And just to tell you (Not meant as critique or anything) I do know that my English isn't perfect. But it would be a whole lot easier to make it better if people told me what I did wrong. So, if you can take the time to do so I would very much appreciate that. And second, I do know the word 'love' is seldom used in America as a pet name. I think it's cockney… But, for starters- I just think it's too sweet not to use and for endings- I can't really think about what is American and what is British because then I start mixing them up. So? Great!

"Excuse me." The morning after I ended up in the hospital I woke up from a person standing by my bed talking to me. At first I couldn't understand who it was, or where I was. Then I drowsily looked around, and seeing the hospital room and Leonard sleeping in a tent bed right by mine, everything came back to me at once. And when I turned my head again, I could see a nurse standing by my bed.

"Mhm." I looked to the clock up on the wall- ten minutes to six, ugh!

"We're just doing rounds. I'm just going to check your temperature." I forced myself not to moan when she grabbed my ear, put the thermometer in and waited for it to show. "36, 7. Not even close to a fever." She patted my shoulder. "Now try to get some more sleep honey." I sighed as she walked away. Wow! Couldn't they have taken my temperature when I was already awake?

I laid down again and pulled the blanket around me. Then closed my eye and wasn't going to open them again, that usually helped. But it didn't this time, and after a while I opened them. Turned on my other side, and tried again. I must have been trying that at least a million times before I finally drifted off. And hoped that no more nurses was going to come in for another several hours.

When I woke up again nothing more than an hour or two had passed, and Leonard was still sleeping in that tent bed so I turned the TV hanging in the ceiling on and zapped between the few channels there were and ended up on an episode of American idol of the season where Sam Wolff was in.

Leonard woke up, didn't say anything but got up and pulled his jeans and hoodie on. Just as he took his clothes on I looked down to know what I was wearing myself, and realized that since I never changed into one of those ugly hospital gowns. I was still wearing my Mickey Mouse pyjamas. I must have had it on for a while now, but oh well. I could change it once I got home.

"Good morning." The same nurse that had been here yesterday came in again. "Did you have a good night's sleep?" I nodded, but wasn't going to give in yet.

"Did they really have to come in before six in the morning to check my temperature?" The nurse frowned, but didn't answer before she left the room. And Leonard took my hand and kissed it just slightly before he told me his thoughts about what I had just said and done.

"You know Pen. Working at a place like this. They're often very busy. Therefore it's often for the best to just say it's all good. Okay?" I nodded, and decided not to protest just as the nurse came in again. This time followed by a male in doctor's clothes. And once again the thought that maybe this would be the right moment to tell someone- them about the lump I had been feeling.

"Hi, my name is Dr. Manuel."

Tell him? Not tell him? Tell him? Not tell him? Tell him? Maybe I shouldn't tell him, just go on like nothing happened and tell anyone if it grew or hurt or something? But it had hurt that one nght when I had pressed it. Maybe not tell him, go on and then when I'd tell someone it would be too late and it wouldn't be long left. Maybe tell him and there would be a chance for them to do something about it if it really was something? Maybe tell him- well, them. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad after all.

"Penelope!" I told myself. "If this really is cancer, then it would be better if they can treat it as fast as possible. And the bigger the chance would be that they actually treat it. And the bigger the chance you'd survive and you could have a long life and do what you want with it. Maybe, but then you'd have to tell them right now!"

And I just hadn't heard a single word of what Dr. Manuel had told me- except the fact that his name was Dr. Manuel.

"Ehrm..:" I hesitated. "Lately… I've been feeling something in my stomach like… I have something in my stomach… like."

I refused to mention the word lump. Lumps were bad. If I mentioned the word lump that would mean that there was something wrong with me. And if there was something wrong with me… But there couldn't be something wrong with me? I was young and healthy right? Old people had lumps that made them ill… right?

"You mean…" Dr. Manuel spoke again. "Like a lump?" I nodded. "Okay. Can you show me where it is?" I nodded, pulled up my shirt and pressed the lower, right part of my abdomen until I had found the lump again, and moved away my hand so he could feel. Dr. Manuel stepped closer to my bed and pressed where I had pointed and pressed with both of his hands.

"Does it hurt when I'm pressing like this?" I shook my head. "I mean…" Dr. Manuel stepped away with a frown on his face that had fear creeping up in every cell of my body. "…You can pull your shirt down again." I quickly did so and tried not to feel ashamed of that silly pyjamas. "I can feel it to. But it doesn't have to be anything bad and of course you're young and healthy so the risk for it to be something actually harmful is very little. But I'll send a remission to the x-ray so you'll be taken in there and we can check it up." I nodded. "Okay, well… I'll also send a remission for them to make an EEG so they could hopefully see what these seizures were because of."

These… seizures?

"How many seizures did I have?"

"Two." Leonard answered. And I pulled for my breath.

That was the first time I got a feeling that this wasn't real. Seizures, lumps and stuff like these were things that happened to other people. To old people, or sick people. Not to me. It definitely didn't happen to me! No! Just no!

