Disclaimer: Most of the characters mentioned belong to Hidekaz Himaruya. The rest belong to P. L. Travers. Yes, there is a mention of Mary Poppins; more specifically, the Disney adaptation starring Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke, written by Bill Walsh and Don Dagradi, with songs by the Sherman Brothers.

Synthetic Love
Chapter 2

Arthur Kirkland is a very busy man. He has been busy ever since the wonderful age of nineteen.

Must maintain grade point average! Must study! Must get a job! Must keep scholarship! Must pass midterm exams! Must pass bar exams! Must! Must! Must!

The only way Arthur can function is if he keeps himself busy; if he pushes himself to do more; to achieve more. He keeps himself so busy, it's almost as if he is in some other world.

He didn't pay attention to his wife...that's why she left.

He can't pay attention to his son...that's why he needs a nanny.

He doesn't pay much attention to his house (he practically lives in his study)...that's why he needs a maid.

He doesn't pay attention to his maids...that's why they quit.

And now, because of his lack of attention, he will be busier than ever.

"Peter!...Peter! Wake up!" Arthur shakes his six-year-old son awake, even though he himself wants nothing more than to curl in the sheets of his own bed. "Wake up already!"

"Nnng..." Peter opens one bleary eye and rolls over. "Arthur...you jerk." He grumbles. "Get out of my room!"

Arthur scoffs at the pillow that was thrown at him and pulls off the sheets. "Stop your irritating grumbling and wake up! You need to get ready for school, and I need to get ready for work." Arthur feels relieved when Peter rolls out of bed, rubbing his bleary, blue eyes. The morning would be so much better if his son would cooperate for once. "Go wash up. I'll iron your uniform."

It is the start of the worst week ever!

Peter throws gargantuan tantrums! Every morning he fusses and fights about getting up and getting ready for the day. Arthur has to iron multiple uniforms because the boy would ruin a number of them. Needless to say, this made the laundry more difficult to deal with. He would complain about meals ("Margurite makes pancakes!" "Well...what's-her-name isn't here!" "Give me pancakes you jerk!"). He would scream his adorable little head off and when Arthur tries to take to to school. He would lock himself in whatever room he blindly runs into wailing, "I'm not coming out and you can't make me Jerk Arthur!"

And that's only Peter! Arthur has to deal with other new stresses. Without a maid, the house is a disaster: dishes are piling up and Arthur has to stay up later than usual to clean them, Peter's room looks like a war zone, the laundry room floods with bubbles every time Arthur attempts to use the machines ("It can't be the machine...something must not be right about the detergent."), and the rest of the chores simply went ignored.

Also, the change in his schedule interferes with his sleep habits. He misses precious sleep at night and tries (and fails) to stay awake at work. He doesn't get as much work as he wants done and he is grumpier than usual.

The only thing he has to look forward to now, is lunch with the one person he could comfortably call a friend.

"I'm guessing you have not yet hired a maid."

Arthur raises his head to meet the soft smile of his friend, Kiku. "Sorry, I didn't intend to fall asleep." He wipes a sliver of drool off his chin. It isn't very dignified, but at the moment, he doesn't care. "To answer your question, no I have not. The agency I usually go through has not been very helpful. It seems almost every applicant either doesn't clean, can't cook, or is not qualified to care for children." Arthur groans and rubs the sleep from his eyes as the waitress approaches their table. "Ugh!...Why did she leave me all alone?"

Kiku dismisses the waitress after politely ordering coffee and tea (for Arthur). "Who are you talking about, Arthur-san?" Kiku knows that the latest maid left suddenly and that her absence disrupted the Kirkland house (this sort of thing happened every time a maid left), but Kiku got the feeling that his friend might be talking about someone else.

"Does it even matter?" Arthur asks. He waits until the beverage bearing waitress leaves before continuing. "They all left; and I don't really care whether they stay or go, but I would like to have some kind of warning, a two weeks notice or something. Just give me some time to find a replacement."

Kiku sighs. He slowly sips his coffee and ponders over his thoughts. On one hand, there is something he could do to help his friend; but on the other hand, he isn't sure if he would be over-stepping some sort of boundary. Not to mention, what he wants to propose involves his profession, and he'd rather not make a sale off of his friend; it could end in disaster...Then again, it could help. He sets his coffee down. "Arthur, I have a suggestion for you."

