THE SCARLET BRIDE

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men Evolution or the Princess Bride, yadda yadda yadda. Though, I do own Beebo, Nekata and I gave Duncan's stupid Jock friend the name Shawn Conners. That's really all I own... Quite sad actually.

Beebo: (is pacing before her director's chair, rubbing a fake stick-on beard in worry) Oh, man, I really hope Simon doesn't get hurt too bad…I can't afford to get sued.

Nekata: (appears out of nowhere wearing a filthy, ragged dress and a matted gray wig) How do I look? (raises eyebrow at Beebo's new facial hair)

Beebo: (also raises eyebrow at Nekata) Great…but why are you wearing your costume?

Nekata: My scene's coming up. Why are you wearing a beard?

Beebo: (shrugs) I needed to stroke a goatee in thought, but didn't have one…and you're not up yet. This is the first courtyard crowd scene; not the second.

Nekata: …So I look like a hag for know reason?

Remy: (snickers) Don't y' always look like a ha—(is saved by Beebo)

Beebo: Places people!

Mastermind's eyes glow faintly off-set once more from his extremely comfy, overstuffed armchair beside Beebo, and a stony castle courtyard shimmers into view. The crowd is made up mostly of Jamie's clones, Morlocks, other X-men without parts and a couple of Simon's friends.

These would be, Duncan Mathews, his burly blonde lackey with the ugly bowl-cut named Shawn Conners, and Taryn. They look at the mutants in suspicion, but are of course too stupid to understand what's really going on and are just psyched to be in a "real movie".

Magneto: (voice-over; reading) "Five years later, the main square of Bayvilla City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Simon's bride-to be."

The Master of Magnetism is finally free from Jason's and Xavier's telepathic grasp, believing St. John to no longer be in the story, which gives him room to add commentary.

Prince Simon steps out onto the set balcony and twirls his royal robe-cape combo with exaggerated swagger. It's clear that he's more than happy about his role and the confident smirk on his face is enough to smack him. He gives the "jock head-nod" to Duncan and Shawn while the three others standing behind him groan. They are an old couple with crowns, the aging King Charles and Queen Moria, and a dark blue woman with short, orange-red hair who seems highly agitated. This is Count Mystic.

Beebo: (off-set) "Hey, Mystique! You're supposed to have a beard!"

Mystique: (growls and crosses arms) "And why, pray tell, do I need facial hair?"

Beebo: (off-set) "Because all great villains have them. Duh."

Magneto: (voice-over; indignant) "What do you mean by that? I don't have a beard."

Beebo: (off-set…still) "You're point?"

Mystique: (cackles evilly) "Just for that, I'll grow one." (a graying, black beard sprouts from the shape-shifter's chin)

The scene finally resumes with Simon glaring at the now bearded Mystique for interrupting his big moment and stealing the spotlight.

Simon: (raises his hands, starts to speak in a very Keanu/Shatner style of acting) "My people, a… (extends the "a" for half a second longer) …month from now, our country will have its…(another unnecessary pause) …500th anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was… (Simon pauses again, seemingly unaware of the crowd's annoyed faces) …once a commoner like yourselves—(ignoring the actual pause, Simon instead speeds up the line) but-perhaps-you-will-not-find her… (another blasted pause) …so common now. Would you like to meet her?"

Crowd: (eager to end the torture of his acting) YES!

Ray: (from crowd's center) Especially if it means you'll shut up! (receives a hearty laugh from everyone except the non-mutants—not including Shawn, who laughs because he's an idiot)

The crowd of extras turns to a set of stairs where a figure can just barely be seen. They collectively hold their breath as a young woman in resplendent robes of white appears and descends the stairs into the crowd. It is Wanda and she looks to be very uncomfortable in the fancy apparel.

Simon: "My people...the Princess Wanda!" (looks her up and down from the balcony with great interest) "And what a babe! Am I right? Of course I am."

Wanda descends the stairs and starts to move amongst the people, flipping the ego-inflated Simon the bird as she does. The crowd titters at the action, leaving a confused Prince Simon—who missed the whole thing—to wonder what he said that was so funny. The extras then do as the script demands and go to their knees. Simon nods, looking impressed.

Simon: "Whoa! I didn't even have to say anything. Awesome, but they aren't bowing to me…" (blinks in confusion for a moment until a blue hand snakes over his shoulder and delivers the "Vulcan Death Grip". Simon falls to the ground in an unconscious heap)

Mystique: (takes a bow as the entire cast lets off a great cheer) "It was my pleasure."

Wanda, smirks as Simon's head drops below the rampart, and reminds herself to hex him upside-down on the ceiling later. The crowd goes back to bowing for a few more moments and Wanda finds herself truly immobile by the action. It was unnerving having so many people paying attention to her all at once and she is shockingly relieved to hear her father's narrative.

Magneto: (voice-over) "My God, that human is annoying. See, Charles? This is what I'm talking abo—"

Xavier: (cuts him off with a sigh) "Save it, Eric. Mr. Williams is a…special case. He doesn't count."

Magneto: "Yes, but what about that other hooligan or that gorilla with the bad haircut? (gestures to Duncan and Shawn) Are they 'special' too?"

Beebo: "Both of you shut it! Wait until after this scene to have a pointless argument." (waves megaphone threateningly) "Or I'll smack you!"

