Chapter 3

Scarlett's point of view

My stay in Atlanta hadn't turned out quite as I had expected originally. I had thought it would be just like all my other visits when Melly and I would talk and laugh together all the time, but the war had ruined everything. Melly was too busy at the hospital which meant I was left alone with Aunt Pitty, and she was such a silly old lady that I was bored out of my mind. Just as I was about to announce to them that I want to return home something had changed. I had met Rhett Butler again. My first impression of him was that he must be a bore as I had thought him to be a close friend of Frank Kennedy. How wrong I had been! He turned out to be quite the exciting and curious acquaintance.

For instance, only yesterday I had learnt that Rhett Butler left Atlanta again. His movements were so unpredictable; he always called on us very unexpectedly, and then disappeared for months. Captain Butler was a very curious man, different from anyone I have ever known. He was always so forthright and called everything by their right name that I was a little jealous of him. As a woman I had to conform to too many things that I really wanted to rebel against. I envied his freedom. But I really enjoyed that in his company I could truly be myself, he had never looked down on me for expressing my thoughts freely, rather he encouraged me. At first I held back thinking that he had to have some ulterior motive in doing so, but in time I abandoned that thought. We were just friends after all.

It was hard for me to make friends as girls saw me as competition while men wanted to court me. Probably Melly was my only true friend who stood by me no matter what, and I admired her for that. I really appreciated her friendship. I had no idea what I would do without her gentle support. I knew very well that the matrons in Atlanta disliked me and judged my behavior at every turn, but they accepted me only because of Melly. Their gossip didn't bother me as the important persons in my life knew the truth about me. Well, only Mammy knew my deepest and darkest secrets because there was no way of fooling her. And Captain Butler was the same and his company turned out to be an unexpected source of entertainment.

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by a gentle knock on the door.

"Come in, Melly!" I called out.

"I didn't bother you, dear, did I?" She asked tentatively stepping in.

"Of course not. I have just gotten ready. How can I help you?" I asked curiously.

"Well, I need to ask a favor from you." She started once she sat down on my bed next to me. At my encouraging nod she continued. "In the hospital there are more and more soldiers who need help and we don't have enough nurses. So would you be so kind as to help us?" I hated when she asked me something while looking at me with her big, trusting, brown eyes. I could never say no to her gentle wishes.

I sighed deeply. "Alright. I suppose I can go."

"Oh, thank you, Scarlett." She hugged me happily. "And don't worry, you wouldn't have to deal with the messy business. You will have very easy tasks." She promised.

On my first day I learnt what Melly had meant by that. I didn't have to dress wounds or help the doctors during operations. No, my task was much more boring. I had to help the soldiers with their correspondence – either writing in their name or reading their letters aloud – and helping them pass the time while recovering. The hospital was in a sad state, and although I didn't have to deal with the serious injuries, I could still hear their cries for help and their screams. I had many sleepless nights because of them, but with time I got used to the strange noises and smells. And unfortunately the work didn't stop when we left the hospital as we had to wash the linen for the following days as our supplies were getting shorter and shorter. I dimly wondered how long Rhett would do blockade running. I remembered him saying that he did it only for profit, but he couldn't gain too much these days. I made a mental note to ask him about it the next time I see him.

Melly and I created a routine for ourselves. We always went together to the hospital in the morning, and returned together as well. One day we stayed at the hospital longer than usual, and we set out in the darkness of the night. At the corner of our street we were stopped by a shadowy figure.

"Excuse me, Madam! Please, stop just for a minute." A female voice pleaded gently. My first instinct was to move on quickly as I assumed her to be a beggar, but as she stepped closer I saw how wrong I had been. It was Belle Watling, the bad woman in Atlanta. Melly realized who addressed her as soon as I did, and I had to clutch her arm to keep her in her place.

"Don't be afraid, Mrs. Wilkes no one would notice me with you." She tried to assure Melly who just stared at her in utter shock.

She didn't even react when I squeezed her hand. "I believe she addressed you, Melly." I whispered into her ear which must have raised her as I felt her relax on my side.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Watling, you just startled me." Melly tried to lie and I smiled in amusement. She couldn't lie to save her life. "How can I help you?"

