Disclaimer- Don't own it.

Author's Note- This is my favorite story out of all the ones I have written.

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Ashes-Chapter Three-Begin

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I can't do it.

I can't let go of my lie.

No…there were still things I had to do…so many…things…

I think I went too deep. I'm breathing too hard; I can't get the air I desire. I gulp it down, but it doesn't reach my mind. I'm light headed; I can't stand up without falling to the ground. My vision blurs.

No…

I…

I don't want…

Panic starts to pulse through me, fogging my head with the instinctual urge to live.

To die…

Not yet.

There's someone there, but I can't see, I can't care. I hear them murmuring in a deep, soothing voice.

/God has come to take me/ I think in my bloodless stupor. Before my head hits the ground, the last thing I see is a wisp of silver.

In all the movies when the star wakes up in the hospital bed, their eyes flutter open dramatically as they recognize family and friends surrounding them. But that's another lie.

I remember flashes of what I think was a hospital, white rooms, white people, a white bed. Whether it was blood loss or some kind of drugs, I stayed in a state of semi-consciousness the whole time. I couldn't tell how much time was passing, and I was really tired. I slept.

Finally I feel as though I can wake up. I try and open my eyes, but it feels like I'm bench-pressing 50 pounds with my eyelids. I finally get them open and try to rub them, but my arms won't move. I look at them, very creeped out. I thought that was also only in the movies. I tried again. Still no response. What was going on?

Then I remembered. Am I dead? Well…I guess I'm not dead because I'm able to wonder if I am.

All I can see is the ceiling, a boring white ceiling, and glancing to the sides of me I recognize it as my room ceiling. Did I crawl back in here? No…I was in the hospital, wasn't I?

…Why the hell am I still alive? Argh!

I hear a shriek and see Tohru pop into my vision. I'm so exhausted I cant even jump in surprise. Her eyes are swollen and puffy, tears running everywhere, her hair a mess.

"K-Kyo-kun! Oh, Kyo-kun!" She sobs into her hands hysterically. Guilt floods me.

Crap. I really, really regret this. Now everyone is going to be mongering over me.

She peeks out of her fingers and cries harder. I lift my arm, which feels like its about to break. White bandages are wrapped thickly around my wrists. I involuntarily flinch when I see them. Huge regret wells up in me. This was a really bad idea. I brush the hair from her eyes as she grasps my hand and tries to suppress her sobs. I crack a weak smile.

"H-Hey…your nose…is running." She tries and fails to grin. Her tears drip on my hand, but I'm not grossed out or anything. Someone is crying for me. Someone cares. Hatori and Akito are wrong. I manage a true smile.

"Kyo-kun…K-Kyo-o-kun, I'm so sorry!" She wails.

"What…for?"

"I know I m-made you…so angry…please, will you f-forgive me?" She pleads with those wide brown eyes.

"What? This…has nothing to do with you. None of t-this was your fault….it's…"

"What, Kyo-kun? P-please, I'll listen to you. I'll always listen. No-no matter what happens, Kyo-kun, I'll listen, and I won't interrupt, or try and give advice! I…I want us to be together!"

My smile disappears. Stupid girl! Don't you think I want to be with you to? I can't! I wont be in contact with another human being! I only have a year left…just one year!

"I'm…I'm sorry, Tohru." I take my hand from her grasp and look away. She clasps her hands together and stares at the floor.

"I just want…to make sure Kyo-kun will be okay. I don't want to…to wonder if you'll be alright, I…I want to make it better for you!" She claps her hand over her mouth.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I can't believe how incredibly selfish that was…I didn't mean for it to come out like that!" She hangs her head.

"Stu-stupid. Don't w-worry over me. I won't…die. Akito w-won't let me die."

She looks questioning but doesn't say anything. Good. She crouches up.

"Kyo-kun, there are some others who want to see you. I-I'll leave you now. Do you want anything?" She asks, wiping her eyes. I freeze.

"It's not…Kagura, is it?" I say fearfully. Please, that's that last thing I need right now.

Tohru manages a small laugh.

"No, but Hatori-san and Shigure-san w-want to talk to you I think. I'll see you later Kyo-kun." She gets up and smiles at me, a tearful, wane smile. There are dark circles under her eyes. Jeez. Guilt bubbles like acid in my stomach.

Shigure enters. I glare at him reproachfully. This is just great. But his face holds no antics. I get nervous, something pulling at my stomach. I imagine the lecture from hell coming.

What kind of stunt was this? You over-reacted! It's your duty to be locked up, it's your fate! You cannot run from that, you have to go in the cage, so everyone else can smirk at you as you waste away…

He pulls up my chair and sits down. I glare at him. He breaks the ice after staring at me for about a minute.

"So." He says.

"So." Hmph.

"So." Grrr…

"What drove you to try and kill yourself?" He asks bluntly. I don't answer, shamed by my actions. What would Shishou say if he saw me now? Damn nosy dog.

"What did Akito say that upset you that much?" I still don't answer.

"Kyooo-kun?" He asks, a hint of his annoying voice appearing. I am not amused in the slightest.

"Shut up! You're Akito's lapdog, aren't you?! Why don't you go suck his dick and maybe he'll tell you!" Shigure looks surprised at my outburst but he smirks. He has an expression I've never seen before. It seems…cunning.

"Same old Kyo-kun, alright. Akito wouldn't tell me such things. In the end, even I can't be trusted." I stop to stare. I get the feeling that Shigure is not all he seems. He speaks again.