I closed my eyes, when I opened them again the doctor was gone. But I was still in that hospital room. Leonard still sat in that chair on my left side. That short, chubby nurse that I couldn't remember the name of (Why couldn't I remember anything?) stood on my right, but the doctor was gone. And the nurse now held an IV bag with some red fluid in it. It was red and looked a lot like blood but darker and more brown or orange- ish in the color.

What it looked like kind of made me feel sick. So to look at something else I glanced up at the clock over the window. It was close after nine in the morning… wait? Didn't that mean I should be at work. I needed to get into some real clothes and to work. Heck! I was so getting fired if Dan knew anything about that I had missed a whole day of work without calling and…

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Work, gotta get to work."

"Honey." Leonard smiled. "It's Saturday." I stopped in the middle of my movement. But that would be that yesterday was Friday. And I hadn't gotten the chance to call into work. "Pen, I know what you're thinking. Don't worry. I told Bernadette and she promised to tell that Don- guy about what happened. So if you're still getting in trouble for it…" He let hear a short chuckle. "Then he's not worth it."

"Dan." I corrected him. And not until now, I could feel I had blisters on my tongue so big they were kind of making it hard to speak. "And… what do you want?" The nurse smiled and held up the IV bag and hung it onto the pole next to the bed. Then took my hand that they had put a needle into, probably already when I came in here yesterday since I couldn't remember it at all.

"We usually put these needles in the arm. But we couldn't get it in there so we put it in your hand instead. And this is iron. What you're lacking and became anemic. So we'll give you this bag, then you can eat lunch here and then you can go home. Okay?" I nodded. Ugh- hospital food! No way I was staying for that long, but I only thought it and the nurse ripped the plaster on my arm off. "I think you were allergic to that plaster." She stroke a rash on my arm. "Oh well, it'll heal in its time." She put the IV needle into the one in my arm. "Your hand might get a bit tender when this goes in. Just press that red button if you're wondering about anything. Is there anything you're wondering about now?"

"Can I go home and eat lunch instead of nasty hospital food?" The nurse laughed and then smiled at me.

"Yeah, I think that would be possible as long as you feel that you can go home. Try and take a few walks back and forth in the hallway. This pole is rolling. While it goes into your arm. And try to take it easy and so for a couple of days. Then it should probably be fine. Oh, and of course there are rules like. Right now you can't drive for six months, unless you have any seizures during those six months then it starts form the beginning. In case you'd have epilepsy, you can't drive for a year and so. It's all for security." I nodded. "Okay. Try and take a walk now hon." I nodded, and Leonard followed me while I carefully crawled off the bed and pulled the IV pole after me on a walk back and forth in the hallway.

My every move was stiff and slow, but for every step it got at least a bit faster. Then I would sit down on that bed again, get up walking again a little while later and it went a bit faster and at last I just wanted to get out of this ER apartment and this hospital to go home. And even though it felt like ages before the bag was empty. Until when I realized after not having looked at it for a while, that it was dripping faster than I would have thought.

"So." At last the needle could be pulled out and the nurse put a new plaster over it. "All set, you can go home now." I smiled and stood up, then felt an itch on the side of my face and started itching. "You've got a cut and a bit of a black eye." I frowned. "Don't worry about that, I think you might have just fallen into something when you started seizing."

"A wall."

The nurse smiled at Leonard when he gave us the answer. Then smiled at me and wished me luck before we went home. We acted quietly in the stairs not for Sheldon to come running. And Leonard went to grab something to eat while I at last got out of that pyjamas and into the shower. And damn I had never looked forward to a shower as freaking much as I had done today.

As I stood in the shower and let the warm water pour I couldn't help but feel that sweat and other such disgusting things ran off me. It was also the hospital feeling, the hospital air that ran off me with the water and down into the plumbing system and damn it! This was the nicest shower I had ever had. Despite the burning sensation by my eye when the warm water met the cut. And while I stood there, I also felt for that lump again.

Oh yeah, it was still there. But at least now I didn't have to worry about if I'd ever dare telling anyone about it. At least now I wouldn't have to worry about ever finding out what it was and for a moment, I was quite relieved I had told Dr. Manuel about it. While at the same time, afraid of what it might be.

To get out before Leonard would be back with the food I stepped out of the shower and wrapped the closest towel I could find and draped it around me. I got into some new shorts, underwear and T shirt. And then stopped to look myself in the mirror.

I looked mostly like I had done yesterday, my blonde hair was cut short, my eyes were green. But still it felt like something should have changed since the last time. That all the feelings roaring inside of me should show on the outside. Something that might have showed in the black eye, the cut on the side of it and the huge blisters and cuts visible when I stuck out my tongue to see it for myself.

But still, it felt like more should have changed. That I should have gotten a whole lot older since yesterday. But… it hadn't. I could see what have happened, I felt it whenever I was talking with the blisters on my tongue. But this couldn't happen. Not to me!

But still, I was very much aware that it had and that it was happening to me. And I was painfully aware of the fact that whatever happened, things I had taken for granted before might not ever be back. And painfully aware that from yesterday on. Everything had changed.

Random fact

Yes, when nurses do their rounds they actually do come that early in the morning, and no you shouldn't say anything about it. But come on! (although if you do, you might end up being gossiped about during their breaks, just so you know)