Notes: Yes, I know its Saturday, but I'm on finals period so I won't be able to make it alive to Sunday because studying and...yeah shit.

Three twenty pm, my heart was pounding against my chest, in ten minutes school will over. In ten minutes I'll go to my house, change clothes and wait for Marco to come.

I don't have to change clothes though, it's not like he'll notice anyway.

Maybe I just should comb my hair.

Should I tidy up my room?

Wait, what?

He's not going to enter to my room.

He's just going for an hour to teach me math.

That's all.

No more over thinking.

When the school bell ringed, I swear to God I almost peed my pants

-o-

"You want me to come over after you finish with Marco?" Thomas said while we were walking the way home

"Finish what?" I asked suddenly

"Uh, the tutoring?" he said raising an eyebrow "what else would you finish with him?"

I laughed awkwardly

"Nothing, no, I'll probably review what he teach me and then stay with mom for a while before dinner"

"She's been okay?" Thomas asked looking at his feet

"She's...she's doing fine" I smiled reluctantly scratching my eye "I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Sure Jean" he said "you will tell me how you did with the tutoring right?"

"Right" I said when we were in front of his house "bye Tommy"

He looked at me surprised before answering me with a smirk

"Bye Jeanbo"

"Jerk" I said starting to walk again.

-o-

I was in the living room of my house, I've changed my jacket three times before putting my old Nike hoodie, I had brushed my teeth, combed my hair and even I shaved too.

I'm pathetic, I know.

"Are you okay lieb?" my mom asked from my side

"Yeah!" I said a little too enthusiastic "I mean, I'm a little nervous, if I don't pass math I will fail the year, so...yeah, I'm not that okay"

She looked at me in the eyes, smiling warmly. She wrapped her arms around me, acomoding my head in her chest.

I liked my mom's hugs. They made me feel safe for some kind of reason.

"You'll do it just fine, schatz" she whispered before kissing my forehead "and if you get to fail, you know I'll be here for you, you knew that, right?"

"Yeah mom" I said patting her arm "I know"

"Alright then" she said letting me go "I could make you some sandwiches or some pancakes, if you get hungry"

"No" I said waving my hand "the only thing we will do is study for my exam"

"If you say so, good luck, Jean-bo" she said making her way to her bedroom

"Uh, mom?" I said she turned in her heels in my way "uhm, can you write down the Mett's recipe? Marco wanted it"

"Sure lieb" she smiled

"Thanks" I smiled back.

At four twenty pm the knocking in the front door made me give a fucking jump off my chair.

I took a deep breath before opening the door.

"Hi Jean" Marco said with a couple of old notebooks on his hands "how you doing?"

Did he change his clothes?

"You mean, since lunch?" I grinned "fine, you?"

"I'm fine too" he smiled "can I come in?"

"Uh, sure, sorry" I stuttered opening the door completely "welcome to Kirschtein' house"

"Thanks" he said making his way to the table, looking to every photo that was hanged in the hallway "are you ready for learning some math?"

"No, but let's give it a try" I said before closing the door.

-o-

"Stupid and useless brain" I said hitting my forehead against the table "hopeless, I'm hopeless, I'm not going to pass, I am going to fail and become homeless you'll see me in ten years in your Porsche living under the bridge"

"You know that we've been here for twenty minutes, right?" Marco said patting me with his pen in the temple

"I'm hopeless" I repeated with my forehead glued to the table "you can go now, leave me here and save your sophomore ass"

"You are incredible" he said holding my head and lifting it up to face me "Come on, let's try it again Jean, it's not that hard"

"Ugh" I winced "can we take ten minutes break?"

"A ten...are you-ugh, okay" he babbled "but after the break you are going to give all your effort, okay?"

"Okay" I said standing up

"Jean" he said holding my sleeve "promise me"

I looked at my arm and then to his eyes.

"I promise" I said

"Pinky promise" he replied holding up his pinky

"Are you serious?" I said raising an eyebrow, when he frowned, I knew he was "you are ridiculous"

I held his pinky with my own and said

"I promise I'll give all my effort after the twenty minutes break"

"Hey!" he laughed "it was a ten minutes break"

"I'm sorry Marco" I said smiling "I already make the pinky promise, there's no way back"

He laughed, like, from the heart, chest full of air, still holding my pinky.