During this exchange I studied the other woman's features. I had never met a woman before who had such a bad reputation and morbidly enough it made me curious, not that I would admit it to anyone. She was pretty I suppose, but her hair was an extreme red color that couldn't be natural, and she wore face paint. She tried to disguise her bright-colored dress with a black cloak over it. I felt a little jealous of her as it was clear she didn't have problems about getting new and nice clothes whereas I had to wear my old dresses.

"Please, Mrs. Wilkes, you are the only one whom I knew would be nice enough to talk to me. I wanted to give money for the hospital, but they always refused me like my money is not good enough…" She trailed off in bitterness, but she quickly covered it. "You don't have to say how you got it, just please accept it." And with that she held out what looked like a lot of money wrapped up in a handkerchief.

"Oh, it is very generous of you." Melly said in her normal tone as she had got over her initial embarrassment. While Melanie was busy putting the money away I noticed that Miss Watling was studying me curiously. When she saw that I caught her she looked away quickly. Why would she study me? Her behavior puzzled me greatly.

When Melly and I got home we went to the kitchen to count the money that that woman gave us. As Melly started counting she gave me the handkerchief, and I noticed the initials R. K. B. sewn into the corner. I recognized that piece of material immediately as I had a similar one in my drawer. Captain Butler had given me that the other day. So he was keeping company with Miss Watling. I don't know why that information surprised me given his usual imprudent behavior, but I would dwell on this later.

"Oh, God! It's a lot of money." Melly gushed. "But how would I explain the appearance of this much money?"

"Tell them that you got it from a benefactor who wishes to remain anonymous." I replied absentmindedly. My mind had been a million miles away trying to interpret that woman's actions.

By the time I retired to my room I was fuming because suddenly that woman's strange behavior toward me made sense. So Rhett frequented her place, and what was even more scandalous was the fact that he had told her about me. There was no other explanation to her studying me as Rhett was the only connection between me and her. But what still puzzled me was the reason: why he would talk to her about me. Well, only Rhett would know the answer to that, and there was no possible way for me to ask it. No, that conversation could take a dangerous turn as he would want to know my reasons for bringing it up. I suddenly wondered whether that woman used Rhett's handkerchief on purpose so I would see it. Maybe she had feelings for him – he certainly could be very charming if he wanted to be – and she used the handkerchief as some kind of warning. I giggled lightly at my silly thought as my imagination had run wild again.

One day I opted for remaining at home instead of helping Melly in the hospital. I told her that I was tired and had a headache. I felt bad about lying to her, but frankly I couldn't bear another day with all those wounded men. I wanted peace and quiet even if only for a day. I grabbed my book and headed downstairs to read in the library. I got settled comfortably on the sofa, and soon I immersed myself in the fictional world of Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre.

The familiar deep chuckle cut through my absorbed reading, and I froze in shock. What on earth was he doing here?

"Oh, Scarlett, I would never have thought that I would see the day when you read on your own volition." Captain Butler said in his usual mocking tone.

"And what if I do? Is that any of your business?" I asked with a sigh and closed my book. My fun was over.

"I'm just curious." He said as he sat down next to me – too close to be proper – on the sofa. "What prompted this foreign behavior? I didn't know you liked reading." He said softly.

"That's because you assumed that I have air between my ears, and only Melly was smart enough to enjoy reading. I just chose not to correct your assumption." I answered him with a knowing smile.

He paused for a minute before answering. "Well played, my dear Scarlett! Well played." He chuckled deeply. "And for the record I have never thought that you were stupid."

"Oh, you were mighty pleased with my supposed uncultured behavior." I answered sarcastically.

"Oh, you can't berate me for having a little fun." He said while grinning at me.

"I can if it's at my expanse." I replied in indignation.

"What if I offer you truce?" He interrupted me. "I always knew you were a smart girl, and you proved to be a worth adversary."

I simply looked at him in bewilderment, the wind taken out of my sail. I had always thought that he was different from everybody that I had known, but this even went beyond that. He seemed to like the fact that I wasn't stupid, and that was unusual. I always hated that women had to play down their intellect in order to capture men's attention, and it seemed that Rhett had felt the same way. It felt strange that we had something in common.

"Come, Scarlett, finally we should have a real honest conversation." He said from his spot on the sofa.

It took me some time to get over my shock, and the subsequent embarrassment, but when I recovered we had a really nice time together. It was a refreshing experience, and I had never felt more alive.

