This chapter has now been edited and is better in my opinion.
BPOV
"What?" I swear I must've heard him wrong.
"I said, let me see your wrist, love." He moved forwards a little way, but still kept a good distance between us.
"Wh-why?" I stammered, backing up a little ways from him, until I hit the counter.
"Just show me Isabella." He said this gently but with authority, leaving no room for arguments.
"Fine." I narrowed my eyes at him and pulled up my right sleeve. He looked away once he saw the scars, but quickly looked back after he took a deep reassuring breath.
"I-I meant the other wrist Bella…" he looked down to my left wrist. I could see the pain evident in his eyes, but I didn't say anything.
"I'm going to take a shower Edward, I've lost my appetite." I looked to the ground and quickly made my way up the stairs to my room. I heard Edward take a deep breath and start pacing around downstairs, muttering to himself.
"Oh my Bella, sweet, sweet Bella…" I heard him whisper to the empty room.
I walked slowly into the bathroom as the tears threatened to fall. I've already cried to much today. I went to the shower first and turned on the hot water only. As I let it warm up, I took off the sweater I had been wearing and that left me in only my camisole and jeans. I looked away from the mirror, disgusted with what I saw, and turned on my radio, putting on my CD. I waited for it to start up and then pressed play and repeat, turning the volume up as far as my ears would allow me to.
I think we have an emergency If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong So are you listening?
I think we have an emergency
Cause I won't stop holding on
So are you watching me?
I stepped into the shower and gasped at the heat coming from the showerhead. It burned, but in a glorious way. I shuddered once and quickly grew used to it, taking deep soothing breaths. I loved the heat on my skin. I moaned very quitely in pleasure and continued listening to the song.
So you give up every chance you get I think we have an emergency And you do your best to show me love, So are you listening? Well I can't pretend that I don't see this It's really not your fault Cause I've seen love die These scars, they will not fade away. No one cares to talk about it, talk about it Cause I've seen love die
Just to feel new again
I think we have an emergency
but you don't know what love is.
So are you watching me?
That no one cares to talk about it,
Talk about it
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
(When it deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
(When it deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive
I could've sworn there were actual tears streaming down my face as I got out. I looked at myself in the mirror, shuddered and turned away involuntary. I looked hideous! I sank to the ground, and silently cried, wrapped in only my towel. I heard Edward cautiously walk up the stairs. Apparently I wasn't silent enough.
"Bella?" his voice was barely above a whisper…my reply was a whimper as I stood. "Bella, love, are you o.k.?" he tapped lightly on the door. I stood up to my full height and turned towards the mirror. "Bella??" he sounded a little more urgent, but I still kept silent. "Answer me Bella!" he started knocking louder. I'm surprised he hadn't knocked down the door by now.
I closed the distance to the mirror, and with a deep breath, ignoring Edward's cry, I smashed my fist into the mirror. As my fist collided with the glass, Edward burst open the door, and just stared in horror, stopping his breathing.
The glass had mostly shattered except for the few pieces that ended up staying intact. I left my hand in the position it was in, curled into a fist, and just stared at the blood oozing from the multiple cuts on my knuckles as I slowly sank to the floor, feeling nauseas already.
Edward quickly went to go get band aids and gauze before I passed out on him. He knew my tolerance for blood was very little. I took deep breaths, but even though I was sick to my stomach, I was smiling.
"Bella, what were you thinking?! You could've been hurt very badly. A piece of glass could've sliced through you!! Bella, why do you keep doing these things to yourself?" he had finished wrapping my hand up, gotten me into one of my big shirts, and now he wouldn't let me break his gaze. I sighed and decided to tell him the truth… I owed him that much….
"I don't like what I see in the mirror. So one of us had to go and if I took my own life I'd never get to see you again." Since I couldn't break his gaze, unfortunately I told him everything I thought. After a moment or two, I dropped my gaze awaiting the tears I knew would come, but surprisingly none fell.
He was silent for a while before he picked me up and rushed me out of my house. He hadn't warned me, so I didn't have time to close my eyes. I groaned in sickness, but he didn't stop. That was surprising all in itself. I tried taking deep breaths, but I couldn't catch my breath. He was running way faster than normal.
I was till trying to breathe as Edward took me into his house and straight to Carlisle's office where Carlisle was waiting, along with Jasper…
'Oh no.' I thought as I tried to squirm out of Edward's strong embrace. He just tightened his arms, not enough to hurt but enough for me not to move.
"Edward…" I tried to talk to him, but he gave me the most heated glare I've ever gotten, that I shut my mouth and closed my eyes. I wanted to cry! I turned my face away from him and stared out the window as best as I could.
Edward sighed when he felt the tears fall onto his arm. "Bella, please don't cry, I'm sorry." I just shook my head and tried to get down, which he let me this time. He sighed again but faced Carlisle this time.
"Bella had a bit of an accident. Could you check her hand please?" Edward said indicating my bandaged hand.
"Of course." Carlisle moved closer to me so I held up my hand, but kept staring out the window. Seems like I've been doing that a lot lately. I sighed as he unwrapped it; and crossed my free hand across my chest.
"Hhmm… it's not that bad. It should be fine since there isn't anything lodged in there. May I ask how this happened?" he looked between me and Edward, but I continued my staring.
"Bella destroyed a mirror in her bathroom moments ago." Edward explained. I could feel all three pairs of eyes on me at once. I turned with a smirk on my face.
"What? It felt good." I teased. Oops, maybe I took that too far. "I'm just kidding jeesh!." I turned back to the window and walked closer to the ledge. I heard them mumbling and I knew it was about me again. I grew angrier and angrier as the kept up their little ranting. I looked down at my arm and noticed I had been snapping my rubber band. My wrist had gotten red and it stung a bit. How had I not noticed what I was doing? Was I to much accustomed to the pain of it I can do it inconspicuously?
"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked. He was staring at my wrist, and so was Carlisle. They noticed. The only one not staring was Jasper who was looking directly at me, and that was nerve-wrecking.
"I-well…I mean… It's just…" I stopped talking. I knew I had a confused look on my face. Why couldn't I lie…then it hit me. "Jasper, what are you doing to me?!" I screamed and stared directly at him.
"I," he began, "am just trying to help you by getting the truth out." He explained this to me as if I were a child. Like I didn't know any better.
"How dare you!" I shrieked, much more high pitched than normal. I snapped my rubber band one last time, causing me to inhale deeply from the pain it caused, and stormed to the door, only to have my waist captured by none other than Edward. I started thrashing around in his arms, trying to escape, but he wouldn't let up. I was getting so angry that the tears were cascading down my cheeks like waterfalls.
"Bella, please sweetheart, calm down." Edward soothed me. I slowed down my frantic attempts at freedom, but not because of Edward, but because Jasper was calming me.
"Jasper!!!" I wailed. Why does he keep messing all this up? I was starting to get light headed. Edward started to sing my lullaby as Jasper calmed me down and together it all lulled me to sleep against my will.
"Ed…war…d d-don't." I slurred, trying to get them to stop, but neither did.
"Ssshhh, sleep Bella, just calm down." Edward placed a cool kiss on my forehead, and then it was lights out for me…
Author's Note:
What'd you think? This was a bit longer than the other's but I'm not sure how good it actually was… Let me know what you think guys!! Credit to Paramore for their song Emergency.
Ash