Oh hey there! Thanks a bunch to those who are now following my story! Whenever I get an email saying that I have a new follower for the story, it makes me really happy! Anyways, I managed to get another chapter in! This one is kind of a short chapter. It's like the inner workings of Spencer's mind so, I guess you could say its a kind of filler chapter.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING (except the plot)

Enjoy!

Decisions

Spencer's hand froze. Was he really going to do this? Was he really going to throw away so many months of sobriety? Was it worth the numb feeling he would get? Maybe. He was in so much pain at the moment that his incredible mind couldn't figure out a decision. He just sat there with his hand reaching for the tiny bottle. It was ironic really. This was how it was with M-… her. He couldn't even say her name. He was always reaching out towards her in the hopes that one day she would reach for him and their lives would meet in harmony. He knew it was a bit dumb, but what could he say? He fell head over heels for her. She meant everything to him and he onlywished he had more time.

Spencer's hand still hovered ever closer to the bottle. It would be so easy to forget the ache in his heart; to forget the pain in his body. All he had to do was let go of his dignity and go back into the dark realm of Hankel. Back to the cabin, where he was closest to death. However, he seemed closer to death now. Now, he had lost the one thing he was desperate to hold on to. Of course he had his mother and the team but this was different. The team never understood him and his mother was never lucid enough to have conversations about anything. With Her, talking was effortless. Their conversations were filled with laughter and intellect. With her gone, there was no one.

Now reminiscing upon the hours of phone calls and hundreds of letters, the tears came. The sobs came in waves and he was shaking in his chair. He pulled his arm back to wrap it around himself again. Through bleary eyes, he tried walking to the couch again, where he lay for the past few days. Today was the first day since he got back home, that he found the strength to move from his couch and do something. He hadn't done anything except lay down, cry and hold "The Narrative of John Smith" to his chest. Hobbling over to the aforementioned resting place, he tripped over his carpet and landed on the floor scratching his knee and hand as he broke his fall. This only fueled his self-hatred. I'm a socially awkward, skinny, clumsy excuse for an FBI agent who can't even do anything right. Maybe I should just leave the world. Reid's thoughts swirled around his head as he pushed himself off of the floor and fell onto the sofa. He stared at the coffee table in front of him and at the book he left there; the last physical piece from her.

Reid fell into another fitful sleep and jerked himself awake from the terrifying nightmare. All of them had been the same since the incident. It was still her face and her voice that came up in his mind. Well, he did fall in love with her voice didn't he? But, even if it was her voice, this one was cold and spiteful like Diane had been. He ran his hand through his hair and took a shaky breath. He looked over to the kitchen table where he sat the night before contemplating his fate. Would he do it? He still couldn't decide. He looked away from the enticing bottle and read the time on his clock. 1 am. He curled into the corner of his couch and wrapped his arms around his torso again. Would there ever be an end to his pain?

He knew he should tell someone. He knew that Derek was right. Maybe he would try sometime soon. Would anyone listen? Is there someone else out there that understood him?

With all these questions in swimming in his mind, Spencer Reid fell back asleep. This time he had a new dream; this time he had a new nightmare.

There you have it! I wonder what Spencer's mind will create...

Alright then I'm sorry if you were expecting more from this chapter but I have something planned for the next one so be looking out for the next update!

Reviews and constructive criticism welcomed. Please no flames!