Chapter #3- Screaming Symphony

The test was over and I had done what I could. I was happy with the results and hoped to at least have passed for Zero's sake.

Zero.

It was a wonder I was able to concentrate with the kiss roaming around and round in my head. I hadn't seen him in the morning, even though I breathed a sigh of relief I still felt disappointed. I decided I had to talk to him, to not ignore him, not completely. I couldn't face him, but thinking about him made my insides mush together and my face heat up like an oven. It shouldn't be that way though. I felt so confused.

He had come in late to class, 10 minutes in the test and when I had looked up from the paper our eyes met. There was the same flash I had seen in his eyes last night but before I could look deeper into it, he looked away. I had to take a minute and calm my heart. It was going crazy. I couldn't do this, I couldn't feel this way. I had to talk to him and needed him to explain himself, otherwise this reaction would occur every time he was near me. Instead of sitting behind me like he normally does, he took a seat on the other side of the room. Again, the disappointing feeling filled me but I ignored it. It was better to concentrate on the test rather than him. But even so, I could feel his presence on the other side of the room. That's where my mind was, on him. I willed my head not to turn so I could look at him. It would look stupid on my part to get caught staring. Ugh, this was so frustrating. My mind just couldn t think of anything else other than Zero. Why? Because of the kiss? But why did he even do that? You don't just kiss someone out of the blue. Was there was underline meaning I was missing? Zero had always been like a brother to me.

Was that true?

The only reason Zero was like a brother to me was because I had labelled that as our relationship. Nothing more nothing less. So, if there was a possibility of liking him more than just a friend My face burned up. I shook my head, I would ponder over this when I finished this damn test.

Zero left after the test before anyone was finished. When the last bell rang for the end of school I left the classroom to start my disciplinary duties. Unfortunately, when I got outside Zero wasn't there. I had to tame all the frantic and screaming girls on my own and my anger was starting to boil. Where was he? Why was he avoiding me? Just before I asked him these questions I was gonna give him a piece of my mind about his responsibilities as a disciplinary committee.

'Hello, Yuki.'

I jumped slightly. Kaname stood behind me, catching me off guard. It surprised me to find that I hadn't been able to think Kaname at all today. I smile as I feel the familiar rushing of heat to my face and the slight increase of my heartbeat. I smile at him in an attempt to redeem my actions.

'Hello Kaname,' I say, proud that my voice came out normal and strong.

'I don t see Kiryuu here,' he says, looking around the grounds. The memory of yesterday rushed into my head before I could stop myself, I feet my heart skip then struggle to keep beating. Kaname stares at me, his eyebrows narrowing. He heard that. My breathing slowed and I struggled to keep a normal face.

'Y-yeah. I don t know where he is,' I stammer, avoiding his hard gaze by looking around. There were only a few day class girls left hoping to catch a glimpse of Kaname, the rest of the night class had gone inside the building. The sky was growing darker and the air started to get chilly. I shivered slightly.

'I hope your feeling well. Your injury that day seemed quite painful.'

I shook my head, embarrassed that he had remembered the incident of me hitting the door.

'I'm fine. Hardly a scratch.'

He nods, his eyes stare into mine. I couldn't help but compare his eyes with Zero's. While his were melting chocolate brown, Zero's were the color of amethyst gemstones. Kaname's eyes were always clouded, as if he had a secret he had to hide, and though they were gentle as they regarded me there was also a slight mischievous streak to them. Zero s eyes were blank, never allowing any emotions to show. Not only his eyes but his face as well, he liked to make fun of me and took pleasure in tormenting me. He was rude, arrogant, moody, inconsiderate but there were moments when I caught him staring at me with a gleam in his eyes that made my heart stop beating, when he would say something that would brighten my day, when he would do something because he was worried about me. Nobody knew me better than he did and nobody would put up with me the way he did.

Kaname raised a hand to my forehead and brushed my hair to the side, tracing the slight bump on my forehead because of the door from yesterday. I found my heart to have kept its normal pace rather than thumping and jumping like it usually did. Though his actions didn't stop a blush from entering my cheeks.

'Kuran, class is starting.' I whip my head back to the voice. It was Zero, standing a few feet away giving Kaname the usual death glare, but there was something more there today. An even scarier look that made goose-bumps rise on my arms. Kaname pulls his hands away. Zero s eyes flicker to mine for a second and I see the glare recede slightly, just as quickly he looks back at Kaname.

'I'll see you later Yuki,' I hear Kaname say.

When I turn to him, his back is already towards me, walking towards the building. When he disappears I take a deep breath I had been holding. It was only Zero and I now. I turn to him, my heart thumping and my hands shaking, I grip the hem of my shirt to steady them. Zero looks at me as I stand there, I turn my face away slightly, remembering the kiss. I couldn't do it. I couldn't ask him about it. The questions were there in my head, but my mouth couldn't work them into reality.

