Ok so this is the next chapter… I know that things are going slow but I things will pick up… I would appreciate some feed back…
Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or any recognizable characters
Time continues to pass and with it I grow closer to Jake and Alice.
My relationship with Jake has taken off I guess. He is here almost every day and we talk for hours. I love spending time with him. He makes me laugh all the time and always seems to know when I'm feeling lousy. I continue to believe he's my boyfriend; it's in everything thing he does. The way he seems to know me better than anyone else; the way he knows just what to say; the way my body seems to warm when he holds my hand; the way he kisses me on the forehead every night before he leaves and the way my heart seems to respond to him. It recognizes him. It tells me he's the one.
Alice. My relationship with Alice is still somewhat rocky. I now know we are true friends and that she has been there for me in the past. I have had dreams about her; they're somewhat blurry and a bit confusing at times but the message is always clear, she's a true friend. My only true GIRL friend.
I don't have many friends, and from what I've dreamt and seen my only friends are Jake, although he doesn't really count because he's my boyfriend, Alice and Edward. It's sad and lonely.
Edward isn't around very much. He only comes with Alice and I have a feeling it's because she forces him to. I wish she wouldn't though because he makes me uneasy and he looks miserable. He doesn't talk to me he's just there. He only talks when Alice talks to him and even then it's forced. Only Alice is able to get a reaction from him and it bothers me. I wish Alice wouldn't bring him.
I have continued to dream and I discovered that it wasn't my parents that it wasn't my parents who abandoned me but it was ME who left THEM. I still remember that night.
"Are you sure Bella?" my mother had asked. She had tears in her eyes
"Yes" I heard the girl say, she doesn't sound too sure of her answer though.
"Bella you'll be so far away. You know your father and I can't stand to live in one place…please? Just think about it a little more" she says.
She's trying to convince me to stay with them and the girl doesn't look like she wants to leave but she does she always leaves.
I don't know why she says that she wants to go…I can never get passed that point though she says she wants a normal life and that she's tired of travelling and the dream always ends there. My mind shifts to another dream a happier one…about the boy and I'm glad because I'm not sure I want to know why I left my parents.
Through my dreams I have discovered that I grew up with the boy. I haven't been able to see his face though but at least he's always there. I have often thought it might be Jake but something in me tells me it's not.
I haven't told anyone about my dreams or the boy….. Maybe because Jake is the only one I feel remotely comfortable saying it to and it would be weird to say to your boyfriend that you dream about someone else every night…maybe because I want to keep it a secret I don't know.
Today is the last day I'll be in the hospital and I'm glad because I'm tired of being here. It's not that I have any aversion to the hospital; I just hate to inconvenience people and both Jake and Alice believe that someone always has to be with me. Most of the time it's Jake but Alice has been the one coming lately because Jake has school things to do.
By the way Alice is running late.
Just then someone knocks on the door.
"Come in Alice" I say
"Actually it's me" Edward says coming in.
"Hi Bella" he says smiling
"H…hi Edward" I stutter "wh…what are you doing here? Where's Alice?"
"Alice…she uh went shopping" he says
He looks uncomfortable.
"Shopping?" I ask a bit incredulously.
I can't believe she left me to go shopping. I can't believe she sent Edward here she should've left me alone!
"Yeah you probably don't remember this but Alice LOVES to shop" he says and then chuckles
"Actually I'm surprised she has waited this long. I tried to dissuade her. I know how much you hate it when she shops for you but… Alice said she HAD to because you needed and I quote 'more new you clothes'" he says putting a slight enfaces on 'you'.
"Wait she went shopping to buy ME clothes?" I ask surely I must have heard wrong.
"Yeah" is all he says like it's no big deal.
Well maybe it's not he did say I hated it when she shopped for me
"You're right I do well not hate per say but it definitely bothers me" I say
I hear him chuckle and for some unknown reason his laughter makes me laugh a little to.
"I should tell her to stop doing that" I think out loud
Edward laughs louder
"What?" I ask turning to look at him again.
"well you always say you're going to stop her but you never do, that's one of the main reasons she continues to do it, and before you say anything else you have tried to refuse her gifts but she always gilts you into accepting them"
"So basically what you're saying is that I have to suck it up and just accept what she gives me?"
"Yeah pretty much" he says simply
"Great" I groan
"Hey don't worry" he says reaching out and grabbing my hand "it won't be that bad plus speaking from experience you have always liked her wardrobe choices"
"Thanks" I say smiling at him.
He smiles back and for a moment it's like I get lost in his eyes but he breaks contact and looks away.
"Hey you got a T.V" he says in a cheerful voice. It sounds fake somehow.
"Yeah just got it today" I answer.
"Kind of a shame to waste it don't you think?"
I shrug
"Mind if I watch the game?"
"Uh yeah sure" I say.
I'm kind of disappointed; it seemed to be going so well and he was talking to me for the first time. I wanted to get to know him.
