Setting down her empty coffee cup, Kathryn returned her hands to her lap. "Of course, I'll need to convince her to agree. What do you think, Chakotay?"

He wasn't sure how much he had to offer in his opinion. He couldn't pretend to know the other Kathryn as well as his Kathryn knew herself. He was an outsider; perhaps she needed one. Chakotay mulled it over. She was right that her duplicate needed to feel useful. Any Kathryn Janeway idle too long was bad for the ship and if she was left to nurse her depression, she might never find her way out of it.

"I think she'll take the commander rank with relief. From the time we've had to talk, I think it's safe to say she's not after your job."

"No. She asked for the minimum of responsibility. It's like looking into a mirror and seeing myself fail. I remember being inside of that look on her face."

Kathryn's face fell and she shook her head. Darkness crept into her eyes and had made them hollow. She shuddered and twisted her hands. She'd been expending more energy than usual keeping up her spirits and the good cheer of everyone around her. They'd all had a look at their own mortality, the other Janeway most of all, and the crew was shaken. Things were returning quietly to normal, but the sooner they had her duplicate integrated into the crew, they better they'd all feel.

"I don't understand her at all. Chakotay, I'm not even sure what's keeping her going."

"Losing you, even a duplicate you, would rattle the crew's confidence." Refilling her cup, Chakotay sat down next to her on the sofa instead of across from her in the chair. She needed the support and for him to be confident. "She'll recover faster if she starts spending more time with them."

Kathryn stared down at her new coffee and finally raised her eyes to his. Uncertainty had wormed its way into her face and the circles under her eyes were dark and deep. "How did you allocate her quarters?"

"Commander Janeway," he began, testing it out. That was going to take some getting used to. "She'll take Tuvok's quarters. Tuvok will be moving into Ensign Kim's quarters, and Mr. Kim will be taking Lieutenant Foster's, Lieutenant Foster will-"

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "How many transfers did we need? Commander Janeway is one person."

His amusement was almost enough to smile. "Some of the crew asked to use the opportunity to change their room assignments. Many of them are accustomed to changing rooms and assignments a great deal more often than we can out here. It's a nice change and it has the crew excited. Lots of redecorating. Commander Janeway moved out of your quarters this morning. You're roommate-less again, captain."

Her dry chuckle back meant she was starting to heal as well. "I'm actually going to miss her. Did you know she's had dinner waiting for me each night I came home?"

Chakotay smiled back. "And she knows what you like. I think she'll be all right, captain. Give her time. She'll adapt and it might be useful to have a dedicated science officer aboard. Present company excluded, we can't do better than her credentials."

"What-"

He put up his hand and stopped her before she could even ask the question. "She'll respect the chain of command as much as you would, maybe even a little more so. That's enough, isn't it? I hate to say it...but if anything happens to you or I it might be nice to have her around as back-up. Two Kathryn Janeways on our side raises the odds a little, don't you think?"

Her weak smile was a gift in itself. Kathryn took another moment or two and steeled herself. Her heart was torn between caring for her crew and fighting the constant reminder of their mortality. One false step and she could lose Voyager, just as her duplicate had.

"Thank you. All right, let's bring her in."

She tapped her commbadge. "Mr. Tuvok, please ask-" she paused and rolled her eyes, "we have got to come up with something to call her that's not Captain Kathryn Janeway."

Chakotay smiled at her gently. "Maybe she'll have an idea."

"Can't say it's something I've put much thought into." She sank into her chair and nodded to him. "All right."

The other her walked in and stood at attention in front of her desk. The duplicate was starting to look better, and Chakotay thought she was starting to adapt to where she was. The circles under her eyes were gone, and the haunted look in her blue eyes had faded to the point where it wasn't painful to meet her gaze.

"At ease, please."

The duplicate relaxed her posture slightly but she kept her hands behind her back. She wore one of Kathryn's off-duty outfits. The pale grey did nothing for her complexion. Her hair was down and hung simply in one long braid. She was Kathryn, but yet something was missing. She didn't have Kathryn's fire.

"Thank you, Captain."

