Chapter two begins! Not much happens here, but I had fun with it, anyways. I think I am going to have some crack-pairings in this fanfic sometime in the near future…

Anyways! Bakura goes to lunch and has a fun-filled conversation with Seto while Malik molests people and Yugi watches. Ahh, good times. And where are the teachers in all of this? I don't really know, but I am sure Marik had something to do with their absence.

Chapter 2: Piddlies or Hoo-Hoos?

(Yami Bakura's POV)

Two days passed and there was still no sign of Ryou. Life passed slowly. Every day I went to class, took notes, ignored the dog, tried to ignore Kaiba now that he was watching me more intently than before, turned the blonde whore down, came home late after eating out, updated my journal, and went to bed. During all of this, I had to work harder and harder to keep Ryou's composure.

Existing was an exhausting process.

Today was Friday. TGIF, I guess.

Sloppy Joe's were on the menu today. Under normal circumstances I'd be more than happy to divulge in such a messy meal, especially when Marik got visibly nauseated just by being in the cafeteria with one (he'd left the room after seeing the dog eat 5 of them consecutively, though he'd returned since he couldn't leave Malik alone), but my concerns for my lighter half were too heavy on my thoughts to enjoy it.

I hadn't had any freak-outs since my little episode the other night at the mansion. What caused it, I wasn't positive, but I was pretty sure it wasn't the alcohol. Maybe I was going insane, after all. Well, I never doubted that I was insane, but more-so than usual, anyways. Whatever it was had seemed to subside for the moment. Kaiba's presence agitated me, sure, but I didn't understand how it might have been enough to throw me off the ledge like that. I'd never lost control that badly before.

"You okay, Ryou?" Yugi was eyeing me with concern, holding his white-bread turkey sandwich in his little hands. He had a purple Dark Magician lunchbox opened with his food neatly placed inside the way he had every day. He was always reliable to have a sandwich, banana, a bag of chips, and a bagged-snack in that tin container of his. Atem was sitting beside his twin, as usual, nursing his lunch. He drank a Slim Fast everyday and seemed to prefer the strawberry flavor. "You seem distracted today," Yugi mused; "more than usual."

"I haven't been feeling my best the last couple of days," I replied in my best Ryou-voice while picking at my food, "that's all."

Yugi looked legitimately concerned. Even Atem glanced my direction—he did, after all, consider Ryou to be his friend, though he seemed to catch our differences because he always avoided me more than I remember him doing with my other half. Which was fine by me. "You should go see the nurse," he suggested while giving me a timid smile.

"It's probably just a bug or something." I didn't like doctors or nurses or hospitals or any of that shit. I didn't trust anyone who knew how to replace my liver. It just didn't see natural to me. Besides, I was just tired. Ryou needed to come back, already. Because our 'souls' rotated, we didn't need much sleep. This shared body did need some, however, so we managed 3-4 hours a night, but when one of us failed to wake up after a few days, the lack of rest always made us exhausted. You would think sleeping more would help, but it never did.

"You're sure? I could walk you up there after lunch if you'd like," he offered.

"It's nothing to be concerned about."

"If you're sure…"

"It's just been a long week." A very long, testing, grueling week.

Yugi nodded, not so much agreeing with me but showing his steadfast support. I could always sense how he was so genuinely concerned about my well-being and it threw me off. It shouldn't; he was Ryou's friend after all, but…not mine. If he knew me, I doubted he'd be so supportive.

As for Atem, he'd probably try to have me put in a loony-bin. He was already bad enough with Malik around, though I didn't think I'd gotten to Malik's point just yet. The blonde Egyptian was currently cursing at the soda machine in what I could only imagine was an attempt to bully it into giving him a free drink. Marik stared onward with bored lavender eyes before giving me a flirtatious little wave when he caught me watching. I turned away, my brown eyes settling on another figure on the other side of the room.

Kaiba always sat by himself at lunch and never ate anything. Not a thing. I had never seen him eat, come to think about it, but I bet he only ate personally-prepared items that had price-tags higher than a day of minimum-wage work. He sat there, either staring at nothing particular, closing his eyes (sleeping, perhaps), or texting on his slick black cell phone, all while crossing over at least one arm to show his distaste for life.

