled as he was, it didn't take him long to catch his prey, and he jumped swiftly out of the water, not wanting to spend a moment longer in the icy current.

He shook himself like a dog, before raising his ki enough to dry him, and pulled his clothes back on quickly. Goku had always despised the cold, and it was no different now. He felt much more at home in the desert, or in thick forests, than in the snow.

The sun was up now, and the first rays sparkled on the scales of the fish as he picked it up, hauling it over his shoulder. He held it with one hand by the tail, taking it back to his camp to cook and eat. He wouldn't bother making a fire; rather he would just give the fish a small blast, enough to cook it through. It wouldn't have that nice taste that fish acquired when cooked over an open flame, but it would do.

***

It was mid morning when Goku felt the familiar ki of his two sons heading towards him. He smiled to himself- something he didn't do so often these days- and continued with his training in his Super Saiyan form. The boys came every weekend now, bringing lunch with them on the Saturday, camping overnight, and leaving Sunday afternoon.

Goku had Gohan to thank for the arrangement; his eldest son had reasoned with the boys' mother, without Goku even having to make contact with her. He hadn't seen Chi Chi since the day on the lookout, and quite frankly he would be happy if he never saw her again. It wasn't that he hated her now, not at all. It was more shame on his behalf, and the fact that he didn't know what to say to her. She had known so much of him- his mind, body and soul- but now her loyalty lay with another.

It was hard not to feel betrayed.

Jealousy was an evil creature, one that had seemed to take hold of him in the last six months. Truth be told, he had never felt envious of anyone else before this; a fact that was extremely unusual considering his age.

The reason behind this though, was simple. In all his life, Goku had always had everything he desired. He had never wanted money, fame or technology- he was always satisfied living in the wilderness. But the one thing he craved- strength- he had always had. Never in his entire adult life had Goku been anything but the strongest, save the Cell Games when Gohan surpassed him. That had been Goku's own doing though, Gohan would not have become so strong were it not for his father's training in the time chamber, and Goku took pride in that fact.

So now, for the first time in his life, he could understand how Vegeta felt, being deprived of something he desperately wanted.

At least Vegeta can fight me if he wants, Goku thought bitterly, continuing to throw punches into the air. Being a Saiyan, it was only natural that Goku felt like settling issues with his fists, but it would never be possible to do so with Tom. One punch would kill the weak man.

And despite his own hurt, he would never want to do that. Tom was simply an innocent agent, caught up now in the world of aliens and martial artists. Goku may have been affected negatively by Chi Chi's remarriage, but he still held onto his morals. He wouldn't lay hands against an innocent man.

"Daddy!" Goten called, seeing the glowing form of his father floating above the forest.

Goku turned at this, grinning and waving at his boys. "Hey kids!" he replied, laughing as his youngest Super Saiyan bowled straight into him, capturing him in a bone-crushing hug. Gohan held back a little, waiting until Goten backed off before hugging his father himself, grinning at his little brother's antics.

"Are you hungry?" Gohan asked his father, quite unnecessarily considering Goku's reputation for loving food.

"Of course!" Goku replied, phasing out of his Super Saiyan form, "I'm starved!"

The three Sons landed on the grass outside Goku's latest camp. Gohan always took great pains to track his father's whereabouts, as Goku's Instant Transmission technique meant the Saiyan man tended to move places without a second thought. Thankfully, the ki of a Super Saiyan was easy to track.

Something Gohan had noticed, however, bothered him greatly, and he was hoping to have a chance this weekend to discuss it with his father. Every time Gohan felt another great ki approach Goku- whether it be Krillin, Piccolo or Yamcha- Gohan would sense his father use the Instant Transmission technique, moving in an instant to the other side of the world.

It was obvious that his father was avoiding everyone else, but Gohan knew this couldn't be doing the man any good. His father couldn't keep avoiding his problems forever- eventually he would have to face them head on, and deal with it once and for all. He hoped Goku realised his friends only wanted to help, and that none of them thought badly of the man.

Most of all, Gohan hoped that his dad would be happy again, like he used to be.