"Haa-san told me what was said, actually, I just wanted to see if you would break down and cry on my shoulder…ha ha ha!" He smiles shamefacedly.

"So…you're going to be locked up." His face turned solemn. I have never seen it so staid before, and made me very weary.

"I'm…I'm sorry Kyo-kun. I never meant for it to turn out this way. This…might have been avoidable…

"I will try, Kyo. I will try my best to change the situation around. I don't blame you for reacting the way you did." He reaches his hand out to me but stops half way, as if unsure how to approach me. He retracts it and sighs.

"Hang in there for at least another year, OKAY? Live life to the fullest. Don't hold back. And when the time comes…do what you have to do." I am about to protest, but he gets up and stretches. I hear cracks and he cries like an old man.

"Ahhhh, I'm getting so ooooold!! Hatori-jiji, help meee!" He wails and hobbles out of my room. What a freakshow.

Hatori says something about unnecessary nonsense and walks past Shigure.

Hatori enters, his eyes closed. When did his hair get so long? He shuts my door with a snap.

Hatori sits down nicely beside me, and I stare up at the ceiling, defying him. Asshole. I'll never forgive him for what he said in the car. Never. He sighs. Oh, he's tired? He has stress on him right now? Ha!

"Kyo."

I remain silent. I won't ever speak to Hatori again!

"I know what you heard must have been very upsetting. But I'm telling you now that your life is too precious to just throw out the window." I struggle to raise myself on my arms.

"What? What life? I don't have a life Hatori! Do you have any idea what sort of life I'm going to have after I graduate? Do you? Why the hell did you save me? It's too cruel to let me live! Why didn't you just let me die?" Oops. There goes my plan for never speaking to him again. But I'm too full of rage to care.

"Kyo! Please, Kyo…you still…!" He quiets, and I strain to listen. "You still have a year. Don't throw away the one year left you have free." My rage-contorted face softens. He's…right. It's like Shigure was saying. He pauses for a long, long time.

"After that…I…after that, I swear, I won't try and save you." My lips part in surprise.

I think about it. It really would be worth it, one more year. If I know that I'm not going in the cage, that I'm going to die first, I will live my life. I will defy Akito. That bastard will never have me live his way.

He moves to stand up, but I reach out a weak bloody arm and grab his pant cuff.

"Hatori…" I say. He waits, but I say nothing and look away in embarrassment. Jeez. There goes my pride again!

"There's someone else who wants to see you." Hatori says. I tense. Who else knows about this already? I watch my door expecting a random family member to walk through it.

But the person who enters my room is Yuki. I stare in shock, feeling humiliation crawl through me. I must seem so weak.

We stare at each other for an awkward minute. But…I can't snap at him. The burning hatred is stronger than ever. If…if only the rat hadn't tricked the cat! I wouldn't have to be locked up in the cage! But…I've lost the will to raise my voice for some reason. It must be blood loss.

"Stupid cat."

Okay, scratch that.

"What are you thinking, worrying Honda-san like that? Do you have any idea what you've put her through?"

I can't believe this. Tohru has nothing to worry about!

"Shut up. Shut up! She doesn't have anything to worry about! I'm the one who has the goddamn problem in my hands! Stop worrying about Tohru! Nothing is going to happen to her!"

Yuki looks away, his dark eyes darting around as though he is thinking. He snaps his head back at me, and his voice is still carefully controlled.

"That's not the point! You don't have to try to kill yourself and have her thinking she's going to lose a good friend!"

"Don't you already think I feel bad already? For your goddamn information, my intention wasn't to make Tohru feel bad!" I yell. Yuki's eyes narrow.

"Yeah? Than what was your intention? To have the whole world throw a pity-party for you? Why can't you see what you have? Like having friends and living in a house with a family who actually cares about you!"

"Shut up!! My fucking intention was to fucking die!! I hate you!!"

"I can't believe you're this weak. Why? What could be so bad that the stupid cat tries to take the easy way out? What did Akito do?"

"Don't you get it?" I roar, trying uselessly to get up. "I'm going to be-!"

I stop and bite my tongue in surprise. There's no way I'm telling Yuki. Nothing good could come out of that. He stays silent for a while, waiting for me.

"Well?" He says impatiently.

"Nothing. Get out of my room."

"No."

"Get out!"

"No!"

Goddamn this is pissing me off.

"Why the hell do you care what he did?" I bellow.

"I don't!" He shouts back at me. It seems to ring in my ears. And for some reason, for some reason I can't figure out, I'm hurt. It hurts me so bad and I don't know why. I look away. The pressure from behind my eyes comes back again.

"Whatever. Just…leave."

"No." The stubborn bastard. The pressure increases and I'm ready to plead with him.

"…Please…just…just leave me alone…" I say. And my voice sounds so pitiful and helpless. I hate it.

It was barely a whisper. But he caught it. He looks like I've gone crazy. For a minute he stays there next to me, but then he gets up and slowly backs away. The warmth from him next to my side disappears and leaves me with cold air. I can tell he wants to say something, but he doesn't. He closes the door. Leaving me alone.

The pressure from my eyes relieves itself and salt water slides down the side of my face.

I hear him lean against the wall outside my room and sigh. I can imagine him running his hands through his hair in frustration. Good. Let that damn rat die. I close my eyes and will sleep to come. And it does.

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Ashes-Chapter Three-End

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