"Cool. Thanks" is all he says already giving his full attention to the television.
I sigh and turn to watch the T.V. as well.
That's how the afternoon goes until his phone rings.
He was so immersed in the game that he answered without bothering to see who it was.
"Hello?" he says
Out of the corner of my eye I see him sit up quickly and turn the television off. I turn to look at him.
"Oh hey Alice, how's the shopping?" he asks nervously
"Why?" he asks confused
He rolls his eyes and sighs
"Fine" he says before putting the phone on speaker and placing it on the bed beside me.
"Bella!" I hear Alice practically yell.
"Hey Alice" I say looking at the phone.
"So how's everything going? Edward treating you ok?" she asks
Did she really think Edward would harm me? It's confusing why would she think that? He seemed like a nice guy.
"Fine. Edward's been very nice to me" I say
Although he has been ignoring me I say in my head
"Mmm…what have you been doing?" she asks
Why is she poking around? Why does she care what we do? If she cared so much about me she shouldn't have left me with him.
Why am I mad?
"Watching the game" I say
I hear Edward groan.
I turn to look at him again but he has his head down on the bed.
"What?" she shrieks
"Edward you stupid prick! What the hell is wrong with you?" she yells.
"Alice sweetie" he begins trying to calm her down.
I feel weird when he says those words I can't quite explain it but my head feels dizzying and I hear voices but they're coming to me all at once and I can't concentrate on them; so they're just buzzing around in my head. It's unpleasant so I try to focus on Alice and Edward's conversation instead hoping to get rid of the horrible feeling.
"Don't you 'Alice sweetie' me Edward! This isn't what we agreed on!" she says
He turns off the speaker on his phone, grabs it from the bed and quickly leaves the room.
I'm a bit shocked by my feelings. It's not like I didn't know that Alice had bribed Edward in some way for him to be here but still to find out that he had to bribed…it hurts.
He really doesn't like me.
I shake my head to clear that thought.
What's wrong with me?
I try to focus on something else and I settle on Alice.
Wow Alice seemed pretty mad. I kind of feel bad for him. I didn't want to get him in trouble.
He comes back a couple of minutes later and I instantly feel worse. The look on his face says it all. He's in big trouble.
He puts the phone on speaker without another word towards me.
"Bella" Alice says.
I can tell she's still mad because her voice sounds strained.
"Edward has something to say to you"
He sighs
"Bella I'm sorry; I was a selfish dick for watching the game today. I should've tried to do something that you would like."
"It's okay, really I didn't mind" I say trying to help him.
"Don't even try Bella. Eddie is taking us shopping as his punishment and he's also paying oh and Eddie we're taking the hummer. We'll need LOTS of space" she finishes.
"Really Alice" I begin to protest but she cuts me off.
"Not a word from you missy. No excuses"
"I thought it was to make it up to Bella not to torture her' I hear Edward mutter.
"What did you saw Edward?" Alice asks her voice gaining a higher pitch.
Boy he really doesn't know when to stop does he?
"Nothing" he says quickly
"That's what I thought" she says.
"That's what I thought" Edward mimics in a girly voice.
I chuckle at his childishness.
He looks up and smiles at me. I smile back.
"Bye Bella see you in a few" she says
"Bye Alice" I say
She hangs up without another word to Edward.
Edward slumps into the chair beside my bed.
"I'm really sorry Edward" I apologize
"For what" he asks
"For…for…saying" I stutter
"What? The truth?" he says interrupting me "Bella, it's not your fault and Alice was right. It was wrong of me to watch the game and…ignore you I'm really sorry" he says looking at me with a sad apologetic eyes.
And just like that I forgive him, those eyes….
"It's okay" I say smiling at him
He smiles back.
"Can I ask you something?" I ask
"Yeah sure what?" he says sitting up straight and giving me his full attention.
"Is shopping with Alice that bad?"
From the way he reacted and from his mutterings I'm kind of afraid.
He sighs
"Yeah…pretty much"
"Why?" I ask "she seems to have good fashion sense"
He laughs a little
" It's not because of her fashion sense…you probably didn't get it from the phone call but she's STILL at the mall and well clearly she can shop for hours nonstop and buy everything in sight."
"Great" I groan
"I think she wants to punish you to for letting me watch the game"
I groan again
I feel his hand touch mine.
"Don't worry though I'm sure she'll go easy on you"
I look up and see him smiling at me.
"Thanks" I say smiling.
"You're welcome Bella what are friends for?" he says
I contemplate my 'friendship' with Edward.
Well he says we're friends…even though we don't really talk…maybe…no I can't.
I shake my head
Who else are you going to ask?
There really isn't anybody Alice would never tell me and well I'm just to chicken to ask Jake.
Exactly my mind says back to me.
Is it weird that I just had a conversation with myself? Maybe I should probably talk to a psychologist….nah I don't think so.
I look at Edward once again and notice that he's looking at me weirdly.