He pulls out his laptop and pulls up a webpage. After shifting his chair around, he positions the computer so that both men can view it.

Arthur glances over the webpage before asking skeptically, "A robot?"

"Not a robot, an android." He types a few keys and some pictures appear. "Robots are bulky and made of metal. Androids have the programming of a robot but the look and movement of a human."

Arthur nods along. "That's right. You work for SynTech." SynTech is the largest and most promising producer of synthetic organisms. They're mostly known for their prosthetics but they're also popular for their synthetic exotic animals and their androids. Arthur has worked a number of cases involving the company (mostly patents and contract disputes) and he knows that the only privately owned androids/gynoids were...well, "Aren't those just walking, talking sex toys?"

Kiku sputters. "W-well...yes, SynTech has a reputation for making the best-ahem...Companion Units...b-but in the case of androids, they mostly design Mining and Maintenance Units." Kiku types in some more keys and this time, gynoids in gray maids uniforms appear. "I design and update the software that makes it possible for androids to carry out a multitude of complex commands. The software is used on Medical Units and Domestic Service Units, or DSUs for short."

"And I can just order one?" Arthur asks skeptically.

"Not exactly," Kiku types in some more keys and a different page comes up. This one had the word "Customize" in colorful letters. "You want a DSU for your home that is also qualified for child care, correct? This would require a special learning program and a specific command program that doesn't come with mass produced DSUs; those units are made for hotels and resorts."

Arthur lets the idea mull around. "I don't know about this Kiku..."

Kiku sighs as he puts his laptop away. "That's okay. I don't need a definitive answer at the moment. I was merely suggesting an option."

"Yes...but I'm worried it might be my only option."

"Hetalia International, please hold...Oh! Mr. Kirkland, you're back!"

As Arthur steps out of the elevator and onto the 8th floor, he is greeted by the busty receptionist his intern is always flirting with. "Hello Ms. Braginski, I'm so sorry for being so cross with you this morning. Are there any messages for me?"

"Yes, Mr. Kirkland! There was a man with what sounded like a French accent. He wouldn't give me his name but he said he knew you personally."

Arthur grumbles thinking, "Frog-bastard..." He tries to soften his expression as he addresses the nervous receptionist. "Yes, well, the next time he calls, put him on hold and I'll talk to him...eventually."

Peter sighs. "The jerk is late...again."

Peter Kirkland has had an especially awful day today. First, Jerk Arthur woke him way too early. Then he had to prepare his own breakfast, not that he really minded. He has prepared a bowl of cereal before but usually the cereal, bowl, and milk are take out for him. Today, he had to gather the ingredients himself, climbing on the countertop to get them which earned him a scolding from his father. ("Well, how else am I suppose to get the Cheerios?") And then, the worst thing happened! Peter had to go to school!

School is the most horrible thing ever!...Well, now it is. Last year Peter loved school. That's because last year he was in kindergarten, and kindergarten was amazing! How could anyone not love kindergarten? With two sessions of recess everyday, show-and-tell, snack time, nap time, and treat day? Treat Day was wonderful! Twice a month (or more if everyone was on their "best behavior") their teacher would bring in ingredients so everyone could make a special treat. Nothing complicated that would require baking or using a real knife, just simple food items that every five-year old could handle. Peter's favorite was when they spread peanut butter on apple slices and stuck marshmallows on them. When you put the slices together, they made a cute little mouth that you could eat! Yum! But Peter's favorite part about kindergarten was story time. The teacher would read so beautifully! He told one of his nannies that, but she said it was inappropriate for little boys to have such feelings for their teacher...he never talked to her about school again. Then Margurite came along and he tried to get her to read to him, but she would usually reply with a, "Not now, I'm busy" or, "Not now, it's time for bed" and when she did read, he could barely hear her. It was so annoying! But his teacher wouldn't disappoint him. He didn't care for the woman very much, she smiled weird and spoke funny; like he does whenever he lies. The only time his teacher didn't seem like she was lying was when she read. Her expressions and tones were so real it was like watching a movie!

