Needing to Start Over

June 26th 2011

Connor-16 years old

Clark's POV

"Gradually bend your knees when you come down, that will soften the landing" I instruct Conner. We are currently working on his super-leaps in my parent's cornfield.

Jumping with a great deal of strength, Conner soars through the air and touches down on the ground as I instructed him to. The power to the ground is much less destructive. I smile and call to him "Good job!" Conner turns and returns my smile proudly. I tell him "Now try doing that while going higher."

Conner rises into the sky, above the cornfields surrounding us, and lands next to me. This time the earth shakes a bit from the impact. When standing up from his crouched position, Conner takes an unstable step to the side for balance. A strange look is plastered on his face before he shakes off the failed attempt and says "Sorry."

"It's fine" I place an encouraging hand on his shoulder. "You are still learning." The apprehensive look doesn't leave Conner's face.

A small 'click' sounds behind us. We turn and see Ma standing on her front porch with a camera in hand. "Don't mind me" she yells. "Just getting something for the family album, continue on."

I laugh at my mother's antics. She has been taking pictures nonstop ever since I introduced Conner to her and Pa. At first Conner seemed uncomfortable with having his almost every action photographed, but now he enjoys the loving attention from his grandmother. I swear she has taken enough to fill several albums already.

Looking back at Conner, I see his expression hasn't changed from the worried contemplation. "Hey" I snap him out of it, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" Conner mumbles, but I don't believe him. "Just let me try that again."

Before I can protest, he is off. But the jump is unsteady and Conner falls to his knee when he lands. "Conner!" I call to him worriedly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing! It just…I feel" he clutches his side. "Let me try again."

"No! If…" I begin but it is no use. Conner is in the air, but crashes into the ground a second later. He doesn't get up and I can hear him huff in pain with my superhearing. That landing shouldn't hurt a Kryptonian. "CONNER!" I fly over to him, concern filling me.

"Clark? What happened?!" Ma yells, also worried. She begins running out into the field where we are.

Conner is hunched over on his knees. One hand is on the ground, supporting his body weight while the other is clutching his stomach. He is gasping for breath.

I pull him close and whisper desperately "What is wrong? Are you hurt? Please Conner, tell me."

"I.." he begins before being cut off by a fit of coughs. Next thing I know, drops of blood are shooting out of Conner's mouth.

Ma has finally arrived and gasps at the sight she sees. "Clark, he needs medical attention" she implores.

Picking Conner up off the ground I tell her "I'm bringing him to the Watchtower." I fly off as fast as I can and carry my son to the closest Zeta Tube.

-The Watchtower-

"I'm dying" Conner whispers horrified. He stares at Batman with a dejected expression; one that I'm sure matches mine. My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach as I digest the news.

Batman, who is standing next to Conner's hospital bed, explains carefully "Not necessarily. You are going through degradation. Your body is breaking apart."

I grab Conner's hand, not knowing if it is to comfort him or myself. This can't be happening, not now. Conner and I just started having a real relationship. After I finally got my act together at the start of the year, it still took a while for us to bond. Only a few months ago did our relationship finally start feeling natural. We have come so far since last year, I…I can't believe this is happening. I've only had my son for less than a year and I am losing him.

"Why…" Conner struggles. "Why did it start now?"

"It didn't" Batman says gently. He is trying to be as comforting as Batman can be. "From what we can tell, this has been going on ever since you stepped out of Cadmus's pod, you just didn't notice."

"I noticed how I was getting tired quicker when working out, but I just thought it was stress from thinking about starting a new school" Conner says tearfully. My grasp on his hand tightens. It is the only thing I can do; my emotions are making it impossible to speak.

"There is hope" Batman encourages. "We are looking for an antidote that will stabilize your cells. We need to do some tests, hopefully those will bring us a step forward. I need your permission first though."

Nodding, Conner states "Of course. Do whatever you have to do; I want to live."

