Chapter 3

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Nancy Kingston wandered the halls of Atlantis, her frustration mounting with each step. Most of the doors wouldn't open for her, even though she'd seen a few personnel easily moving through them, just a swipe of the hand causing the doors to swish open. She'd tried the same moves, only to find the doors remained stubbornly closed. She thought about what John's team had said, calling the city 'she' and saying 'she' wouldn't allow John to be taken away. She huffed, not believing a word of it, even as the next door refused to respond to her. She pounded her fist against it, her only reward being a sore hand. She sighed and moved on. When she saw two people ahead of her, she hurried to catch up.

"Excuse me? Could you help me? I'm trying to find my way either to the guest quarters or the command center. I'm new here and I seem to have gotten lost somewhere along the way." She smiled at the two men, trying her best to charm them. Both were unimpressed. The Atlantis grapevine was fast and efficient. Both scientists were aware of what had happened to the Colonel, who she was and what she'd threatened to do. While neither was military and, therefore, not under Colonel Sheppard's direct command, they'd both been here since the beginning and knew how important the man was to their very survival. They both admired him, had even had gun training under his direct supervision. Something neither had ever thought they would need but the Colonel had been adamant that all personnel, even scientists, should at least be familiar with how to fire a weapon. He'd been patient with their hesitation and fumbling during their training session. Both had left it feeling like Rambo, a sensation that was unfamiliar to both of them but, somehow, intoxicating.

"I'm sorry ma'am. I have a meeting I need to get to. I'm already late. If you just keep going along this corridor, you should come to the mess hall and someone there can help you." Cristian Peterson said. His expertise was anthropology and he had no meetings on his agenda for several days.

His companion and best friend, Depak Ramakrishnan, nodded. Depak was a botanist and a mean poker player. "Sorry ma'am, I am heading to the same meeting." He replied in heavily accented English. He looked carefully at the woman who the grapevine said was Sheppard's ex-wife and didn't see it. Teyla and the Colonel? Made one hundred percent sense. This woman? Nope, there was nothing that told him this woman would hold any attraction to the man he'd come to know. As a unit, both continued on their way, leaving the frustrated Nancy behind them.

Atlantis watched her progress. She knew she wasn't human. She knew she was a construct of the Alterans, but still, she felt. John was important to her, like no other before him, and she would not allow this human female to take him away from her. She blocked every move the woman made that would lead her to the area now known as the guest quarters or that area she knew the Lanteans called the command center. Instead, she herded the woman towards the areas that the humans had yet to map, aware that it still held dangers to anyone unlucky enough to stumble into it. Her thinking brought her up short, knowing that John would not want anyone, even this thorn in her side, to be put in harm's way. If she could, the city would've sighed in resignation. She begrudgingly allowed the woman to make her way towards the mess hall. Based on what she'd seen so far, she couldn't understand why her John had actually tried to make a life with this woman. The relationship with Teyla, on the other hand, was perfect in her estimation. She turned her attention to the Athosian but did not lose track of Nancy, her processors allowing her to do many things at once.

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Teyla walked into John's room in the ICU and her first thought was, this does not look so bad. She wondered at that thought. How had the sight of her mate, covered in bandages, on the human's ventilator, become so common place that she thought it wasn't a big deal? She remembered back to the 'incident' with Kanaan several months ago, when John had been beaten to within an inch of his life. He'd almost died then, at the hands of others. Others who hadn't known why they'd done what they had. This time, no one was at fault. This time it was simply nature, and John's nature, that was to blame. She knew why he'd done what he'd done. He wouldn't be the man she loved if he hadn't done it, but it still didn't make it any easier for her to watch the machine breath for him. She sat by his side and picked his hand up in hers. Remembering the last time that hand had wandered over her body, loving her as only he could. She raised the hand to her lips and placed it against her cheek. Quietly, she began whispering words of love and encouragement to him.

Maylara had talked Marie into allowing her access again to what she'd discovered they termed a 'wheelchair'. It was an amazing means of transportation for someone who was invalided as she was. She didn't really remember it from her ride to the infirmary, her concentration solely on John and the situation. Now, she wondered if the Lanteans would be inclined to part with instructions on how to construct such a machine. It would be a boon to her people. Marie had instructed her in its use and she had marveled at the freedom it had awarded her. Once mastered, she had immediately made her way towards the area where John was resting. Sitting outside the 'privacy curtains', she heard the murmuring of words of love spoken from the heart. She was hesitant to intrude but the sudden sound of tears pushed her concerns aside. She pushed through the curtains, desperate to reach Teyla and John. She wheeled herself to Teyla's side and placed her hand on the younger woman's shoulder.

