Three weeks passed as Tony waited for the right time to talk to Ziva. And then Wendy showed up and threw a wrench into his plans. Why he had kissed her he still wasn't sure - curiosity maybe? And not like he hadn't enjoyed it, but they didn't have a connection anymore, that had been severed when she broke their engagement and walked away. Seeing her again caused him to do a lot of deep thinking about what ifs and regrets, which was why Ziva found him at their favourite bar contemplating a glass of scotch the night of his talk with his ex-fiancee at the flower shop, not that he'd tried very hard to hide.

She sat down beside him and ordered a virgin drink, so clearly she was appointing herself his ride home. "This is my first one," he pointed out, so she knew.

Ziva regarded him carefully. "I have never known you just to look at liquor."

He sipped it half-heartedly, appreciating the way it burned down his throat and brought focus to his foggy mind. "Yeah, well, there's a first time for everything."

She tried her drink and thought. "And sometimes a second."

Tony glanced at her. "We're not getting back together. She would like to, but..."

"Too much water through the dam," Ziva finished, understanding.

He shrugged. "Close enough."

They drank in silence for awhile and then Ziva tapped a finger against his hand. "Why are you here Tony?"

Tony spun his glass around on the wood. "Because talking to Ducky makes me think and I can't think while sober."

"You have been thinking a lot today," she observed. "You seem very-"

He held up a hand. "Please don't say pensive."

"-contemplative," Ziva amended.

Tony sighed. "You know what he said? That I've spent the last seventeen years chasing the wrong women so I could guarantee that I'd end up alone and wouldn't get my heart broken again." He snorted. "Look how well that worked."

Ziva swished the straw around in her glass. "You can never really protect your heart from being broken."

He remembered her most recent experience and nodded. "You were right."

Her eyebrows rose. "About what?"

"I've lied to myself for years, trying to pretend that having sex was good enough and commitment just wasn't me." Tony met her eyes briefly. "It used to be me."

Ziva's lips curved gently. "That sounds like the truth." She angled her body towards him. "What happened between you and Wendy?"

Tony rubbed a hand over his face. "The night before our wedding she said we needed to talk, but then it was only one sentence - 'I can't marry you'. And she left. I didn't take it well. Went home and drank all night. Left a church full of guests wondering what happened to the wedding. Two days later I got a call from Gibbs with a job offer. I took it and never looked back."

Her eyes dropped. "I'm sorry Tony, I know that must hurt."

He gave a humourless laugh. "Y'know, the funny thing is, she knows I care about you." Tony's mouth fell open. "Except I wasn't going to tell you that."

Ziva blinked slowly. "Scotch is like your own personal truth serum Tony, usually when you drink it you start being completely honest, with yourself and everyone else."

He was thinking of a dark night and the two of them sitting together in Autopsy after returning home from LA. "Yeah," Tony agreed finally, staring into his empty glass, "maybe."

After that, they didn't have to say much.