He always watched me, so it was fair game for me to watch him. I did enjoy observing the way he moved: everything was so planned, so meticulous. I don't think he did a thing without thinking through the process at least ten times and examining all the possible outcomes of the action. I was also able to do this, but more often then not I'd get distracted by one of the outcomes and thought on it for too long, and by the time I'd picked one, the moment had already passed. Again, I was the opposite of Ryou, who always seemed to know what he wanted and acted when the timing was perfect.

After a few minutes of my surveillance, he turned his gaze to meet my own and finally noticed I'd been studying him. We both kept the same disinterested expressions and it became a game to see who would look away first. It was a game I played with him several times before and I'd become an expert on how to break him. After about three minutes of staring, I slowly stuck the tip of my tongue from my mouth and wriggled it in his direction. His brow tightened and he turned his head to stare at nothing again. I won but was a little disappointed. I hadn't figured out exactly what color his eyes were yet. Not navy, and ultramarine was too bright…

"I wish Kaiba would come sit with us," Yugi broke the silence. "He always looks so lonely, sitting over there by himself like that every day…"

"Screw Kaiba." Atem folded his arms and gave a bitter huff, now finished with his pink lunch-in-a-can. "He's better off without any friends. I don't think he's capable of actually caring for anyone, anyways."

"Atem," Yugi sighed. "That's not very nice. Why do you have to say things like that?"

I was pretty sure Atem was wrong. Kaiba cared immensely for Mokuba, which proved he was capable of expressing actual emotion, though I wasn't sure how likely it was that he might express that for someone outside of his little 'family unit'. Ryou thought Kaiba was lonely. He'd even tried being friendly with the taller teenager on more than one occasion but had only succeeded in getting ignored. Nevertheless, I was sure he was capable of it. Kaiba just chose not to care, and that I could respect.

I kept watching him as though he were still back staring at me and mostly ignored the discussion the red-heads were having. Kaiba didn't move, speak, and his blinking was done in calculated intervals, but I still found him more interesting than most the other people in the cafeteria.

"I wonder if he'd be against us going over there and sitting with him?" Yugi considered aloud to himself.

His twin slapped his thin forearms on the table and sent Yugi an appalled expression, the left side of his mouth twisting a little. "Are you insane? What good would that do?" Atem sat his chin in his small hand, his lips curving downward into a perfect frown. His eyeliner-caked eyelids drooped just slightly as he imagined the aftermath of his twin's suggestion. "He doesn't deserve to be our friend," he scowled. "We've tried that before, and I shouldn't have to remind you of how well that went."

"I don't think we should count you grabbing his ass and asking him on a date as asking him to be our friend," Yugi mumbled. "People don't tend to take fondly to being molested, you know. Why can't you just say 'hello' like a normal person?" the smaller twin scowled. "You make it hard to make friends, you know!"

Atem frowned and poked at his brother's unpeeled banana to leave a bruise, causing Yugi to whine in protest. "Shut up." The Mutou twins were almost as fun to watch as the Ishtars, sometimes, and it was for this very reason that I permitted them to sit with me at lunch (just so long as they didn't bring the rest of the friendship-brigade with them). "He'd just get up and move somewhere else, anyways," the model grumbled while adjusting his leather bracelet. "Seto Kaiba is determined to die alone, and I think we should respect his wishes."

I stood, unintentionally causing both the brothers to stare up at me.

"Where are you going?" Atem demanded as I moved towards the other table.

"Stay, or you'll run him off." I left my tray behind as I meandered towards the 'only Kaibas are allowed here, so everybody else fuck-off' section.

"Hey!" Atem's eyes were wide with shock. He stood, slamming his hands on the table, his mouth dropped as I blatantly walked towards Kaiba. "He's abandondng us for the prick! Can you believe this? Who does he think he is, striding over there like that? Like it's nothing?"

Yugi's mouth twisted and he hooked Atem back into his chair with a few of his little fingers. "Pipe down and stop causing a scene," he scolded. "Ryou's just trying to be nice. Kaiba does seem to have a higher tolerance for him than for any of us, so don't ruin it." Yugi leaned around the still stunned Atem to watch me casually slide next to the billionaire.

