Disclaimer: I still don't own.
A/N: We've got a long chapter here! I hope you guys like this! Ryan's situation might be a bit OOC but I had to do it for this show to work. Lanie might be a bit OOC and Kate might be too…but I'll leave that for you to decide. I hope you enjoy!
The next morning, when Kate walked into the hospital, she was surprised to find Ryan alone in the room.
"Where are Jenny, Esposito and Lanie?" Kate asked.
"Esposito got released," Ryan explained. "I got released too, but Esposito didn't have a ride home, so Jenny took him. He refused to ride in a car with the two of us though, so I'm stuck here until Jenny gets back."
"You should've called me!" Kate exclaimed. "I would've gladly taken him home. Why didn't Lanie do it?"
"She left last night," Ryan informed Kate. "After she broke up with Esposito."
"What?" Kate cried. She couldn't help but be surprised. That was completely out of left field. "What happened? I thought things were going really well?"
"They were," Ryan agreed. "From what I could gather, she got spooked. It was really strange. She came in here, mad at Esposito for getting himself hurt, then she cried for a few minutes because he got hurt and then she's breaking up with him."
"That's a girl for you," Kate said, smiling at Ryan's obvious confusion at Lanie's myriad of emotions. Kate had a million questions that she needed answered though. She began firing them at Ryan. "How did she look when breaking up with him? How did she look when she walked out? How did Esposito take it?"
"Whoa," Ryan said. "Slow down. I don't know any of that. You see, I was asleep. Well, I was supposed to be. I had woken up just before she came in, but I shut my eyes when she entered. I was trying to go back to sleep when I heard Esposito say something to her. I stayed awake and was going to listen because I thought it would be something juicy. I had hoped though for the other kind of juicy. Anyway, because they thought I was asleep, I had to keep my eyes closed throughout the whole thing. When I sneaked a peek at Esposito, there might have been actual tears on his cheeks. I didn't say anything, I just went back to sleep. I knew I had to ask this morning, to avoid suspicion, but he knew I already knew. I'm not sure how, he just did, so we didn't talk about it. I think that would be better all around for the next few, days, weeks, months at least."
Kate gave a half-hearted smile at Ryan's attempt to decipher how long it would take Esposito to get over this. She also smiled at the bond the two partners had. She knew it was there, but it reminded her of Castle and her. Kate shook her head to get that thought to flee. She had more important things to focus on right now. She was going to sit here with Ryan until Jenny got back and then she was going to go knock some sense into Lanie. Lanie had been trying to do it to her for years, it was time for Kate to return the favor.
-%
Lanie frowned when she heard the knocking on her door. She was in no mood to answer the door, but she knew she had to, especially when the knocking became more insistent. It was at that moment when she knew this person, whoever it may be, was not going to leave her alone. Lanie sighed, and paused her movie with one hand while putting the ice cream on the table with the other. She slowly rose up from the couch and walked to the door.
As soon as Lanie opened the door, Kate barged in. Kate was normally one to wait for an invitation, but not this time. Kate wanted to talk to Lanie and she was not going to let anything deter her!
"What were you thinking?" Kate asked as soon as Lanie had shut the door and turned around to face her.
The last thing Lanie wanted to do was talk about her impromptu break up the night before, so she resorted to some of Kate's methods. "What are you talking about?"
Kate had to roll her eyes after sitting down on the couch. "Lanie, please! Playing dumb doesn't work for you. You broke up with Esposito! Why?"
"Sure, just make yourself at home," Lanie grumbled. Kate was, after all, sitting on her couch after she had just barged into the house without so much as a hello.
Kate gave Lanie one of her patented glares. "I would like an answer, please! Why did you break up with Esposito?"
Lanie sighed. She decided to go for a lie this time. "I was wasting my time. I didn't love him and he didn't love me."
"You liar!" Kate shrieked. Lanie actually raised her eyebrows, not sure she had ever heard Kate sound like that before. "You are sitting here on your couch in sweatpants and a hoodie, classic break up clothes. You are eating chocolate ice cream, classic break up food. Cary Grant and Deborah Keer are also stilled on your TV screen in An Affair to Remember, a classic break up movie! Everything screams that you are sad about your break up, which wouldn't be the case if you didn't love him."
Lanie wrinkled her forehead. "Are you personally invested in this or something?"
"No!" Kate told her. "Unlike some people, I don't put my money in pools that go around the precinct. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that you and Esposito loved each other and you were an idiot and broke it off! What happened?"
Lanie rubbed her forehead. The headache that started after she left the hospital (probably from the tears) was growing larger by the second. "Can we please just drop this? Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?"
