Stephanie Meyer owns all things twilight.
Updates are going a little quicker than I thought right now because most of the is from an already written novel. Hope you enjoy!
Declarations
The days passed by quickly as I waited for Thursday. Classes went well as usual. Every evening consisted of schoolwork, Preston dinning, and some downtime if my work was completed on time. I did not hear from James until Tuesday. I was sitting at my desk working on some history homework when my phone rang.
"Hey honey." I answered bracing myself for the conversation and hoping that I was bracing myself unnecessarily.
"Hey Bells." I cringed, but tried to stay positive. "I know I was a little rude Saturday, but I really did not appreciate your tone. Try to understand that. Did you have a good weekend?" That was the closest thing to an apology I ever got. He was rude and demeaning, and then I was to blame for making him act that way. It was typical James of the last few months. Whom was I kidding; it had been typical for the last year if not longer.
"It was pretty good. I got some work done for school and hung out with my friends. Jacob is coming down this weekend. That is pretty much it." Silence on the line. "Hello? James?"
"Jake is coming there?" His voice seethed with rage. I tried not to be intimidated by his tone.
"Yes. I was going to come up there and meet him, but he wanted to come down here for a visit. What's wrong?" A feeling of dread washed over me. I knew the conversation would not end well and began bracing myself for some sort of cheap shot.
"If you are trying to get me to come down there by saying this, it is not going to work." Where was this coming from? Did he think I spent my days trying to find ways to trick him to come see me?
"That was not my intention. You have made it quite clear that you are not coming, and I have reconciled with that fact. However, Jacob wants to come and see me. I don't think he wants to go home two weekends in a row."
"You and Jacob have a thing going on that I don't know about? The dude has had a thing for you since high school after all. You don't think that coming there will be a perfect time for him to make his move?" The anger in his voice had not dissipated, if anything it had grown.
"No," I answered as Edward walked in the room. "Jake and I are just friends as we have always been. We are nothing more than friends. Why are you all of the sudden obsessed with the idea that I am cheating on you?" Edward rolled his eyes and sat down beside me on a beanbag stroking my hair.
"This is not about me you bitch. It is about you. You had better not think that just because you are an hour away that you can go fuck any guy who walks." He had never spoken with this much hatred towards me before. Tears started rolling down my face. "You hear me?"
"Got it," was all that I could choke out. I took a deep breath to compose myself.
"You coming here soon?"
"Probably the weekend after Jacob comes here." I said knowing that that was Halloween and that I would be missing the big party. Edward just looked at me and nodded letting me know that he understood.
"Good, you better if you know what's good for you. I'll call you later. Love you." The line disconnected before I could even answer, and I fell into Edward's arms. I was in disbelief over what I had just heard. Alice and Jasper walked in as I was crying and Edward just shook his head. I knew he would explain everything later. Edward ran his hand through my hair as I sat in his lap. Every so often, he would whisper little words of comfort. I stayed wrapped in Edward's arms for as long as it took the pain to dull.
That night he and I skipped Preston dinning and he took me to Beezers, a sandwich shop at the end of the horseshoe and across from my fountain, to grab a sandwich and walk around the horseshoe. Beezers is an institution in the Columbia and USC area.
As we walked around the horseshoe hand in hand, we talked about everything other than James's reaction to Jacob coming to town. Edward caught me up on his father's medical research and mother's decorating firm. I talked about the latest news with my family. We even discussed some books we had read over the summer that we had not talked about yet. We relished the time when we could be together without our friends. Though we loved having them around, when we were alone, there was no need for whispered conversations. We could be more open. Conversation between the two of us always came natural, but the unusual part of our friendship is that we were just as comfortable in silence.
The rest of the week buzzed by with only few word conversations with James making it clear that I was his girlfriend and was not to be affectionate with any other guy. I counted my blessings that he never came down and saw the interaction between Edward and myself. If his jealousy of Jacob were bad, then his reaction to the bond I shared with Edward and the physical intimacy that we shared would be equal in destruction to the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. In spite of the conversations with James, I looked forward to Jake's arrival.
Thursday afternoon I walked back to Preston excited that all of my friends would be out of class and most likely sitting in the lobby. I was so excited that I barely even registered Edward continuing the discussion from our English class.
"Hey Bella. Are you excited about Jacob coming?" He asked as we were almost to the back door.
"Of course I am. Why do you ask?"
He smiled and ran his fingers through his hair before answering. "Because you have not been listening to one word I've been saying since we left class." He turned his face towards me with his head cocked to one side. I smiled timidly.