It wasn't that Goku didn't appear happy to see his sons; on the contrary, Gohan could see his father's face light up as he saw them. But Gohan was a perceptive young man, and saw the way his father's shoulders slumped, the way he sighed in anguish before going to bed, and the way Goku's eyes looked so sad, whenever he let his guard down.

Gohan pulled out the capsule full of food, throwing it out on the ground so that the large fridge expanded suddenly with a 'whoosh'. The fridge had been a gift from Bulma, but every weekend it was filled to the brim with Chi Chi's cooking, prepared on the Saturday morning for the boys' camping trips.

Goku knew it was Chi Chi's food, he could tell simply by the smell. In all his time, he hadn't come across another who cooked as good as her. At first, the idea of eating food prepared by Chi Chi had made Goku lose his appetite, but now it hardly bothered him. He couldn't deny his stomach, and after a week of eating game and fish, food from his ex-wife tasted delicious.

Goku stopped, a chicken wing paused halfway towards his mouth. Both his sons paused in reaction to his movements, looking over to their father with identical questioning eyes. Goku smiled in return, and continued to eat, frowning to himself as he pondered what he had just thought. Since when did I acknowledge that she's my ex?

Ex was a funny word to Goku; when applied to people, he had always imagined it to signify a messy break-up, or a conscious decision to stop being with another.

The thing was, Goku had never chosen to stop being with Chi Chi. In his mind, she had always been his wife, right up until he had seen her, standing hand-in-hand next to Tom. It had taken him some time to grasp the fact that she had been married to another man for three years already, and therefore had not been his wife in all of that time.

He wondered briefly if she ever thought of him, or if she woke from a dream thinking it was he who lay beside her. It made him feel jealous all over again, to think of Tom lying beside her, lying with her… with his weak hands all over her body.

It should be me there, he thought, the anger curbing his appetite. Damn it, she was mine. How could she have forgotten that?

***

"Dad," Gohan said, walking up to his father in the afternoon. "Dad, all the guys want to talk to you, and Bulma's been hassling me again. You have to go see them, sometime." Goku merely nodded, not bothering to look up from his task of sharpening a wooden spear.

"Dad!" Gohan suddenly yelled, fed up with his father's mood swings. In an instant he grabbed the older man's shoulders and shook him hard, hoping to scare some sense into him. "You have to talk to them! They are your friends! At least let Krillin see you!"

"Fine!" Goku yelled back, standing up and throwing the spear down so hard that it shattered into pieces. "Fine! I'll see them, and what will they say? Huh? I just don't want to deal with it right now!"

"But you have to," Gohan replied, calming down a little now that he had his father's attention. Goten had wandered off to pick wild apples, and he was glad his little brother wasn't there to interrupt for the moment. "Dad," he began again, "you have to face it sometime. You can't hide in the forest forever. I'll always love you, Dad, but I'd rather not have a hermit for a father."

"The forest is my home," Goku replied.

"Mount Paozu is your home," Gohan said sternly, "you need to go back there, it's where you grew up. And you need to stop avoiding people… I don't care if you don't want to see Mum, but Krillin and Bulma and all the others, you've gotta see them. Plus I'm graduating next month… you're not going to miss that, are you?"

"No… of course not, I'll be there," Goku replied sincerely. He wouldn't miss his son's graduation.

"Good, because I'd be hurt if you skipped out on it. Bulma's throwing me and Videl a party for it after, I want you to come to that too."

Goku sighed, shaking his head. "All right, Son. Don't let it worry you, I'll be there." He looked the teenager up and down once more, shaking his head again. Every time he saw his eldest son it shocked him; he had left the Earth when he was just a little boy, and yet now Gohan stood before him as a man.

"Guess I'll have to make a new spear," Goku commented, more to himself than to Gohan. Looking back up at the young man, he chuckled. "Tell me, Son, when was it that you suddenly got so demanding?"

Gohan opened his mouth to reply, then shut it again. There was no sense in upsetting his father more, so it was better to not say anything at all.

When you left me in charge as the man of the house, Gohan thought bitterly, when I was eleven.

***

"Mama has a baby in her tummy!" Goten remarked happily, as the three strolled through the forest, hunting for dinner. Gohan automatically hissed at his younger brother, grabbing him tightly by the arm, making the little boy yelp in surprise. Gohan shook his head violently, he had told Goten to keep quiet about that.

