Praying It All Will Be New

Emerson was still immersed in her thoughts when Lourdes stopped by her classroom on her way to the infirmary. "What's that look for?" Emerson's head shot up at the sound of her friend's voice and she blushed deeply. "Ben Mason came by today." Lourdes' eyes widened and she stepped deeper into the room, coming to a stop in front of Emerson's desk. "What did he want?"

Emerson blushed and leaned forward. "Well, I was in the closet picking up books to read and when I turned to leave, I literally ran into him. I dropped all my books and he basically accused me of having a problem with him because I always stared and never talked to him." She blushed at that part and cleared her throat before continuing.

"I told him I didn't have a problem with and then said why I stared." She looked up at Lourdes who had an expectant look on her face. Emerson didn't speak. "Well, what did you say?" Lourdes demanded. Emerson's blush deepened and she ducked her head away from Lourdes' eyes. "I told him I thought he was beautiful." Lourdes gasped and then squealed loudly.

Emerson shot her head up and stood quickly, placing her hand over Lourdes' mouth, silencing her. "Could you be any louder?" She demanded. Lourdes rolled her eyes and pushed her hand away from her mouth. "This is so exciting, Emmy." Emerson rolled her eyes and sat back down. "What's so exciting? We sorted everything out and we talked. That's it."

Lourdes scoffed and sat in the small chair across from her best friend's desk. "Well, now you guys are on better terms. Maybe something good will come of this. Maybe he'll fall in love with you." Emerson laughed loudly. "Just because we've cleared the air doesn't mean he's going to fall in love with me, Lourdes. We've reached an understanding and that's it." She shook her head and pulled open the drawer of her desk and taking out ungraded tests from the previous week.

"Is that all that was said?" Emerson shook her head and half-heartedly read over the answers, seeing them but not comprehending. "What else happened, Emerson?" She hummed and shrugged lightly, underlining a mistake in one student's answer. "He might've called me beautiful." She snapped her eyes up to Lourdes to cut off her squeal before it even left her throat. Lourdes smile appeared almost maniacal and she leaned forward, her elbows planted on the edge of the desk. "Emerson! That means something."

She stood and pushed her chair in. "It doesn't mean anything, Lourdes. We hardly even know each other. Just because he thinks I'm beautiful doesn't mean that he wants to date me." She rolled her eyes and shuffled the papers into a straight pile before bringing them close to her chest and staring at her friend, signaling her departure from the room. Lourdes stood and sighed dramatically. "It's not everyday someone calls you beautiful, Em. Maybe he thinks differently of you now that he knows the reason behind your avid gaze."

Emerson shook her head and looked down. "Just because he knows why I stare doesn't mean his feelings could change. That's shallow for anyone. You shouldn't change your feelings for someone simply because they find you attractive." Lourdes stared hard at her friend before sighing again, less dramatically and with more resignation. "You shouldn't think so lowly of yourself, Emerson."

Emerson watched her friend leave the room first before turning her head to the small window on the other side of the room. People didn't hate you one minute and like you the next. Not after just one conversation. Especially people as complicated as Ben Mason.

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The breeze was chilly as it swept around her like a fog. The sunset was painting the sky orange and red. Tendrils of her hair curled around her neck and shoulders as the wind trailed through it. She was sitting on the roof of building that housed her classroom with her knees tucked up to her chest and her chin resting on them.

The ungraded tests sat beside her, weighed down by a large rock she'd found on the roof. This was where she came to think. About the heavy things at least. Ben Mason was heavy. He'd called her beautiful and she didn't know what to do about that. She'd always seen him as this unattainable subject that wouldn't grow beyond her dreams. It frightened her that it might.

Her being with Ben only ever survived in her dreams and the idea that they could be together for real terrified her more than it should. She'd never had a serious boyfriend before. Sure she'd had two boyfriends in high school but neither one made it past three months and she only ever kissed one of them. When she got to college she'd made out with a few fraternity boys but it never went past that.

Ben Mason scared her because he allowed the possibility for commitment and she'd never had to deal with that before. She was as in love with him as someone who'd never experienced love could be. When her parents had been alive, they always told her that a successful relationship didn't work because each person gave 50/50. They worked because each person gave 100% all the time. Being in a relationship was hard and with the world they lived in, it would be even harder.

She started when she felt someone place a gentle hand on her shoulder before taking the place next to her. "I didn't mean to startle you." Tom smiled. Emerson shook her head and licked her chapped lips. "I didn't hear you come up." Tom nodded and looked out at the sunset. "How'd you find me?" Tom glanced at her from the corner of his eye and smiled. "You weren't in your room, your classroom or the storage closet so I went to Lourdes. She told me you'd probably be up here."

Emerson made a mental note to never tell Lourdes anything ever again.

"What are you thinking about?" Emerson sighed and shrugged half-heartedly. Tom chuckled low in his throat. "Could it have anything to do with Ben?" Emerson stiffened before sucking her teeth. Tom laughed again and shook his head. "I saw him earlier. He had a pretty big grin on his face and he had a certain skip to his step I've never seen before."

Emerson took a deep breath through her nose and shifted her weight. "Really?" She asked. Tom could hear the lie in her voice. She was trying to sound uninterested but wasn't succeeding. "Yeah. I haven't seen him smile like that since before the invasion." Emerson forced the smile from taking over her face. "Good for him." Tom sighed.

"I don't see what you're so hesitant about, Emmy. You love him." She shot her head around to stare, wide-eyed, at him. "What?" She nearly shouted. Tom hesitated before pushing forward. "I can see it in your eyes every time you look at him. It's the same look Rebecca used to have when I saw her looking at me." Emerson ducked her head and hid her face from Tom.

"What are you afraid of, Em? He's not that scary." Emerson looked up and met Tom's eyes. "I've never been in this situation before. I've only ever dreamed of being with Ben and now that there's a possibility that it could happen, that scares me to death." She shrugged. "I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that it'll turn out terribly and we'll hate each other. I'm afraid our relationship will change the whole dynamic of your family. I'm just…" She sighed and shook her head. "Afraid."

Tom allowed her words to sink in and clicked his tongue. "Emmy," She turned her head to face him and he sighed when he registered the fear and hesitation written there. "Emmy, it's okay to be afraid of what we don't know but if we never took any chances we wouldn't be where we are today." She gave him a withering look and he rolled his eyes. "Obviously not now but, the Louisiana Purchase? If Jefferson hadn't have brought that territory from Napoleon then we wouldn't have the land we have today. Taking chances sometimes costs us terribly but sometimes it pays off but you'll never unless you take a chance."

Emerson ducked her head and examined her nail beds. Dirt was permanently stuck beneath her nails and they were ragged and torn. She used to bit them all the time but with all the dirt stuck beneath them, she couldn't stand to do it anymore.

"I don't know what to do." She whispered. Tom wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I think you do, Em." She swallowed thickly. She did.

Tom sighed and eased himself out of the side hug, bringing himself to his feet and swiped down the back of his pants. "Everything'll be okay, Emmy. I promise." She glanced up and nodded once before listening to him walk away.

She thought about Ben and smiled. How could she turn away from something that made her smile?

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I'm sorry that this chapter isn't as long as the others. I'll try to change that in the future. I'll try really hard to update as soon as possible. I'm trying to avoid updating only on Sunday's but unfortunately that's the route it's been going. I'll try to update on a day that's not Sunday soon. Sorry again for the short chapter.