"I'm sorry Edward. I'm actually a little nervous about seeing Jake. I haven't seen him at all since summer. Forgive me?"
"There is nothing to forgive. Let's go inside." We walked in the door and Jake lifted me up in the air. He gripped me in a big bear hug and twirled me around until I was dizzy.
"You got here early," I screamed as he put me down and then jumped back into his arms for another hug. At length he put me down, and I stared at the beautiful brown eyes that I had missed over the weeks since returning to Preston.
"Wanted to surprise you girl. How was your week?" I knew when he asked me that a shadow crossed over my face because the next question he asked was, "What did he do this time?" He had grabbed my hands after our hugs and had not yet let them go. We stood there facing one another with conjoined hands.
"Oh, he accused her of cheating on him with you and pretty much any other guy alive." Emmett answered as my face fell and pointed towards the floor. Jake grabbed me by the chin and jerked my face upward.
"Lets not go backward, only forward," he said to me in earnest and I knew that he meant for me to hold my head up high. I took a moment to take in my best friend's appearance. His normally tan skin was paler than normal. I wondered how many hours he was spending in the library instead of outside participating in sports. I could not help but notice the other differences in Jake. He was a little leaner. Jacob had never been a large person, but he was more muscular then you would have though at first. It seemed like he had lost what little fat he did have. He had dark brown hair like mine that was cut short to his head.
"Let's take Jacob somewhere besides Preston Dinning for dinner. How about Tios?" Edward avoided Preston dinning, not because of the company; but because he was not a fan of the food.
"Sounds good to me but I really want a shower before we go out. Do you guys mind waiting for a few minutes? I woke up late today and did not get my morning shower." I confessed a little embarrassed. I bite my lip waiting for some comment about how I smelt.
"No problem Bella. We'll come hang out in your room until you're ready," Edward said. Jacob looked at Edward and shrugged his shoulders indicating that he was up for anything. I signed Jacob in at the front desk and Jacob, Alice, Edward, and I walked down to the room. Jasper stayed behind to talk about some class assignment with Emmett. The guys plopped down on the beanbags and Alice sat at her desk and turned on some music. I grabbed my shower stuff and went to the bathroom. I figured it would be good for Jacob to have some time with my new friends, though I wondered what the topic of conversation would be. I jumped in the shower and tried to focus on the task at hand instead of what I knew would be revealed sometime during the weekend.
Jacob had asked me over the summer how much my friends knew of my prior relationships. I had told him that they only knew what they witnessed on a daily basis with James. I did not see how telling them more than that would make a difference to our friendship. Jake had pressed me to open up and tell them about it. A part of me hoped that he would tell them so that I could get out of it. I didn't talk about it even to Jake unless he brought it up; even then I changed the subject quickly.
EPOV
I heard the shower running and sat on a bean bag while waiting on Bella. Jake set his stuff down on the floor and sat near me on another bean bag.
"It is so good to be off of the road. I was about to go crazy sitting in that car." He said stretching out his legs and making himself comfortable.
"It's not an easy drive. Bella said something about you not wanting to go home two weekends in a row. Why is that?" I asked trying to sound polite and not like I was grilling him as to why he came here.
"There's not much left for me there. I mean my father is there, but most of my friends are at school with me. I wanted to have some time with Bella without James's annoying ass around making her feel bad." I was surprised Jake knew so much about how James treated her and hadn't tried to step in. I mean Bella said he was protective, how protective could he be if he lets it continue.
"Jake, can you explain the whole James thing to us? We just do not understand how she can still stay with him," Alice said with an unusually heavy tone in her voice.
"How did I know that I would be hearing that question this weekend?" He laughed dryly. "I've told Bella to talk to you and explain her past, but she just can't seem to do it. It's not really my place to say anything, but she is really leaving me with little choice. How much has Bella told you about her past boyfriends?" Jake asked staring straight at me.
"She never really talks of anyone in that capacity with the exception of James." I replied trying to remain calm, but was anxious to hear about Bella's past. A feeling of dread over what I was about to hear, and how I would handle it washed over me.
