A/N: Less sex, more drama! Er...or do you prefer otherwise?
Chapter 3: Kokuhaku (The Confession)
"Irasai mase (Welcome)!" Tsukino bowed as yet another customer entered Maboroshi-ya, "Who do you wish to order?" no matter how worn-out she was, a commercial smile was always plastered on her face.
"Oh, Tsukino-san ja (It's Tsukino-san)!" Azuma grinned and waved at the green-eyed girl, "Konbanwa (good evening), Tsukino-san!"
"Azuma-kun," Tsukino greeted him back, "Didn't you come to see Murasaki yesterday? What brings you here again tonight?"
"Well…" the amber-eyed teenager looked sideways, "I seemed to have done something that hurt him yesterday, so I have to make it to him up as soon as possible," he scratched his shoulder-length brown hair.
'Make it up? To a prostitute?' Tsukino asked inwardly. Now that she thought about it, she discerned that Kanmuri had been a bit off the whole day. But she knew it wasn't the first time someone hurt him; as a person who was in the business of selling one's own body, Kanmuri had endured much worse physical pain than Tsukino'd imagined Azuma could inflict. Yet, this was the first time Kanmuri was affected. She wondered why. Her facial expression, however, was unfaltering. "I understand. Demo (but), Azuma-kun," she gave him her best apologetic look, "Murasaki is currently serving another customer."
"Then, I'll wait!" He said determinedly before Tsukino could make a suggestion for him to leave. "I can wait outside, so you can host other customers. Don't worry, I won't bother you."
With that kind of resolution, how could Tsukino let the boy stood out there and freeze in the cold autumn night? The brunette snagged the boy by the wrist as he turned to exit the brothel. "You don't have to go that far," she smiled, "I can fit you to a holding room."
Call Tsukino selfish, but she ended up accompanying Azuma almost the whole time, even when she was supposed to go around assigning girls to customers and finish administrative matters. Tsukino liked Azuma, at least more so than other uncouth, perverse customers. Azuma treated her, and other prostitutes, with respect and benevolence. Azuma never harboured any bad intention towards anyone. More than ever, as a friend, Tsukino wished Kanmuri, who had gone through much hardship, could find happiness with this wonderful person, but as a prostitute herself, she knew that it was an impossible wish. Falling in love with a person who couldn't buy him off from Yukino would only hurt Kanmuri. Besides, even if Azuma have enough money to buy Kanmuri off Yukino, there was something else that chained the purple-eyed youth here, caging him in Maboroshi-ya…
After waiting for three hours, Tsukino pretended to check on Kanmuri, before showing her face to Azuma again. "I'm really, really sorry," Tsukino wasn't lying, "But the customer have decided to hire Murasaki for the whole night…may be you'll have more luck tomorrow?"
"It can't be!" Azuma rose up from the floor. The crease between his brows, three hours' worth of anxiety, seemed to have been sewn there. "I must meet him tonight!"
"What is so important that you have to see him face to face?" Tsukino tried to reason. As much as she wanted to them meet, the ones hiring Kanmuri that night were important government officials. Corrupt ones, but government officials nonetheless. Yukino would be pissed if something other than the best-case scenario were to happen. In the end, it was Kanmuri who had to suffer the consequences too.
"I have something to give to him!" Azuma retorted, his voice rising. Azuma never raised his voice when talking to Tsukino.
"You can give it to me. I'll pass it to him," she offered him a hand. When he hesitated, she added, "You can trust me."
"I know I can trust you," the rice farmer's reply surprised Tsukino. "It's just…" his frown deepened, "I'm worried."
Tsukino listened quietly, hoping. For what? She didn't know. For miracles?
"Lately, he seemed…different. Like he'd been trying to distance himself from me. Yesterday, I let him do anything he wishes-"
'You let him do anything he wishes?' question marks popped up in Tsukino's mind, 'who ever let give a prostitute freedom?'
"And then something happened and I hurt him. He told me not to see him again, but," Azuma continued, his caramel eyes filled with nothing but concern for the pink-haired boy. And may be something else. Something more complicated. "Ya pa shimpai ja (I am still worried)."
So Tsukino's suspicion was correct; Kanmuri had fallen in love with someone he shouldn't, and was beleaguered by it. "But you can still fix it tomorrow night. It doesn't have to be today."