Kaiba didn't look at me as I sat next to him, but when he spoke there was a specific sound of distaste in his voice. "And just what do you think you're doing?"

"Using you as a source of amusement." I reached over to take the apple off his plate of untouched food and bit a large chunk from its side. "They're talking about us, you know. I think the bigger one's jealous. Does he have a thing for you or something? You guys haven't messed around, have you? Because if you have, I have dibs on the details of how that worked out." The pharaoh was pretty small, and Kaiba was a six-foot monster, so they'd have to use a chair or bed or ladder or something. "I bet he's a screamer," I surmised thoughtfully, amused by the images flickering in my head.

"Stop being a child." Kaiba's blue eyes rolled before falling to his cell, which was spastically vibrating and flashing on the table.

"If you kept that in your pants, it'd be more fun," I grinned. "At least for me to watch."

He turned it on silent and shot me blue daggers. "Don't make me stab you with a plastic fork."

"Awww," I smiled. "You like me."

"I tolerate you."

"That's as good as like in Kaiba-talk."

He turned his eyes towards me and I began my inspection of their color again, focusing on the irises. It was sort of like trying to stare at the sun to figure out what color it was, and I could only handle so much before looking away to keep my eyes from burning out. Instead, I returned my attention to his phone while scouring Ryou's memories for something that matched that blue. It needed a name, and it would bother me until I gave it one. I seemed to have an unexplainable fixation with color. I'd put that thought in a note to Ryou once but he never seemed to figure it out, either, so I chose not to question my insanity and just continued naming things, like Kaiba's eyes.

"So, who loves you enough to text you so often?" I asked.

"Useless people."

"That's a lot of people." He sighed in apparent agreement. "How'd Mokuba's paper go?"

"He got a B."

I frowned. He'd have done better with Ryou around. Kaiba eyed me curiously and I leaned back a little in my chair under the weight of his hard gaze. Not many people could make me back away, but Seto Kaiba was one of them. I am pretty sure if I got Malik to spoon his eyes out that Kaiba would still be just as intimidating, but at least I'd be able to study his eye color a big more often. "What?" I spat. "Back to the staring at me again, are we? Don't think I haven't noticed that, by the way."

"You drop your act when you're with me," he observed. My stomach twisted. "You're lucky your little friends aren't close enough to hear the change in your voice. You should be more careful about that."

"What the fuck do you care?" I grumped. "And they're not my friends." I took the pudding cup off his plate to open it and spoon some of the sticky white material in my mouth, granting him a sidelong glance as he eyed me. "They're Ryou's friends. Mostly. I think the dog and Yugi are, anyways."

"I care because if people find out that you're insane that they'll probably separate you from actual society and Mokuba will have lost his tutor."

I pouted a little and finished off the pudding before tossing it on Kaiba's plate and eyeing the rest of the food. "You can always get another tutor." The mac-n-cheese looked a little orange for my tastes, and I didn't eat vegetables, so the peas were off the menu. "Don't pretend like that's the reason you're protecting me."

He stiffened. "Who said I was protecting you?"

How cute. He was getting defensive. "Calm down, Bright Eyes." He frowned heavier and I smiled. "If you'd like, I could hug you and really make people think I'm Ryou."

"Do it and die," he glowered.

I smirked, waving a hand a little in consideration. "I have to say, it's tempting, why with you being so damn huggable and all. And Ryou's always so affectionate with everyone and everything. –I think he'd try hugging a bear if he were attacked by one. That bear wouldn't stand a chance against Ryou's hugs. I think if I ever had to go camping, I'd bring him, just in case those bears get any ideas."

Kaiba seemed to patiently allow my thoughts to process and pass before he spoke again, keeping his expression as blatantly unamused as possible. "Don't think I like you just because Mokuba likes you."

"I wouldn't change our relationship, anyways," I smirked. "Arguing is far too much fun."

Before he could respond, both of our attentions were snatched up at the sound of Atem' girlish wails. Malik had him pinned to the cafeteria floor and was licking the side of his face, and no one made a move to stop the scene from playing out. The group all just stood there and watched with some degree of amusement, even Tea, who was normally the savior in these situations.