Kathryn glanced over at Chakotay before bringing her gaze back to the duplicate. "We have a proposal for you. I know you care about as much as for sugar coating as I do, so I'll cut to the chase. Starfleet didn't see fit to send a senior science officer on a three week mission, but as you are well aware, Voyager is in a unique situation. I could use a science officer and you're it, if you want it."

"Your rank would be commander," Chakotay added from beside the duplicate's shoulder. "You'll fall directly under me in the chain of command."

Her duplicate nodded slowly, mirroring Kathryn's crooked little smile. Relaxing a little further, She'd found that dark humour of the captain's. "It's been a long time since I wore blue. Commander Janeway it is then. Shouldn't be so bad. There's an awful lot of the Delta Quadrant out there to catalogue."

"Kathryn-" his Kathryn began.

"Captain-" the other interrupted, "I've been thinking about that. It's your universe, your ship and your crew. As far as I'm concerned, it's your name. Commander Janeway is fine, but it might be a little easier if you had something else to call me. We've never liked Elizabeth much. I think I'd like to go with Kate."

"All right, Commander. Kate it is. I'll make a note in the log and you can start work tomorrow. You already know your department, of course-"

Kate lifted a hand and interrupted. "They know me as the captain. I guess I'll have to get to know them as a commander."

Watching the two of them, Chakotay wondered if anyone would be able to keep up with them. Staff meetings were certainly about to become that much more interesting. They continued starting at each other until Kathryn broke the stalemate with a smile. The other one, Kate, smiled back, just as wryly.

"Good luck, commander." Kathryn nodded her head regally. Authority was hers, and instead of fighting her, the duplicate had surrendered entirely.

"Thank you, captain," Kate replied before she turned away. She threw Chakotay a look, acknowledging him with a glance. "Commander."

Kathryn watched her double leave. No sooner had the door shut behind that other then she dropped her head into her hands. "I don't even know what a counselor would say, if we even had one. She says she'll serve under me and I believe her." She lifted her head and stared at him in confusion. "You know, she hasn't even argued with me since she got here. When we were trying to force our ships back together we couldn't have a conversation without having this tension between us. She's me and I'm her and I don't know if I should be running away before we destroy each other or trying to help her with her grief."

Moving closer to the desk, Chakotay watched her. When she sighed again, he sat down on it and smiled at her patiently. "We all have parts of ourselves we'd rather not confront. I don't think anyone on this ship would welcome another version of themselves aboard. It's not going to be easy, the spirits have made her path one of great difficulty, but she one great advantage."

She rested her hand on his knee. "Oh?"

"She's you." He insisted, pouring his faith in her into his smile. "What else could she need?"

"Come on Harry, our presence is needed." Tom nudged Harry's tray.

Harry followed Tom's attention and his eyes widened in shock. "She doesn't want company."

Commander Janeway, the captain's double, sat by herself, facing the window. She'd become head of the science department yesterday morning and they'd already started planning a refit of the science labs. Harry could talk about that and they might be able to chase that lonely darkness from her eyes.

Tom knew outcasts. He knew what it was like to be the one no wanted to sit with. In the commander's case, it was worse. She hadn't caused an accident, like he had, or tried to cover it up. She'd lived when she hadn't meant to. Through no fault of her own, she was in the wrong universe and it didn't even have a place for her. This commander, this other Janeway, didn't even have Tom's irascible shield to protect herself. Janeway wasn't like him. She didn't know how to make people hate her. The longer Tom had served under the captain, the more he'd realised that she wasn't even that good at keeping the professional distance she tried so hard to maintain from her crew.

Janeway wasn't a rogue like he'd been; she didn't even know how to project a veneer of independence and isolation. She was lonely, and Tom didn't need to be Betazoid to know it.

"I thought captains didn't eat with people like us." Harry whispered, following him along.

"She's not a captain. She accepted a demotion so, she's just a commander. Chakotay eats with us, we can eat with her." Dragging Harry along, Tom made contact, touching Janeway's shoulder as he circled around her.

"The throck's especially rubbery today. Don't you think?"

Smiling at her as they invaded her table, Tom looked her over with sympathy. Most of her food had been poked, but she hadn't made much of a dent in what Neelix had given her.