"Dame ja (No)! Ima jyanakiya (If not now)-" the tanned teenager bit his lips before bowing his head, his eyes shadowed by a curtain of brown hair. "Kino no yoru, naiteita ja (He was crying yesterday night)," he said quietly, "He looked like he suffered so much."
Tsukino took a few steps towards the brunet. "Azuma-kun."
His head shot up again. "I just can't let Shigeru suffer for another day! I'll do anything in my power to make Shigeru happy! Dakara (that's why)-" he turned to the green-eyed girl, his voice filled with steel resolve, "Onegai (please), Tsukino-san!"
"S-shigeru?" Tsukino repeated, stunned, both by the revelation and Azuma's motivation, "Anata wa Murasaki no hontou no namae shiteru no (You know Murasaki's real name)?"
"Eh? Yes…" Azuma blinked, confused at the question which seemed like it popped out of the blue, "Tonikaku (anyways), Tsukino-san, please let me see Shigeru!"
Tsukino weighed her options. There were a lot to lose, but on the other hand, the albino wouldn't have entrusted his real name to Azuma so easily if he didn't, deep in his heart, hope Azuma could save him, if he didn't acknowledge Azuma was different, someone that could mean more to him.
She, like Azuma, just wanted Kanmuri's stream of torrent-like torments to end.
"The room is at the end of the west wing on the second storey," knowing that either way, she would regret her decision, Tsukino chose the easier path and handed the honey-eyed, single-minded boy the spare key, "Please save Kanmuri-kun."
"Arigatou, Tsukino!" The smile he gave her was a rough diamond that broke her heart, "I owe you!" he screamed as he dashed out of the holding room.
Tsukino's legs buckled, and the brunette slumped to the wall. "I'm sorry, Kanmuri-kun," she whispered deliriously, "Anata no shiawase ga inori shite dake dakiru kara (Because I can only pray for your happiness)."
"2046, 2046…" Azuma looked around frantically as he ran down the corridors, bumping against some prostitutes here and there. He paused long enough to offer his apology before rushing off again; most of them were surprised at his politeness.
He had nearly covered every inch of the second storey when he collided into someone again, knocking the girl to her bottom this time. "Gomen!" he offered his hand to the prostitute and helped her to her feet.
"You-" The girl turned out to be Midori, who often accompanied him while he was waiting for the highly-demanded Murasaki. The girl took his hand and dusted her kimono. "You're okay, right?" Azuma gave her one last check, "Then, Ja-"
"Matte (wait)!" Midori caught a glimpse of the key in Azuma's hand, "Azuma-san wa Murasaki ga sagashiteru desyou (Azuma-san is searching for Murasaki, right)? I can lead you the way."
Azuma's face lit up brightly. "Hontou (really)? Arigatou!"
"Shizuka ni (be quiet)!" Midori shushed the boy before taking cat like-steps, avoiding planks that creaked. "Follow me."
They squeezed through meandering ways, and even a hidden passage behind a traditional painting, before finally reaching the door to the room with '2046' sign pasted above it.
"Well then," Azuma inserted the key and prepared to open the piece of wood and paper, but Midori's hands pulled him down. "What are you doing?" Azuma hissed.
"You can just enter like that! Peek first!" Midoru sucked a finger in her mouth before poking a hole in the paper.
"I feel like a Peeping Tom," Azuma complained, but Midoru hushed him again. "Just see first!'
The room was way more extensive and lavish that the ones Azuma frequented, the air permeated by the peculiar scent he hated. At the centre of the space contained within the four walls, Kanmuri was naked on his hands and knees. A meaty balding man with a pot belly was roughly shoving his penis to the pink-haired boy's mouth and holding on to Kanmuri's scalp while another man, taller and thinner, was doing the albino from behind. Kanmuri choked when the fatty thrust his filthy flesh to the boy's throat and came; the prostitute was coughing badly, white, sticky fluid dripping out of the sides of his mouth to his chin.
A vein pulsed on the fatso's temple. "I told you to swallow, idiot!" He backhanded Kanmuri across the face, sending him sprawling to the other's man's lap. The thin one put one arm around Kanmuri and used the other one to still the boy's hips as he pounded into it mercilessly. Azuma could see that the other boy's body was tense, his face scrunching in pain, and his blood boiled. He had to do something. He-
"Azuma-san," Midori stilled him, "Please don't barge in," she mouthed.