"Teyla?" She asked quietly.

Teyla looked up, startled. Turning away, she wiped the telltale tears away. "Maylara? How are you? I am sorry I did not come by to see how you were. John…" She stopped, unable to go on.

"Do not concern yourself with that. Your place is here, at his side. He is a strong man Teyla. He will make it through this and come back to you, I am sure of it. I have been praying to the ancestors for him. They will understand how much he is needed here."

"Thank you. I…I know John would thank you as well." She turned and looked back at the older woman who was rapidly becoming a friend. "And thank you for all you did to help rescue him."

"It was the least any of us could do. I will never be able to thank him enough for saving Crislita. If I had lost her too…." Her eyes filled with tears, both of gratitude and the thought of the long lonely future she would have faced if the child she loved so much had been taken away from her so young.

Teyla stood and place her hands on the woman's shoulders, lowering her head to Maylara's. The familiar gesture brought comfort to both of them.

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John floated in darkness, not really aware of the world around him. A light began as just a spark and then grew. Smiling, he turned towards it, knowing what it meant.

"Hello John."

"Hi 'Lantis." He frowned. His words were slurred and he wondered if Jennifer had him on the really good drugs. His brain felt fuzzy enough for it, although this wasn't the first time he'd been on morphine and he didn't remember feeling quite this way before. He started to walk towards her and realized he was dragging his right leg. "What…?"

Atlantis hurried to his side. Her makers had programmed her with emotions to allow her to interact with them easier, but she had only experienced a very strong one for the first time when John had first stepped through the gate. She hadn't recognized it in the moment, but over time had come to realize it was love. While she was incapable of having children, John was as dear to her as any child to its human mother. It was another reason she had chosen his mother as her avatar, a fact she had kept to herself, not sure how he would react to it. She remembered a conversation she'd had with him after his illness several months ago had allowed them to finally speak. She'd asked about his feelings for Torren, wanting to understand how a man could hold such love for a child that was not his. His response was immediate and fierce, striking a chord deep within her programming.

"He may not be my biological child, but he is the child of my heart. I will always love him as a father loves a son."

She smiled at the memory. The smile disappeared when she remembered the second strong emotion she had experienced. This one had happened that very day, when the Lantean doctor had declared him dead. She now knew what grief felt like and she found she did not like it at all. Shutting down all power to the city had not been her best decision but it had felt right. When they were able to revive him, she experienced her third and fourth strong emotions. Deep relief and joy. Today had, indeed, been momentous for her. She stared at the man who had become her protector, although the word felt…incomplete…and knew something was not right with him. She reached out and touched his head. He smiled and leaned into her hand. She searched his mind and saw the damage caused by his near brush with death. Suddenly, she realized this was something she could fix if he allowed it. Beyond what she had been able to do for him in the past. She removed her hand and stepped back to look him in the eyes.

"John." She stopped and then started again, not sure how much he knew. "John, your heart stopped today just as you were brought through the gate. Your doctor was finally able to revive you but your brain was damaged when you went without oxygen for so long."

His heart rate accelerated, raising an alert on the monitor in the infirmary. Jennifer raced out of her office just as she heard Teyla start calling for help. She entered the curtained area, surprised to find Maylara there as well but didn't have time to scold them, her full attention on her patient. He was frowning and the heart monitor was blaring out a warning. She looked at the other monitors and ordered Marie to prepare a sedative.

"Jennifer? What is going on? Is he going to be okay?" Teyla asked fearfully.

"I think he may be experiencing either a flashback or a panic attack. It shouldn't be happening, he should be completely under. I'm going to give him a mild sedative to see if that helps. I can't give him too much because of the pain medication he's on." She responded. Marie returned with the syringe and carefully injected it into the port in the IV line. They all watched as his heart rate slowed to within acceptable limits. "That's good, that's good, Teyla. He's stable again."

Teyla sagged and sank back into her chair. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take. She reached out and gently took his hand, bringing it to her lips. "Please, John, please. Come back to me, to us."

"John, calm down." Atlantis said, not expecting her words to have caused this strong a reaction. She should have known. He was a strong man who would not like to depend on others for help in doing simple things, would hate not being able to communicate as easily as he once did and, lastly, would hate to have his ability to fly taken away from him. "I can help." She said quickly.

