Disclaimer: Do not own any of the ideas usually associated.

A/N: This is Very Long and if you reach the end, you will get a surprise!

First Circumstances

Laughing…Hysterically, Manically, Deeply

Sirius

The Professor McGonagall, Head Of Gryffindor House, Deputy Headmistress blah blah blah, left. Finally! I turned to James and Remus, pulled another "Mickey Gee" face and we burst out laughing. All through Mickey Gee's speech I had mimicked the faces she had been making.

'Nyeh nyeh I am Head Of House nyeh nyeh Slytherin suck!' I laughed, kind of hyper. I thought starvation was a depressive. Apparently not, because me, Remus and James were starving and high as the Ashton Golden broom could go.

'She did imply it,' Remus pointed out once he got over his laughter. We all looked at each other, daring someone to laugh.

'Nyeh!' me and James shrieked, and laughed more.

I noticed Andie getting a rough time from Bell, and I started to go over and sort her out (Bell, I mean) until someone screamed.

'Oh my god!'

I looked up, as did everyone else in the small chamber. Pearly silver ghosts were floating in through the ceiling, mildly arguing.

'It's just not practical. Peeves can't see a plate of food without throwing it, my dear Friar,' sighed an important looking ghost wearing tights and a ruff.

'Aren't we supposed to have unity? We must have unity, Nick!' cried the dear Friar.

Nick coughed irritably. 'I would prefer Sir Nicholas-'

'Poppycock!' laughed a silvery ghost woman.

And then they floated away, not looking at us once.

And the moronic person screamed again. What an idiot! It was only a few ghosts, nothing unnatural! There was no need for the screaming!

'Everybody be cool!' I shouted, and thankfully the idiot shut up. Now everyone was looking at me. Even Bellatrix stopped sniping at Andie to stare.

'Shows over. Nothing else to see here,' I said loudly, hoping people would get the message. They didn't and I just rolled my eyes and sighed dramatically. People laughed! Wow.

'What?' I asked in mock innocence.

'It's just your face,' someone burst out, then laughed manically. It was a girl with long red hair, tall and strong looking.

'There is nothing wrong with this face,' I shouted out, with an over exaggerated point at my face. 'In fact, its award winning.' I grinned and made stupid poses.

'Mr Black, that's enough with the frivolity.'

Mickey Gee was back- and she knew my name. Not a good thing.

'This way. They're ready for us.'

She gave us a mysterious, encouraging smile before turning smartly on her heel and leading us into the Entrance Hall. A few of us gazed longingly at the magnificent marble staircase leading up, but we shuffled ourselves into what was basically a straight line, and followed our Deputy Headmistress, Mickey Gee, into the Great Hall.

All us newbies gaped at the thousands of floating candles light the massive room, at the four l-o-n-g tables with impressive and decorative banners hanging over them, at the even longer table where the teachers sat. We stood in front of them, facing the school.

OH MY GOD.

Andie was going to be first! How would she manage to wrestle the troll and leave it capable for fighting the rest of us afterwards? She would tear its limbs off! It wouldn't be a fair fight! Mickey Gee placed a stool down (perhaps we would beat the troll with it. It made sense, we wouldn't be allowed to use magic, it would be unfair to the Mudbloods who didn't know any yet). What was the manky old hat doing sitting on the stool? WHERE WAS THE TROLL?

But instead the hat started…singing?

I admit, my attention drifted to other things.

Like how to get revenge on my oldest cousin, who was smirking at me from the table under the green and silver banner of a serpent. The glittering, cursive letters spelt it out for me: Slytherin. I would get revenge on him if it was the last thing I did. I couldn't believe he conned me into thinking we had to fight a troll to get Sorted.

I looked away from him (he was not born with the usual Black good looks), pleased by the sparkling golden plates and goblets (in my house, everything was dull, heavy silver). The fact that the entire school was staring kind of freaked me out, so I looked at the ceiling, hoping to see mouldy food or something.

(Let me explain. When we were five and at Aunty Belinda's, me and Andie got chicken salsa wrap stuck to the ceiling. It's still there. We've decided that if it's still there when we're fifteen, we're going to frame it.)

But there was no mouldy food on Hogwarts ceiling. It didn't have one, it just extended out to an ink black sky dotted with white stars.