But Peter is no longer in kindergarten...Now he is in Grade 1 and it is much different than kindergarten. He now has to sit at a desk instead of sharing a table with three of his classmates. There is no nap time, which was fine ("Naps are for babies!"). There is absolutely no eating in class and the students are only allowed to play outside once a day instead of twice. That's alright with him too, because instead of having a morning recess, they have fun classes like gym.

But other than that, school is awful! And the evilness of school can only be credited to one person, Ms. Clarkson. Ms. Clarkson teaches Peter's class, and Peter is fairly certain that the woman's sole purpose is to make his life miserable. Everyday she would call on him to read aloud saying he needs the practice. And everyday she would watch him stand up and trip over his words, and when he brings the textbook closer to his face, she scolds him! Then when she thinks his pathetic performance has gone long enough, shes calls him stupid and scolds him for not paying attention ("But I am!") and lets him wallow in misery. Yes, school is absolutely awful!

Peter sighs again. A somewhat familiar creaking sound attracts his attention. "Finally!" He climbs into the old civic and huffs as he fastens his seatbelt. "Take me home Jerk!"

A sigh comes from the driver. "Peter, I'm Matthew, remember? I'm not taking you home, I'm taking you to see your father, remember?"

"I know that." Peter looks over this "Matthew" person. Well, he looks over the back of his head and the area of his face in the rear view mirror (he can't see much from the backseat). Matthew has been picking him up from school everyday for the past week and although the guy is forgettable, Peter always remembers that he does not like him. Matthew reminds him of his father (he does work for the guy) and of his former nanny. Peter likes neither of them, so he must not like Matthew either, right? "But I don't want to go to that stuffy office! Take me home!"

Matthew sighs. This is going to be a long drive.

It's the end of the day; more importantly, the end of the week. After preparing dinner and drawing a bath for Peter, Arthur sluggishly retreats to his study.

Arthur has never felt so exhausted before; not even when he was a teenager, stretching himself thin at school and work. Not even when he pulled all nighters did he ever feel such weariness as he did now. Using as little energy as possible, Arthur checks his cellphone for messages: voicemail, texts, and e-mail. There is an e-mail from the agency he uses to find a maid, and for a moment he feels joyous relief...Then he actually reads it:

Mr. Kirkland...we regret to inform you-

And then he stops after that. He has seen rejection letters before. He has even written a few! He quickly deletes the e-mail, not wanting to read the rest of it. "Well there goes my chance of an orderly house!" he grumbles.

He has anticipated this and has thought about living without a maid. After all, this week does prove that he can manage things on his own. He has gotten Peter up and ready for school everyday. He cooks every meal and cleans (somewhat). He can handle things on his own right?

Arthur sighs. "There is no bloody way I can do this." He stares at his computer, then at his cellphone. "Ugh...I can't believe I'm doing this." He presses number three on his speed dial and waits.

"Moshi moshi, Kiku speaking."

"Hi Kiku, it's me, Arthur...about that DSU..."

Peter is unhappy. He is usually not happy but at the moment he is unhappy and there is only one thing that can make him feel something close to happy.

"Oh, it's you! Hello!...Number seventeen Cherry Tree Lane, you say? All right, come along with me..."

That's right, the only thing that can get Peter out of his unhappy slump is watching the 1964 musical film, Mary Poppins. Though he'd never tell anyone, Peter likes musicals; and Mary Poppins is a Broadway musical, which already makes it better than most other movies. In addition to that, it's a wonderful story!...Or at least, what Peter has seen so far is wonderful...He has never seen the entire movie before (It's impossible to stay awake through Julie Andrew's lullabies).

"A word of advice, young man: storm signals are up at number seventeen. Bit of heavy weather brewing there..."

Another reason why Peter likes Mary Poppins; The Banks family is so much like his own. Nannies are constantly coming and going ("Good! They're old and mean and stupid!"), the daddy is a jerk ("And he works in some stuffy old building too!"), and the mommy...

"We're clearly soldiers in petticoats, And dauntless crusaders for women's votes. Though we adore men individually, We agree that as a group, they're rather stupid..."

Peter doesn't know what to think of Mrs. Banks. If he were asked, he would say that she is much like Danielle; she's there but not really there. But at least Mrs. Banks is there! Danielle left when Peter was a baby. Now he only sees the woman when she decides to visit...But he doesn't hate her; he doesn't exactly love her, but he doesn't hate her.