"Before Bella was with James, she was with Riley. Though James is one of my least favorite people on the planet; Riley was much worse to her. I have known Bella since elementary school. When we began high school, I noticed a marked change in her. She withdrew into herself. The only person she would open up to was me, and those times were few and far between. One day I walked out of the gym to find Riley kicking her right in the knee and making her fall." He paused and took a deep breath. I could tell he was picturing finding her and the ground. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to avoid thinking of all the ways I could hurt this Riley guy. "That was when she told me that he had been beating her almost the entirety of their relationship, which was almost a year. I'm going to spare you the details because you don't want those images of her and I can't really talk about it without getting sick. Bella does not see what we see when she looks in the mirror. She has never found herself deserving. Her past has not helped with her self perception. James actually is part of the reason that she is not with Riley anymore. James beat the tar out of him. Riley broke up with her a couple of days later." I looked over to Alice who had tears streaming down her cheeks. My heart broke for Bella. No one deserves that life, but especially not her.
"You mean that that Riley gave up after only one fight?" Alice asked in disbelief.
"James is a formidable opponent. He beat Riley to the point where Riley was in the hospital. James also made it clear that it would happen again if he stayed with Bella." Jake crossed him arms and sighed diverting his gaze to the ceiling just as I had seen Bella do so many time before.
"Why would he do that if he was going to treat her just as bad?" I asked and could hear the venomous tone my voice held.
"Your guess is as good as mine. Although, as far as I know, James has never hit her."
"Maybe not, but he tears her down a little each day. It's getting worse by the day." I said hearing Alice release a little whimper. This affected more than Bella, whether she could see this or not. We were left having to watch her suffer knowing there was nothing we could do to make him go away, though loving the idea of getting rid of him.
"Why do you think that she stays with him?' Alice asked with a little more composure to her voice.
Jake answered with the very same though that I had. "I think she has some sort of warped idea that she owes him for getting her away from Riley. Bella can be a great actress when to wants people to believe that there is nothing wrong with her. Keep that in mind. She tries hard, but there are little signs to show that things are bad." Jake said looking between Alice and I like he was pleading for us to recognize the signs. Little did he know that I knew most of those signs to which he was referring. The lip biting, staring at the ground, and fidgeting were second nature to her and she rarely realized she was doing it.
"She is like Ethan Frome then. Staying because of a sense of obligation. Why I am not surprised?" I said looking Jacob in the eye and shaking my head in frustration.
BPOV
I heard it all. Alice and Edwards knew about Riley and I did not have to tell them. I knew it would come out and I could honestly say that I was relieved. I tried not the picture Edward's jaw clenching as Jake told him the history. Jake left out the worst of the details, and I was glad because I did not really want Alice and Edward to look at me and see the images that Jake had tried so hard to forget.
The water was still running when I got out and began to dry off. I heard Jake answer Edward.
"Something like that is pretty accurate. I have tried hard not to push her too hard to leave him, though I must admit I hate the guy, and I don't hate many people. Bella is special and deserves better. I have not had the guts to tell her that I want her to leave James and be with me. I guess I am scared that she will shoot me down."
I sat down on the toilet before I lost full control of my legs. Did Jake just admit that he loved me? It couldn't be. I mean if he really felt that way he would have told me and not a room full of my friends that to him, where little more than strangers.
"You never told her?" Edwards's voice had an edge to it that I could not quite point out. He sounded awkward, something that I never connected with Edward.
"Never. Some things are better left unsaid. I did not want to be the reason she left those guys. I wanted her to leave of her own volition and to realize she deserved better on her own. I did not want her to see me as her savior and want to be with me in order to escape James. If I were to end up in a relationship with her, I would want her to love me because she loves me and not because I saved her from a worse fate. You guys are helping her see herself more clearly and for that I thank you, because it is something that I have never been able to do." Jacob had a bit of resentment behind his pitch that only I would have noticed, the rest was gratitude. He had wanted to be the reason that I held my head high. He did not realize that without him, there would be nothing left of me.
I sat there for a few more minutes trying to compose myself. I could not deny that there had been times, often when I was lying on the floor bleeding, where I felt that life could be easier dating someone like Jake, but that was not reason enough to be with someone. Did I have feelings for him? Yes, he was my best friend and my protector. But I was not free to pursue feelings for anyone right now. I tried to put these thoughts out of my mind as I turned off the water and quickly changed into clean clothes. I quickly finished getting dressed and walked into my room. I tried to put the swirl of thoughts to the back of my mind so that I did not betray myself to them.
"Good shower Bella?" Edward's silky voice was even more tender than usual. He now knew the gritty details of my past. I found myself praying that his opinion of me had not changed with his knew knowledge of my past. I knew I needed to be stronger, but that would be harder if he treated me with kid gloves.