'It's bewitched to look like the sky outside,' whispered Lily, who was standing behind me. 'I read about it in Hogwarts: A History.'

We both continued to stare at the ceiling, kind of hypnotised. We both jumped when Mickey Gee's loud voice filled the room again.

'When I call out your name, sit on the stool and place the Hat on your head to be sorted in the correct House. Then sit at the appropriate table,' she said in a business like tone. She looked down at a scroll of parchment.

'Black, Andromeda.'

Andie was actually, physically shaking and I knew because I saw her robes fluttering before she walked timidly to the stool. Was she afraid? Andie Black has never done anything timidly in her life. She sat down and put the Hat on, but somehow still looked like a goddess. She drummed her black slip on shoes with pink bat designs on the stool legs. The Hall was quiet. The only sound was Andie's shoes. Then-

'Gryffindor!'

'WHAT!' shrieked all the Blacks in the Hall except me, and no one shrieked louder than Bellatrix. Mickey Gee gave death glares to all the Blacks in the Hall, before smiling as Andie walked over to the table underneath the red and gold banner dominated by the lion, which by the look of it, was in the middle of a roar. Grr…

'Black, Bellatrix.'

Bellatrix walked haughtily over to the stool but she was still raging, I could tell. She sat on the spindly chair as if she were about to be crowned. The Hat was barely on her head before it screeched, deafeningly, 'SLYTHERIN!'

The Hat took the longest to decide with Narcissa, before putting her in Slytherin. Where she belonged, because she's spineless, you see. Narcissa looked intensely relieved as she took her usual place- right by Bellatrix's side.

Then it was my turn. I wandered casually over to the hat, glad I had had my hair positively sheared before coming to Hogwarts (the fringe kept flicking in my eyes) and trying to ignore the way my heart was clanging against my ribs. I placed the Hat at an angle, and posed. There was much laughter (they loved me! It was cool!) until Mickey Gee sucked all the fun out of it by pulling it down properly. Fun sucker.

'Another Black,' said a smooth, small voice inside my head. It reminded me of my great somethingth granddad Phineas. 'Hmm. An intelligent mind, quite cunning also… And look at that loyalty! Such a loyalty, it is one of your biggest strengths. But be careful, because it could also be your greatest weakness…'

'Would you stop talking in riddles, you manky piece of cloth!' I though irritably.

'No need to get snippy… You've got such daring, nerve… and ambition…'

I clenched. 'Not Slytherin.'

'Not Slytherin, hmm? It could be great, it's all planned out for you… You could do such great things…'

'I could do great things without being completely spineless!'

'Ah, someone who admires bravery. Well, if you're not a Slytherin, then you'll have to be a GRYFFINDOR!'

The Hat yelled out its last word to the Hall, who clapped while Bellatrix fumed. So did my cousins, glaring at me and probably wishing they could beat me to a pulp as I walked proudly over to the lion's table. I belonged there, I was chosen to be there, and no one could take that away from me.

I sat down next to Andie, as 'Boot, Simon' took the attention off of me.

'Well done,' she said quietly.

'Congrats,' I grinned back.

'We're not Blacks, we're traitorous brats!' we hissed gleefully in unison, as the Hall clapped for 'Carlyle, John' who had been sorted into Gryffindor. He sat down next to me.

'Orite, brother.'

'Hey,' I replied as 'Corner, David' took his place on the stool. Andie said hi and we made quiet small talk until the Prefects shushed us. Andie looked interested as 'Day, Daniel' and 'Digg, Finlay' were both sorted into Ravenclaw. I remembered Jenna blathering on about people called Finn who played bass and Dan who played drums… Could that be them? I hadn't listened much, I was too busy having fun arguing with Lily.

Who was getting sorted…

'Gryffindor!'

'Yes!' I yelled, and the Prefects looked scandalised while a few people who looked like second years giggled.

'We missed you,' said Andie, pretending to be tearful as Lily rolled her eyes and collapsed next to her.

'I'm so glad that's over,' she moaned. Two more people were before Carrie-Rose, and she looked nervous as she placed the Hat on delicately. The Hat was quiet, Lily and Andie crossed their fingers. I didn't believe in that sort of thing, but I did it anyway. Just to be safe. And sure enough, Carrie-Rose was rewarded with a triumphant shout of the Hat- 'Gryffindor!!'- polite applause and a seat next to Lily.