After that afternoon something had changed in Rhett and he became clearer about his intentions towards me. It had always confused me what he really wanted from me. I couldn't place his attentions as he had never acted as a potential beau, but he gave me compliments and looks that went beyond simple friendship. Now I was sure that his intentions weren't honorable, but I still couldn't see where he was going with this. He gave me gifts that were too expensive to accept freely, but too beautiful to refuse.

One afternoon he presented me a hat box that had 'Rue de la Paix' written on it. The name sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it, anyway, what was inside that mattered. I quickly opened it to reveal the most beautiful dark green bonnet that I had ever seen.

"Oh, how beautiful!" I cried happily.

"I know." Rhett grinned at me. "So why don't you try it on?"

I beamed at him, grabbed the bonnet and ran to the mirror to see how it looked on me. Meanwhile, Rhett sat down and lazily lit his cigar. I decided to have a little fun, and I put the bonnet on backwards deliberately, and then turned to Rhett. He sounded entirely too smug about his gifts so I wanted to take him down a peg or two.

"How do I look?" I asked with all the honestly I could master.

He looked at me, but his grinned disappeared instantly. "Awful!" He cried and in three long strides he stood in front of me.

"The war stops being a joke when a girl like you doesn't know how to wear the latest fashion." He sounded really angry as he removed the bonnet and put it back on in the right way. I made a little wondering noise so he would look at me, and then I let him know with that look that I was only playing. Thankfully he smiled, too.

He went back to his seat, but I continued looking at myself in the mirror.

"Oh, you know as well as I do that you shouldn't bring me such expensive gifts." I admonished him gently.

"Nonsense! I will bring you gifts as long as it pleases me." He answered off-handedly.

"It makes me wonder though…" I trailed off not sure that I wanted to pursue this line of the conversation. I remembered what Mother and Mammy had taught me about gentlemen's gifts.

"What?" He asked eagerly.

"What is your purpose of giving these gifts?" I wondered aloud, and then turned to look at him. "I'm not naïve enough to believe you are just being nice."

He laughed in his usual booming way. "You are right, my dear. I'm only tempting you with them."

"Yes, bur for what. I don't think you have marriage in mind." I commented calmly while taking the bonnet off.

"How observant again!" He said delightedly. "I'm not a marrying man."

I giggled at that, and he arched a questioning eyebrow at me. "I thought so. I mean if you wanted to, you would have been married by now."

"What do you mean?" He asked me with a slight frown.

"Well, how shall I put it um… delicately? Other men of your age are married." I tried to explain, and another round of booming laughter was my answer.

"Surely, you don't think me so old?" He asked with amusement still dancing in his dark eyes.

"Well, not old, but older." I said with a smile.

"Ah, thank you. And how old are you?" He asked, and then added thoughtfully. "You certainly look awfully young."

I huffed at him. "How rude! You should never ask a lady of her age?"

"I know, I'm asking you." He grinned at me in an impertinent way.

I simply glared at him. He smiled again, and changed the subject. "But to return our earlier topic I'm not a marrying man because I like my freedom too much."

"Oh, I understand what you mean." I said.

"Do you really?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. "Don't tell me you agree?"

"And why not?" I asked matter-of-factly. "I like my freedom, too."

"Are you trying to tell me that you are not a marrying woman?" He sounded incredulous. "I don't believe you. You were born to be married."

"I'm not sure I like that thought." I said while starting to feel a little cross. He had this annoying habit of riling me up for no apparent reason. In fact I hah a suspicion that he even enjoyed it when he succeeded.

"Oh, don't ruffle your feathers. Tell me instead why you don't want to get married." He commanded.

I couldn't resist one last teasing remark. "I didn't say that. I merely pointed out that I like freedom."

His smile grew wider at my evasiveness. "Let's try it again, shall we? What are your views on the institution of marriage?"

I giggled at the directness of his question, but decided to tell him the truth.

"I don't particularly like the idea of so entirely belonging to a man, of depending on another person. If I got married, I would have to do what my husband tells me, and take care of children for the rest of my life. All the fun would be over. And that isn't a pretty perspective." And in the name of honesty I added. "Of course these wouldn't matter if I met a man whom I could fall in love with."

Rhett paused a bit before answering. "You started out quite nicely, but at the end you let such foolish notions as love cloud your judgment. I thought you were more practical than that."

"Oh, I'm practical. Living with a man and putting up with his foolishness is much easier if I love him." I grinned at him, and he laughed heartily. Suddenly a thought occurred to me and without thinking I blurted out. "Should I be worried about you taking liberties now?"