"Yep. It was nice. It is amazing how much better a shower can make you feel." I noticed that Alice was focusing on her computer, and not looking my way. She was quiet, which was not standard for Alice. I was sure that she was holding back the feelings that were now swirling in her head about the treatment I had once endured and still was enduring. I grabbed my hairdryer and dried my hair so that when Jasper came we would be ready to go grab some food. I focused on the gray rug beneath my feet while drying my hair. I did not want to see the looks of pity that I knew were being shot at my back from my friends. After finishing drying my hair, I continued to get ready. I put on some fresh makeup and tried to avoid interaction with anyone.
A few minutes later, Jasper appeared in the door. He simply rapped on the frame of the door and walked over to where Alice was sitting to give her a hug. She simply looked up and wrapped her arms around his waist. Why couldn't I find a relationship like that? Why was I all of the sudden thinking about finding another relationship at all? The funny thing is I had the chance at a relationship with that much love and concern, but was unable to accept it. I tried to understand why, but was unsure of what exactly was preventing me from running to Jacob.
"So what are the plans for the evening?" I was trying desperately to sound normal. I had a feeling Jake could see right through my façade.
"How about a tour of campus? It is such a nice night and I feel like a walk. Who's game," Jacob asked. He was one for the simple pleasures in life. His interest lay in things like a good movie, music, or simple walks.
"I'm always game for a walk, but what about dinner first?" Edward replied as I could hear his stomach growl.
"Ok Edward lets get some food in you." Alice replied and stood up to get her things.
We all got our coats and walked towards Tios to grab some food. Tios is a Mexican place that is located right next to Beezers. We walked through the rose garden by the edge of the horseshoe. Edward was not as affectionate as usual when we walked. He did not offer his arm or try to steal my hand. A large part of me missed that closeness, but hoped it was just because of Jake's confession and not because of other information that he had received.
I sat in between Jacob and Edward once we got there, and tried not to feel too awkward. The conversation varied between schoolwork, parents, and the latest movies. I was just relieved that I was not the focus. I stayed quiet at dinner and focused on my food and the Mexican décor, hoping that everyone would get to know each other better.
"Bella, how are your classes going?" Jake never let me be too quiet. He struggled since high school trying to get me to speak more in larger groups.
"Classes are good. I have three classes with Edward, which makes doing the homework more fun. My two History classes are interesting as well. One focuses solely on the history of Latin America and the other is European History, which as you know is pretty much a repeat from high school for me, but I had to take it again because the AP class only exempted me for one of the two European requirements."
"I know all too well. Bella and I took AP European History together. It was quite a trip. She was the only one in the class to ace the exam." He explained to the others, who weren't privy to the history.
"I am sure I did not ace it, but I did fairly well. We had the best teacher for that class. He taught some of the material using Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I loved going to that class. In the government class I had with him, he sat us all in order based on our political spectrum views."
"So from right to left? Where did you fit into that Bella?" Japer and Edward had a greater enthusiasm for talking politics than I, but that did not mean that my views were not strictly formed. I just did not show them as passionately. I bite my lip looking back and forth between everyone.
"She was as far left as you could be and still be in the classroom." Jake answered sensing my delay.
Alice, as always, was the first to respond, "Our little Sophia the quiet liberal. I'm so proud." She acted as if she was tearing up due to the pride. .
I ignored them and I went back to answer Jake's question. "So with the exception of my European History. My schedule is very well suited to my interests."
"Edward you are an English major as well?" Thankfully, Jake wanted to get to know more about my friends.
"Yes, I am. I have a double major in English and Anthropology." He said catching my eye.
"If you don't mind my asking, what do you want to do with those degrees?" Jake said before taking a sip of his sweet tea.
"I don't mind at all. Many people wonder what the heck I am going to do with either of those degrees, but I'm planning to get my PHD in Anthropology and try to research the literature of different cultures."
"Wow I feel like an underachiever," Jake said laughing.
"You are the last person who should feel like that. You are going to be the great doctor in the family." I said taking a bite of my food.
"True, but my job will be something much more common than Edward's will be."
"My father is a doctor. It takes a special person to be a good doctor. You have to know how to read people. I think you are well suited for it," Edward replied. "From what our dear Isabella says, you have her pegged." Jake laughed and looked at me with a smile on his face. I noticed myself biting my lip and resisted looking at my food.