Kate narrowed her eyes at Lanie. Lanie pressed play on the remote and effectively ignored Kate.
Kate bit her lip. She knew what would make Lanie talk, but she wasn't sure she was ready to share such a thing. Kate finally decided she had to do it. Lanie and Esposito were wonderful together and she knew they really did love each other, no matter how much Lanie denied it. Kate also had many reasons to back it up, should Lanie continue to deny it.
Kate grabbed the remote from Lanie's hand and hit pause again. Lanie turned and glared, but Kate put the remote out of Lanie's reach and began talking. "Okay, let's play a game."
Lanie just sighed. She wasn't sure how much she wanted to fight Kate anymore. She was so tired of fighting her. On a good day beating Kate wasn't easy and Lanie was definitely not at her best right now. She did narrow her eyes at Kate though, Kate couldn't know Lanie was thinking of backing down. If she could just hold her ground a little longer maybe a miracle would happen and Kate would give up. You do know who you're talking about, right? A voice in her head screamed at her. Shut up! The other voice said in her head. She liked that one. It was the one that was justified breaking up with Esposito last night, while the other one was crying and still burst out in random fits sometimes.
"I'm sure you're familiar with it," Kate continued, the glare having the complete opposite effect, just making her want this answer more. "It's called, you show me yours and I'll show you mine."
Lanie's eyes widened and she looked at her friend.
"Granted, we're modifying it just a tad," Kate said. "We're changing it to, you tell me yours and I'll tell you mine. You're so sure something happened between Castle and me? Well, I'll spill if you will."
Lanie closed her eyes. Kate would bring out the big guns. Of course she wanted some juicy gossip about Kate and Castle to tell…to tell nobody. She shared all her Kate/Castle gossip with Esposito. That didn't mean, though, that she didn't want to hear it.
Lanie struggled with herself for a few minutes. She wondered if anything really juicy did happen between Kate and Writer Boy, because Lanie knew her friend and she didn't just share juicy gossip randomly. Especially after denying the relationship for so long. She also didn't have anyone fun to tell the gossip to. She told Esposito everything she suspected and/or saw that had to do with Kate and Castle. On the other hand though, she knew Kate wanted to tell someone, she could see it in her eyes. Also, Lanie loved gossip in general and she would give a lot for some about her best friend and the writer boy. The two who had been having eye sex since the first day he started following her. And here Kate was, offering it up to her. The only problem was having to spill her story. Lanie sighed. She might as well. She could make her story sound as anti-climactic as possible. Lanie couldn't help but chuckle. That was a word only the good writer would use.
"Fine," Lanie finally agreed. "You first!"
Kate ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. She knew Lanie would agree, but that didn't mean she wanted to tell. Sure, she wanted someone else to know, but she was still nervous about telling Lanie. That would make it real! Kate's eyes closed and she said, "Castle and I kissed."
"I knew it!" Lanie cried.
Kate rolled her eyes. "What happened with you and Esposito?"
"We broke up," Lanie said simply.
"Lanie!" Kate exclaimed, exasperated.
"You told me what happened with you and Castle without details," Lanie pointed out. "So I told you what happened with Esposito and me, without details."
Kate groaned. "You are the most frustrating person I have ever met in my life."
Lanie couldn't help but laugh. Kate always made her laugh, regardless of whatever was going on in her life. "I live to serve."
"Our first kiss was for cover," Kate began.
"First kiss!" Lanie cut in. "There was more than one?"
"I was about to draw my gun on the guard, but Castle knew it was too early," Kate told Lanie. "So he grabbed me and kissed me. It was a short kiss, because he knew that I was going to react badly. The guard though, still wasn't buying our story, so I grabbed him and kissed him. This one was a bit more…um…heated. Needless to say, it distracted the guard."
"What exactly happened in this more heated second kiss?" Lanie asked.
Kate looked down at the floor. "Well, there was just more…something." Kate debated on whether to tell more, but she knew if she wanted Lanie to be honest with her, she had to return the favor. "He tried to French me and I might not have completely discouraged it. Our hands didn't exactly stay in a standard position for kissing…they kind of didn't stay anywhere for an extended period of time. And there might have been a moan…"
Lanie's face was excited. This was good enough to make her forget her problems for the time being. "You let him French you! And you made him moan!"
Kate didn't say anything and just continued looking at the floor, and suddenly Lanie understood. "He made you moan!" Lanie practically screamed. "Oh my God! What did you guys say when you talked about it?"
"We haven't," Kate told Lanie, her cheeks incredibly red. She wasn't really sure what made her tell her about the moan. She definitely didn't mean to blurt that out! That was supposed to stay secret. That is what happened when she tried to be honest.
