Alright. Third chapter. Let me know what you think. I need feedback to keep going. Please pretty please review?
Finn and Puck realized that Rachel was missing at the same time. They were still working out the choreography for the routine, or watching Brittany and Santana work it out. Everyone else was just trying absorb it as quickly as possible before it was their turn. Having to come up with a new set list had thrown everyone off, so it had been chaos now for awhile. Puck, Quinn, and Finn were scattered out on opposite sides of the room. Quinn sat with Mercedes and Kurt, not having spoken a word since Finn arrived. Puck was leaning against a wall across from her, ignoring everyone else. He was brooding, and with a little practice he was finding that he was good at it.
Finn had blown him off, which Puck had known he would. Puck wasn't dumb. His fifteen year friendship with Finn was going down the drain and all he could do was watch it. Quinn had told him to take a hike, so after everything, Puck still had no one. No friends, no girlfriend, no daughter. No one.
Finn was pacing, which was a new endeavor. It kind of made him dizzy, but at least it made him look like he was doing something. Being in charge was new. And unnerving. A few days earlier he had told Rachel that he wanted to be a leader. Then he had disappointed her again. He hoped that wouldn't happen this time. Too many people were counting on him. Glee club and Rachel were really the last things he had. He couldn't even look at Quinn or Puck without wanting to do damage to something. So he just kept looking at the ground or Rachel.
Earlier when Puck had been going to talk to Quinn, something weird had happened between he and Rachel. They had looked at each other and it had been like one of those lame moments in a movie. Where the sappy idiot stares into the eyes of his controlling virgin love and they just knew what the other was thinking, or something like that. Stuff like that didn't usually happen to him, but what could he expect? None of the girls he dated were virgins. He was getting off topic again. The thing with Rachel had confused him. Actually in general, everything about Rachel confused him. Once upon a time, he had known everything about her. He had been her best friend. That was a long time ago though. Things were too different now. That was his fault too. Still being around her made him feel like a whole person again, which was just too good to pass up. He wished he hadn't hurt her though.
"Where's Rachel?" Puck and Finn spoke at the same time, quickly turning to glare at each other.
There was a collective gasp around the room. Everyone expected them to fly at each other, or at least someone to throw another punch. It would add another bump to their already rocky day. The boys had a point though. Rachel was no where to be found.
Mercedes groaned. "Someone better go find little miss princess, she is not going to be late to this." She said, coining her nickname for Rachel. At this point it was actually a term of endearment.
Puck nodded, pushing off the wall. "I'll go." He said. He volunteered because he couldn't just stand their anymore, and Rachel might be the only one who would talk to him.
"No I will."
Everyone looked between Puck and Finn, tension thick in the air. Quinn was especially interested. Of course they would fight over Rachel right now. Quinn couldn't have either of them, so they would go after Rachel. It made perfect sense in a messed up, life hates me, kind of way.
"She probably went to go get water or something." Finn continued, like he knew Rachel best.
Puck shook his head with a wry laugh. "No. She didn't. She is off somewhere scared and alone because of the pressure you put on her." He pointed out.
Finn's face wavered. He hadn't even thought of that. Rachel always handled everything. She thrived under pressure. He hadn't even hesitated to add more to what she already put on herself. It had been selfish, and not all that smart. Puck watched his, nodding at the guilt he found there.
"I'm going." Puck said, and all Finn could do was nod.
Everyone else just sat there, shocked at the exchange. Puck had seemed worried about Rachel. It was more then they had expected.
Puck hurried out of the room in relief. No one had stopped him, or questioned his actions. He rushed through the crowded school, wondering how the hell he was going to find Berry in the mess. Where would she go?
He ran a hand over his Mohawk and kept searching, searching for her face in the sea of people.
Rachel had been fighting off fear all morning. It wasn't like her. She was usually so poised, so ready to take the spot light. It was them depending on her that was throwing it off. She wasn't performing just for herself, the Glee Club was riding on her. She was performing for them. Trying to win for them, not herself. It scared her stiff. She had stood on the outskirts of the room as Brittany and Santana worked on the choreography with Mike and Matt. Their faces were beginning to fill with hope again. Finn had said it was all on her. It was up to her. She had run. It was a first, because Rachel Berry never ran away from anything.