The Team laughs at a joke Wally makes. They are all sitting around Conner's bed, trying to keep the mood light. It's good that they are here. Conner needs some cheering up; Lord knows I'm too much of a wreck to do that. I watch the teens interact from the hallway; I can see them through a window. Upon the request of Batman, the room is soundproof so medical information can be discussed and heroes with super-hearing can't be nosy; giving the patient privacy. An alarm does go off in the hall when the patient needs medical attention though.

"How are the kids doing?" Bruce asks, walking up next to me.

"They're being supportive" I answer solemnly. "Trying to keep his spirits up."

"That's good."

"I can't lose my son Bruce" I whisper gloomily. "It's hasn't even been long and….already I can't imagine life without him."

After a moment of hesitation, Bruce tells me "I may have found the reasons why his body is doing this."

"What do you mean?"

"Conner's body never had the proper amount of time to grow. The chemicals inside him never had the opportunity to settle and now his cellular structure is breaking down. And…" he hesitates again, "Conner's genetic structure is also unstable."

"How can that be?" I ask confused. "It is a copy of mine; did Cadmus make a mistake?"

"No, they made an almost perfect copy of your DNA. That is the problem. They didn't try to make a child, they make a copy. As a result, Conner's body wasn't made to grow and be maintained outside of his pod. He can't stabilize on his own."

"There must be something we can do" I plead. "An antidote or anything. There's…"

"I have a plan" my colleague assures me. "But it will be difficult, dangerous and will take a very long time."

"What is it?"

"First we would let Conner regenerate, start all over again."

I frown "You mean put him back in the pod?" I can't do that to him. I won't put my son through his worst fear. Thank god the soundproofing works both ways, so the teens can't hear what we are discussing. Conner would begin panicking.

"It's more than that Clark" Bruce stresses. "I'm talking about having his body and brain start all over again…the same way we began our lives."

Utterly confused, I question "The same way we began? You mean be born?"

Bruce nods, "We would monitor him. Technically, we would be letting his body degrade, but in a controlled manner." I turn away and run a hand through my hair, trying to digest what he is proposing. Bruce continues "Once Conner's body reaches a state where it is at rest and not breaking apart we can fix the genetic problems."

"Let me get this straight" I try to comprehend. "You want to let my son's body fall apart, go in and what…add some more of my DNA then hope he returns back to normal?"

"No. We wouldn't use your DNA and he wouldn't go back to normal." I stare blankly at Batman, not understanding. "I don't think you are understanding this Clark. When we stop the degradation, Conner's body won't be where it is now. It would be in a new state, starting all over so he can grow at a normal rate like a normal child. He won't be a teenager."

"Starting all over" I mumble to myself before realizing "You want to make him a baby."

Again, Bruce nods. For a second, I almost expect him to yell 'Gotcha!' and admit that it's some kind of twisted prank. But Batman is serious as he says "Conner was forced to grow at an excelled speed and his body never accepted it. The way we can fix the degradation is by sending Conner back to the state he was in before it started."

I remain silent for a long time. Sitting down on a bench, I think over everything that he has explained to me. Conner wants to live, he told us so. I want him to live. But does that include starting life all over? Conner has shared with me his grievances about not getting a childhood. I have also felt sorrow that Conner has missed out on so much normality in his life. He never had the chance to grow up, be a kid, learn from school and not have an education already programed inside his head. My parents and I are his only…a thought hits me.

"You said you wouldn't use my DNA. What does that mean?"

Bruce sits down next to me. "It's how we would stabilize his DNA; a second genetic donor."

"Your solution is giving Conner a…mother?"

"Or another father. Depends on who is willing to donate their DNA."

I stare at him dumbfounded. He has got to be joking. First the baby solution, and now this. He must be messing with me.

Turning his attention to the room of teens who have been eyeing us suspiciously, Bruce continues "We need to get a name from Superboy on who he would like to ask."

"What?" I stutter.

"I'm sure Conner has a preference on who he would like to share DNA with. I mean, after the process half of him will be the donor."

"We can't make him choose" I hiss.