"Bella takes some time to crack. When you have known her as long as I have, then she will no longer be so mysterious." He responded with a chuckle and patted me on the back. Edward had a look on his face that I could not make out. It was not really an angry face. It resembled more regretful than any other feeling I could trace. Jasper and Alice were in their own little world talking about something that the rest of us did not even try to hear. They finally snapped out of it as the waitress brought us our checks. Jake grabbed mine and put it with his, handing them both to the waitress with his card before I could protest.
"Sorry Bella. I knew you would not let me pay so I had to be sneaky." I stuck my tongue out at him and crossed my arms across my chest as if I was pouting.
After dinner, we walked around campus. We started with the horseshoe, and I was happy when Edward's arm found its way back around my waist as we walked. I knew then that nothing had changed. It was a brisk night, but perfect for a walk. The campus was lit up all over so even when it got dark, it was still light enough for him to get a feel for the scenery. I did want take him around the horseshoe and to my fountain in the daylight though. Edward pointed out all of the interesting places on campus and I occasionally joined in with my thoughts or opinions.
We finally went back to Preston after what seemed like hours. I collapsed on Zelda and Edward and Jacob sat down on either side of me and laughed at my dramatics. Alice and Jasper went to hang out in Jasper's room for a few minutes, which the rest of us knew meant that they were going to make out.
Emmet and Rosalie came into the lobby shortly after Japer and Alice had left. In many ways, they were easier to spend time with than Alice and Jasper because the newness of their relationship had worn off so they were not as outwardly affectionate.
"Hey guys," Emmett said as he came in with Rosalie behind him.
"Hey Bitches! What's going on," Rosalie asked in her normal boisterous manner. They both sat on the brown leather couch to join into the conversation.
"Hey you two. This is Jacob. He is a friend of mine from home. Jacob this is Emmett and Rosalie." I made the introductions knowing that I would not need to say much more as everyone in the room was more than able to carry on a conversation with a new acquaintance without any assistance.
"Jacob eh? Welcome to Preston. Where do you go to school?" Emmett began the conversation, while giving Jake a surveying look trying to size him up/
"UNC Chapel Hill. I'm a Pre med student up there. How long have you two known my Bella?" Edward's hand flinched beside mine. I looked at him and he stared at me for what felt like forever, before grabbing my hand and turning his attention back to Rosalie.
"Man, since the beginning of last school year. She was fortunate enough to be my suitemate." Rosalie answered with her usual flair and twirling her blonde curls around her finger. "At first I thought you might be James, but then I noticed you looked too nice to be him. I'm glad you're not him, because I do not have enough energy to beat anyone up today."
Your business in Preston was not just yours but everyone's around you as well. It could be very annoying after awhile, but it was something that you either dealt with or got so sick of that you moved out. It was not the people who caused this to be, it was more like a special atmosphere in the building the required everyone to be in everyone else's business.
"Thanks, because I really do not want to be James. No offense Bella." He responded to Rosalie truthfully, though squeezed my free hand to make sure that I knew he did not want to hurt me. The conversation continued for a long time with Rosalie and Emmett giving Jacob the third degree about his friendship with me. I let him answer the questions and occasionally added an anecdote about high school or middle school. It felt natural for Jake to be there with me. I found myself once again wishing that he had chosen to go to USC and that we were not so far apart.
"Did you two ever date?" Emmett asked. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. The idea of Jake and me dating had not seemed like a possibility until earlier in the evening. No matter how pleasant that thought may be, I did not allow myself to entertain the idea. Just as I was about to answer the question, Jake responded.
"No, I have not had that pleasure. By the time I was smart enough to realize my interest in Isabella, she was already taken. She has not been single since, which leaves little opening." He was as calm as I had ever seen him. His true feelings were finally coming out into the open. I had discovered them a few hours earlier, but now he was telling me for what he thought was the first time. I did not know how to act. I had to act in a way that would make it appear that I had not heard his earlier confession, but not as though I was affronted by his feelings. Edward's hand withdrew from mine, and I immediately felt empty. Why did Jake feel it was smart to tell me this for the first time in front of a group of people?
"Did you know he felt that way Bella?" My heart beat faster and I was biting my lips. I tried not to look back at Jacob or Edward.
"I had no idea." That was all the reply that I could share with Rosalie, which I was sure would not be satisfying. All of the sudden, I felt Edward's arm pulling me towards him. I dared not fight it. I was in his arms before I knew it. I knew he could feel what was coming on. The familiar feeling of panic began to encroach on my personal space. I tried to fight it off.
