I have several prefectly reasonable excuses for why this is so late... (College applications, lost the rough draft, computer died.) But you probably don't care. I still have vague hopes of catching up with JK, but I might have to try for beating Warner Brothers instead... Anyway, I still own nothing. Enjoy!
See Harry.
See Harry's birthday be less craptacular than usual.
Woohoo letters Harry! Woohoo letters!
See Harry.
See Harry go green at the mere mention of Aunt Marge.
She's worse than Voldemort, Harry. She's worse than Voldemort.
See Uncle Vernon.
See Harry blackmail Uncle Vernon.
Way to go, Harry! Way to go!
See Aunt Marge.
See Aunt Marge talk smack about Harry's mama.
Uh-oh, Marge. Uh-oh.
See Aunt Marge.
See more of Aunt Marge, and more, and more, and more...
Run, Harry! Run!
See Sirius (the one in the bushes not the one in the sky.)
See Sirius scare the shit out of Harry.
Watch out for the bus, Harry! Watch out for the bus!
See the enormous purple bus.
See Harry, who says he's Neville get on the enormous purple bus.
To Diagon Alley, Ha-Neville! To Diagon Alley!
See Cornelius Fudge.
See Cornelius Fudge act suspicious and Harry ask to be punished.
Shhhh, Harry! Shhhh!
See Mr. Weasley.
See Mr. Weasley foreshadow about the Azkaban guards...
Feel the doom, Harry. Feel the doom.
See Harry.
See Harry learn crazy amounts of plot information.
Woohoo Plot! Woohoo!
See Mr. Weasley.
See Mr. Weasley foreshadow some more.
Be confused, Harry. Be confused.
See Professor R.J. Lupin.
See Harry, Ron and Hermione poke him with a stick-or maybe just talk about him.
Sleep, Remus. Sleep.
See the Dementor.
See Remus scare the Dementor off with a nightlight.
Good job, Remus! Good job.
See Harry.
See Harry be delicate and special and angry about it.
Eat your chocolate, Harry. Eat your chocolate.
See Professor Trelawney.
See Professor Trelawney tell Harry he's gonna die horribly.
You're a downer, Trelawney. You're a downer.
See Buckbeak.
See Buckbeak try to kill Malfoy.
Better luck next time, Buckbeak. Better luck next time.
See Remus.
See Remus give the best Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson ever.
Ha-ha, Snape in a dress! Ha-ha!
See the boggart.
See the boggart be all foreshadowy on Professor Lupin.
It's the moon, not a crystal ball- stupid Lavender. It's the moon, not a crystal ball.
See Crookshanks.
See Crookshanks try to eat that dirty, rotten, son of a ...Scabbers.
Don't be so protective of the disguised murderer, Ron. Don't be so protective of the disguised murderer.
See Remus.
See Remus be a father figure to Harry.
Good job, Remus. Good job.
See Sirius Black.
See Sirius Black attack the Fat Lady.
Chill, Sirius. Chill.
See Harry, Ron and Hermione.
See Harry, Ron and Hermione camp out in the Great Hall and hear some cryptic dialogue.
What was that about, Harry, Ron, and Hermione? What was that about?
See Snape.
See Snape teach Defense Against the Dark Arts and spout foreshadowing.
You're a jerk, Snape. You're a jerk.
See Harry.
See Harry hear his parents dying.
Falling is bad, Harry. Falling is bad.
See Harry.
See Harry be miraculously unhurt after a horrible accident...again.
Luck you, Harry. Luck you.
See Fred and George.
See Fred and George give Harry what is possibly the coolest thing in the world.
Marauder's Map equals awesome, Harry! Marauder's Map equals awesome!
See Harry.
See Harry sneak into Hogsmeade.
Be disapproving, Hermione. Be disapproving.
See Harry.
See Harry hide under a table while people discuss 7 pages of very important back-story.
Sucks to be you, Harry. Sucks to be you.
See Harry.
See a glimpse of angsty Harry from Book 5 we love so much.
You don't think rationally when you're angsty Harry! You don't think rationally when you're angsty!
See Hagrid.
See Hagrid get Buckbeak's trial date.
Uh-oh, Buckbeak. Uh-oh.
See the Firebolt.
See Hermione be the only sensible person in the room.
You're stupid, Ron and Harry. You're stupid.
See Trelawney.
See Trelawney tell Harry he's gonna die some more.
Uh-huh, yeah, ok, Trelawney. Uh-huh, yeah, ok.
See Remus.
See Remus teach Harry the Patronus Charm.
You're the best teacher ever, Remus! You're the best teacher ever!
See Ron.
See Ron be mad at Hermione because her cat ate his 'rat.'
Nice job, Crookshanks. Nice job.
See Sirius.
See Sirius try to give Ron a heart attack.
Good timing, Scabbers. Good timing.
See Harry.
See Harry be stupid and get caught by Snape.
Stupid Harry! Stupid!
See the Marauder's Map.
See the Marauder's Map tell off Snape, and Remus tell off Harry.
You loser, Harry. You loser.
See Hermione.
See Hermione bitch-slap Draco.
You're the coolest person ever, Hermione! You're the coolest person ever!
See Buckbeak.
See Buckbeak get the death penalty.
It's ok, Hagrid. It's ok.
See Trelawney.
See Trelawney tell the future, for real this time.
That's creepy, Harry. That's creepy.
See Scabbers.
See Scabbers be not quite dead, and Ron be happy.
Good for you, Ron. Good for you.
See the dog.
See the dog chase the kids, who chase the cat, who chases the rat.
Woohoo, Climax! Woohoo!
See the dog.
See the dog try to eat Ron.
You need to work on your aim, Sirius. You need to work on your aim.
See Remus.
See Remus be a werewolf.
We still love you, Remus. We still love you.
See the Shrieking Shack.
See the chapters of exposition, Snape abuse, man-hugs, Marauder's memories, and an old rat.
Hello, Peter. Hello.
See the Dementors.
See the Dementors try to eat Harry's face.
Uh-oh, Harry. Uh-oh.
See the shiny.
See the shiny beat up the dementors.
Good job, mystery spell caster. Good job.
See Dumbledore.
See Dumbledore be all cryptic and fabulous.
Time travel is awesome, Harry and Hermione. Time travel is awesome.
See Harry.
See Harry make a pretty shiny deer, and save the day.
That's so cool, Harry. That's so cool.
See Sirius and Buckbeak.
See Sirius and Buckbeak fly off into the sunset! (Kinda)
Hooray, Harry! Hooray!
See Remus.
See Remus be unable to catch a break.
You got your cool map back, Harry! You got you cool map back!
See Pig.
See Pig be adorable... also deliver a letter from Sirius.
Life is good, Harry. Life is good.
So, better or worse? Let me know, 'cause I'm writing the next one and I aim to please. Seriously, I'm a doormat, just let me know what you think.