"I'm not sure if I noticed the texture with the leola root glaze on top." Harry winced, following Tom's lead. He was becoming a better wingman every day. Tom had been worried he wouldn't talk; Harry idolised the captain.

Commander Janeway looked from Tom to Harry, trying to bury her surprise. Tom could guess what she was thinking. If she left, considering how little she'd eaten, she was being rude by letting them see how uncomfortable she was. Her best choice, pretty much her only choice, was to stay.

"But the pasta's not bad," Harry continued, twirling it expertly around his fork. "I'm not sure if the sauce is going to win any awards for colour, but it's not bad."

Tom watched Janeway glance from her plate to Harry. She had both of the things he'd just mentioned on her plate, and that meant she had an opinion. He waited, smiling at her while his curiosity built. He didn't have license to talk to the captain this way, but he could be friendly with a commander.

Janeway made her decision and set down her fork. "When I was on the Bonestell," she began, relaxing a little as she continued. "We made first contact with an insectoid race, the Kilthiilikk, and they insisted the away team join them for dinner. Their prize delicacy was a type of beetle larvae: bright bright pink. When we managed to eat them, raw of course, all of our lips were stained green for almost a week."

"Your doctor couldn't do anything?" Harry smirked into his napkin.

Janeway's smile back was weak but genuine. Tom had been right. She needed the company.

"Our doctor was a Vulcan who believed it was purely a cosmetic impairment and we should learn to 'ignore small hinderances', even if that meant being part green." Janeway shook her head at the memory and lifted her fork. "It was a more pleasant shade than this."

"I've seen some bacterial infections that are too." Tom chuckled when Harry made a face. Janeway took it in stride. He'd had to work a bit harder to get her.

"Do we even want to ask where you picked up those infections?"

Tom continued to chuckle. "I'm wounded, commander, that you'd assume I was the one with such a thing instead of ably treating those stricken..." He'd always suspected that she liked to play. Being the captain meant she had to maintain a certain amount of dignity, but if being the science officer put her in a different position, he could have a lot of fun with Commander Janeway.

"She has your laugh." Chakotay circled around her to grab bread to go with his soup. Handing her the thermos of coffee she'd been looking for, he rebalanced his tray on his hand.

Kathryn cast a glance over to the corner where the other her, Kate, as she was trying to learn to call her, sat with Kes, B'Elanna, Tom and Harry. The trays in front of all of them were empty, and from the assortment of cups in front of them, she could ascertain that they'd been there for awhile. B'Elanna was telling a story that had all of their attention, and Kate appeared to be as caught up in it as everyone else.

Did Kathryn know the story? Most likely not. She and B'Elanna shared a comfortable working relationship, full of mutual respect, but they didn't tell stories. Chakotay was watching her, so she had to say something.

"It's good that she's laughing."

"She's adapting. When we had dinner last week she told me she was starting to feel less like an aberration and more like a member of the crew."

Still watching Kathryn as she held her empty tray instead of filling it with dinner, Chakotay dredged up his smile.

She nodded, staring at the array of food on offer that morning. Something twisted her stomach, but she pushed it away. Putting a bowl of soup on her tray, she reached for the salad. He'd said they had dinner, but she hadn't seen them in the mess hall. Raising an eyebrow, she tilted her head towards him.

"That's what you were hoping for, that she'd start to belong. It's too small of a ship to have anyone feel alone. Just how often have you two had dinner together?"

The smugness in his smile was charming instead of infuriating. He'd been insisting for the last few weeks that Kate, as almost everyone had taken to calling her, would find her place. As the expansion of the science labs proceeded, Kate had her work to bury herself in. Considering all the wonders they'd seen since they arrived in the Delta Quadrant, she envied the time Kate would have to devote to research. The list of projects Kathryn would have if she had the time would be light-years long.

Maybe she'd even find time to eat with the crew and sit in the mess hall for hours, laughing over cold coffee.

"I said we have dinner once or twice a week," Chakotay repeated. She'd missed what he said the first time. "Less now that she's making friends with the crew. I heard she's even trying to teach B'Elanna tennis."