My attention wandered, between making faces at the other newbieGryffindors and making a completely un-understandable sign language and lots of confusion, I only caught a few names and the drama that went with it. Granted, I think our year had a pretty dramatic (or traumatic) Sorting.

'Grid, Evangeline-'

Who gave us one contemptuous look before flouncing off to the other end of the Gryffindor table. Apparently she'd rather be lonered than sit with us.

'Jones, Dawn,'

Who tripped over nothing as she made her way over to the Hufflepuff table and had to be lead gently into a seat because she was laughing so hard she could barely stand.

'Krawallen, Christina'

The striking girl with shiny black hair was pronounced a Slytherin and burst into tears, who had to be comforted by a petrified looking Narcissa.

Another Slytherin… A Hufflepuff. A Ravenclaw.

'Lupin, Remus.'

People whispered as he walked calmly and gracefully to the stool and almost as soon as the Hat touched his head he was made a Gryffindor. (No, don't be silly, of course the Hat didn't take two and a half minutes deciding, leaving a certain Sirius Black in complete agony!) Relief was all good as Remus grinned and took a seat beside Lily. But the relief was replaced by agony as 'Lurenz, Jenna' was called to take her turn.

My agony was nothing compared to Remus's. He actually picked up his fork and started bending the prongs. Seriously, he was that nervous for Jenna.

'Gryffindor!' stated the Hat, unaware of the agony it had caused.

'Thank God,' Remus said, and breathed out for the first time since Jenna had put on the Hat. Remus then stared at a boy who looked like an older, leaner, meaner version of himself with steely silver eyes.

'Hi, Jade. Proud of me?'

'Not yet, little brother,' Jade Lupin said coldly and Remus tried to look as though that didn't sting, but it obviously did, but he hugged Jenna in congrats anyway.

'Lyon, Ronnie' was next and he was made a Gryffindor too.

Maiden…Malfoy…McKinnon…Myers… (how many M's were there?)

(Identical twin boys) Neil and Neil…Nott…Pettigrew…

Who was made a Gryffindor, after a few moments. The boy came over, slightly shy, his watery blue eyes looking at us all in turn.

'Sit down,' said Ronnie Lyon cheerfully and I hushed them quickly because this was the moment of truth. I wanted to know if my happiness was going to be complete. James Potter was reaching for the Hat.

'GRYFFINDOR!' it bellowed.

James froze. So did the entire Hall.

'GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR!'

'Alright!' said James in annoyance. 'If it'll shut you up!'

The Hall burst into laughter until Mickey Gee shushed us, so she could get on with reading the list.

'Nice one,' I laughed at him, as he slid into place between me and Lily. 'Real smooth.'

'You should have seen your face,' Remus snickered. 'Priceless.'

'Hahahaha… Shut up!' he grumped.

'Sssh!' hissed a Prefect, and we resorted to un-understandable sign language, the Peter Pettigrew boy and Ronnie Lyon joining in with our "unacceptable, inappropriate hilarity" (a Prefects words, not mine). Another boy 'Simmons, Paul' joined our swelling ranks (muhaha!) while his twin sister stomped over to the formerly lonered Evangeline Grid.

A blond curly haired 'Skeeter, Rita' became part of the Bellatrix club in Slytherin (she acts like a princess and bosses them about, they agree for reasons I don't understand) and I nudged James to look who was next.

'He'll infest the Hat with nits,' James hissed, and Lily hit him.

Predictably, he was a Slytherin. I was SO glad I wasn't in that House. SO, SO GLAD. If I was, I would have had to put up with Bellatrix, Narcissa, the fanclub, my cousins and Snivellus. That's enough to give you nightmares so bad, you'd never sleep again.

Toss… Traveller… Tresson…

I was seriously starved.

Vance… Vandelli…

Would they leave my skeleton sitting here, to freak out next year's first years?

'Wallis, Andrea.'

A striking, catlike looking girl with green eyes and black hair joined the scowling duo at the end of the Gryffindor table. I saw her looking curiously as 'Wird, Shane' joined the manically laughing seven of us. 'Zabini, Zara' was welcomed with open arms at Bellatrix's minion recruitment and 'Zehauski, Lola' united the platinum trio and turned it into a foursome.