She had barely made it outside, bopping and weaving through the family and friends of the glee clubs, before it hit her like a ton of bricks. She had never had a panic attack before. She was finding it to be unpleasant though. She leaned against a brick wall under the awning, hands pressed to her chest as she tried to take deep breaths. The rain had started while she was out there, drenching the world and turning it to shades of gray. She couldn't breathe. She wasn't even crying, though she wished she was. Maybe she would feel better if she could just get it out. Instead she stood there hyperventilating.
Puck saw her before she saw him. She was a mess, standing on the other side of the court yard, almost hysterical. He only hesitated a moment, making sure that he was ready to come to her rescue, and preparing himself for her to tell him to beat it. He jogged across the grass in the rain, not really feeling any of it. When he reached her it was clear that she was worse off then he had initially thought.
Noah was the last one Rachel had expected to see, running through the rain towards her. They hadn't spoken since she had told Finn the truth, not that they talked a whole lot before that. Not for years, and yet here he was. Standing in front of her, breathing hard from his run, his eyes full of amazing concern. All she could do was try to keep breathing.
"Are you alright Rachel? We noticed you were gone…Finn and I argued about coming to find you…he wasn't thinking about the pressure…and I just knew…so I came to find you…are you aright?" He could have kicked himself for blabbering like a girl, but he just couldn't think with her wide eyes fixed on him.
Rachel shook her head at his question. "I can't breathe Noah." She whispered pitifully. She would never say it out loud, but she was glad it was him and not Finn standing in front of her. "I can't do this."
Puck's eyes widened. He didn't know what to do for her. In a moment of impulse he did the only thing he could think of. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her towards his chest, enveloping her in a tight hug. She struggled for a second, a small sob noise escaping her throat. He held onto her until she dropped her head to his chest and began to cry. It was like a dam had been broken as she went to pieces.
They stood there in silence, and neither were sure how much time had passed. Rachel's tears faded into a small case of the hiccups. She sniffled and waited for her breathing to steady. She couldn't believe that she was clinging to Noah's shirt like it was a life line, praying that he wouldn't let go of her so soon. It should have felt wrong. Instead she was almost too comfortable.
"Are you alright now?" He asked, and she could feel his chest rumbling underneath her cheek.
She nodded slightly, and forced herself to pull away from him. She couldn't meet his eyes. She was too scared at what she would find there. If he mocked her she was sure a little piece of her was going to break off.
"Thank you Noah. I appreciate the help." She said, trying to sound as aloof as she could. She was pretty sure her shaking hands would give it away though. She's mortified by her show of weakness, and really just wants him to go away.
Puck watches her, wondering why her attitude has changed. Is he really that much of a threat to her? Even after holding her during her break down she has to push him away? It's not fair, and yet, like everything else, he has brought it on himself. The way he has treated her has earned him her distance.
"Do you remember when we used to spend entire weekends watching television at your house?" He begins talking just to fill the silence. "You made me watch your favorites, like the one with vampires and the teensy chick. You know the one that wasn't good until the nerdy red head got into girls? Or the one with that butch tomboy chick falling for the cross eyed guy that lived down the river or something? We would hole up in your bedroom and lay on the bed. And the first time we snuck out? Right before Christmas vacation. Remember? We went to the park and ended up locking the back door behind us? In the snow?"
Rachel nods suddenly, looking up at him. "You gave me your jacket and ended up with pneumonia." She whispered, with a small smile.
Puck had forgotten that part, and laughed. "Yeah. That wasn't smart."
"It was charming though." Rachel corrected. "Things were a lot simpler then. We aren't the same people anymore."
"What do you think happened?" He asked, almost scared to hear the answer. It wasn't something that he let himself think about very often. It hurt too badly.
Rachel looked him square in the eyes and let out a long breathe. Unlike him, this was something she thought about all the time. "September 2 freshman year. It was a Tuesday. Your father had moved out the weekend before. The slushie was cherry and I was wearing the last white shirt I've ever bought. That's what happened. You threw it and made the football team after school that day. It's history."