The fatso took a drag from his pipe, which Azuma suspected was filled with the black dragon. Suddenly, there was an evil glint in his eyes. "Ne," he turned the pipe such that the mouthpiece was just inches from Kanmuri's battered lips, "Do you think it'll be fun if we feed him opium?" he sneered.
"Ooh, definitely!" his companion replied, blood trickling from his nose, "the pretty boy, docile and begging for us…I'm going to come!"
Kanmuri stopped dead, his eyes wide with fear. "N-no!" he whimpered, "No, p-please don't!" he began to struggle, his head trashing about. 'I can't afford to, I can't. Harumi-!'
"Be still!" The fatty kicked the boy in the gut, and while Kanmuri bent over in shock, the thin one gripped his chin and kept it in place. Kanmuri bit the man's finger, and elbowed his ribs. The thin one shrieked but did not release his hold on the boy. The fatso, though, fumed with anger and slapped Kanmuri. "You ungrateful bitch!" he barked, still forcing the pipe to Kanmuri's closed lips, "I'm offering you a way out! Don't you want it? A break from all these sufferings? Don't you?" he taunted.
Kanmuri stopped resisting, his eyes wide open as a goldfish's. Crystalline tears were leaking out of those beautiful amethyst orbs now, his lips parting slightly. 'I'm sorry…Harumi,' he pleaded, his eyelids drooping…
THUMP!
Before anyone even knew it, Azuma had broken through the door. He stood between the pig and his lover, and hit the fatso's hand. The pipe of opium flew across the room before hitting the wall and cluttered to the floor. "GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF HIM!" Azuma barked; he was so angry his whole body was shaking in fury.
Shocked by the intrusion, the fatty took a while before raising his hand to give him a blow, but Azuma dodged, and charged at the fatso head on to his chest. The fatso might have bigger limbs, but Azuma was a farmer; he was used to hours of physical work in the fields, so he could slam the official with no difficulties. Bashing the skinnier man was even easier.
The ruckus he created alerted the others. Paper doors slid open one by one along the corridor, customers in various states of nudity poking their heads out. "What's happening?" Kanmuri recognized Yukino's high-pitched shrill, and cringed and cowered.
Detecting the flinch, Azuma looked around, found what he was looking for, snatched what seemed to be a woman's kimono, wrapped his lover in it before hoisting the slender albino over his shoulder. Kanmuri was lighter than he expected. "Let's break into a run," he whispered.
"Wha-? Ouch!" Despite the warning, Kanmuri's stomach lurched when Azuma dashed down the corridor audaciously, unheeding any obstacles in sight, including the two sword-yielding men stationed at the entrance of Maboroshi-ya. The pink-haired boy had to clutch the farmer's worn down shirt and buried his face to his saviour's back so his head wouldn't swing so much.
If there was anything Azuma could brag about, it was his endurance in running long-distance (Remember the anime, guys?). Azuma's legs were moving so fast he felt as though he was soaring over the air. His lungs burned from lack of oxygen, his muscles ached, the cool wind gave him whiplashes on his face and brought tears to his eyes, but the tanned boy didn't feel all of them. Nor did he notice the people drilling holes on his back with their stares.
Azuma didn't stop until he reached his rice fields, and the hut he spent numerous lunches in. After making sure that no one was following him, he put Kanmuri down onto the straw carpet. "Daijoubu (are you all right)?" he panted as he bent down to catch his breath, inhaling large gulps of air. The fragrance of ripening rice, his rice, welcomed his nose.
The sting erupting from his left cheek was entirely unexpected. The smacking sound reverberated through the quietness of the countryside, the collision so powerful the farmer's head was turned to the right. Azuma cradled his face, which was rapidly swelling, looked up, agape, saw Kanmuri's raised palm turning red and put two and two together. "N-nan ja (w-what)?" he asked, confused.
The pink-haired boy was breathing hard, his chest heaving, his face blooming as red as his palm. "Do you…" he growled through gritted teeth, his mused hair bristling, "Do you know what you just did?"