"Where have you been?" I ask, breaking the silence. I could cut the tension in the air with a knife. He shrugs, not giving me a reply. The moon hangs low in the sky and the air is chilly. I shiver and wrap my hands around myself. I open my mouth to ask Zero where he's patrolling tonight when I find him standing in front of me. I almost gasp at his proximity. I didn't even see him move. He takes his jacket off and wraps it around me. I reach up to grab the edges so it doesn't fall off and try to find out what he's thinking by staring at his face for any signs of emotion. It's blank, as usual, a poker face. But there's a glint of worry in his eyes as well as something else, a smoldering look that makes his eyes appear glazed. He stands close to me and suddenly I'm not cold anymore. My heart beat quickens and I feel slightly light-headed.

'Why did you kiss me Zero?'

I didn t even realize I had said it until the words were out of my mouth. But I wasn't backing down now, I needed the answer and he couldn t avoid it any longer. His eyes smoulder and gleam as he stares into mine. He moves foreward, pulling me foreward with the neckline of his jacket which was around my neck. I thought he was going to kiss me again, my heart jumped and my breath caught. His face was only a few millimeters away, but instead of kissing me, he rested his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes. He was so close, his body emenated heat and I swallowed it. He breathes in deeply, his eyes closed. I knew Zero to have a large personal space and this was one of the rare times I was close to him, to actually study at how handsome he was. But then, almost roughly he pulls away. His hands gripping my shoulders. He lets me go and takes a few steps back and looks away. My mind blanked at the sudden turn of events. Silence stretched out between us as I struggled to understand if what had just happened had actually happened.

"I didn't mean to kiss you"

"W-what?" my voice cracks and I curse myself of the effect he had on me.

"I was tired, I wasn't thinking straight. I don't know why I did it."

My eyebrows unconsciously knit together in a frown at the all the excuses he was comming up with. This made life easier for me. I was in love with Kaname, it would complicate things if I started reacting to Zero. But still... why did I feel like this then? Like my chest hurt, just by taking a breath it hurt more than anything. My ears screeched in silence and my insides started to feel slightly numb.

What did you expect Yuki? That he would actually like you? That he would ever feel anything for you? My nose twitched sharply, a sure sign of the tears about to come but I looked away from him and tried to keep my tears at bay.

"Okay," I say, glad my voice didn t crack this time but it came out a little more then a whisper, though I'm sure he heard me. "It was a mistake. Of course you weren't thinking straight. Who would with someone like me?"

I look back at him, his eyes are on me now and I see the frown there, the sadness before he transforms it into worry as he looks at me.

"Yuki-"

"Sorry, It s nothing."

Stupid Yuki, I shouldn't have said that. I knew better than anyone how worried he gets when I talk like that. I walk to him and hand him his coat.

"You're cold-" he starts to say but I shake my head.

"I'm heading back inside. I'm too tired to do anything today." He stares at me for a few seconds and then nods. I walk around him and head back to my dorm. The pain in my heart stretching until it consumes my entire body. Why am I feeling so depressed? I should be content that the misunderstanding is cleared. I head to the dorm bath, take off my clothes and enter the shower. My lips start to tingle as the hot water cascades down my body. They tingle where he kissed me. I want to do it again. With him and only him. I had imagined kissing Kaname numerous times, but I never imagined that a kiss could ever feel this good. I close my eyes enjoying the sensation on my lips. I wish he had meant it. I wish he had kissed me tonight. I wish he was the one I loved. My eyes shoot open and I shake my head. What was I thinking? Kaname was the one I loved, he had saved my life and I had thought about nothing but him for the past 10 years. That s right, that kiss didn t mean anything. I would forget about it. But as I walked back to my room and lay under my covers, I asked myself if I really could forget?

I didn't sleep well that night. Which is saying something because I don't sleep well any night because of my duties. But that night, I was tossing and turning in bed waking up to every little noise and resorting to counting sheep. But still, I lay awake. It was almost dawn when I actually did fall asleep and wake up a few hours later. Yori and I were at the cafeteria now, I was eating like a pig to make up for my lack of energy.

"Yuki, slow down," says Yori, "your going to choke on something." I took her advice, smiling at her. She smiles back and her eyes travel to someone behind me. I turn to find Zero. My heart skips a beat but I do the best I can to hide any kind of emotion from my face in that second. He seems fine, a frown reflected on his face as usual but other than that, there's nothing different about him. Then why does he look so different? Why does his hair appear more soft today, why is his skin more translucent, and why are his eyes more beautiful then ever I've seen them? I look to Yori to see if she noticed any of this but her face remains neutral and soft as it always does. Am I the only one who noticed this? Embarrassed, I look around the cafeteria to see if people were looking at him. Nobody. What is wrong with me?

"Good morning, kiryuu- kun," says Yori, smiling slightly as Zero takes a seat beside me. He mumbles a hello and throws me a glance before folding his arms on the table and resting his head down on them, sleeping. Of course he would be normal with me. He had told me clearly yesterday that the kiss had been a mistake. I was the only one with the erratic heartbeat at the moment with the closeness of his body. My body prickled with nerves as the heat from his body hit me in waves. My hands started to tremble. He started to lift his head. Damn. I couldn t let him see me like this. Not when I'm so aware of him. How would I look to him? How would I talk to him? I get up abruptly. The chair screeching at my outburst. Both Yori and Zero stare at me. I smile as calmly as I could, my face directed to Yori.

"I'll see you in class."

Before either of them can say anything I grab my tray and throw the remains in the garbage before leaving the room, the entire time, feeling a pair of eyes boring on my back.