He blinked and looked at her. "You can? Brain dam…dmg…dge…hurt?" He was frustrated at his inability to put the words together and felt panic rise again that this could be the rest of his life. She reached out and put a calming hand on his arm.

"Have you never wondered why it is that you seem to get better so much quicker here? Why your wounds heal faster than the lesser ones of others?"

He shook his head. Actually, it had never occurred to him to wonder, it was just a part of his life here.

"It is because of our strong connection and how strong your gene is."

He brightened. "Others?" Thinking that this could mean saving a member of his team, of his command, at some time in the future.

She shook her head. "No, I am sorry John. This is something I can do only for you."

"Why?"

"As I said, our connection and your gene." She was surprised when a part of her programming was suddenly opened to her, a part she hadn't known was there. "And because you are the Custos." She said wonderingly. There, that word felt right.

"I'm…what?"

"The Custos. Someone who is so strongly connected to me that he takes on the responsibility of my care and all those who live within my walls. I was given the ability to help you heal in order that you may continue to do so."

"Why not tell before?" He was getting more frustrated with his speech as they talked.

"I was not aware of this until just now. I have never met someone with whom I had this connection before, so never had need to access that part of my programming. I only knew I could help you to heal a little quicker. Now, with this new programming, I will be able to do much more. According to it, I was not able to do the extensive healing until we reached the level of communication we recently did. Once achieved, the next time The Custos was hurt, this would be triggered."

"When do?"

"I can do it now, but you need to know, this will hurt. I will need to purge your system of all the drugs your doctor has given you. You will feel every injury and then it will hurt even more when I begin the healing."

"Heal all?"

She cocked her head as she accessed more of the program. "No, I am sorry, I can only heal you to a certain point. After that, the physical strain on your body would undo any help I have given. I will need to focus on your brain and will be unable to heal much of the other wounds you sustained."

He nodded, willing to do anything that meant he would be able to stay here, to stay in the city he now called home. He was only too well aware of what would happen if he were diagnosed as brain damaged. They would remove him from command, discharge him from the Air Force and ship him home, to most likely spend the rest of his days in a V.A. hospital. Away from his friends, his family, the city he loved. "Do it."

She placed her hands on either side of his temples and concentrated. He flung his head back and screamed in agony.

Teyla watched in shock as John's body arched off the bed, what seemed like a scream trying to find its way around the tube in his throat. They'd only just gotten his heart rate under control long enough for Jennifer and Marie to feel comfortable enough to leave his side. Jennifer had gently, but firmly, ushered Maylara back to her bed. The sound of the alarms brought everyone running, including Ronon, Rodney, Woolsey and Lorne, all of whom had managed to find their way back to the waiting room. The resulting commotion was almost more than she could bear. She took an unwilling step back to allow the medical personnel access to her mate, her heart in her throat as she watched helplessly.

"He's seizing! Marie, prepare 5 mg of clonazepam, stat!" Jennifer ordered as she tried to push John back on the bed, not wanting him to injure himself any further. Ronon was suddenly at her side, adding his weight to hers. They both watched as the tremors subsided and the unnerving sounds escaping around the ventilator stopped. Marie appeared with the medication but Jennifer stopped her from administering it. "He seems to be coming out of it on his own. Let's hold off for a second."

Atlantis stepped back. "It is done."

John took stock and realized he did feel better, clearer, stronger than he had before. "Will I be alright?"

"Yes, John. You will still need time to recover from your wound, but your brain is now back to normal."

He sighed in relief. "Thank you, more than I can ever tell you." He moved forward and hugged her. She was happily surprised at the change in him, returning the welcome hug, knowing it was his relationship with Teyla that had led him to be more open. Just mere months ago he would never have contemplated hugging someone of his own volition.

He stepped back and grinned at her. She smiled in return. "So, The Custos, huh?"

"Yes, it means…"

He interrupted her. "I know what it means. In my language, it would be translated as The Guardian or The Keeper."

"How did you know this?"

"Ten years of Latin. Six in high school, another four in college."

She accessed the Lantean database and found the reference to the language of Latin. She tilted her head towards him. "Your database indicates that it is a language that has been dead for hundreds of your years."

"It is, but it's still taught in school."

"Why did you choose to study this dead language?"

"I found it…elegant. Plus, it's the basis of many words in other languages, making it easier to learn them and, apparently, somehow related to Alteran."