"D-datte!" Azuma reasoned, "The pig was trying to suffocate you with the black dragon, wasn't he? I-I can't just stay there and watch you suffer!"
"Why?" Kanmuri's voice had hit the unattainable decibels, "Who am I to you?" he croaked.
The brunet was rendered speechless. He bowed his head, his eyes glued to the patch of muddy ground in front of him. "Sore wa…(that's…)"
'I can't get you off my mind'
Azuma sought for answers desperately. Kanmuri's question echoed in his ear; exactly what is the pink-haired boy to the rice farmer? Initially, Azuma saw him again because he liked Kanmuri; the albino could transcend him to the sky, and Azuma was excited that he could finally have a friend his age. Then, the emotion developed; he started caring about the prostitute more than he did Kawachi or Katsuo. Every time he was going to see the pretty boy, his heart beat faster in anticipation. Each time he left the brothel, he couldn't wait to see him again.
'I want to touch you'
Azuma's head snapped up as he was struck by an epiphany. Could it be?
'I want to see you everyday, breathe in your scent, hold you so tight I'm fused with you.'
Images of Kanmuri flashed through his mind: his smiles, his wanton whimpers as he arched towards him, his contemplative gazes, his self-deprecating whispers, his form by the moonlight. The floodgates had been broken, engulfing Azuma in surges of emotions: affections, contentment, melancholy, jealousy, protective feelings.
Only one thing was certain.
'I want you to be mine'
'I'm sorry, Kawachi,' Azuma reflected before shouting his confession. "Suki ja (I love you)!"
Kanmuri stopped breathing, his eyes widening, revealing more and more red tracks branching off his purple irises. "N-nani (what)?"
"Ore Shigeru ga suki ja (I love Shigeru)!" Azuma repeated with conviction.
"Ba-baka na koto (it's impossible)!" Kanmuri flailed his hands about to make his point, "Both of us are males! Don't you think it's wrong?"
"Kankei nai ja (It doesn't matter)!" Azuma insisted.
"B-but-"
"Ojii-chan told me this tale a thousand times," the rice farmer interposed, "It was about his baby sister, Ume-Oba-chan. Kanojo wa...onna ga aishita ja (She fell in love with another woman). When her father discovered it, he separated them, and married her off with the owner of the neighbouring poultry farm." Azuma paused and took a deep breath. "Jii-chan…wa jibun wo yurushitekunai (never forgive himself) ano otoko wa oba-chan ga tsuterarete, houka no onna kekkon suru koto mitsuketa ato (when he found out that Ume-Oba-chan's husband abandoned her and married another woman), especially since the man also abused her and left her to die!"
"Azuma-" Kanmuri didn't know how to react to the tale. Should he say sorry?
"Dakara," The brunet continued, "Ojii-chan always tells me, whether it's a girl, a guy, someone way older or younger or with a different social status, kankei nai ja (it doesn't matter)! Aishite areba (As long as I love you), daiji ni shite areba (as long as I take care of you preciously), juubun ja (It's enough)!"
Kanmuri felt as though he had been splashed with ice water. The wisdom on difference in social status and age stabbed his heart. It reminded him of the relationship between Harumi, who was his age, and Tsutsumi, who was more than a decade older than them. Everyone had looked at Tsutsumi accusingly, but Kanmuri never judged his blood relative.
"Sou…desu ne," he acquiesced quietly, his head lowered, "Demo, mita desyou (you've seen it, right)? Boku wa konna ni katanai datte (How dirty I am)," The hand that pulled his kimono tighter over his body shook. He could still taste the man's foul cum on his tongue, feel the fluid running down the back of his thighs, ghosts of perverted hands on his skin, the musky smell of sex and sweat, "everyday, I'm used by many different men. I'm tainted. I don't deserve you, Azuma-san!"
"Nani iterun' ja (What are you talking about)?" Azuma grabbed the other boy on his bony shoulders, "Shigeru wa Shigeru ja (Shigeru is Shigeru)! Yasashii, tsuyoi Shigeru (Gentle, strong Shigeru)!"
Somehow, the compliment only infuriated the pink-haired boy. "How can you say that? You don't know me at all!" he cried, "You don't know how weak I am!" his heart bled.