"The children, madam, to be precise, are not here. They've disappeared again..."

And yes, much like the Banks' children, Peter isn't always on his best behavior. He isn't ill behaved! Oh no! He just isn't the perfect little angel everyone wants him to be ("And why should I? They're not the boss of me!") Jerk Arthur can boss other people around, but not him; he doesn't work for the jerk! The nannies can't boss him around, they're not his mommy! And Danielle can't boss him around, she left! She doesn't want to be his mommy!

But as terrible as the Banks family is, they have one wonderful thing to make the daddy seem like less of a jerk; to fill the void of the missing mommy; to care for and look after those unruly children; a wonderful nanny named Mary Poppins. Peter doesn't have Mary, but he has something just as wonderful and magical. "Oh! Hello! When did you get here?"

Flying Mint Bunny is a wonderful and magical thing. He is always there for Peter, even when no one else is. FMB likes to chat and play and he always knows what to do; but, just like Peter, usually FMB is not happy and sometimes he's unhappy. Today is one of those unhappy days...

"Oh...he ignored you again?" Peter asks. "Hmph! That jerk! He ignores everyone."

FMB flies around Peter's head, rubbing against his cheeks and flashing as he speaks his own strange, music-like language.

"School? It was terrible! What else is new?!"

FMB lands on the little boy's head. "..."

"No, don't worry. I won't stay up past my bedtime."

"Wanted. Uh, no. Uh, required. Nanny: firm, respectable, no nonsense...

A British nanny must be a general. The future empire lies within her hands. And so the person that we need, To mold the breed, Is a nanny who can give commands.

You getting this, Winifred?"

"Bleh! That's the kind of nanny that Arthur hires!"

"..."

"Yeah, Margurite was nicer, but I still didn't like her!"

"...?"

"She wouldn't read to me! She wouldn't play with me!...She was a little boring, I forgot about her sometimes. And she always acted like...like...like she didn't like me...like she didn't want to be around me..."

Flying Mint Bunny kisses his forehead and flies into Peter's arms for a cuddle.

Peter holds his friend. "Yeah, I love you too. Ooh! This is one of my favorite parts!"

"Wanted: a nanny for two adorable children."

"'Adorable' well that's debatable, I must say."

"If you want this choice position, have a cheery disposition. Rosy cheeks, no warts. Play games, all sorts. You must be kind, you must be witty. Very sweet and fairly pretty. Take us on outings, give us treats. Sing songs, bring sweets. Never be cross or cruel, never give us castor oil or gruel. Love us as a son and daughter And never smell of barely water..."

"That would be a nice kind of nanny, don't you think so Mint Bunny?"

"If you won't scold and dominate us, We will never give you cause to hate us. We won't hide your spectacles so you can't see, put toads in your bed, or pepper in your tea. Hurry nanny, many thanks, sincerely, Jane and Michael Banks"

"I wish I could have a nanny like Mary Poppins...but I can't write very well and we don't have a fireplace to put letters in..." Peter sits in silence and watches the movie.

Mary Poppins had just landed when, lo and behold, Jerk Arthur comes in to ruin everything! "Peter, it's late..."

"So?" is the only reply given.

"Peter, go to bed. I've had a pretty rough week and I don't feel like dealing with any tantrums right now."

"Hmph!" Peter sticks out his tongue but figures that he should listen. After all, if Arthur is going to bed, then that means all of the lights are going to be turned off and Peter doesn't want to sit in the dark. "Fine...I was getting sleepy anyway."

Once again, Peter is not able to watch the entire movie.

After bidding Peter goodnight, Flying Mint Bunny flies downstairs, through the kitchen and out the cat flap. He didn't tell Peter, but earlier, when he had been trying (and failing) to get Arthur's attention, FMB overheard a very strange conversation. Apparently, Arthur was fed up with human maids and was going to try his luck with something called an gynoid. But from what FMB heard, the man was going about it the wrong way! This house, and everyone in it, are miserable. That's why all of the other fae creatures left! And with what Arthur is planning, he is certain that the Kirkland house would go from miserable to depressing or angry and violent. No! Someone needs to do something. Someone needs to interfere; and someone needs to come up with a plan to reunite father and son and make the house happy again.

And that someone is going to be Flying Mint Bunny.