"You haven't!" Lanie cried. "Why not?"
"It just hasn't come up," Kate said truthfully. It really hadn't. "But that's enough about me. It's your turn."
Lanie sighed. Up until this point she had almost forgotten she had part of the deal to uphold as well. "We broke up. And it's totally my fault. It's because of this stupid job I have."
Kate wrinkled her forehead. "You're not making much sense. I need more. You broke up with Esposito because you're an ME?"
"I broke up with Esposito because I'm the ME," Lanie clarified. "I get called when there are bodies and I don't think it matters whose body it is or which side of the law they are on. When you called me the other night I was sure I was going to be loading a lifeless body in the van and for one horrible minute…I thought it was going to be his."
Lanie blinked a few times to keep the tears back. "I couldn't do it, Kate. There is no way I could ever make a cut on him." A tear fell, and though Lanie was sure there would be more to follow this lone one, she kept going. "At least, not now, not with us like this. That's why I had to break up with him. If we both get a chance to move on, if we both get a chance to find other people, maybe it won't hurt so bad if that ever happens."
Kate pulled Lanie into her arms. "Lanie, I can't completely understand where you're coming from since I'm not an ME and I don't deal with dead bodies, but you can't break up with Esposito on a chance. That makes absolutely no sense! If that's the case, you'd better stop being friends with all of us, because we could end up on your table at any minute!"
Lanie sighed as she pulled away from Kate. "It's different with you, Ryan and Writer Boy."
"How?" Kate asked. "How in the world is it different with us?"
"It just is," Lanie told Kate. Maybe it wasn't, maybe she wasn't making much sense to the rational mind, but what she was claiming was making sense to her right now and that's all that mattered. "I had to break up with him. There was no other way. We weren't that serious anyway."
"Bullshit, Lanie!" Kate argued. "Bull! Shit! You're crying. You can't sit there and tell me that you don't care about him, that you don't want to go back to him right now. Besides, I know you guys were serious."
Lanie shook her head and swiped at her eyes again. Geez, she was doing too much of this crying lately. "You can't say that. You weren't in the relationship, you don't know what was going on. We were just fooling around. In fact, you can't even say I broke up with him…we weren't really even together. We never talked about it."
"You don't have to talk about it to be together and you weren't just fooling around," Kate argued. "You want to know how I know?"
"You're going to tell me regardless of what I say, so why not," Lanie grumbled.
Kate rolled her eyes, but went on anyway. "You didn't tell me. You tell me everything. You tell me about every single one of your guys. You tell me about the guy you met in the bar, the guy who flirted with you, the guy you slept with, the guy you didn't sleep with but wanted to and especially the guys you fool around with and how it needs to be better or how it was amazing. You never once mentioned Esposito. If it was just for fun, you would've told me the first night and you wouldn't have been with him for so long. Your fooling around guys last around a week at the most."
"You work with him," Lanie told Kate. "It would be awkward." Lanie was only partially lying. Yes, Kate did work with him and now that Lanie thought about it, it probably would've been awkward, but that never crossed her mind when fooling around, dating…whatever it was that she was doing with Esposito.
Kate ignored Lanie. "In fact, Esposito didn't tell Ryan either. Ryan and Castle had a ball trying to get it out of him. In fact, a few days after they found out, Castle and Gina's argument came out on Page Six and Ryan used it to his advantage. He used it to make Esposito crack, but Esposito didn't. He looked very nervous when Ryan was talking about it and was obviously relieved when he realized he was talking about Castle. So, apparently, he didn't want to tell anyone either. And he always tells Ryan and Castle about his girls. I've heard them talk about their girls, Ryan talks about Jenny, Castle talks about his models and Esposito asks Castle if he can find any hot model for him. He hasn't mentioned anything about that lately. Castle even made a joke and said he had a hot girl for Esposito and Esposito got very flustered and ran off to get coffee. Castle and Ryan were so thrown off that they didn't even try to follow him."
"I threatened him," Lanie confessed. "I told him if anyone guessed it would be all his fault and I wouldn't speak to him for a very long while." Lanie cringed. At least she was fulfilling that part of the promise, no matter whether she wanted to or not.
"But he was scared when he thought they were going to find out. He didn't tell them about you because it wasn't just sex for him," Kate told her. "Granted, I'm not sure if he loves you or not, but I can honestly say he cares about you a lot and I think you need to explore that. It would be your loss if you don't."