"Well, if Bella ever does get single Jake, you may have to fight Edward for her." She laughed as she said that. My face I'm sure was as red as can be. Jake's eyes were towards me and I could almost hear the cogs in his head turning wondering what my roommate and suitemates had already wondered. Did I have feelings for Edward?
"You are worth being truly loved you know that right?" I heard Edward's whisper in my ear and could feel his breath on my neck. I shortly forgot that other people were in the room beside the two of us. My mind was beginning to wonder. Jake's retort was what snapped me back into the present.
"As long as he treated her with respect, I would step aside if that is what she wanted. What she wants is what truly matters."
"Well spoken sir. Bella you should really dump James for Jake here. He has my approval." I laughed off those words and tried to figure out some way to change the subject. Edward's grasp on me tightened. As if she could feel that her roommate was in serious need of a subject change, Alice came into the lobby and jumped onto the chair beside the fireplace.
"Hey Emmett. Hey Rose. What's going on?"
"Where's Jasper," Rosalie asked. "He isn't glued to your side." My roommate was just then my favorite person in the world. I was also grateful to Rose for being able shift attention so readily. I leaned towards Edward and whispered into his ear.
"I'll be right back. I'm just going to get a drink from my room." He nodded and I got up and walked to the door as quickly and quietly as I could to enter the main living hall. I went towards my room knowing that Edward would tell the others where I went if they inquired. I practically fell onto a beanbag. Had Jacob really just declared his feelings in front of a group of people, one of which being Edward, when he had never even told me twice in the same night? James was right about the fact that Jacob had feelings for me, but was once again wrong about the fact that those feelings would lead me to cheat on him.
I tried to collect myself and grabbed a drink. I hoped that they would not ask what took me so long to get a drink from my room. I walked back towards the lobby and saw both Edward and Jake sitting side by side. They both looked up at me as I went through the doorway. In that moment, I realized that both of them meant the world to me. Both were just as important, and yet I had known Edward several years less than I had Jake. I moved towards them and sat equidistance from them in the middle of Zelda. I tried to be casual.
"Hey Bella. Why don't we go for a quick walk just the two of us," Jake asked. I nodded in agreement and got up to follow him out the back door looking back at Edward, whose face was towards Alice so that I could not see his expression. I walked to the door. Jake held the door open for me. We both began to walk. The night was cold enough to bring a chill. I shivered. He took his arm and wrapped it around my shoulders in a vain effort to keep me warm.
"So how pissed are you?" He looked down at me as we walked.
"Very. Why the hell did you tell me first in front of them?" I wrapped my arm around his waist and squeezed.
"No particular reason. I guess I just finally got the nerve. Maybe I felt if there were people around, you would spare my life." He paused as he looked at me. Sighing he continued, "I'm sorry I should have told you one on one, but don't lie to me when I ask you this. You heard me talking to your friends earlier didn't you?" We stepped up out of the Preston Garden and began walking towards Gibb's Greene, a green space in the middle of several class buildings.
"Yes, I heard you, but you should have told me earlier." We continued to walk side by side with his arm around my shoulder. I looked past the treetops in search for any stars that could be seen through the lights of Columbia.
"Come on Bella. Have you honestly never thought how easy it could be for the two of us to be together?" I turned my face away from him and focused on finding a star in the black night.
"I have thought about it before Jake, but I never let myself believe it could come to fruition. We have always been close, but I thought that was just the nature of our friendship. I just don't think that I can take the risk. I want to say yes. I want to throw myself in your arms and forget about James, but something is holding me back." As I said these words, I looked into his eyes and felt a sting of pain. The last person in the world I wanted to hurt was standing before me and the look in his eyes told me that my words were hurting him.
"Fair enough. It was not as if I was expecting you to leave him, but I guess you still needed to know the truth. I love you girl. I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember. Before you even started dating James or Riley, I loved you. I regret never telling you then."
"I love you too. You know I do." I snuggled further into Jake's side as we walked for a minute in silence.
"So Edward." he said. The questioning inflection in his voice made me aware that he had noticed the potential feelings that others seemed to.
"What about him," I asked wearily.
"Do you have feelings for him?" He asked as we stopped walking and turned towards each other.
"Edward is my Preston version of you. If the feelings are more than that, I have not discovered them yet." I said looking up into his eyes.
"They are." Jake answered almost inaudibly as he wrapped me in his strong arms.
"What?" I said breaking the connection by taking a few steps back.
