Hi everyone, thank you for your very kind reviews. Here's the new chap.

Enjoy,

So ;)

Chapter 3

Cath's POV

I change my position on the couch for the twentieth time, I'm still not comfortable so I stand up and start pacing slowly around the room. I stop in front of the large library and brush the frame with my fingertips, I look at the books, focus on the way they are ordered then focus on the frame again. "And here I thought I was a freak with my library," I mutter to myself

I turn around and sigh "I don't know why I'm here," I say aloud to no one in particular.

I walk to the other side of the room open a cupboard and take two mugs out, I open the fridge, pour apple juice in one mug and milk in the other one, close the fridge then reach for a small pot on the counter uncap it and put a pinch of cinnamon in both mugs. I use a spoon to stir the milk first, lick it and then stir the apple juice, I clean the spoon on the sink, wash my hands and make sure that everything is where is should be.

I grab both mugs, go over to the figure who's sitting cross-legged in a big armchair and hold the mug filled with cold milk at their eye level. They cut their long observation of a Rubik's cube and take the offered mug.

"Just the way you like it," I state, after one sip I earn a silent but grateful smile. "You're welcome," I reply before going back onto the couch. I spend the next three minutes watching my companion staring at his cube, turning it in every sense and taking sip out of my mug.

"I don't know why I'm here," I repeat. "Not that you could actually provide an answer to that query," I shrug. "And even if you had the answer you wouldn't give it to me because we both know that it's all about figuring things out by myself with you, right?"

It takes twenty seconds for the cube to be completed and put aside, sign that I am now the center of the attention.

"I'd say I'm impressed but I'm down to six seconds on a good day," I smirk. Eyes are narrowed and lips are pinched. "Oh my, was that a jealous stare?" I put a hand over my chest. "Adam, you're starting to act like a real human, now I'm impressed," I pout with admiration then shake myself a bit. "Oooh it actually gave me chills."

Adam pushes is tongue against one of his cheeks with an expression that could actually be translated by 'bite me', that only served to make me chuckle. "Hey now, the least I can do is having a little fun," I shrug. "Not to mention the fact that it's the first time that I'm here in over two months so you are obligated to cut me some slack," I finish with a shit eating grin.

"Now, fun time's over, let's get back to business," I become serious again. "Why am I here? Good question. It's not like I missed you, as a matter of fact I don't think anyone in their right mind would miss a shrink, no offence."

I had no intention to come here, honestly I just needed some air, and this where I ended up. "I saw Sara, I think that's where I should begin."

I pause, dwelling on that thought for a moment and snicker. "Isn't it always where it begins? Ironic, uh?"

Thinking about it, the only reason why I know Adam in a first place is because things were not going well with Sara. "I saw Sara and that made me angry. I'm not bothered by the fact that it made me angry," I immediately add. "I'm impulsive… no, impulsive is not the right word."

Adam doesn't say anything and just waits for me to find my word. "I'm…emotional?" I wince not really liking the term but realize that I don't have a better word for it. "I think that's the right term. I'm emotional in so far as my emotions have always been my primary drive. It's a quality because it allows me to be more in tune with people, but it's also a default because when I'm driven by intense emotions I become impulsive."

I take another sip of juice. "The thing is that there are times when you have the right to feel the way you do and to have… the irrational reaction that comes with it. That wasn't clear, was it?"

I sigh trying to think about a way to illustrate my point. It doesn't take me long as one moment in my life comes clearly in mind. "I had the right to feel enraged beyond reason against that pink-haired cow that almost killed my daughter, just like I had the right have murderous intents toward her. This is an unwritten law of Mother Nature, you mess with the cub, you prepare to get killed by mama," I say firmly.

I take a deep breath to calm down and get my mind back on track. "It's the same with Sara, I had the right to be angry at her. I mean…" I trail off.

I've had time to deal with this, time to accept it – though if I'm honest the pill is still firmly lodged in my throat.

"The last time we spoke, I broke things off with her. There were tears, screams a lot of raw feelings and pain, and… and she was begging me not end things, she was telling me that she loved me, and…" I stop feeling unwanted tears prickling my eyes.

"She left my house and then she… vanished, poof," I snap my fingers. "Not a word, not a phone call, not a text message, not a letter, nothing, two months and not a single sign of life. She literally fell out the face of the Earth for two months."

