Allen: Where's Miss Syaoran?
Lavi: Ooh, Shasha-chan? Locked up in her room.
Allen&&Rinali: Why?
Kanda: WHY DID SHE LOCK THE DAMN DOOR?
Lavi: That's why. –turns to Kanda- BTW, Yuu-chan, you're not supposed to know about the chibis until Shasha-chan writes the chapter.
Kanda: I DON'T CARE! I come back from training and what's waiting for me? THOSE TWINS! –activates Innocence-
Syaoran: -from inside room- NO POINT USING MUGEN, KANDA! MY DOOR IS MAGICALLY INNOCENCE-PROOF! FACE RESPONSIBILITY LIKE THE SHE-MALE YOU ARE! –laughs maniacally- I've been waiting to say that for like forever.
Kanda: OPEN UP!
Lavi: -sighs- Ne, Shasha-chan! I saw an interesting question in your reviews page! You're going to answer it, right?
Syaoran: Eh? Oh. Yeah, I'm going to! I love the R&&Rers! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH, BLESS YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! –hearts && sparkles, abruptly stops- KANDA, MY DOOR MAY BE MAGIC BUT IT'S NOT A SELF-HEALER! –turns to pet muse- JAMIE, GET OUT THERE!
Kanda: Oh shit. –prepares sword- Alright, bring it on, mutt! I ain't afraid of ya!
Allen: This is why Miss Syaoran doesn't own D. Gray-Man.
Warning: OOCness.
Boys Will Be Boys
Chapter 3 – The Matter of Responsibility
Allen stared. For a very long time.
Until someone came hurrying towards him.
"Ah, mou, Allen-kun! You weren't supposed to see the twins till next week!" Komui whined.
"K-Komui-san…" Allen stammered. "You- I haven't seen you in weeks! Where've you been?"
"Here!" Komui said, gesturing towards the room outside the smaller one in which Allen and the boys were in. "The scientists and I have been here to run the tests for Andy-chan and Kan-chan."
"A-Andy-chan? Kan-chan? Komui-san! What's going on?" Allen cried.
Komui smiled sheepishly. "Say hi to the results of your and Kanda's blood samples," he said.
Allen slowly looked back at the twins. They gazed at him with huge, curious eyes, one pair innocent, the other a little wary.
"This is Andy-chan," Komui said, pointing to the dark-haired Allen chibi clinging on to Allen's pant leg, "and over there's Yuukan-chan. Don't worry about him, he's not exactly like Kanda, he's got your blood too. Same with Andy-chan. Adorable, no?"
"Er." Allen was at a loss for words.
"Mama, why didn't you come earlier?" Andy whined. "I wanted to see you so bad."
"Mama?" Allen squeaked. Andy nodded slowly, his eyes becoming slightly suspicious. It was then the cursed teen realized the meaning of Komui's words; the look in Andy's eyes had suddenly become Kanda-ish.
Komui had apparently noticed; he quickly cut in. "Andy-chan, let go of your mother, I need to talk to… him," he smirked. "He's still kind of confused."
Andy reluctantly let go of Allen's pant leg. Yuukan moved forward and took hold of his brother's arm in a sternly protective manner, his dark eyes locked on Allen the entire time. Allen didn't like his look. It was far too similar to his father's.
Wait. His father's?
'Kanda isn't his father! It's just a technical term, dammit!'
Komui pulled him aside while the twins began talking amongst themselves.
"Komui-san, I don't understand, you used my blood sample for creating children? Why? How? And why mine and Kanda's? What for?" Allen babbled.
"Shh, calm down, Allen-kun," Komui said patiently.
Allen took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"Okay. It's like this," Komui said. "The scientists and I had this impossible idea that we could create Innocence-compatible children using just blood. It was crazy, but we decided to try. And the reason why we took your and Kanda's blood is because currently you two have the best compatibility with your Innocence. We need 'strong' blood, if you know what I mean. Hevlaska helped us with the Innocence part."
Allen tried to digest everything as calmly as possible. "…oh," he said slowly. "So, the plan was a success?"
Komui pulled a face. "Not… exactly," he said. "It was perfect, but almost. See, the oldest humans we could create was five years old. And they're not alive the way we are, you know."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"They aren't natural-born kids, right? That means they don't really have souls. Their main source of life is their Innocence."
Allen stared. "So what happens if their Innocence is… say, taken away from them?"
"They die," Komui responded simply. "But they won't turn into ash or anything. They'll just be 'inactive', so to speak, until they're given Innocence again. They're quite immortal, come to think of it. You can hurt them and they just heal. Not immediately, of course, but a good deal faster than the rest of us do."
"You've tried hurting them?" Allen hissed, horrified.
"No! Of course not, I'm not that cruel to children!" Komui looked shocked. "You know kids— little devils, they are. Reason why they're locked up here is because they keep meddling with the sharp objects and acids. I'd like it if they could spend a minute without their body parts on fire or something!"
Allen sweatdropped. 'Okay, that's definitely not either me or Kanda.'
"So I can't let them go anywhere until we run all the tests to see if they truly are 100 percent complete, human and safe," Komui continued. Then he grinned. "But if they are out, you and Kanda need to take responsibility."
"W-what?"
"Yes! You're their mother, and Kanda is their father, technically. Even the birth certificates I issued for them state so."