"Iie! Shiteru ja (no, I know)! You're neither weak, nor soiled!" Azuma argued, "Datte (because), Tsukino-san wa Shigeru no koto simpai shite ja (Tsukino-san is worried about you). I believe in Tsukino-san's judgment – she's Kawachi's friend, and Kawachi couldn't have befriended a bad person! I trust you! You should give more credit to yourself!" The brown-haired boy pulled his crush to his chest and enveloped him in a warm embrace.
Kanmuri put his head on the other's boy's shoulder and closed his eyes. He wanted to succumb, he really did. If he was being honest to himself, he admitted he was falling in love with the pure, innocent, determined boy. Kanmuri'd stand on his own two feet for too long, he was lonely, the burden on his shoulders too heavy. But he couldn't. For he didn't belong to himself.
A sharp object was digging to both Azuma's and Kanmuri's torsos. "Itai!" Azuma pulled away sharply, extending the distance between their upper bodies but keeping their legs together. "A-ah, I almost forget," he slipped one hand inside the opening in his kimono, the other arm still looped around Kanmuri, and pulled out a trinket the pink-haired boy had known all too well: Harumi's red dragonfly pin.
"A-ah, the wing is bent again," Azuma groaned to himself, before handing it to Kanmuri like an offering above his palm. "You left it in the room yesterday, and I accidentally laid on it. I tried to fix the wing but it got bent again," he grinned sheepishly, "I'm sorry."
Kanmuri's chest constricted. The expression on Azuma's face was so carefree, so bright, so beautiful. If he were to accept Azuma's feelings, he would imprison the boy in his dark world, tied him to his cage, rooting him to the ground. Azuma was like Summer in a tale his British mother had read him long, long ago: a child of the earth, with a smile thatlit the day. Wherever the he walked, the grass was green where his feet touched, flowers blossomed, life flourished.Staying with him would suck the life force out of him, and Kanmuri didn't want to be the one who murdered his beloved with his hands.
So he let him go.
"Anata ni ageru (I'm giving it to you)," Kanmuri covered Azuma's proffered palm with his hand and pushed it towards him.
"Ii no?" Azuma furrowed his brows, "It's something important to you, isn't it?"
"It is," Kanmuri took a few steps back to the fields and busied himself by tying his obi. The grasses were tickling the patch of skin of his ankle above the line of his socks. "I want you to keep it as a memento of me."
Azuma sensed that something was off. "W-what's wrong?"
Kanmuri took a deep breath before turning to face Azuma again. It took him all of his willpower to stare at him in his large caramel eyes. "I want you," he faltered. He'd said this before, why could he hear his heart shattering as though it was pummeled on the ground this time? "I want you to stop seeing me," he stated solemnly.
"I told you, it doesn't matter! I don't care you're a guy! And you're not dirty!" Azuma attempted to touch on the other boy, but Kanmuri raised his hand, stopping the other's boy warm, familiar fingers midair. "It's not that."
"Then-"
"There're things about me that you don't know about, things that will ruin your life." This time, it's Kanmuri who was looking at Azuma earnestly. "Besides, it's bad if Yukino-sama discover that it was you who wreaked havoc in Maboroshi-ya just now."
"I don't care!" the brunet retorted passionately, "I want to protect you!"
"I want to protect you too," Kanmuri's reply surprised Azuma. "You're not the only one who's allowed to be selfish."
The darker-skinned of the two was wavering. "B-but…"
As Azuma was debating with himself, the prostitute crept towards him quietly, and cupped his face. Their lips met in a tender, chaste kiss, which lasted less than five seconds. Azuma could barely feel the pressure of Kanmuri's lips on his own, but the kiss seared to Azuma's lips like a brand. "Aishitekureta arigatou (Thank you for loving me)," Kanmuri's voice, a notch louder than the wind, filled his ear, "Sayonara (Goodbye)."
When Azuma turned around to prevent Kanmuri from leaving, the fabric of the prostitute's kimono slipped from his hand. A sudden gust of wind blew dust to his eyes, blurring his sight to meshing shadows, but after he erased the tears, the man he loved had gone, disappeared from his world. He was left alone in his field, the stalks of his rice sagging as though they sympathised with him.
TBC
A/N: Sayonara is very significant in Japanese. It's not a see you sometime soon type of 'bye'. It's a 'I'll never see you again' type of good bye. Anyways, review please!