He grinned at me, and instead of answering he asked me one of his own questions. "Why? Are you afraid?"

Unfortunately I couldn't resist accepting the challenge he presented. "How do you run on! I'm not afraid of you." My voice barely noticeably broke at the predatory look in his eyes. No one has ever looked at me like that. Like the snake with his prey, I felt hypnotized by that look and unconsciously leaned closer to him. When our lips were only inches apart he suddenly leaned away leaving me flustered and confused.

"No, I don't think I will kiss you now." He said while grinning at my obvious embarrassment. "Although you need kissing badly, that's what is wrong with you. You need to be kissed and often."

It took me a while to come up with an appropriate answer. "And I suppose you think you are the proper person."

"I might me if the right moment ever comes." He replied mysteriously.

"Should I be alert then? About this right moment?" I asked not quite understanding his meaning.

He studied me closely before saying. "I'm merely waiting for you to grow up a little."

His mocking answer angered me more than anything else. I hated when people handled me as a child. I might have been young, but I was mature enough. What fuelled my wrath was that my angry expression seemed to amuse him to no end. So with a couple of choice words I had sent him on his merry way.

More and more unfavorable news arrived about the war, and at the beginning of July most of Atlanta gathered in front of the office where they published names of the wounded and killed soldiers. The battle of Gettysburg lasted so long…

Melly and I were waiting in Aunt Pittypat's buggy as she chose to remain at home stating that this whole situation was too much for her. I was very grateful for her decision as it was enough to try to reassure Melly without Auntie's dramatics. I was clutching Melly's hand tightly while we waited for Uncle Peter's return with the list. Melly was sick with worry about Ashley, and I was worried about my friends. And at last Uncle Peter arrived.

Melly pushed the paper into my hand. "Please read it. I'm too nervous."

I read out every name and we heaved a sigh of relieve as I passed Ashley's name. Melly was sobbing on my shoulder with relief, all the while chanting that her husband was safe. When she calmed down we noticed that our friends weren't so lucky, and Melly hurried over to Mrs. Meade to try and comfort her.

In her absence I started scanning the paper in my hands looking for the names of my friends wishing that they weren't on the list. The world stood still as I read the names of the Tarleton brothers, not just the twins. At first I couldn't completely comprehend what was in front of my eyes. No, it can't be true, I can't loose my friends. But slowly reality started to sink in, and at the thought of loosing the twins tears started rolling down my face. I wasn't seeing or hearing anything as I stared in front of myself, the anguish I felt took over.

"Your friends?" A deep and gentle voice asked. I looked in the direction of the voice and I saw Rhett Butler rode up to the side of our buggy.

"Yes." I croaked out. I was barely in the state of speaking.

The rest of the afternoon was a blur and I had no idea how I got back to the Peachtree Street. I can only assume that Rhett had told Melanie what happened and they took me here. I couldn't bear to stay in Atlanta so with the first available train I went home, to Tara and the comforting arms of my mother. It felt like I had been crying for days, and the funeral was the worst day of my young life because until that day I thought it was just a bad dream, I couldn't accept it as the truth. However, the harsh sound of the heavy clods hitting their coffins opened my eyes to an even harsher reality.

I felt depressed and for the first time in my life Tara failed to lift my spirits. I had too many happy memories about Brent and Stuart here, and seeing my little sister so heartbroken wasn't helping matters. A couple of months ago Careen had been so happy. I remembered when the twins had their furlough the last time:

On that nice day I went to the train station because the Tarleton twins were expected, and I had plans to go home with them. Soon I noticed two red heads among the crowd making their way toward us.

"Stu! Brent!" I cried and ran toward them, and I didn't care if I made a scene. They were my good friends and I had missed them. I gave each of them a friendly hug.

"It's really worth going away just to be greeted by such a beauty." Stuart said with his trademark smile. Brent greeted me in a more subtle way as he was smitten with Careen. I hope they would have a happy ending. Some months ago I noticed Careen's sullen mood after the twins' every visit so naturally I wanted to find out the truth. Many questions and a lot of blushing later she had finally admitted that she was in love with Brent, and she was heartbroken because Brent loved me. I had reassured her as best I could, and for their following visits I maneuvered the things in such a way that Brent would notice my little sister. And as usual I got what I wanted: Brent reciprocated my sister's feelings. During their stay Brent gathered all of his courage and asked Pa for Careen's hand. He got Pa's blessing after he promised to marry her after the war as Careen was quite young.

