I thought to myself while hiking through the bed of ferns up the hill, I could just say I tried to wake him up but he wouldn't budge. That was a stretch. We had to camp farther away from water than usual, but Zuko had assured us the hot spring would be worth the morning trek. Besides, we had gone three days now without any kind of bath. We had helped a small town terrorized during the war by fire nation soldiers, rebuilding their community center and restoring their trust with the new Firelord. But a devastated town didn't have much to offer in terms of accommodations or free time. The layers of dirt on our skin had become noticeably thicker during our stay and the symphony of stench in close quarters was now unbearable. We were all looking forward to the opportunity for cleanliness and relaxation. All except me.

I couldn't stop worrying about meeting Zuko alone again. I didn't want to see him smirking at me. I didn't want to chat with him. I didn't want to hide myself from him. And I especially didn't want to guard myself from looking at him as he washed. I just wanted to feel open again.

This was going to be my time, I assured myself. I looked down the side of the hill. Past the scattering of trees, I could make out our camp. I could make out the trail up here, too, a dark snaking divot through the fern sea. There wasn't the slightest movement beyond the gestures of leaves in the wind. I felt it curve past my face and tug at my clothes. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it. When I opened back up to the hillside, there was still no sign of activity below, even (or especially) in the tent I most feared to see activity from. This'll be a day for me.

I slipped through the grove of trees at the top of the hill and, as I approached the promise of the springs, started taking off my dirty linen shirt. The cloth was covering my face, but through it amidst the shadowy woods lay three white circles reflecting the bright gray of the overcast warm moist air began to coat my skin and caused my shirt to stick as I kept attempting to tug it from over my head, but I quickened my pace when I heard the whispers of the running water.

"Hi, Aang." Not a whisper. Not water. Just Zuko. I finished pulling of my shirt to Zuko's welcoming smile, always shy of a toothy grin, but I knew he meant it just the same, which made me miss when he was only ever angry to entrap me. The steam partially shrouded him, but I could see his arms stretched across the rocky rim of the springs. Could anyone think of a more arrogant pose? He took up as much space as possible. And all I could look at were the wisps of black hair matted to his underarms. He knew I'd be surprised. This was a preemptive revenge for not waking him up.

"Zuko," I blurted out putting on my cheesiest smile to conceal my disappointed shock.

"The water is perfect, and I didn't even have to firebend. Come hop in!" He patted the spot right beside him.

Was I supposed to sit there? That close to him? Then I realized something worse. I had to undress here, and there was nowhere to hide and no trick to pull. And I definitely couldn't leave back to camp. I hadn't washed for days.

Quick and casual, I decided, like I was unbothered by Zuko judging me from his hot spring throne. I moved over to where Zuko had hung his things. I threw my shirt, towel, and fresh clothes beside them. With my body angled so my back was toward Zuko, I quickly peaked back to see if he might be distracted. He was not. We made direct eye contact. He flashed a smile. Caught in the act, I did the same and turned away. I finished undressing and hanging my clothes with embarrassment burning my insides. Then, unconvincingly I'm sure, I tried to cover myself casually as I walked over to the stone tub where Zuko reclined with his eyes closed. I climbed in speedily, glad Zuko eyes stayed muscles relaxed with the heat as I sank down in the milky water across from Zuko. I felt a natural bench underwater along the outside rim and made myself as comfortable as I could be in the situation.

"I understand why you like to come out by yourself in the morning," he said without moving.

Because I want to be alone, I snapped back in my head.

"It's so peaceful," he continued. "The walk up here with all the plants in the wind and the view from the top of the hill. I've just been sitting here for a while listening to the water and the breeze and the birds."

"Yeah, it's really nice," I admitted and exhaled.

"It helps you, like, reflect and stuff," Zuko said. It was ineloquent but I knew exactly what he meant.

I started, "Yeah, It makes me—" His foot moved beside mind, or did I press mine into his? Either way, I eagerly changed the subject with an awkward laugh and curled into myself. "So, uh, how did you find out about this spot anyway?"

Instead of answering, Zuko took a big breath and sank under the water while I waited awkwardly. He came back up and hung forward over the rim.

"Uncle took me here," he said mournfully.

"Oh, I'm sorry Zuko." I felt dumb for bringing it up. I had no idea what to say next. Instead I slid beside him and rubbed my hand on his back to make up for it. "I didn't realize."

He sat up a little. "No, it's okay, Aang," he said as he pushed his dripping hair from his eyes eyes. Bitter sweetness played on his face. "I wanted to revisit this place and share it with others." I was silent. Maybe it read like quiet support, at least I hoped so, but I just biding my time to figure out what to say next. This close to Zuko and his sadness, I first noticed the sharp smell he had acquired without bathing for three days. It was brusque like chopped wood but not unpleasant. I leaned in subtly to smell it more deeply when I saw the little beads of sweat forming constellations on his forehead. I wanted to wipe them off. It would be like wiping away a tear from his cheek. Instead I just tilted my head in sympathy with him.

