A/N: Hi guys. Sorry for not updating in awhile. It has been a rough month for me.
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to House, Bud Light, Sam Adams, Bugles, Harvard and anything that doesn't seem like mine in this fic.
Samuel Adams stared at the doctor lying on the examination table. A PSP hung halfway out of his limp hand and the doctor's IPod hung suspended in midair. the only thing keeping the electronical device from hitting the floor was the wires from his headphones, which were pulled taut. A blue mini cooler sat on the floor next to the examination table, a bag of Bugles lay carelessly on top. The unshaven face of the doctor disgusted the well groomed man, and he was starting to
regret entering this room. He continued to stare at the Doctor. His abrupt snores startling him. Slowly Samuel reached forward. Perhaps he could just poke him and he'd wake up? The man timidly touched the rumpled shirt. As if by chain reaction the man snorted awake. The IPod crashed to the floor, and the Doctor's cane was knocked over by the flailing of House's arms as he was startled awake.
Samuel jumped back in surprise giving a shout as House turned toward him, fire in his eyes. Several tense moments passed as patient and Doctor were anxiously locked in a stern gaze. Samuel shifted his eyes back and forth nervously. He cleared his throat into his closed fist.
"Ahem! Excuse me but I seem to have a problem." House still stared, enjoying the nervous reaction he was getting from this "patient".
"I have..." Samuel was interrupted.
"What's your name?" House quirked his eyebrow in true House fashion. Samuel stared back calmly as he replied. "Samuel Adams." Somehow House managed to hold in his laughter.
"Do you mean like the beer?"
"Yes. Please don't say anymore, it's rather embarrassing to be named after a beer." House nodded sympathetically, placing his hand on the man's shoulder.
"Yes I'm sure Bud Light felt the same way when he was named." Samuel looked up sharply and glared at the middle aged doctor. House ignored him, instead focusing on pushing himself up from the examination table. He reached for his cane and looked back toward Samuel Adams.
"You were saying you had a problem?" Samuel nodded, "Hence why I came here." House gave the man a peculiar look.
"You look rich? Which means you most likely are? Why did you come here?"
Samuel shuffled his feet nervously. "It's actually Quite embarrassing really," Stressing the word Quite, Samuel took a moment to laugh nervously before continuing. "You see, I was at this party and there was this girl and we..." Samuel then nodded suggestively at House.
House nodded in understanding. "So you and her hit the sack like a couple of idiots and you forgot the condom, I'm guessing you have an interesting rash that wasn't there the night before when Mommy tucked you in. I'm also guessing you have a family Doctor who would just love to tell your parents that their son is not, in fact, a virgin as he claims." House finished this last statement by dramatically snapping on his glove. Samuel nodded dejectedly.
"But I have to say I was under the influence of alcohol! I swear it was not my intention to get in 'the sack' as you claim!" House nodded exuberantly. Pointing his thumbs down.
"Whatever you say. Drop em!" Samuel pulled down his pants.
"Please sir, I would be quite grateful if you would be GENTLE!" He shouted the last word as House started examining the rash.He looked angrily at House.
"I said be GENTLE. You're handling me like an ape! I feel violated!"
"Just keep talking sunny boy! Remember I'm the one with the prescription pad!" Samuel swallowed his pride and continued to let the doctor examine him. "I do hope it's nothing serious." he added softly, trying to make conversation.
"Most likely not. I'll take this sample to the lab. Honestly it doesn't look like anything serious. Probably your regular old diaper rash. I'm assuming you don't wear those now. You look like such a BIG boy!"
"Somehow I feel as though I have just been insulted!" House grinned evilly.
"I have to say Sam Adams, you are very entertaining!"
"Oh, and why is that DOCTOR." Samuel said mockingly.
"Well you're obviously an idiot. And your stupidity can be very entertaining to well educated people, like me."
Samuel put on a disgusted face. "I'll have you know I have been accepted to Harvard!"
House grinned. "Oh really. Then I guess you knew that your 'rash' was actually the lint from your RED P.J.'s?"
Samuel felt shock wash over him. He slowly pulled open his pants and peeked down. Now that he looked carefully, it was lint. He stared back at the doctor. House reached down into the cooler beside him pulling out a six pack. He broke one off and handed it to the still shocked soon to be Harvard student as he ushered him out the door.
"Have a nice day." House said slamming the clinic room door shut in the young mans face.
Once the door slammed shut, Samuel Adams, with a dumb look on his face, looked at the label on the beer. It read.
'Sam Adams: Light'.