"I haven't played tennis for eighteen years. The first few days she was here, I felt like she was my little sister. Someone I had to watch out for. Now it seems she's doing just fine on her own. It's like watching Phoebe go to high school all over again."

Kathryn smiled weakly at Chakotay before picking up a bowl of Neelix's augbuerean spice custard and starting out of the mess hall towards her quarters.

Catching up with her before she could leave the mess hall, Chakotay caught her. "Captain, I was intending to catch up on some work, but it'll still be there in the morning if you'd like some company for dinner."

Gesturing towards the group in the corner, she tried to bow out gracefully. "Why don't you join them? I'm sure they'll be a good deal more interesting company than I would be."

He followed her out in the corridor, keeping pace as they headed for the turbolift. "Do you know why I have dinner with Kate?"

Kathryn couldn't escape from him in the turbolift. She looked down at her dinner and then turned her gaze towards him. "Because you're an exemplary first officer who takes exceptional care of our crew."

Chakotay smirked, and those damn dimples of his appeared just as the turbolift stopped on deck three. "When I ask her, she says yes."

Kathryn chuckled dryly and pointed the way towards her quarters. "It's as simple as that?"

He brazenly followed her in. "Have you spent much time with her lately?"

Kathryn set her tray on the table and put the lights to three-quarters. "I can't say that I have. Our paths don't cross much when we're off duty."

"Sounds like a polite way to say you're avoiding each other. I imagine there's not much in the way of small talk when you share the same memories." Pulling out her chair before he took his own seat, Chakotay stirred his soup thoughtfully. "As a child, I had friends who were twins. I envied their connection and the way they always had someone who understood how they felt."

Kathryn toyed with her salad. The purple leaf had a spicy hint to it that went well with cucumbers. Normally, she liked it and Chakotay was certainly fond of it.

"We are connected. You could say she understands me a little too well. We can work together, we even get along but there's something that's just a little too close for comfort."

"You mirror each other. You represent everything she's lost. Her responsibilities, her duty to her crew, in many ways, her sense of self-respect."

"She was laughing back there Chakotay." Kathryn reminded him, sipping her coffee and wishing she had something stronger. "It can't all be bad."

"Well, you're nothing if not exceptional, any version of you."

"You were way out of line."

Kathryn snapped at her, eyes flashing.

Kate had to bite the inside of her lip, amused by the absurdity of being dressed down by herself. She'd promised herself time and time again that she would not become an ogre like Admiral Paris, or a towering pillar of cold fury like her father. In the early days of her command training, she'd promised herself over and over that she'd be rational.

At least, until her temper overwhelmed her.

"You risked brain damage, impersonated your commanding officer, defied orders and went toe-to-toe with a being we know nothing about who just spent the last decade torturing those people."

Kathryn stopped just as the turbolift brought them to deck one.

Kate followed behind her, keeping silent as they passed through the corridors where someone might hear them. The door to the ready room opened and she knew her fate by the time it hissed shut.

"How dare you take such a risk?"

Kathryn circled behind the desk, starting towards the position where she was powerful but she stopped. Turning right in front of it, she put them toe-to-toe. There were certain advantages to be exactly the same height. The captain's eyes crackled with a fire Kate had only ever felt before. She could have been yelling at herself in the mirror instead of being the recipient. She still didn't know what surprised her more: being yelled at, because it had been a long time, or the depth to which the other cared. For all they avoided each other, Kathryn was protecting her.

"You do remember that you still know command codes for this vessel, protocol, things that insane, homicidal computer program could have used against us."

"Permission to speak, Captain."

Kathryn took a slow, deep breath and Kate knew exactly what it was. Anyone else might have suspected that the captain was trying to calm herself; Kate knew better. She'd taken that breath herself on several occasions. The space between fury and tears was a tiny gap, and she'd fought to stay on the acceptable side many times in her life.

Well, their life. Kate's few weeks independent from the great Kathryn Janeway had little cause for anger, or the fierce, chest-tightening grief that came from the responsibility of command. Perhaps her life would have been just this different, if she'd never taken up Admiral Paris' offer of command training. She'd be a scientist, just like she was now, with a few junior officers and a captain to report too.