They had been engaged for such a short period of time. I decided to return to Atlanta as I was really in need of a change of scenes. And I knew that there was only one man on whom I can count to make me feel better. With one simple visit he accomplished what my parents failed to do in months: I finally found closure.

I watched in interest as a begrudging Uncle Peter led Rhett to the parlor when I was sewing with Melly.

"What a lovely surprise, Miss O'Hara!" He cried happily, but at that moment I was unable to reciprocate the sentiment. "When did you return?"

"Only I couple of days ago, Captain Butler." I replied dully which caused him to frown.

While Melly and he engaged in small talk I felt his eyes on me, scrutinizing my every move. I was so deeply absorbed in my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed when Melly left us alone. I rose from my thoughts when I saw his large hands covering mine in an attempt to stop my mindless sewing.

"Look at me, Scarlett." He gently commanded.

I lifted my eyes, and I was surprised at the sight that met my eyes. Instead of his usual mocking or emotionless mask Rhett was looking at me the way he always looked at Melly: with gentle kindness. I immediately started crying. He gathered me in his strong arms, and held me while I cried all my anguish out of myself. And when I had no more tears I simply enjoyed the comfort and safety of his embrace.

After that day I had spent more and more time with thinking about Rhett Butler. Despite his cynicism and constant jokes I found that he could be quite charming and reliable, and I was even looking forward to his visits. I considered him quite the handsome man when I chose to notice such things, but I was certain that what I had felt for him was simply affection as friends and gratitude for comforting me. I had ever loved one man before, Ashley, but that was more like infatuation. When he came back from his Grand Tour I saw him in a new light like prince charming from my favorite fairy tales. But with time I realized that we were too different and we wouldn't be happy together. And, of course I knew that Melly was madly in love with him, and I wouldn't do anything that would hurt her. Suddenly I remembered what Mammy Jincy had told me the last time I asked for a fortune. She had said that I would marry a man with jet-black hair and a long mustache. I wondered if she meant Rhett, but that was impossible. He had already said that he wasn't a marrying man, and I couldn't imagine that I would fall in love with him. I mean I really enjoy his company and I like talking to him, but I didn't know enough about him to develop feeling and I wasn't even sure that I wanted to. So the situation seemed hopeless…

One morning I resigned to my fate, and I was getting ready to go to the hospital with Melly when she burst into my room with a huge smile on her face. She was clutching a letter to her bosom.

"Oh, Scarlett!" She cried dreamily. "I could hardy believe it…"

"What Melly? What happened?" I asked a tad bit impatiently.

"Ashley is coming home…" Her voice broke a little with emotion. "He wrote that he had gotten a furlough for Christmas."

"Oh, Melly, I'm so happy for you." I said and hugged her tightly.

Finally something good had happened to her. Her last year was full of sorrow because of loosing her brother, and she was in a constant state of worry because of Ashley. Whenever I thought of Charles I felt extremely guilty because of the way I spoke to him the last time. I was inexcusably rude to him, but he had caught me at a bad moment as I was quite annoyed by Honey Wilkes' catty remarks by the time I arrived to the library. I have never dared tell Melly what had happened that day between her brother and me.

I had already had plans for Christmas as I made plans for going home, to Tara. I felt a little bad leaving Melly alone for her first holiday without her brother, but now I had another reason for going. I was sure that they would appreciate a little private time alone after the long months that they were separated. I could imagine that they would have eyes only for each other and I didn't like being ignored. And I missed Pa and Tara terribly.

I had spent my last two weeks in Atlanta with making everybody a Christmas gift. As I had no money I settled for hand made presents. After long consideration I decided to make something for Rhett, too. I doubted he would receive anything, - the outcast he was – and I felt in a generous mood. I remembered the yellow shawl that he had brought me some time ago and although he would recognize it instantly it was the thought that counted. The material was long enough to make ten handkerchiefs out of it. I sewed his initials into each one along with an ornament of some kind.

Before I left Atlanta I stopped at the National Hotel and left my little parcel for Rhett at the reception. I attached a little note that said: "You always seem to be too generous with these. Merry Christmas! Yours, Scarlett"

I let him make whatever he wanted out of my note.

Thank you for reading. Reviews are always appreciated.