Looking up, Gohan watched as his father's face changed from shock, to horror, and finally to anger. The older man blinked suddenly, turning his back to the boys, and took three deep breaths, before turning back around, his face blank, hiding all his thoughts.

"Chi Chi's pregnant?" he asked gruffly, looking Gohan in the eye.

"Three months," Gohan replied, "I… I thought there was something, about a month ago… but she didn't tell us until yesterday."

"You weren't going to tell me," Goku said, more a statement than a question. "You would have had to tell me sometime, you know."

"Yeah," Gohan replied, looking down, "I'm sorry, Dad," he mumbled.

Goku paused, feeling rather numb. He knew he had to say something, but the words seemed to get caught in his throat, choking him from the inside out. "Tell… tell your mother…" he finally said, swallowing once more before continuing, "and Tom… tell them… congratulations. From me."

Gohan nodded, aware of how hard this was for his father. "I will, Dad."

"Well come on then," Goku remarked, changing the subject, and lifted Goten easily onto his shoulders, "Dinner isn't going to catch itself." He wasn't going to let the boys see that he was upset, not if he could help it. Inside though, he felt sick.

It should be me there. That child should be mine.

***

Little Goten couldn't sleep. He was lying in his own sleeping bag, near the fire inside his Daddy's cave. It wasn't that he was cold, or lonely; it was just that he was… sad.

This confused him though, because it wasn't the normal kind of sad. That kind happened when he hurt himself, or when Mr. Vegeta growled at him, but none of that had happened today.

In fact, Goten was very happy for himself. He was going to be a big brother, and that was very exciting. He couldn't wait to see the baby; he wanted it to hurry up and grow, even though he knew Mummy had told him it would take another six months to get ready to come out. He giggled to himself now, remembering how Mama had told him she would get very fat. He thought a fat Mummy would look funny.

But then he rolled over, and remembered once more why he was sad- and more importantly, whom he was sad for. He was looking at his Daddy now, who was lying asleep, facing the wall of the cave.

Gohan had told him that morning not to tell Daddy about the new baby, but he had been so excited that he had forgotten, and the news had slipped out. He hadn't understood at the time why Gohan didn't want Daddy to know, but now he realised that it had upset Daddy.

He didn't know why his Daddy got so sad sometimes, only that Gohan had told him once that Daddy was lonely. He hadn't understood at first, because he didn't think his Daddy should be lonely with him and Gohan visiting him all the time, but then Trunks told him that dads got lonely when mums didn't go to bed with them.

"My dad always gets real grumpy when he has to sleep on the couch instead of in bed with my mum," Trunks had said, "so maybe that's what's wrong with your dad, he can't sleep in your mum's bed."

Goten nodded to himself now, realizing that his Daddy must be lonely for his Mummy, even though Mummy had told him that she had stopped being married to his Daddy a long time ago. Maybe his Daddy was sad now because he wanted to be the new baby's Daddy, instead of Tom.

Goten huffed, slipping out of his sleeping bag and rubbing his eyes. All of this thinking was making his head hurt, and he still felt sad for his Daddy.

Not knowing what else to do, he tiptoed over to his Daddy's sleeping form, and crouched down near the big man's head.

"Poor Daddy," he whispered to himself, seeing that the man's cheeks were wet with tears. "Don't be sad, Daddy. Me an' Gohan love you."

He patted his Daddy's head, then decided he didn't want to go back to his own bed. Instead he slipped under the bear skin, not caring that his father slept on the hard ground instead of a camping mattress. He snuggled close to his Daddy's chest, trying not to make too much noise.

"Mmm? Goten?" his Daddy mumbled, blinking sleepily.

"Go to sleep, Daddy," Goten whispered, "I love you. I'll keep you safe."

Goten's Daddy smiled back down at him. "I know, Son," he replied, his big arms wrapping around Goten and pulling him closer. "I love you too, my baby."

A/N: Sorry about the slow update, I had writer's block… mainly because I knew what was going to happen in later chapters, but had trouble deciding how to get there. I've sorted that out now, so updates should come faster. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. :)