They smiled at each other, liking the additional connection they now felt. She knew it was time for him to return to his mate. "It is time for you to sleep now John, to heal. You have a machine breathing for you. Please do not fight it when you awaken."

"I won't. Thank you. I'll try to be worthy of being The Custos."

"You already are." She smiled again and reached out a hand to caress his cheek. "I love you John Sheppard."

He blushed a deep red but held her gaze. "I love you too, Atlantis." She smiled as she faded from sight.

In the infirmary, Teyla asked. "Jennifer, what happened to him?" She was tired of watching him helplessly, frustrated at her inability to fight this with him.

Jennifer tried to hide how worried she was. The seizure was a clear indication that the brain damage she had worried about was now a very real possibility. "Teyla, I'm sorry but…seizures are a side effect of the kind of brain damage I'm worried about." She felt bad when she saw the blood drain from her friend's face, but she needed Teyla to know there was every chance that the John Sheppard they knew and loved, may not come back. Turning back to her patient, she gently lifted the hem of his scrub shirt. Gently, she began to remove the bandages from his wound, worried that he might have ripped some of his stitches while seizing. She was also worried he might have done more damage from the broken ribs as she hadn't been able to wrap them because the strapping would hide the wound they needed access to. Her mouth dropped open in surprise. While it was still there, looking raw and angry, it was obviously much further along in healing than it should have been, the skin already beginning to knit.

She stopped, her eyes going to the monitors on him and she frowned. There was no way that his stats should be that good. She checked that the machines were all in working order, only to find that they were. She stared at her patient and made her decision. "Marie, help me get him back under the scanner." The nurse nodded and went to get the portable power source for the ventilator. Jennifer transferred the IV bags of saline and blood to the less substantial poles that were part of the movable bed he was lying on. When he was ready, she unlocked the wheels and together, they pushed him to the scanner. Jennifer set up the machine, concentrating on his head and started its diagnostic program. She frowned at what it was telling her. All signs of brain damage were gone.

She exchanged looks with Marie who looked just as confused. She turned to Teyla, only to find Lorne, Woolsey and the rest of his team had followed them. "Look, I don't know what happened but something…"

She was interrupted by Rodney. "Jenn! He's awake!"

"That's impossible! Between his injuries and the medication, it should be hours, if not days, before he wakes up."

"Well, see for yourself! His eyes are open!"

Jennifer turned and found herself staring into the eyes of her patient. Her very much awake, very much aware, patient. "John?" He nodded and lifted a weak hand towards the ventilator. "You know the drill, Colonel. Don't touch the tube!" He lifted an eyebrow and she sighed. "I'll remove it when you don't need it anymore." His eyebrow lifted further, a sign that gave her hope. He understood her and was trying to communicate. "Fine, I'll remove you from the ventilator but, at the first sign of distress, you are going right back on it. Do you understand me?" His nod raised her hopes even further as she moved next to the bed.

"Ok, you know what to do. Breath out as I remove the tubing." He did as she asked and she gently removed the tube from his throat. She carefully watched the monitors and saw that nothing changed. She looked back at him and he smiled at her. She smiled back, not knowing what had just happened but grateful that it had. Marie appeared at his side with a bowl of ice chips and gently placed one between his lips. He groaned a little at the relief it brought to his sore throat and she smiled down at him.

"Teyla?" He croaked out. Teyla moved to his side quickly.

"I am here John."

"Okay?"

"Yes, I am fine. We are all fine. The child suffered only minor injuries and is at home. Maylara is here in the infirmary with a broken leg, which she suffered after the quake, looking for you. Jennifer assures us that she will be fine as well."

"Good. Torren?"

"He is with Amelia right now. I wanted to be with you and…and I was not sure how this would go. I did not want him to feel my worry for you."

He nodded. He tried to lift his hand to her face but was too weak to reach her. She grabbed it in both of hers and kissed the back before lifting it to her face, tears making their way down her cheeks.

"Don't."

"Do not what John?" She still couldn't bring herself to use the contractions John had explained to her. The humans seemed to always be looking for something that would save them time, even in the way they spoke.

"Don't cry, baby. Be okay." The two sentences exhausted him.

She smiled through her tears, knowing that he spoke the truth. He would be okay. They would be okay. This new nickname he'd used for her, however, would need to be discussed when he was better. His people's need to give everyone nicknames confused both her and Ronon, but they generally just let it go. This one, however, was incorrect. She was not a baby and didn't understand his need to apply such a term to her.