Lanie bit her lip. Did she miss Esposito? Of course she did. She didn't realize how much she had come to rely on him beside her every night until last night. She didn't realize how much she had gotten used to him always being there for her, always ready to make her laugh with a joke or ready to pick her up when she was down. Could she just go crawling back to him though? Of course not. He could reject her, or worse yet, take her back. Then what would happen? She would still have these fears and there was nothing she could do to make them go away. She would be worried every time she got a call and every time he went out on a scene and she couldn't do that. She hadn't worried about him before because of just who he was and all the training he had, she was sure he was invincible. The incident last night had shaken the world she had built up for them and she knew she would never be able to get it back. She would worry about him all the time and if there was any feeling she hated it was worry for the ones she lo…the ones who were her friends.
Lanie swallowed and closed her eyes. "Kate, I just can't. I don't want to worry about him constantly."
Kate sighed. "I'll talk to Castle if you'll talk to Esposito."
Lanie couldn't help but smile. "No deal. Not this time. Talk to Castle if you want, but I won't talk to Esposito just because you talked to Castle."
Kate began to get up off the couch to signal she was leaving. She looked at Lanie. "And there's nothing I can say to make you want to talk to Esposito?"
Lanie shook her head. "Not a thing."
Kate opened the door and looked back at Lanie, trying her last resort. "He's hurting too, you know."
Lanie groaned and released her back from the rigid way she had been holding it all while Kate was here. She fell back on the couch and was laying flat when she called, "Wait!" Her eyes were squeezed shut and she was debating with herself again.
Kate gently closed Lanie's door and went back to sit down on the couch with her friend. Kate allowed a small smile, knowing Lanie wouldn't see it. She was hoping that statement would get Lanie to stop her. She sat in front of Lanie's feet and waited. She knew Lanie had something to say, whether Lanie knew it yet or not, or she wouldn't have called her back.
When Lanie opened her eyes again, they were glistening. "What do I do?"
Kate looked at her. "What do you want to do?"
"I don't want to hurt him," Lanie admitted. "I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to have to worry about him, but I'm not sure breaking up with him will stop me. I just want things to be easy."
"Things that are good never come easy," Kate told Lanie.
"What do you think I should do?" Lanie asked Kate. She really wanted her opinion and feedback on it all.
"I think you should go for it," Kate said truthfully. "At some point in the near future I'm probably going to see where Castle and I will end up. I think you should see where you and Esposito could end up. Why not be with him while he's still here. That way, if he ever does get seriously hurt, you'll get to know how it feels to love him."
"What if he won't take me back?" Lanie asked again. She had so many questions and so few answers.
Kate smiled, thinking about what Ryan said about Esposito's tears and thinking about how Esposito had been acting since he and Lanie got together. "For some reason, I don't think that will be a problem."
"If I am with him and he does get injured, I'm pretty sure it will hurt worse," Lanie mused.
"Or about the same," Kate admitted. "And that may be true. I know I don't live by this rule often if ever, but I do know that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."
Lanie looked at Kate. "And you're going to talk to Castle?"
Kate nodded and smiled. "And you're going to talk to Esposito."
"We should meet tomorrow for breakfast and we can tell each other how it went," Kate suggested.
"Assuming things go well…I think we should meet for lunch. A late lunch," Lane modified.
Kate laughed out loud. "Sounds good. You do realize this means we have to have our respective talks today."
Lanie swallowed and nodded. "I know."
"Alright," Kate said. "I'll get going so I can get on that and let you get ready and go too."
Lanie got up off the couch and went to the door to see Kate out. "Bye. See you tomorrow."
Kate turned around, grabbed Lanie's hand and squeezed it gently before she left. "You can do this, you know. See you tomorrow."
Lanie smiled as she closed the door. Kate always knew exactly what to say. Of course, that didn't make this any easier. Now that Kate was gone, she almost wanted to back out, but she knew she couldn't. She knew that if she didn't go see Esposito and try to rebuild what they had she would always wonder. She also knew that if Esposito ever got someone else, she would regret not trying it with him for the rest of her life. Lanie wrinkled her nose. Regrets were something she did not tolerate, so she was going to go!
Walking up to her room to change her clothes, take a shower and make herself look presentable she sighed. She almost wished her situation was like Kate's. At least Kate knew Castle loved her, she just had to convince Castle she was ready. Lanie shook her head. She was going to think Esposito did love her and after she convinced him she was sorry and serious they weren't going to have a problem. With that thought in her head, Lanie stepped into the bathroom, started the water for her shower and began to go over what she was going to say to Esposito.
Well, what did you think? Hopefully it wasn't too painful to read. I haven't written the next chapter yet, but I'm home for the weekend, so I'll try to get something up tomorrow…although I think tomorrow's chapter might be Kate and Castle, but I'm really not sure yet! Please review friends!