"You are not just friends with Edward, Bella. That whole 'just friends' thing is bullshit. It is more than that. I know you, and you know it. You just don't want to admit it to yourself. You have never looked at James, Riley, or, hell, even me the way you look at him. And of the three of us, I know you love me the most. You're in love with Edward." He looked at me straight in the eyes as he said this. There was no pain showing from him, just sincerity. Was he right? Was I in love with Edward? I looked at the stars and kept walking. After some time, I looked back at Jake, but remained silent.
"I know you are in love with him." The more he said it, the more it sounded true. Jacob could see things even when I couldn't. Was he seeing this first?
As I kept staring at him, he said, "Oh Bella, don't be blind. You are crazily in love with him."
"So what if I am? I'm with James now, and Edward does not feel the same way."
He sighed and looked up towards the stars, "I would not be so sure about that."
"Edward and I are just friends. He sees me as nothing more than a friend or even if he does than its more like a sister."
"Okay Bella. I can't read Edward's mind. However, I do know yours. How can you stay with James when you are in love with Edward? You don't feel anything like that for James anymore, if you ever really did." Such a simple question and yet the answer was more complex than even I could comprehend.
"I don't know. I just can't give up on it yet. I know I don't have the best relationship or even a good one, but something inside of me will not let it go." I looked straight ahead, as I said this. For once, there was no looking at the ground while speaking or biting my lip. I was completely open and honest. The most intriguing part to this conversation was that I was admitting things to Jacob that I had not even allowed myself to discover until this moment. That was the nature of our relationship. He allowed me to be myself, without any fear. There was no one I trusted more than Jacob.
"Well, hopefully you will be able to let go before he causes you too much more pain." Jake turned around and we began to walk back towards Preston.
I gave Jake a hug and found myself unable to let go. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. He stopped walking and just stood there holding me for a while before pulling away and whipping the tears off my face.
"What's this about darling?" Jake asked without releasing his grip on me.
"I'm not happy with him anymore." I said as the tears continued to stream down my face. "When I look at Alice and Jasper or some other friends, I wonder if I ever really was happy."
"You may not have been. What you have to do is go after what makes you happy. You deserve to be content with life." Jake squeezed me a little tighter.
"Please do not tell Edward. I don't want anything with our relationship to get awkward. I'm not even sure how I feel about him yet."
"Your secret is safe with me dear. Let's walk back. I'm getting a little cold." We walked back to Preston and waiting in the lobby were the same people who were there when we had made our departure.
"Hey Bella! You are back." Edward said as he scanned over the two of us. He could tell I had been crying. I went and plopped down on Zelda next to him. He pulled me closer. Jake just sat next to us.
"You okay?" was all he whispered in my ear. I looked up at him and shook my head fighting back the other wave of tears. I was almost positive that I was in love with this caring wonderful man and yet I stayed with a jerk.
"I hope we did not miss anything too exciting. I guess I just needed to be up and moving some more. Long drives make it hard for me to sit too long afterwards."
"I was just trying to get more information from Alice here on her relationship. How long are you staying?" Rosalie stated.
"I'm staying until Sunday. The professor cancelled my Friday morning class so I came down for a long weekend. I haven't seen Bella since summer, and I need to come see my girl." Jacob answered.
"It's got to be hard man. I do not have a very science oriented mind so I would not be able to survive pre med especially at UNC." Edward seemed to be more himself than before Jake and I went on our walk, but there was still something off.
"It's not so bad. I do spend a lot of time studying, but I try to make time to blow off some steam. A few of our high school friends went to UNC as well. I see them occasionally and also hang out with the guys in my hall a good deal."
"Edward and I study together a lot which makes the work seem less like work." I sat there with Edward's arms around me facing Jake, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett. I could see that Jake knew that he was right about my feelings for Edward.
"You are lucky that you have someone to study with. I am trying to build a study group with others in my major, but have not been successful yet," Jacob said.
"Next semester is not going to be so easy though. I have to take more History than English classes. That will mean fewer classes with Edward and more studying by myself."
"Let's not talk about next semester yet. We haven't finished this semester." Emmett said. I did not even notice myself yawning until Edward said, "Bella, that's the signal that you need to get ready for bed."
"Was I yawning?"
"Yes ma'am." He answered as he smiled down.
"Come on." Jake said as he stood up and held his hands out for me to take to help me off the extremely comfortable couch. I felt Edward's muscles tense beside me. It was his job to help me up off Zelda.
"Can't I just sleep here? It takes too much effort to walk all the way down the hall." I could hear the whining sound in my voice, but did not care.