"Get off of me, you beast!" Atem screamed. He was wriggling violently under the larger teenager, completely helpless to remove his weight. The model kicked his thin legs and scraped his boots on the tiled floor, making them squeak and cry out as his shoes left black marks, but it did him little good. "RRRAAAGH! Remove yourself this instant!"

"That's what she said," Malik chuckled, tilting his head and flashing a somewhat creepy grin that made Atem give another horrified cry.

"Stop licking me! Oh god! His breath smiles like the inside of a sewage pipe! Why doesn't anyone help me? –YUGI!" Yugi was the most amused of the group, with a hand covering his mouth as his tiny body quaked to keep in his laughter. "Are you laughing?" the larger twin shrilled before being licked yet again.

"Mmm," Malik purred and nipped at Atem's neck. "You taste like strawberries… I'd like to cover you in cream and lick it all off."

Atem shrieked again, kicking and squirming and writhing violently, but he wasn't getting anywhere fast. Malik kept the teenager on the floor with ease. "This isn't funny! He's going to rape me!"

"Don't be ridiculous." Marik sipped at his orange soda as he watched his brother molest his nemesis like it was a bad movie. "Malik doesn't have sex without whipped cream," he explained rather nonchalantly.

"Anyone have any whipped cream?" I called. The pharaoh gave a strangled cry and my day got a little better.

"I think that's enough now…" Tea laughed nervously when Malik turned his crazy gaze in her direction. She took a step back when his purple eyes dilated. "How…how about we let him up now, hm? Game's over, right? ….Right?"

Malik continued to stare.

"I think he likes you," Marik smirked thoughtfully and tilted his face. "You're not wearing vanilla-scented body mist, are you?" She nodded a little and his smirk grew. "Malik likes vanilla, don't you Malik?" The Egyptian turned his head towards his twin, smiling darkly before his brother leapt off Atem and began his chase after the screaming girl out of the hallway. "Yup. He likes vanilla."

I'd have to remember that detail. I'd never heard it before, but it did explain his fixation on vanilla ice-cream.

"Will she be…all right?" Yugi blinked at Marik.

He shrugged and tossed his empty soda can in the trash. "Malik's never killed anyone he's molested in the past. I think it's just a hit-and-run sort of deal."

Yugi just stared at him wide-eyed.

Atem gave groans and angry grunts as he got up before proceeding to glare at the crowd of his so-called friends, but none of them paid attention to his drama. "All of you just stood there! You would have watched him rape me, wouldn't you?"

"Calm down, buddy. I don't think he means any harm," Joey chuckled when Atem shot him a glare.

"Yeah. He's never actually raped anyone before, right, Marik?" Yugi smiled in the blonde's direction but Marik gave no response. "…I am sure she'll be fine!" He moved towards the trash can, removing the soda Marik had thrown inside to place it gently in the recycle bin while Marik watched him.

"Malik might seem malicious," I pitched in, "but he's harmless in most situations. Sure, he's insane," there was no denying his instability, "but he's only violent when he feels threatened. The worst he'll do is gnaw on her face until he gets bored."

For whatever reason, they seemed to take my word for it and went back to their lunches.

"Will he really rape her?" Kaiba was looking down the hallway, trying to hear any sounds of her fighting the blonde off. I didn't find him startled or concerned as much as curious. The uniqueness of the Kaiba brothers never ceased to intrigue me.

"Naa. He's gay." I sipped at Kaiba's milk, having helped myself to his lunch tray in its entirety. It looked better than mine, even if it was the same thing I had on my plate at the other table. Somehow his food just tasted better. "Really gay. She's safe. …Probably."

"Is that so?" He stared down at his plate now that I'd taken it over but didn't seem especially agitated. "How about the other one? Is he gay too?"

"Marik? Why?" I finished the milk off. "I never thought you'd be in to that sort of thing." He snarled a little and I gave him my best Ryou-smile. "If you must know, and I get the feeling you think you must know everything, Marik is bisexual," I answered before flashing him a cattish grin. "What about you, Seto? Do you like piddlies or hoo-hoo-shoots?"