I want to see him more like this.

I really do.

Why my chest hurt so much?

It supposed to feel this way when you can't kiss the person you like?

I want to kiss him?

"So" Marco said letting me go "what you want to do for the next twenty minutes?"

"We could eat something" I said pointing to the kitchen "there's still some Mett in the fridge"

"Awesome" he stood up from his chair and followed me to the kitchen.

I served two plates full of raw pork and Marco was like a little kid that you take to McDonald, he was really excited by eating Mett again.

"Where's your mom by the way?" Marco asked after a couple of minutes of hungry silence.

"She's on her bedroom" I replied full mouthed "probably sleeping"

"Where's your dad?"

My fork fall from my hand to the floor, his eyes were open wide, fixed in my expression.

I should've expected that, I should have been prepared for that.

"Sorry" I said standing up from my chair and picking up my fork to leave it in the sink "sorry, uhm, he left"

My hands were shaking, so does my legs. I held on to the sink and took a deep breath.

"Jean, I'm sorry I didn't..." he started to apologize

"No" I interrupted him, my eyes closed firmly "it's okay, I mean, he left a couple of months ago, my mom...s-she's better now, she doesn't spend the whole day in bed, so it's...it's okay now"

"Jean, Jean" he said standing up from his chair "you don't have to explain, I'm sorry!

He was behind me, my eyes started to burn, I could feel the tears come in any minute. I turned back to face him anyways, I didn't wanted to him to think I'm weak.

"Why are you apologizing, eh?" I said giving him a fake smile "everything is okay now, I told you, the old man left, so what? He left enough money to us to survive for a couple of months, so my mom can stay in the house for a while. I really don't care he has left…I started to fail in math because I stayed with my mom the first days, but...I really don't..."

Marco didn't let me finish, he wrapped his arms around me, forcing me to rest my head in his chest, just like my mom did the same afternoon.

"I shouldn't have asked that" he whispered "I'm sorry"

I felt the tears run down from my eyes to my cheeks when I reluctantly moved my arms to Marco's sides, I grabbed his shirt and I pushed him closer, so he wouldn't be able to hear my crying against his chest.

He patted my back until I was finally calmed. His chest moved in a different way than my mom's, but, in a weird kind of way, it was the same safety feeling.

I am pathetic.

I barely know him and he already saw me cry like a baby.

"You're okay Jean" Marco said moving away from me, holding my shoulders and cleaning my tears with his thumb "you don't have to be ashamed of feeling sad, or angry, you have the right to feel and don't be judged for it, just like anyone else"

Something made a click then.

I have the right to feel this way about Marco.

I was tempted to kiss him right there, to thank him, but I didn't.

I didn't because, even if I have the right to feel this way, I don't want to hurt Thomas.

"Thanks" I sniffed "I…ugh, I hate crying, but…thanks"

"You are so brave, Jean" he said, letting me go

"What?" I said drying my tears with my sleeve

"You are brave" he repeated himself "I admire you"

"I've done nothing" I said frowning, my eyes still burned

"And yet, you've done everything" he smiled warmly

"Whatever dude" I said "are you going to finish your Meet or not?"

"Sure" he said, taking sit again "we still have five minutes before going back to study"

"Yeah" I said graving another fork to finish my meal.

-o-

The hour that Marco was supposed to stay in my house tutoring became two long hours.

It's not like I'm complaining though, but logarithms and all that math shit really blows my head, apart from the emotional break (that I hope I don't have to experiment ever again). I was exhausted.

When Marco left, and after having dinner with my mom, I was able to lie in my bed and drown in my thoughts.

I felt safe in Marco's chest.

He held me without having to ask.

I was thinking about how much I needed a mom's hug, and he gave it to me.

Should I tell Thomas about this?

Should I tell him that I'm feeling strongly attracted to his boyfriend?

What the hell I am thinking?

Of course I shouldn't.

Notes: This is where things are really fucked up. Jean's attraction is not just physical now, Marco made it to reach a part that Jean has been hiding, even from Thomas. He knows one his weakness now, and that's what scares Jean the most.