Raising an eyebrow, Bruce states "It should be his decision Clark. Knowing your relationship, I'm positive the boy will take your preference into consideration…"

I cut him off "Conner spent the first half of his life asking me to be his father, only for me to blow him off. I will never forgive myself for that, but it is what happened and it hurt him emotionally. Now you want him to go around asking for somebody to step up and be his second parent?"

"If he wants to live, yes."

"We can't put that burden on him Bruce. Not again. He will only be fearful of being rejected again. This entire idea is crazy…"

"Then what do you suggest Clark?"

"I…" An alarm goes off, cutting me off before I can even form a thought.

My head snaps up. I see through the window Conner's body seizing. The room's door bursts open to reveal a frantic Wally who shouts "GET THE DOCTOR! HE NEEDS HELP!"

I take in a deep breath as I continue my watch on my son. Dozens of tubes and wires are surrounding his sleeping form. It's been three days…why hasn't he woken up yet? With each passing second, I become more anxious.

A voice sounds from the doorway "You look like crap."

"I feel like crap."

Batman stands on the other side of Conner, looking at the boy with an unreadable expression. "You need to make a decision Clark. I've given you enough time to think."

"Do it" I say without hesitation. Bruce raises an eyebrow at me questioningly. "Do whatever it takes, just like he said. If you can fix him…if you can save my son, do it."

"I've written a notice to the League about the second donor. If you want me to send it or if you would like to ask someone from outside the League…"

"Send it. Nobody outside the League, besides my parents, knows both of my identities. I should ask the League first. Send it."

"I already have" Bruce states. "Yesterday."

"And" I ask with hope.

"It's only been one day and it's a big decision Clark. Give it some time. We still have to prepare a pod for the deterioration process anyways."

"Would you volunteer Bruce?" I ask hopelessly. "Would you willingly sign up for this? The long process of watching your kid go through this extremely dangerous experiment that we don't even know will work? Would you volunteer?"

Bruce pauses a moment before saying with a hint of humor "Are you saying you want to have a child with me Kent?" I think this is the closest Bruce has ever come to telling a joke.

Not being able to help it, I laugh "No." It feels good to smile again, something I haven't done in days. It lessens the feeling of danger and gives me a bit of hope that everything will turn out fine. Slowly the feeling dies down though, until I am asking seriously again "But would you? Who would sign up for this? It's crazy."

"Are you trying to back out?" he growls.

"NO! Of course not! I would never…He's my son Bruce. He's mine. I would never leave him, especially now when he needs me the most. But nobody else on the League has any obligation to sign up for this. Look at me, I'm a wreck. How the hell am I supposed to ask somebody to willingly sign up for this emotional rollercoaster that may have a horrendous ending? What if he dies in the pod? What if we make a mistake? What if we are wrong and Conner is still is deteriorating after the process is done? Then if your experiment is successful, how do I ask if the other person if they want to be a parent to a baby? Now I'm glad Conner is going to get the childhood he always wanted, and I'm ecstatic that I will be a part of it. But you know the League. Barely any of them have ever talked about having children. How am I supposed to try and convince one of them to become my child's parent?"

Bruce stares at me for a long time, contemplating every word. He answers "We have time Clark. We don't need a second donor for a while. You have time to figure out how to get one. Also…don't forget that you are not the only person on the League that cares about Conner." With that, he leaves the room.

I sit back in my chair and sigh. Looking over at my sleeping boy, I hold his hand. Not even a week ago we were in this same position learning about the deterioration for the first time, except strangely enough it didn't feel as terrifying as right now. I whisper something I should have told Conner that day

"I will fix this. I will do everything in my power to help you. You will not die if I have anything to do with it. I will take care of you; I will find somebody."

Standing up from my chair, I lean forward and place a gentle kiss on his forehead. I repeat every word I just said in my mind, making sure I remember my promise. I will do everything in my power to save my son.

As I sit back in my chair, a female voice says from the doorway

"Clark? I…I read Bruce's notice….I'll do it."