She'd be back in the Alpha Quadrant, sitting behind a console, sorting sensor readings and assembling reports. Maybe married to Mark, perhaps not, but would she be happier? She'd have her mother, and Phoebe, but she wouldn't have Harry or Tom. She wouldn't have Kes asking her advice, Neelix trying to make her smile, Tuvok's council, or B'elanna looking up to her.

Not exactly her, to be fair.

Her smile toyed around her lips, and she tried to swallow it. Smiling during the lecture wasn't wise. No one had ever had the nerve to smile at her when she dressed them down, not even Tom. The other her, the captain, had already been furious. When Kate smiled, there wasn't much higher for Kathryn to go.

"Well?"

Kate decided it wasn't worth the effort to fight the smile. "You would have risked yourself, captain. Forgive my impertinence, but that could not be allowed. My apologies."

"Your apologies?"

"We did get Harry back. That clown, fear or whatever he was, is gone. The computer system has been shut down and we saved the last two colonists. I pretended to be you but it wasn't too much of a stretch, was it?"

"Not you too."

The captain sagged against his desk, grabbing the edge with her hands. She shook her head once, then dropped it to her chest. Her hand came up first.

"We'd barely been here few months before Tuvok tried to steal space-folding technology because I couldn't break the Prime Directive. Then Chakotay took a shuttle and faced down the Nistrom because he wouldn't risk the ship. Harry Kim gets blown out into space because he wanted to save the ship."

She lifted her head, tapping her hand on the centre of her forehead. "Is there no one of this damn ship who's not nobly reckless with their own life at the drop of a hat?"

"I won't do it again."

The captain had Kate's sympathies. She did hate making the other her's life more difficult, even if she thought it was useful.

"I'm sure." The captain's voice was dry, and entirely unconvinced, she stared towards the stars outside her window. "You are aware that I know you."

"Quite well, Captain. At least, most of me."

"That's peculiarly accurate, isn't it? I know all of you, up until the point where you came onto my ship, after that, we're entirely different."

Kathryn, the captain, pulled herself up to sit on the desk, instead of leaning on it.

"You're the captain. You're always apart. Different. I can't share that."

Kate stated the obvious, even though it seemed unnecessary. She'd been resisting the urge to pace, and as the other her held still, she followed a line before her, travelling from one side of the ready room to the other.

"I can't keep myself apart. I couldn't do it if I tried."

"Oh?"

Kate knew that curious look and stopped herself. "They love you."

"Love?" Kathryn's little snort was almost an incredulous laugh. "You mean respect."

"No."

Kate advanced on the desk, changing the dynamic of power between them. She put her hands on her hips, staring down the other her and willing that woman to understand.

"They love you. The stories I tell them; the things I share with them: they want to know because it's pieces of you. I listen to them and share my advice because I'm you. I'm the shadowy, hollow version of you that has time to sit in the mess hall until the wee hours of the morning. I have the time to spend with your crew, but it's you they love."

"Kath-"

"Kate," the commander corrected her. "It's your crew, Captain. I'm just along for the journey. I apologise again that I crossed a line. It won't happen again."

Kathryn's chin trembled. Her blue eyes were soft and nearly liquid. Kate knew how that tightness in her chest felt and how damn hard it was to keep her eyes dry because she was the captain.

Across from her, Kate stood, hands still on her hips while Kathryn's knuckles whitened on the edge of the desk. There were few restrictions on her emotions, but she would have been aggravating the wound if she cried too.

"Permission to be dismissed, captain."

Kathryn's eyes clung to her, unwavering as she nodded gravely. "Dismissed."

She'd wait in the ready room, composing herself fully before she returned to the bridge. Kathryn's tears would wait for her quarters and the quiet darkness that was so often thing to share her pain.

Kate couldn't tell her how different it was to be past that agony. She'd lost her crew, failed them outright by living when all of them had so nobly given their lives. The only light in her darkness was filling the gap left between captain and crew. If her curse helped the other captain find her way, then that was enough to make her unjust existence purposeful. That was all she could ask for.