Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy owns me.

Happy Greysday :D

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Avoiding. I have been avoiding talking to my dad for almost a month and I know it. Derek knows it and he's trying to be supportive. Lexie is being supportive, she understands where I'm coming from and I'm not sure but I think she may be a tiny bit mad to him for not trying to contact me for 20 years.

Today I worked with Lexie and Derek. It was a little confusing at first because Lexie and I are both Dr. Grey but Derek finally resorted to first names. Anyway, working with both of them has given me confidence. After work, Derek is coming for moral support and I am going to talk to Thatcher.

I tell Derek to wait in the car and I go up and ring the doorbell. Thatcher opens the door, surprised to see me. We go inside, sit in the living room somewhat far away from one another and I speak.

"I want to know why. Why did you leave us, leave me? Why didn't you call me or fight for me? You left when I was five and chose Lexie and now I have daddy issues which prevent me from being happy and letting Derek love me. So just tell me why?" I demand… or ramble, in pretty much one breath.

Thatcher seems to know that this was coming. I don't know if Lexie tipped him off or what but, he seems to have an answer right away. Surprising.

"She, your mother, was having an affair. I knew, everyone knew. She didn't love me like that anymore and when she asked me to leave, one day I did. It was easier to cat all ties and start over. I'm – I'm so sorry I didn't keep in touch wit you. Your mother moved to Boston and I had no forwarding information. I would have tried to see you if I knew how. I never meant to cause you so much pain."

"Why didn't you take me? When you left?"

"A child belongs with it's mother, Meredith. I thought if you were with Ellis, you would be alright."

"You should have fought for me!" At this point I have tears in my eyes, blurring my vision.

"I'm sorry. I know I messed up. If I could go back…"

"You're a coward and an avoider," I realize, "I'm so like you but I'm working to change. I'm getting to know Lexie and Molly and I got over – for the most part – what my mother did. But believe it or not, you cause more damage. Was I not good enough?"

"You were more than good enough. I love you, you're my daughter. I just messed up and I apologize."

I nod, not really having any more to say.

"Um, I should go, Derek's waiting."

"Oh, Ok."

He walks me to the door and I leave. I get in the passenger side and Derek looks over at me.

"Are you ok?" he asks, softly.

"Not really but I think I will be. Can we go home?"

"Sure."

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We go to the trailer, more privacy to talk, and I tell him what Thatcher told Mer and I cry and he holds me. At some point we're just laying together I need to be in his presence and he just knew that.

"You're amazing and sometimes I don't think I deserve you," I tell him. I know he's not sleeping.

He reaches over and lightly runs his fingers over my jaw.

"You deserve everything. You deserve whatever you want and more," he tells me, quietly, "You've been though a lot in your life, Mer, a lot more than anyone should be through but you're still strong and confidant and amazing and beautiful. If anything, I don't deserve you."

He is amazing. He's amazing and he's been through so much with me and I realize I never told him what happened that caused me to drown.

"I didn't swim," I tell him. It seems random but it's where my thoughts were.

"What?" he's confused.

"During the accident. I did swim. I was swimming and thinking of you, wishing you'd save me and for one moment – with the cold and the fatigue I allowed myself to think about the bad. For one moment I stopped swimming and when I tried to start again it was too late. But I was fighting to come back to you," I'm crying again at this point. Thank god we don't have to work tomorrow – this talking is exhausting, "It was just one stupid moment."

His arms are around me and he's telling me it's ok, that I'm here now, alive and that's all that matters because I'm here. I calm down, my face against his chest, breathing him in.

I pull back and shift so that I'm eye level with him.

"I love you," I tell him, "In that really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window way that makes me hate you, love you."

He's quiet for a minute then says, "Nothing I can say can top that," he chuckles, kissing me softly, "I love you, too, Mer. So much."

I kiss him back. "Tell me what you used to be able to only tell the other Grey."

He gets this huge smile across his face, "I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you, I want to build a house for us and I want to grow old with you and die in your arms at 110 years old."

"I hate to ruin your speech, but I'd like a house before the kids. I want to marry you but in about a year or so if that's ok because I'm not totally cured of my issues and I'd like to have a longish engagement. But don't tell me when you're going to propose. Just do it, because I will say yes."

He chuckles, kissing my nose, and asks, "So, kids?"

"With you, yes. But I can't guarantee not freaking out."

"I can handle it," in the dim light, I can see his McDreamy smile.

"Oh," I remember, teasing, "And as much as you hope, I don't think you'll make it to 110."

He raises his eyebrows, "Is that so?"

I tell him yes and he starts tickling me, which ends in a short make out session.

We lay together later, after we've gotten ready for bed, our arms around each other. We drift off to sleep and I can't help but dream about the life we'll have together – not so dark and twisty Meredith with her McDreamy knight in shining whatever.

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So there you have it. It took some time and some encouragement but Meredith did it and she's going to have her McLife. Hope you enjoyed.