I thought first about my own loss, and what it meant to lose your teachers and friends. Then I remembered what Guru Patthik said about love and loss — how love is reborn in new forms. "It was so kind to share this place. That's so special Zuko," I affirmed. He looked up, and I swear I could feel his little smile's warmth across the inches separating our faces. I continued nearly whispering, "It really is beautiful up here. I just feel connected with everything." And despite my earlier worries about the distractions Zuko posed, it was true even with him here. "I'm sure your uncle knew how a place like this could make someone feel." His eyes were following the words from my mouth. I went on, "You know as you've grown up, you resemble Iroh more and more."

Zuko's expression changed to absurd confusion, eyebrow cocked and lips pursed, but all still so close to me. "Wait. What?" he asked.

I repeated what I had just said in my head and fell backward in the spring water, flattened by the miscommunication. I tried to cover with humor, "Oh, you know Zuko! Your hair's started to gray, your voice is starting to sound like his. And I love how you're belly's grown!" I put my hands like wings across his stomach as part of the joke, but let go quickly. Too far, I thought while blushing.

Zuko stood stagnant, still confused I assumed.

I let my head sit like a bouey barely floating above the water as I explained to Zuko towering above me, "It's just, uh, the patience and love you try and show—like for everyone. It's like you try to understand someone now, and you figure out their problems, so." I titled up at him admiringly, then I watched him descend as he kneeled down to mirror me. His lips bobbed in and out of the ripples we were making, and his eyes sharpened to cut through me to the truth. I just kept the mask of my naive smile on.

"Thanks, Aang, but I still feel like I have a lot more to do."

Above the water we faced each other like battleships waiting for the command to fire, but below our knees were bent between one another like puzzle pieces about to be matched in the small pool. I wanted to fit them together, give Zuko a hug and let him know he's living up to his uncle's legacy. I wanted to close the awkwardness I felt, have him tell me I might live up to the standards he set too, shed all this uneasiness I had been feeling between me and the world. None of that happened. I sat there like always, suspended in the water and too afraid to move forward. I sunk below, rose up, and announced I was ready to head back to camp.

"I think I'm ready to head back, too," responded Zuko.

I climbed out first trying to ignore my hang ups. But I imagined Zuko watching me from behind, his gaze steady down the blue lines, landing on my scar, seeing all of me while his stomach twisted in regret the whole time. I knew, though, that this was just my own embarrassment playing out in fantasy. I walked over to my things with a heightened sense of urgency and loneliness.

I didn't look up until I knew Zuko's towel was around his waist beside me. I wish I had waited longer. Even just standing without a shirt next to him reignited all my mangled emotions. I couldn't decide if I wanted to be naked with him long enough to make everything feel normal or if I'd rather never see him like this again.

He interrupted my decision making, "Aang, you know Uncle's not the only person whose footsteps I want to follow in, right?" Could he stop looking at me like he's the hero in a Fire Island play? Take the confidence down a notch, Firelord.

"Well, sure. There's plenty of people to try and live like," I said.

"Yeah, like you," He responded while he pulled on his shirt.

I was so excited he was finally dressing I missed his statement. I went on blabbering about whatever proverbial nonsense I automatically add to these kinds of conversations before it hit me. "Wait. Me?"

He stumbled, "Is that a surprise? I mean...you are the avatar."

I forgot this about myself more often these days. The world didn't need saving like it used to and I had a lot less people trying to capture me. I was more like any other air nomad than I had been since I was twelve. "But I don't know what I'm doing, Zuko. Just because I'm the avatar—why would you want to be like this." I motioned to my towel wrapped form, regretting the draw to attention immediately.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." He elbowed me, "Don't go getting a big head or anything, from what I hear, you're the bridge between the spirit world or something. Plus, you defeated the firelord. But those are just rumors. I take them with a grain of salt." He was smirking the most Zuko smirk ever and handing me my clean pair of pants to put on.

"Yeah, I guess," I pitifully laughed.

While I dressed, he turned around and continued, "No, it's more like, I just want to be easy like you and just go on helping people and trying to think about things the way you do, if that makes sense." He turned around as he finished this thought and I finished dressing.

"Yeah," I agreed while beginning to head down the trail out away from the springs, "except you're failing miserably." I turned around to see Zuko frozen in place with a face more bitter than a rotten sea prune. I came back and draped myself over his side in a hug, "I'm just kidding, sifu hotman. You're all those things. I'm always trying to be more like you." Even from behind I could see his cheek bunch up beneath his scar as he smiled. "We're just stuck in a spiral of do-gooderness, always trying to one-up each other."

He laughed, "But maybe we can skip rebuilding this next town and take a vacation instead," Zuko said sarcastically.

"That sounds like a great idea actually! We can start now." I jumped on his back feeling silly and overjoyed. He caught my legs and carried me down the hill while we joked about ways to shirk our responsibilities.