The silence lasts a few moments. "Who does that?" two months and I still can't find the answer to that question. "Yes, I broke it off, and I wasn't expecting her to grovel or anything, but if her pleads were real she'd have make an effort to reach out."

Adam stares at me and I know exactly what he's about to say. "Don't look at me like that, I wasn't petty about it, I bit my pride and tried to reach out, if not to get back with her at the very least to sort things out in order to do some damage control, you know salvaging our friendship."

I'm not just saying this, I did actually reach out. It's funny how you're always ready to crawl and put yourself down for the relationships that hurt you the most, well not so funny.

I called but never got any answer, I went to her place and never seen even a hint of her being around, she could have been dead for all I knew. "I reach out by myself, then I even resort to have answers from someone else. Grissom's answers about her whereabouts were non-committal, the rumours had it that she was working on the day shift in the labs, I had double shifts and I never seen her once, the boys say they had glimpses of her and even exchanged two words but I didn't. She was obviously good at hiding from me, good at hiding period."

I snort and stand up, pacing again. "After two months she reappears out of thin air and has the gall to act like everything was normal," I chuckle bitterly. "Someone treats you with that little regard when you share a history, they deserve your anger. Again, I'm not bothered by the fact that I'm angry at her, because my anger is not misplaced, my anger is to be expected and it is justified."

I walk toward Bogus and punch it in order to evacuate some of my frustration. "Then why am I here?" I anticipate Adam's question.

I pace again back and forth I front of the couch, then abruptly stop. "I'm here because of you."

There I think I've finally put the finger on what brought me here. Adam is at the core of my problem. "I scorch. That's what I do when I'm angry, I have the whole force field around me warning you that I'm angry and therefore best not to fuck around with me. People hide from me when I'm angry, literally, and they warn each other, like villagers running away from a dragon," I laugh a bit.

"I saw Sara and I was beyond angry. Do you know what I did?" I ask rhetorically. "Nothing, I was calm as ever, as if I didn't care. I quietly told her that I didn't want any interaction other than work related ones with her, waited for her assent, thanked her, wished her a good day and left. I was pissed beyond words and that's what I did. I was so angry that I was numb. That bothers me."

I growl. "This isn't me, this isn't how I work. Before this whole mess, I had my marks. Things were bad but I knew where I stood and I could handle it was like… it was like her and I were trying to dance tango on the 5th of Beethoven, we fought a lot because we were blaming one another for not succeeding to the task never minding the fact that it was impossible to begin with. It was absurd to the rest of the world but somehow it made sense for us, it was our dynamic and we knew how to make it work."

"Then we came here and… our dynamic has been blown to pieces, and now I don't even know how I work, and I know even less how things work with Sara. I blame you for all this, I blame you because all my marks are gone, I feel robbed… no… I feel stripped," I say vehemently.

I just catch up on something and chuckle. "There's a great joke there, I used to be a stripper now I feel stripped with my clothes on… I'm crap at jokes but I know there's a good one there, shame it's wasted since you won't make it."

I bury my face in my hands and sigh deeply. "Sure, I made progress, I told her immediately where the limits were, and I didn't lose my temper… but I just don't know that brand new me…"

I take my mug and finish my juice. "I know it's ridiculous, because you listen to me and you think that I'd rather be irrationally angry than mature and calm… all I'm saying is…" I sigh. "I don't know, I need marks… and I don't have any now so… I guess you and I are going to go at it for another round, even though I hate to admit it."

I inspire deeply, hold my breath and let it go. "I better get going, I promise Em we'd be having lunch together," I mention. "This was… a good talk though I only feel slightly relieved but I think it was constructive."

I stand up and go clean my mug, once again I make sure everything is in order, because Adam can be uptight about all that. When I'm done I pick up my jacket from the couch and put it on. "I guess I'll see you soon, then," I nod in his direction, just when I'm about to leave I turn to him again. "Oh yeah, I'll bring you a cube with a maze pattern on it, if you actually get better with the normal one that is," I smirk.

Acting completely out of character Adam sticks his tongue at me which makes me laugh, I think the only reason I put up with Adam is because he doesn't fit the image I have of a shrink, and sometimes he doesn't mind being childish.

This was as draining as I remember it to be, but honestly I think I unconsciously made the right choice by coming here. I don't need any complications and if I don't want to let things eat at me then Adam is the right option to pick.

I know it's short, but I'll come back with more next week.

Thanks for reading.