Lars in the Sky With Diamonds, Act 2: Escape from Emerald!
Emeralds are amongst some of the most high ranking individuals in gem society. They command their own military forces, keep their own small colonies and run complex, independent operations. While Emeralds tend to operate independently from each other, with little to no contact or cooperation, every once in a while, they will gather on one of their' colony for a 'family meeting' of sorts.
And yes, just like any human family gathering, the Emerald meetings always end either in a fistfight, a shouting match, a drunken fistfight, or everyone storming off one by one. You know that one guy who always goes on and on about how great he is and everything he has that you don't? Every Emerald is like that.
Right now, our Emerald (the one with the gem on her right eye, Facet-3M Cut-MY) was the biggest and baddest of all the braggers! She had just captured the infamous Lars of the Stars, the Off-Colour space pirate who had terrorized the galaxy and been a constant thorn in Homeworld's side since he first emerged, seemingly out of nowhere. Now that was an accomplishment!
"Sisters!" Emerald announced. "I am terribly sorry for leaving you standing here…"
"No, you're not," a pink voice interrupted her. Emerald ignored it.
"… but as you all know, the fierce space pirate Lars of the Stars…"
"Oh-ho, you're flattering me!" the voice said. Emerald ignored it again.
"…have finally, after much effort on my part…"
"You were literally here, having a party when a group of low-level Ruby guards caught us…"
".. he was finally cornered, right here on this very colony…"
"Technically, that room didn't have any corners. It was round."
"… and his crew captured…"
"Fluorite and Rhodonite got away with the Sun Incinerator."
"WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!?"
"No."
By now, the entire group of some forty Emeralds was either snickering or outright laughing at the display. Emerald blushed in embarrassment. She turned to the space pirate. "Now you listen here…" she whispered to the space pirate. "…if you value the lives of your crewmates, I suggest you cease your unnecessary commentary, or else…"
"Oh, but Emmy, this is supposed to be a comedy! And interrupting you is funny!"
"One more quip and I will punch you. And then I'll kill your friends. You get how that works?"
"Uh… sorry, I don't think I understand… could you go over that again?" Lars said meekly. Emerald smiled with triumph!
"I said that, if you so much as utter another 'clever' word, I will…"
"Yeah, yeah, I have read and agree to the privacy policy, can we just get this over with?"
Emerald's eye twitched. She took a deep breath, punched Lars in the stomach, and let go of her breath. She turned back to her sisters, who were laughing as if there was actual comedy going on. "Ahem. Sisters, may I present to you, Lars of the Stars!" She stepped to the side, revealing the pink, bent-over human pirate gasping for air.
"W-worth it…" he mumbled.
No one was impressed.
"This guy is the one who has been giving you so much problem?" another Emerald, said. "This organic loser?"
"Yeah, seriously, what was all the fuss about? He certainly doesn't look (or sound) all that dangerous to me," A third Emerald said.
"Perhaps our sister Emmy is losing her luster," a fourth one theater-whispered, and the group burst into laughter again.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" Emmy screamed on the top of her lungs, which only made everyone laugh even harder. "THIS MAN IS A DANGEROUS CRIMINAL!"
"Well, you're not wrong about that…" Lars said behind her.
Emerald snapped for the third time in less than five minutes. "You…" she growled, and turned to the space pirate… only to be met by gem destabilizer to the face!
"Kyahrgh!" Emerald screamed in shock and agony. The laughing crowd was silenced by the sounds and sight of their sister's form being electrocuted, torn apart and poofed into nothingness.
"Phew," Lars of the Stars said nonchalantly. Despite his hands being bound, he easily caught the falling emerald in his hand. Even more impressive than that, however, was what was going on on top of Lars' head. "Finally! She was really starting to get on my nerves there. Good job, Rhodonite!" A gem, a fusion by the looks of it, was somehow… sticking out of his hair; as if the space pirate's hair hid a pocket dimension within it. The Off-Colour was holding a gem destabilizer in one of her hands.
"I-impossible!" one of the Emeralds yelled in shock. "He hid one of his crewmates in his hair! He must have signaled her with some sort of sign while we were too concentrated on Emmy to notice! It was she that poofed her!"
"No way!" another-another Emerald yelled back. "He wanted to be captured! This was his plan all along!"
"Muahahaha!" Lars laughed. He held up his cuffed hands, and Rhodonite swiftly pulled a plasma rifle from his hair and blasted them to hell. "Thanks, Rhodonite, you really are a rock," Lars said.
"…yes," Rhodonite, not getting the metaphor, said. "Um… should I get out of your hair, or…?"
"Nah," Lars said. "You can stay in there if you want to. Just give me the rifle, and hold onto this for me," he said and handed her the green beryl. "Just keep an eye out, make sure no one sneaks up on me, will ya'?"
"Sure thing Captain." Rhodonite grabbed the gemstone with one of her arms and handed her captain the rifle with two of the others. "I think I'll stay in here…" she mumbled and sank back into the pink mane, only her head sticking out, happy to keep out of harm's way.
Lars turned his attention back to the group of Emeralds watching the scene going on in stunned silence. He bowed mockingly. "I'm sorry ladies, but this is where I take my leave."
"Like shale, you will!" One of the Emeralds had regained her composure. From the gem on her chest, she summoned forth her weapon, a sharp short sword. "You may have taken Emmy by surprise, but don't you dare to take us like jokes!"
"Yeah!" The other Emeralds joined in, summoning their own weapons. Swords, spears, whips, mazes, and axes… "You're in a room full of elite gems! You will not get away so easily!"
Lars was not impressed.
"Yes, I will," he said. Without further ado, he waved his had, a pink burst of energy springing forth from it. Out of pure reflex, all Emeralds in the room instinctively took a step backward to avoid whatever attack the space pirate had employed. That was nothing they shouldn't have done because the attack wasn't an attack. Rather, the burst of pink energy was the manifestation of an inter-dimensional rift in space, that formed into a swirling portal. "Ciao," Lars said and stepped into the portal, thus escaping from the group of Emeralds.
"Oh no! He stepped into the portal, thus escaping this group of Emeralds!" one of the Emeralds said as the portal closed before them.
xxXXxx
"And then Lars stepped into the portal, thus escaping the group of Emeralds!"
"Yes, Padparadscha, we know, we were there," Lars sighed. He, Padparadscha, Rhodonite, the Rutile Twins and Fluorite were currently chilling on the bridge of the Sun Incinerator, celebrating a well-executed plan. It was, by far, the most dangerous and complicated plan the Off-Colours had ever attempted.
"Listen, you guys…" Lars said to his crew. His new family. "This… this mission was dangerous. It was a risky gamble, and we knew that going into it."
In a distance, a 「Bonk」 was heard.
"We've had our run-ins with Emerald before…"
「Bonk」
"…but never before so close up and personal…"
「Bonk」
"But we did it."
「Bonk」
"We stared danger right in the face, and we refused to stand down!"
「Bonk」
"Without combined strengths, cunning, intelligence and wit, we beat Emmy!"
「Bonk!」
"And see what it earned us! The Sun Incinerator is fixed…"
「Bonk!」
"…and we got Emmy…"
「Bonk!」
"…locked away in the closet, making those really annoying 'bonking' sounds."
「bonk」
"Yeah, uh, about that Captain…" Rhodonite said hesitantly. "I've been thinking, and, ah… so we captured Emerald…"
「Bonk」
"But, eh… we did it in front of every other Emerald in the galaxy… won't that make all of them come after us now?"
…
"Crap."