He snarled. "Why are you so incessant of perverting everything into some sarcastic joke?"

"Because I'm good at it," I smirked. "And why are you avoiding my question about your sexual orientation?"

"Because it's none of your damn business," he defended.

He was progressively turning redder. I'd never succeeded in making him blush before. My accomplishment had me pressing my luck to see what else I could manage. I leaned in close to his face, lowering my voice so only he could hear me. "I'll share if you share."

"I don't care to know about your business."

He remained still, so I did too, keeping my lips close to his ear so allow my breath to run against the side of his face. Kaiba could pretend to ignore it, he could even pretend like it was pissing him off, but I still caught sight of that deepening shade of red. I decided I liked that color and I'd name it later. "Come on," I purred. "Share with the class."

"Back off," he barked and finally shoved at my shoulder with one of his hands.

I chuckled and didn't even bother to notice the eyes staring at us from around the cafeteria. My focus was on the brunette. It was only him and me in the whole room, as far as I was concerned, and I wasn't about to let him just shrug me off. I wasn't Ryou.

I leaned back again and this time managed to make him move away from me. "Don't be such a pussy," I mumbled up at him, still smirking. "You embarrassed? Or are you just asexual?"

"That would be nice, if that were possible," he grunted.

"So which is it? You're not getting away from me as easily as you do others. You don't even have to say it out loud. For once in your life, be fucking creative," I challenged. "Use innuendo or something."

"I won't play your little perverted games."

"You're such a stick-in-the-mud." He didn't respond to that because I knew he agreed.

"Mokuba needs you to come over and help him with some work this evening."

I hated how he changed subjects to avoid things he found distasteful (which was a lot of things) but I played his stupid little game. "I'll come over after dinner."

"You'll go with me after school."

I frowned. "What makes you think you can just order me around like that? Who do you think you are? Marik?"

"Because I am paying you, and you have nothing better to do with your time."

"How do you know what I am doing with my time? I could be saving orphans or fetching kittens from trees or helping old ladies across the street. You don't know me, so stop pretending you understand anything that I say or do. And stop ordering me around. Ryou takes your shit, but I don't have to."

"…Are you finished with your childish little diatribe?" I stuck my tongue out, refusing to allow him to make me go mad again. "You're coming home with me." It wasn't so much as an offer as it was a statement of fact that I couldn't refuse. "I'll pay you double your normal wage."

I tilted my head, scanning the statement thoroughly in effort to dig out what truths were buried in that little nugget, but I got distracted by the color of his eyes again and couldn't finish through with the thought. "You want me that bad, hm?"

He shifted a little; somehow my statement had succeeded in bothering him. "I don't have time to assist him this afternoon."

"More lame-ass work and useless people to call?" He nodded. "Fine. Whatever."

The lunch bell rang and we all got up to head back to the hellhole that was fifth period. None of us seemed to especially care what had happened to Tea or Malik because nobody said anything as we filed out of the cafeteria. I fell in step behind Kaiba without thinking about it, staring at the back of his head, Yugi and the rest right behind me.

I decided his eyes are 'Seto-Blue' because neither Ryou nor I had seen a blue that color before. It was unique, like him, and I was positive I'd never see that shade anywhere else but in his irises. That wouldn't stop me from looking, though. I also decided that I'd make up a Seto-blue acrylic paint, that way I could paint random shit in his house that color just so something would match him. I thought I'd feel a little better seeing it somewhere else besides his eyes.

Now I had to find something that matched his hair.

END!

Plotting the next chapter. I made this one shorter than the last one to make up for how immense it was. Have lots of ideas to make Bakura pissed at me. I love him, and I love teasing him—almost as much as I love harassing Atem. Poor Atem. You know, he needs a little fanfic of his own to retribute him from being such an ass (if that's possible). I'm mostly finding him humorous, though.

I am really taking a liking to Yugi. It's probably because he's so normal when compared to everyone else in this cast and he can make 'normal' observations. We'll see how long that lasts.

Anyways, I'll work on finishing the next chapter. It's finally getting to the actual core of the plot. Took long enough to get there. Damn Bakura… He likes taking his time.