He recoiled from the disappointment in her eyes. She spun on her heel and left him standing there, watching her walk through the rain and disappear into the building. He remembered that day perfectly. He remembered the feel of the slushie in his hand as he marched towards her locker. The jocks waited at the end of the hall, watching closely, ready to cheer him on or discard him if he failed. He wanted so badly to fit in, to prove to his father that he could be a man. The look on her face as she smiled at him, not expecting anything but a hug as he walked her to class. She didn't know that everything had just changed. When he threw it, he instantly wanted to take it back. He didn't want to hurt her or let her down. Of course it was too late though. It was done.
She had cried that time, and only that time. Her face was a mixture of shock and pain. They had stared at each other for a split second, before she turned and ran for the nearest bathroom. He forced himself to stay put, to not follow her, and to laugh with everyone else in the hall. It was a moment that would follow him for forever.
He had never wanted to disappoint her, and yet that was all he had ever managed to do. Through everything she somehow kept believing in him. When he had joined glee it was partially for the look she gave him. It was hopeful, and at the same time smug. Like she had known all along who he really was. He wanted to be that person for her.
From the auditorium he could hear the announcement that the show was getting ready to resume. By the time he reached backstage everyone was running around like chickens with no heads. Brittany, Santana, and Mercedes were going through last minute dance moves. Finn and Quinn were still sulking separately. He managed to snag Kurt who was flitting around like a giant butterfly on speed.
"Now where's Rachel?" he asked in a whisper.
"Getting ready for her entrance. She's scared I think." he said back managing look concerned, despite not being able to stand still.
Puck nodded in agreement.
Rachel waited just inside the door she was supposed to enter. It was her solo. Her chance. Their only chance. She knew the song like she had written it. All she had to do was remember to breathe. Easy right?
She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the cool wall. The audience was settling in, and she was trying to picture her bedroom instead of them. She had spent years dancing and singing to her stuffed animals. This could be the same. Just another night in the life of Rachel Berry. It wasn't though. She wished Mercedes had just taken the ballad.
"You have this you know. It was kind of made for you."
She tensed at Noah's soft voice behind her. "You again?" She whispered back, coldly.
Of all things, he laughed. "Of course. At the end of the world, it's just going to be you and me, remember?" He quoted, reminding her of their promise.
When they were thirteen they had gone to see some stupid zombie remake that their parents hadn't approved of. Both of them had insisted that they were brave enough, that they could handle it. It had turned out to be the most terrifying hour and a half of their lives. They had held hands as they watched the world get consumed by the zombie plague, her almost in tears and his hands shaking. Afterwards, as they stepped out into the sunlight with relief, they had made a promise that they would face the end of the world side by side. They could be that hero and heroine. It was silly and childish, but Rachel remembered.
She turned to him with a snap. "For once could you please just be that guy?" She asked in a rush.
Puck stared back at her confused. "What guy?" He asked.
"Noah. Not Puck. Hold my hand like you used to, just for a second? So I can go out there and do this. Just be him. Be my best friend. Please? I will never tell anyone. I won't. Just stand by me. Hold my hand?" She was almost sobbing by the time she finished pleading with him.
He wanted to tell her that she didn't even have to ask. He wanted to explain that he was still Noah, just pretending to be Puck. That he didn't care who she told. She could stand on top of a building and sing it to the world if she wanted. In that moment he knew that he would do anything to make her see that he could keep his promises. It was like a light had been turned on, and something's stopped mattering. He was done disappointing her. He didn't have time for all of that though. The rest of the team was joining them to wait for their cues. They looked at Puck and Rachel, standing there staring at each other like the world was collapsing around them. Mercedes even opened her mouth to make her customary snide comment, but what came next shocked even her into silence.
Puck reached out and took a hold of Rachel's hand with a small smile. Rachel's eyes fluttered closed, and she took a deep breathe. No one knew what was going on. Finn felt the first of many pangs of jealousy. Quinn took her deep breathe and nodded, accepting the inevitable. Everyone else just waited to see what would happen. As Rachel cue was announced and the music filled the auditorium Puck gave her a gently squeeze and whispered something in her ear that no one else could hear and then nudged her through the curtain. They would join her on stage soon.