Allen bit his lip. "Why must I be their mother?" he asked, frowning. "Isn't Kanda more… eh, feminine?"
"If you call that feminine, I think real males must be barbarians," Komui said darkly. "Besides, Allen-kun, you're fifteen and Kanda's eighteen. No one would really fancy older-women relationships around here— not that I'm calling you female, sorry. But even if Kanda has… womanly features, he's still more masculine if you compare."
Allen pouted.
"You see? And almost all the scientists thought Andy-chan was female, he was so cute," Komui beamed, looking like he's resisting the urge to pinch Allen's cheeks.
Allen sighed and turned to look at the boys again. Somehow or other, Andy had convinced Yuukan to let him play with his silky silver hair. Now Andy was braiding it.
"Well, now that I'm awake, might as well run the tests," Komui said, loudly enough for the twins to hear. "It's so cruel to keep the twins here for one more week."
Allen nodded dumbly.
"Mama, you aren't leaving, are you?" Andy suddenly demanded, looking up from Yuukan's braid.
Allen stared at him. Then he smiled. "No, I'll stay."
Kanda was asleep, but he had the weirdest feeling he was being watched when he felt himself slip in consciousness. (Syaoran: You know, just before you wake up, you feel as if your mind's coming back from whatever dream or wherever it was. Just FYI.) Very slowly, he opened his eyes.
And sure enough, two pairs of eyes were staring right back at him.
With a start, he sat bolt upright in shock.
"Wha— what— you…" Kanda gaped.
Two young boys, no more than six years old, were leaning on his bed. They looked just like… him and that Moyashi. Kanda's blood ran cold.
"Yeah, Papa seriously does look like you," the dark-haired Allen chibi commented to his companion, who tilted his head curiously as he observed Kanda.
"I don't gasp like that, though, do I?" the silver-haired Kanda chibi replied a little worriedly.
"Nah," Allen-chibi shook his head, grinning.
Something inside Kanda snapped.
"What the he—"
"NO. NO FOUL LANGUAGE."
Kanda blinked. He looked at the doorway and saw Allen standing there.
"Moyashi?" he said, frowning. He ignored Allen's outburst. "What the hell is going on here?"
"Hell?" the twins murmured together in awe.
Allen smacked his forehead. "Dear Lord in heaven."
Impatiently, he strode into the room and kneeled down so that he was level with the twins. "Boys, don't ever say that word like that. It's wrong," he said gently.
"But if Papa says it, why can't we?" the silver-haired Kanda asked, puzzled.
"I'll hit him for that later," Allen responded darkly.
Kanda just stared. "Uh, Moyashi? I'm catching nothing here."
Allen's expression turned pained. "Oh God, give me strength," he muttered. Then he said hesitantly, "This is Yuukan and this is Andy. They're— the results of the blood samples Komui-san took from us."
The samurai Exorcist's face was slowly draining of blood.
"You're kidding," he said simply.
Allen blinked. "I'm not."
"You are."
"I'm not."
"How can you not be kidding?"
"Why else would the twins look like us? Open your eyes wide, Kanda!"
Kanda got off his bed, a vein popping in his temple. "This is crazy!" he yelled. "Komui created kids? Kids out of blood that he took from us without even telling us what for? Kids that call me Papa?"
"You know, I don't want to make it worse, but they call me Mama," Allen replied sarcastically.
"Oh great!" Kanda said in horror. "Better, still! Now these two think we're their parents? We're MALES!"
"Like I haven't checked," Allen sighed.
His eyes widened. So did Kanda's.
"I-I didn't mean it that way! Don't look at me like that!"
"You'd better not," Kanda said warningly, giving Allen the evil eye.
The silver-haired Exorcist blushed.
"Will you stop that? It's distracting."
"Stop what? I'm not doing anything."
"Blushing."
Allen blinked. "My blushing distracts you?"
"It's so red! You've got a blushing overload problem!" Kanda burst out.
"Well I can't help it!" Allen replied, cheeks flushing even more red.
"Whatever!" Kanda snapped, averting his eyes from those tomato cheeks. "This is the bottom line, Moyashi. I'm not becoming these twins' father. If you want to be their mom, it's fine by me, 'cuz I'm pretty goddamned sure it's got nothing to do with me—"
"LANGUAGE! They're only FIVE, you JERKFACE!"
"Now who's the one using language?" Kanda sneered.
Allen blinked, then gave Kanda a dirty look. The samurai Exorcist ignored it.
"You got me? I'm not going to take responsibility. I didn't ask for these kids, and I'm not going to want them now either," he said, beginning to stride out of the room.
Yuukan and Andy stared. So did Allen.
"Man, if you ever get a girl pregnant, she's gonna take that Mugen of yours and stick it up your ass," Allen muttered to himself.
"Mama, why does Papa call you Moyashi?" Andy asked curiously.
"A-ah, it means, er… p-pretty?"
"Oh. Cool," the twins said together.
Silence.
"Then what's goddamned, jerkface and ass?"
'Kanda, I will KILL you!'
Syaoran: Muahaha! I loved this chapter!
Kanda: -panting and gasping from fighting Jamie- WELL I DIDN'T! –strikes- You friggin' pile of drool! Take THAT!
Syaoran: MY BELOVED JAMIE DOESN'T DROOL!
Allen: It's a wonder to me that Miss Syaoran actually adores Kanda.
Lavi&&Rinali: Y-yeah…