The wizard in the centre of the teachers table stood up, and I recognised him as Albus Dumbledore ("Muggle loving, senile fool!" my mother had spat. "Don't trust him," my father had warned.) But I couldn't help trusting Dumbledore. Though very old looking with silver beard and hair, he radiated power and calm from the half moon glasses to the way he stood, beaming at all of us.

'Hello, and welcome to another year at Hogwarts. Let us hope it will be as delightful as the last,' Dumbledore smiled and exchanged a small look with Mickey Gee. Oh my god! They were having an affair!

'I have two announcements to make. We have three new teachers this year. Professor Veel, who will be filling in the post of our Astronomy teacher-'

LOTS of applause. Veel was young and good looking.

'Professor Kettleburn, who will be our new Care Of Magical Creatures teacher-'

Less applause. Kettleburn was older, with frizzy hair the colour of pumpkin juice.

'And last but certainly not least, Professor Harrison, who will be our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.'

Even less applause. Harrison looked like a steely, strict do-not-mess-with-me-I-am-a-woman-here-to-dominate kind of teacher. Oh jeezo. We were going to have loads of fun with her.

'And the second announcement I feel is very necessary, even if it consists of only two words-'

'Piss off?' suggested Peter. Idiot.

'Tuck in!' beamed Dumbledore, and he sat down, flinging the silvery beard over his shoulder. Oh, stylish!

'Close enough, brother,' said John while Shane Wird laughed hysterically.

The sparkling golden plates filled with food- roast beef, roast chicken, boiled, mashed and roasted potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, peas, carrots, gravy, chips, pork and lamb chops, sausages, bacon, steak and weirdly- mint humbags. All us guys (me, James, Remus, John, Ronnie, Paul, Peter and Shane) piled our plates high and ate like the fast and furious, while the girls sighed and ate with napkins with their little fingers sticking out. The Hall was full of the clattering of forks and knives and chattering students. Andie was blissfully happy sucking on mint humbugs (she's an actual addict for mint) when all the crumbs and leftovers disappeared, leaving the plates sparkling again.

But not for long- the desserts arrived. Treacle tarts, apple pie, trifle, chocolate eclairs, doughnuts, jelly, rice pudding and ice cream in every colour of the bloody rainbow.

'Wicked,' said me and Remus together, digging into the absolute legend flavour of ice cream... chocolate. James and Lily were playing a game, who could eat their treacle tart the slowest while Andie and Carrie-Rose giggled hysterically as they slurped jelly off their spoons (they were laughing at the looks on each others faces as they slurped the jelly, and the noise the jelly made as it was slurped off a spoon). Jenna, Ronnie, John and Shane argued over whether her rice pudding looked like a pile of sick until Jenna said that the talk of sick was making her feel quite sick actually so would they please shut up immediately. Peter and Paul talked animatedly about the Tornados (please, that team only has support when it wins. Arrow Hawks all the way!)

Eventually, the desserts disappeared, and Dumbledore made some rambly speech that I didn't pay much attention to. Something about Filch and a list of fifty two objects banned. Who cared. I was going to make a hell of a lot more banned things this year. I'm Sirius Black, and I live for trouble and excitement. Of course. What would be the point in living otherwise? We had a banter on the stairs and got told off by the bitchy Prefect (who I put as number six on my most hated list) before getting shooed to a staircase inside the Gryffindor Common Room. It was cosy, I suppose. Armchairs and a fire and all that jazz. I was excited by the huge table and had a vision of dancing on it. Still laughing, I opened the door with a gold plaque with small print reading "First Year Boys Dormitory" and stumbled inside. Eight four poster beds, red and gold, with our trunks laid out infront. I got a bed near the window, and as I wiped away the silvery mist, I saw something...

At Grimmauld Place, the only view I have is of a dull grey London street, and the Muggle streetlights are so bright I can't see any stars in the sky. But here... I saw the lake which we had crossed in the boats, a giant, twisted tree with loads of branches, and the outskirts of the forest and a little wooden hut near the edge and wow... Real, actual stars.

Little glints of silver-white in the sky.

A/N: Here's your surprise! A hint! About the next chapter! How exciting!

Hint: Four 'troublemaking, maraudering miscreants' do a more serious prank than Jason Daniel Cleaver.

Please review!