Author Note

And here's chapter 3. I guess I should apologize for the miserable attempt at a plot to cover me practicing lime but ... Well, it's a Crack Collection !

Jiraya had always despised his former teammate's work with a passion rarely matched. So he hadn't hesitated to descend upon one of his abandoned lair when he had discovered it during Naruto's training trip … Alright, he had went to peep while instructing Naruto to destroy everything inside, now you happy ?

Anyway, through unknown means *cough* Naruto had, during the event, got a hold of a very interesting scroll, one detailing research so against the rules of nature only a true madman who think of it : the creation of life.

Indeed, in this blasphemous scroll laid the secret to imbue life in an inanimate matter. How such discoveries had been made, and why it had been abandoned, no one but the old stones of the laboratory's walls could tell … and they weren't in the mood to talk.

But these questions went unheeded, for Naruto resolved himself to try himself at life creation once he returned to Konoha, and finally the time had come. On this dark, stormy night, all the conditions had been gathered and the experiment had been launched. Amongst the cracks of thunder, the laws of nature were once again broken, and from a sinister vat, a beast arose.

"IT LIIIIIIIIVES!"

From below, the ominous sound of a broom hitting a ceiling was heard, closely followed by the evil bellowing of some untold beast of hell.

"Quiet boy, we're trying to sleep here!"

Humbled by the beastly cry, the young scientist turned back to his creation, his creature, his child, his … ahem, back on track. Naruto gazes on the creature, it's noodlely limbs, holding the life-broth that animate it, looking deep in it's shiny and intelligent ajitama (eggs cut in half). Nodding to himself, Naruto feels satisfaction at his success, for he created the first Ramen Golem.

"Now, to test your intelligence, hmm. What to ask? I could ask him to go fetch me Konoha's most beautiful girl? No, not in the middle of the night, it … Hey, where are you …"

"Guooooooh …"

Without any other sound, the being of ramen left through the window, disappearing into the night. Naruto felt sweat form on his forehead. He didn't doubt that Sakura, or one of her violent friends would be brought back, and it would be the end of him, painfully so. The passing minutes felt like hours, until, finally, the beast came back.

But, held in it's noddlely embrace was not Sakura, nor any of her friends, but one distressed and surprised Hyuga heiress, wearing nothing but a slightly transparent purple nighty and purple panties, gagged by a particularly large piece of pork meat. And she was drenched in broth, with some noodles in quite inappropriate places. Between the natural appeal of ramen and the absence of any bothersome bulky jacket, Naruto's libido had found the Ultimate Turn-on. So powerful was the call of desire that Sakura, or any form of romantical attraction to her, had been chased out of Naruto's mind by scantily clothed, pitchfork wielding Hinatas. But Naruto was strong, so he controlled his urge.

"F-free her."

The creature obeyed, and the nature-chakra-enhanced noodles bounding Hinata (and quite marvellously pushing her chest up) loosened, leaving the drenched, embarrassed, and surprisingly not freezing Hinata (despite a slightly chilly night air) to land safely on the ground. She, of course, proceeded to try and keep her modesty, covering what she could with her arms and hands.

Naruto, in an effort to take his mind off of the epitome of sexiness standing in his room (a curvy girl covered in ramen, what do you expect of him?), turned to his creation.

"Go back in your vat, and don't come out until I say so."

"Guoooh."

The lumbering creature then returned to the vat Naruto had built in the corner of his living room using the Evil Scientist Little Kit salvaged from the Snake's hideout. Turning back to his unwilling and blushing guest, Naruto managed a sheepish smile.

"Err, sorry about that, I didn't intend to have it abduct you or anything."

"I-it's okay." Was Hinata's quiet reply as her gaze locked on her feet, desperately trying to ignore the fact that she was almost naked in front of her crush.

"W-well, I'll give you a few clothes and get you back home, can't have you out all night, huh?"

Hinata merely nodded and, just as Naruto did, stepped towards what she assumed was his room, hoping to get some dry clothes. But that placed her within range of Naruto's nose, and this time, the young blond couldn't resist.

His hand moving faster than an Inuzuka away from a bath, he snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him. Ignoring the strangled squeak of surprise, he placed his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply the delicious mix of Hinata's smell and ramen.

"Now that I think about it …" Naruto left a few kisses on her neck, savouring the taste that accompanied it. "… I don't want you to leave."

"N-naruto-kun?" Was all Hinata managed to squeak before hungry lips pressed against her own. After that, it didn't take long before Hinata succumbed and began kissing back, enjoying the feeling of Naruto's hands exploring her body.

After what felt like an eternity of kissing (around five minutes), the blond moved his head back, looking deeply in her pale lavender eyes, lust overwhelming his blue ones. Then, he began kissing her neck again as his hands went to her nighty's straps, pushing them off of her shoulders as the drenched piece of fabric fell to the floor, exposing Hinata's body to the cool night air and Naruto's lustful gaze, eliciting a gasp out of the young heiress.

"N-naruto-kun, w-wait …" Hinata's protests were interrupted by a loud moan as Naruto began attacking her chest with passion. "…I-I'm s-still *moan* c-covered in b-broth."

"Not a problem."

Naruto then began to thoroughly clean her, but of course not before taking his own clothing off, it would be stupid to get it dirty. After cleaning her upper body, he brought her to the bed and began cleaning her lower body. However, his ministration were stopped when Hinata's last piece of clothing fell, for he had discovered a new taste, and as a true gourmet, he had to explore all of it's possibilities.

But a true gourmet isn't satisfied with the first taste, and so, he spent so whole night discovering this new flavour, sometimes calling in a clone or two to help him, much to Hinata's delight.

Later on, this ramen golem proved to be a boon for both Konoha and Naruto. First, it restrained an enraged Hiashi, saving it's creator, until a betrothal between Naruto and Hinata could be signed (much to the later's joy and the first's … well … joy too, considering what kind of things Hinata had agreed to.)

The golem was also responsible for the capture of one Uchiha Sasuke, the destruction of Hidan and Kakusu (thus saving Asuma's life), and the execution of the Snake sannin Orochimaru. However, all these deeds were overshadowed by the beautiful sacrifice it made during the Fourth Shinobi War. When Obito Uchiha and a newly revived Madara Uchiha unleashed the Juubi upon the Shinobi Alliance's forces, it was the golem that sacrificed his life and spilt it's broth to restrain single handedly the Juubi while Naruto sealed it inside himself.

His last Guoh was for his creator and his fiancé, thanking them for giving him life and treating him like their child. And so, a hero had fallen, and the world was saved by ramen.

The end.

Author Note

Congratulation if you are still here and do not want to kill me.

Well, that is what happens when you mix frankenstein and ramen.

If you think I need a mental check up, hit Sasuke, if you think I have a twisted mind, hit Sakura, if you want more NaruHina hit Madara (with a mallet), f you want some Kyubi randomness hit the review button and give me ideas. Works for other characters as well.