Magneto: (voice-over; sulking) "Whatever…now, where was I?"

Jamie: (back from buffet table; voice-over) "Jeez, how hard is it to read straight from the script? 'Wanda's emptiness consumed…'" (mutters about getting a bigger trailer)

Magneto: "Oh…yes, I knew that." (clears throat) "Wanda's emptiness consumed her. Although the law of the land gave Simon the right to choose his bride, she did not love him." (glares at script) "Why must she always be so difficult?!"

Mystique: (now off-stage) "Sure, go ahead and hassle the daughter you locked away in an asylum, Eric. I'm positive she won't smash you to bits with a Sentinel or magnetize you to a train."

Magneto: (snaps the forgotten metal bat in half) "Hold your tongue! At least I'm not some promiscuous—"

Mystique: (smugly) "No need to tell me that."

Magneto: (sputtering furiously) "I-I…y-you hermaphrodite!"

Mystique: (cackles loudly) "Oh, good one, Eric! You truly are a most insidious cad."

Jamie: (moans softly) "I'm gonna need therapy after this…"

Wanda: (scribbling on a piece of paper) "Note to self: Magnetize father to a train."

Beebo: "Moving on!"

The courtyard scene changes to that of a quiet, wooded area after Simon was dragged off to the side callously by Blob. We see Wanda once again barreling through the trees on the Stallion 500. Her face is more pallid than usual and a loud, clanking noise followed by thick, black smoke issues from the vent on the robot's side.

Magneto: (voice-over, he sounds a little happier now that he's gotten a large mug of Highlander Grog) "Ah! How I love my coffee…"

Xavier: (off-stage; nonchalantly) "You do know, it was humans who invented—"

Beebo and Nekata: "NOT NOW!"

Magneto: (monotone; his coffee mood ruined) "Despite Simon's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride."

Wanda: "Ha! That's a laugh!" (glances nervously at the clanking metal death-trap)

She tugs violently at the reigns and the Stallion 500 finally jerks to a halt, almost bucking Wanda off. The loud noises still continue and the smoke turns a murky, dark blue. Using her common sense, Wanda leaps from the Stallion 500, rolls to a stop, and runs the remaining two yards where she was supposed to go as Forge's robotic horse bursts into an inferno.

Stallion 500: (ASPLODES)

St. John: (off-stage) "Yippee! A fire!"

Beebo: "John…"

St. John: (sighs) "I know, I know." (extinguishes flames with a flick of the wrist)

Wanda: (dusts off her scarlet and maroon dress) "Good riddance to bad rubbish."

Remy: (from behind her) "A word, mademoiselle?"

Three strange men stand together in the path behind Wanda, and beyond them the waters of Bayvilla Channel can be seen. This, of course, is merely the X-mansion's swimming pool beautified by the powers of Mastermind's illusions. Standing in the front of them is a tall, handsome man with the most entrancing red on black eyes, wearing a trench coat and a smirk. He's a Cajun, fresh from the bayou, and an expert thief named Remy LeBeau. On his left is a blue, fuzzy and German elf trying his best to hide his excitement. This is Kurt Wagner, expert swordsman and alleged "ladies man". Beside him is the Russian giant, Piotr, who looks as stoic and apathetic as usual. Wanda does not seem impressed.

Wanda: "Speaking of rubbish…"

Kurt: (pouts) "Aw…C'mon, Vanda! Don't be a negative Nancy."

Wanda: (raises eyebrow) "Who?"

Remy: (clears throat) "We be but po', lost circus performers, petite. Is dere a village nearby?"

Wanda: "There is nothing nearby; not for miles…'cause that's the first thing you tell a total stranger." (rolls eyes and sighs)

Remy: (doesn't bother commenting as he wants this part over and done with, so he can continue pestering Rogue) "Den dere'll be no one t' hear y' scream…Bwahaha!"

The others stare at him for a moment and shake their heads. Remy mutters something about "philistines" and nods to Piotr. At first, Piotr does nothing except stare at all the people watching him from off-stage and turn red.

Piotr: "Uh…I have forgotten vhat to do."

Kurt: (more than happy to help, whispers) "Grab her neck and carry her."

Piotr: (turns even redder) "I can not do that! Vhat if I crush her?"

Wanda: (sighs) "Trust me; I wouldn't give you the opportunity. Here's an idea: I'll just fall over and we can pretend the big, bad giant scared me into a faint?" (falls over with the style of any Prima Dona worth her weight in gold)

Piotr calmly catches her and manages to stay in character.

Beebo: That's it for today, guys. Good job!

Bobby: (wolf-whistles) Way to go, Pete! (shrieks like a girl as Wanda leaps up and entraps him in blue light)

Wanda: Ya wanna take back your implications there, Drake?

Bobby: (nods vigorously) Yeah, yeah! I take it back, I take it back! (gets thrown backwards into Jean, who just burst into the studio)

Jean: I demand—Eeek! (is hit with a Bobby)

Wanda: Yes! Two points! (high-fives Rogue)

Beebo: …Well, I think this is running along smoothly.

Nekata: (smacks her upside the head) You had that coming, I'm sure.

A/N: Okay, sorry I didn't get a chance to update this earlier! So, to make up for it, I've given you this long, very winded chapter that probably bored you to tears. I'd like to thank all of you guys for reviewing too! Much obliged am I.