Jennifer moved closer to the bed, still not sure what had happened. "John? How are you feeling?"

He smiled at her, knowing that her medical mind was having a hard time with this, and gave her a thumbs up and slid his eyes back to Teyla. "Colonel?" She asked, needing to get his attention back to her. He turned his head to look at her. "Do you know what happened?"

He nodded and smiled again, not able to help himself, the relief over his recovery making him giddy. "Atlantis."

"Atlantis? I don't understand."

"Healed me." He was still talking in short sentences, his throat still sore from the tubing that had only recently been removed from it, tired from his ordeal.

"She healed you?"

"Yes."

"Can she do that for others?" John could already see the wheels spinning in her head.

"No, sorry."

"Well, I guess we can't have everything." She frowned. "Why hasn't she healed you in the past?"

"She has."

"I'm sorry? I would beg to differ! I was here when you were fighting for your life after the beating you took, remember?"

"Stronger now."

"Stronger in what way?"

"Access to new areas…programming. Allows…use Ancient technology to heal more than…was able before." His voice was stronger and he actually used almost a whole sentence, feeling proud of himself. He was gaining strength even as he tired.

"Well, that's…that's…"

"Fascinating!" Rodney broke in, having overheard the last part of their conversation.

"Figured you'd think that McKay." John smiled at his team mate, following it up with a wide yawn.

"Okay, Colonel, time for you to get some rest. All of you, you can visit with him later." Jennifer said as she began to shoo them out. Woolsey and Lorne went quietly, relieved that the Colonel was going to live to fight another day. The members of his team, not so much. They stood their ground.

"But…I want to talk with him some more about Atlantis's healing abilities! Do you know what this could mean if…." Rodney began.

"Rodney, the Colonel has been through enough today. Even though Atlantis has helped him heal, he's still going to need recovery time." Jennifer chided him.

"But…"

"Rodney! John died today, several times, do you understand what that does to one's body?" John flinched a little at her words, unseen by anyone as they watched the tennis match between the two.

She watched as the blood drained from Rodney's face as the memory of those minutes in the gate room returned. His eyes flitted from John to her and back. "I'm…I'm…sorry. I know you must be tired John."

"It's okay Rodney. Atlantis said that the healing takes a toll on my body, that's why she couldn't completely heal me this time. Too much wrong." His words were now coming in complete sentences and he was relieved. He yawned again and snuggled further down into the bed. "I think I'll take nap, if you don't mind." His eyes closed and he was out.

Rodney stared at him for a few moments, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. He turned to his girlfriend. "He's really going to be okay, right?" More than one person waited for her response.

"I think so. I have to admit, I thought the seizure was a sure sign of the brain damage I saw on the scanner earlier. All signs of it are now gone."

"But you said there was only a chance that that would happen!"

"I didn't want to worry everyone more than they already were. What I saw was pretty much a sure indication that he would be permanently damaged." Ronon placed a hand on Teyla's shoulder when she stiffened at Jennifer's words, giving his quiet support.

"My God, that would have killed him surer than that piece of glass embedded in his side!" Rodney exclaimed.

"I know." She said quietly, reaching for his hand. He squeezed hers and leaned into her a little. "Want to help me move him back to the ICU?" She asked the room at large. Each person instantly moved to a corner of the bed, Rodney and Ronon at the foot, Teyla and Jennifer at the head, as if choreographed. Quietly they moved it back to its original spot and said a quiet goodnight to the sleeping man, leaving only Teyla and Jennifer behind.

"Teyla, he's going to be out for a while, why don't you go get something to eat and some sleep? You look dead on your feet and I know Torren must be missing you." At the indecision on the Athosian's face, Jennifer smiled. "Look, I can make up a bed for you here in the infirmary so you can be close to him. Go get something to eat, pick up Torren's playpen and my favorite little boy. You can both sleep here."

Teyla dragged her eyes away from the now peacefully sleeping face she had come to love so much. She nodded once and squeezed the familiar hand she had picked up without thinking about it. She turned to the doctor and smiled. "Thank you, Jennifer."

"Of course! You need to recharge your own batteries. It's been a long day for all of us."

"Yes, it has." Sighing, she raised the hand to her lips and kissed it. Placing it back on the bed, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. Whispering into his ear she said. "I will be back shortly my love." She stood, suddenly feeling very weary and headed out.

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