"Nope. You have to get up." Jake answered. Edward would have been nicer about saying that.
I got up and said goodnight to Emmett and Rose. Alice, Jake, and Edward, and I walked down towards our room. Once we got there, I went into the bathroom to change into sweats. I came out and Alice went into change.
"Bella, are you ready to turn in your paper on Tuesday?" Edward asked.
"Yep. I made the changes you suggested. I might have Dr. Aro look over it before I turn it in. He said he would be in his office tomorrow.
"Good Deal. Well, I'm off for the night. I am getting up to run before class tomorrow. Get some rest Bella. Good night Jake." Edward hugged me and walked out of the room. I just stared as he walked out wondering why he did not stay to help me up into my loft as he normally did. I went to my computer and checked my email. Nothing. I turned on some music and then helped Jacob get his sleeping bag set up with the blow up mattress he brought with him.
"Bella, he is a really great guy. You have every right to love him more than you do James. He takes much better care of you." Jake said as he turned on the pump to blow up the mattress.
"Who does Bella love more than James?" Alice asked with her voice elevated, standing in the doorframe of the bathroom with a look on her face that could only be seen and was impossible to describe. I began to bite my lip.
"No one." I stated in vain.
"Edward." Jake betrayed my secret to my roommate, and though I was nervous as to her response, I was glad she knew. Alice knowing things made life easier. I hated trying to keep secrets from her. I shot a nasty look at Jake, and then looked back towards my roommate.
"Bella, is this true?"
"I think so." I was biting so hard that I'm sure my lip would start bleeding at any moment. Before I knew what was happening, my roommate had almost tackled me and was hugging me so tight I could barely breath.
"I knew it. You and Edward would be so cute together. You are practically a couple now. You should tell him how you feel." The words jumbled up so quickly that had I not been used to her speaking fast when excited I would not have been able to understand her.
"I can't tell Edward anything. First, you are forgetting that I have a boyfriend. Second, I cannot tell Edward how I feel, because to him I am just a friend. Third, I just realized this myself. I need time to process." I went and got sheets for the mattress out from Jake's bag and begun to unfold them.
"I agree with Alice."
"I know you do Jake, but I believe this is my decision. I can't have Edward knowing right now. I need our friendship to stay the same for the moment. Plus, I just figured this out tonight. I really need to take time and figure out what my exact feelings are." This made sense to me, but they did not fully understand. I finished making Jacob's bed while the conversation continued.
"Do you think before you say things? You are Edward's world." Alice began and then stopped as I rolled my eyes. "Ok just keep thinking that way. I'm going to bed." Alice got into her loft. I gave Jacob a hug and kissed his cheek before I climbed up into bed. I was anxious to get to sleep and escape the thoughts revolving around Edward, James and Jacob out of my mind.
I knew I was asleep, but wanted to believe it was real. I was lying in my bed with Edward by my side. That told me that I was dreaming alone. I tried to focus on the feeling of being in his arms.
"I love you Edward. I think I have for a long time now."
"I see, and what about Jacmes," was all he could say in response. The usual tenderness in his voice was not there. I looked over to him and James was now lying there. He sat up and smacked me across the face.
"Don't you dare think about leaving me you bitch!" I woke up crying, but tried to let Jacob and Alice sleep.
Jacob must have still been awake or a light sleeper that night. He got up on the chair like Edward always did and wiped the tears from my face.
"Are you okay?" He said softly so as not to wake up Alice.
"Nightmare." I said still gasping for breath and rubbing my cheek as though I had really been struck.
"What about dear?" He said running his hand through my hair.
"James. What if I told you that the last couple of times I have seen him he has been getting violent?" I saw the anger in Jake's eyes. His hand stopped and if I was not mistaken, balled into a fist.
"How violent," he asked as he began to rubbing my hair again.
"He slapped me once for spilling something. And then has just been rough in other interactions we've had." I cried.
"It needs to stop Bella. You can't do that to yourself again. You promised me after Riley that this would not happen again." He held my face in his hands and rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs.
"I'm scared if I don't go up next weekend or if I try to leave him, it will end in worse pain." I pulled away from Jake's embrace and buried my face in my pillow. I did not want to see the pity. I just wanted to be free.
"We'll figure something out. Try to get some sleep. No one will lay a finger on you while I'm here." He kissed my forehead and I snuggled with Darcy. I fell back to sleep quicker than I thought I would. Jacob was more of my savior then he really knew.
*****So the truth about her past comes out. Hope I don't have to run and hide. Review please!****