Hey Guys!,
First of, Happy Pride Month for everyone! I hope you all know how important you are to society and how much you matter.
I support you guys completly and have nothing against you.
Enjoy this special month, and I wish you all to find the one :).
I hope you enjoy this chapter,
Cindynetha Black.
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Title : All I Ever Wanted.
Characters : Sirius Black III , Orion Black.
One-Shot's Summary : All I ever wanted from you, father, is to feel proud of me. But it seems no matter how much I try, you never uttered those cursed words.
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A/N to the haters : If you don't like it, don't read it.
Disclaimer : I don't own any of the characters.
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All I Ever Wanted
I've always wanted to make my parents proud of me. Always. Ever since I was young, I worked very hard to see the usually proud look on their faces whenever they look at my little brother directed at me. But it seems, no matter how much I tried, it didn't work.
But it never made me lose hope. I still worked hard, still thrived to hear those words. But whenever I do something to try and make them happy, they always turn angry. If it were my little brother, they would've encouraged him.
I felt really hated and unwanted growing-up, nevermind very lonely. None of the elves or family paid any attention to me, even though I'm the heir and Reggie isn't.
But my last hopes to make mother proud were crushed when she made it clear to me that I'm less important then Reggie.
I was eight. Reggie and I were playing in the backyard. He would ask often to ride on my back, and I, ever the loving big brother, would agree. I was really happy back then, I laughed way too much I barely even could of opened my eyes.
It was an accident. We both fell down into the small lake. Neither knew how to swim. While my mother took Reggie out first - who was on the surface and clutching a rock desperately. She didn't even spare me a second glance, not even when I almost drowned. She was so focused on making sure Reggie is unharmed that she didn't acknowledge me, who she almost lost.
Only my father, jumped into the water with his fancy clothes still on, and took me out. I felt really dizzy back then, my vision was blurry, my lungs full of water. I could hear my father whisper to me, though from what I could see, he looked like he is screaming.
But not once, not even once. Did my mother ask me how I felt or if I was alright.
In this moment, I gave up on her, just like she did to me. I knew it was a lost case. So I stopped even calling her mother. I stopped even bothering to say hello to her. I disowned her before she disowned me.
I only have one parent. A father. And a brother.
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This time, I was fourteen. Even though I got sorted into Gryffindor, I still tried to make my father proud.
I tried every way I could think of. Have good grades, become professional at Quidditch, knew all the stars by heart and even learn magical spells that are to students who are older than me. But it's all in vain, for my father never praised me or encouraged me.
I felt crushed. I have done every single thing I could think of. All the things he will surely like, but none made him happy? None of what I have done made it enough for him to say he's proud of me?
It left me wondering if he actually cared for me after all, if he wasn't just playing along. I tried so hard find a good reason to excuse him. To defend him.
My friends say it's wrong to defend him and keep on doing those things just to make him notice me. But I can't help it, I crave for my father's acceptance. But I can't seem to earn it.
In the end, after years of trying, I gave up. Because I'm tired. I'm tired of trying and trying to receive nothing in the end. On the other hand, James' parents told me they're proud of me and accepted me so easily. It left me feeling like crying because I've never felt this happy, this welcomed and loved.
And in that moment, I knew where I belonged.
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My brother died. My mother is devastated. I'm shocked. My father is... well, I don't know how to describe that one. He looks quite angry with mother, but he looks really depressed because of Reggie's death. He wouldn't even look at her.
At the funeral, he walked to me. Probably to try and coax me to come back and join Voldemort. But something told me he already knew it's a lost case. Becuase both of us know I won't join Voldemort, and he won't join the Order.
Nevertheless, he stood in front of me with an unreadable expression on his face. " Sirius". It's been so long since I last heard his voice, unlike how it was, strong and deep, it's now hoarse and small. And I briefly wondered how much he had been through ever since I left.
" Dad". I've never called him father, no, not ever. It was always dad in my point of veiw. Reguluas is the one who used to call him father. I guess this just tells how different we are.
" Be careful", he said in a small whisper. I thought for a moment, he would say he's proud that I didn't stay, or that he's proud I managed to live off at sixteen. But even with all of this, he never said those damned words.
I nodded and turned to leave. Getting angry with this family. Angry with myself and angry with the universe. I hated this life. I didn't chose it. I didn't want. And I certainly don't.
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The news hit me so hard. I didn't believe it at first. My father died. My father, the man who always looked so strong and controlled. It's hard to imagine him dead. Laying there in his coffin, unmoving and powerless.
But I managed to cope up with the fact. Just like I coped up with other deaths and facts in my life. It became so usual to me, so usual it became a normal day routine.
I hated the funeral. I hated the gravestone. I hated the black robes he wore. My father's favourite colour is gray, not black. How could they forget such thing?
If there's only one thing I loved. Is that on his desk lays a note. It says in his own handwriting. " I've never been prouder to call you my son, good luck Sirius".
And I cried. Wether happiness, anger, sadness or frustration, I didn't know.
All I knew, is that the only family I had is gone. And I'll never see him again.
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A/N : So, another one-shot. What did you think? Did you enjoy it? Also if you have any requests. Send them to me by PM and I would write cause I'm running out of characters.
Thanks for reading this far.