"What?" I ask feeling self-conscious.
"Nothing" he says "I was just waiting for you; it seemed like you were debating about something"
I let out a nervous laugh and bite my lower lip.
I look down at my hands.
"Well…" I begin but I'm unable to continue
Come on Bella just ask!
"Yes?" he prompts
I take a deep breath
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
"Umm… well you see.." but once again I'm unable to continue.
This would be so much easier if we were closer I think to myself.
I hear him laugh. I look up and look down immediately
Great now he's laughing at me
I frown
"I'm not laughing at you Bella" he says as if he could read my mind "it's just funny seeing you fumble for words. I thought it would only be Jake whom you had that problem with." He says
Well he just gave me an opening
"I'm really sorry it's just that I don't know how to ask…will you promise to answer my question?" I ask
"Yeah sure why wouldn't I?" he asks sounding confused.
"Because it's about my past" I say quitely
"Oh"
I look back up at him
"You'll answer my question right? I REALLY need to know…please" I plead putting my hands together and making the puppy dog face Alice taught me.
"You've talked to Alice haven't you?" he asks
I smile sheepishly knowing he's talking about the face.
"Alright" he sighs
"Thanks" I say
I'm so excited that I hug him
"You're the best Edward" I say
He laughs nervously
"Thanks but uh..." he clears his throat "you still have to ask me the question"
I blush
"Right"
I was so excited that I forgot to ask
"Well you see I…I…is J…is Ja"
For some reason I'm unable to ask the question while looking at him. I close my eyes.
"Is Jake my boyfriend?" I finally ask
It stays silent and after what seems like a long time I open my eyes. I find Edward facing away from me.
"Edward?" I ask
"Why…why do think that" he asks in a weird voice.
His voice sounds weird kind of hoarse.
"Are you ok?" I ask completely ignoring his question.
"Why do you ask that?" he repeats.
"Because…because I…he seems to know me better than anyone else…he complements me… he makes me laugh… he kisses me… in the forehead every night and he… he holds my hand… and he's like my sun…he warms me up…I know it sounds weird but…"
"That's all? That's why you think he's your boyfriend?" he asks still not looking at me.
"Well no…" I say feeling a bit… I don't know offended?
"Then what else" he ask in the same weird hoarse voice.
"I…I…g..get this…this feeling"
God why is it so hard to say?
"Of what?" he asks
"I recognize him; my heart recognizes him" I finally say
It stays silent for a moment a long moment.
"Edward are you alright?" I ask
"Yes I am" he asks
"Then would you please answer my question?" I ask getting a little annoyed
He laughs but it sounds weird,darker.
"I think you just answered your own question didn't you?" he asks looking back at me.
I sigh in relief when I see that he seems to be back to normal. He was really creeping me out.
"Then why doesn't he say anything?" I ask
"Well Jake isn't the one who lost his memory, he's probably just waiting for you to make a move or say something. He probably thinks you'll freak out if he told you." He says
I think over what he says. It makes sense.
"Look I know it's going to be hard to make a move or tell him you remember so I'll tell you what I'll help you" he says smiling
"Really?" I ask excitedly
"Yes" he says simply
"Thanks" I say
I have the urge to hug him but he's so far away that it's impossible.
"I think I should warn you though many of the girls at school hate you because you're with Jake… they often do bad things to you but don't worry this accident should make them stop for at least 3 months"
"Really like what?"
"Well there was this one time the cheerleaders dropped their purple paint all over you" he laughs "you looked so funny"
I laugh imagining it myself.
"Oh and there was this other time when they dropped their glitter bottles on you…you know the ones they use to make their posters shinny? You looked like a walking…" but he doesn't finish because he's overcome with laughter.
"oh and there was the time when the swimming team got you soaking wet and well that wouldn't have been that bad if it wasn't freezing cold"
And that's how the next 1 hour passes with Edward and me laughing at all the things that had happened to me. It was fun to laugh and I hope Edward and I become friends…
But my hope is somewhat crushed when both Alice and Jake come through the door. Edward becomes a bit distant.
After only half an hour Edward pulls Alice up from her seat saying how it was getting late and they should leave.
Alice frowns "but I hardly got to see Bella today?"
"Yeah and whose fault is that?" Edward asks
"What are you saying this is my fault?" she asks
"Uh let me think…yeah"
Alice doesn't say anything to that.
"That's what I thought" he says slightly mocking her.
She crosses her arms and pouts.
Edward laughs "come on Ally"
"Oh bye Bella" he says almost like an after thought.
"Yeah bye Bella" Alice says
Edward pushes her out the door and just when he's about to leave he winks at me.
Did he just do that to help me?
I turn towards Jake
"Are you sure they're not together?" I ask
"Yes Bella I'm sure" he says rolling his eyes.
Alas I didn't have the nerve to ask him and he left shortly after.
I go to sleep thinking about tomorrow.
I sigh
My life starts tomorrow…