Hours later, he found Law seated in a lawn chair on the Sunny, sunning himself in the tank top and jeans he was wearing earlier. His sunglasses were in place, but his hat was sitting on the table nearby, along with Caesar's heart. He had a pint of beer at his side, something he must've snatched from one of the island's street vendors because it was something Sanji didn't recognize from the kitchen.
Sanji kicked the chair over, gnashing his teeth around his cigarette. "You idiot! You do shit like that again, and I will personally break every bone in your goddamn leg!"
"Just one leg, Blackleg-ya?" Law grunted as he picked himself up, straightening his sunglasses. He frowned at the cook, who was still wearing the waiter uniform. "I assure you, it went very well. My crew regrets their decision."
"Everyone does!" Sanji snarled.
"I thought it went rather well. This one didn't cry. She was rather happy. I'm reviewing the moment to see what I'd done right."
"Are you trying to make them cry?"
"Usually they do."
"This has been a disaster! If she writes about this and that slander you left behind, you'll be made a laughing stock," Sanji trailed off, rubbing his temples.
"Hopefully with the details I'd requested," Law chuckled to himself. "That way, everyone will get to know the true me, and not treat me like some piece of hot meat on the grill to salivate over…"
"What's with that lack of confidence?" Sanji asked curiously. "So you have the looks – what's wrong with that?"
"That's all people want from me, Blackleg-ya. They don't want to get to know me, they want to get to know the man that was responsible for my bounty," Law muttered.
Sanji understood immediately. "You had your heart broken, didn't you?"
Law scowled. "No one said anything about that."
"I can hear the words of a man that had his heart played with by someone who was careless with it," Sanji said with a breath of relief. "So you're doing everything it takes to cast some disillusion to protect your very fragile heart – "
"You and I are opposites," Law cut in, facing him with a contemplative look. "You want the attention that I have, and despite your efforts you cannot get it."
"I get attention," Sanji griped, crossing his arms over his chest tightly. "I get enough attention – I get devotion and loyalty and fan letters- !"
"From men."
Sanji kicked the lawn chair up and over the railings. Once they heard it splash out into the sea, Law smirked.
"I assure you, I'm a hit with the ladies more so than I am with men!" Sanji barked at him furiously.
"Tell me – when was there a time when the ladies gave you similar attention?" Law asked curiously. "Because from what I have seen, men trip over themselves in your presence more so than – "
He had to teleport a distance away to avoid the flurry of kicks that came his way. Because he successfully evaded contact, Sanji kicked more furniture out into the sea with a cry of rage, burning with fury. Law let him calm down for a bit, teleporting back down onto the grass while Sanji seethed with heavy breathing.
"We'll be docked here for at least a couple of days, right?"
"Give or take," Sanji mumbled, unclenching his fists as he huffed out smoke.
Thinking about the brief encounter with Barbara, Law looked over the calm sea with a thoughtful expression. An idea popped to mind. What would it feel like to be ignored and respected for something more than just his looks? After brief consideration, he came to a conclusion with a nod.
"Go make it up to our writer friend."
"She had no interest in me," Sanji muttered bitterly. "Her eyes were only for you."
Law held up his hand. "Shambles."
Moments later, Sanji realized he was looking down at himself. He was looking at Law's long palms and fingers instead of his own. His stomach rumbled uneasily from mostly alcohol. His feet ached from his shoes, his bladder wasn't happy, and the heat absorbed in Law's earrings tickled his skin. Sanji realized what had happened when he looked at his real self once more, seeing grey eyes blink at him thoughtfully.
"You idiot - !" Sanji snarled, lunging for him. Law deftly avoided his grasp.
"You have this time to, literally, walk in my shoes," Law said, smacking his lips with a scornful expression. He tasted ash and smoke, so he spit the cigarette out with a cough. He picked up his sword and shouldered it. "Do what you want with it. Just return my body to me in the same way it was given to you with EVERYTHING intact!"
He watched his body spaz out in the way Sanji normally did when he was overexcited, and it was weird to see his own arms and legs flail that way. Law wondered why Sanji's normally brown eyes blinked blue at him, and found it wondrous that his own face – regarded as scary and intimidating and yet super attractive – could look so childishly furious with Sanji's features. It was a mind trip.
"I can't just – run around in your body a-and live your damn life! What are we going to tell the others?" Sanji shouted at him, Law jolting at the sound of his voice being rendered so loudly and belligerently.
"Nothing because I'll fix this before they're aware of it."
Sanji scowled at him, and Law winced.
"Wow. I see what you mean. That face is…rather terrifying," he murmured thoughtfully, grabbing Caesar's heart. He made to grab his hat then reconsidered it regretfully.
"You can't take your security blanket with you," Sanji sneered at him, snatching it from the table and shoving it on. Then he pulled it down around his ears with a sound of outrage. "It's so hot in here! How hasn't your hair fallen out yet?"
Law stared at him, repulsed by his dramatics.
Sanji straightened the hat properly around his head, snarling. At a loss of words, Law headed towards the kitchen and Sanji stared after him with dismay. He had to adjust to all these new feelings that came with a new body – Nami's had been considerably weaker than his, but she at least had boobs for him to admire. He was just in another man's body that he'd constantly scoffed at because it was ridiculously skinny, but he was surprised to feel so much power and agility in it. Law was stronger than Sanji had thought.
"You drank a ton of beer and I'll have to piss! Which means I'll have to touch your damn penis!" he shouted with horror. "You micro-dicked freak! Shit!"
"I don't think the others across the island heard you, so shout louder," he heard his voice call from the kitchen, and Sanji reddened, covering his mouth with both hands as he glanced around for someone that may have overheard him.
He kicked out to examine the flexibility then shouted with alarm when a cramp hit him, his leg stopping short tightly. But the most important thing about this body was that he could go correct Barbara's assumptions about him. Sanji was sure he could find her if he went looking, and he had the rest of the day and the next to do it.
Panicked that she could be writing something with what she had been given right now, he hurried off the boat.
Hours later, Law felt the approach of someone climbing onto the boat. It was weird how he could immediately sense the presence of a hungry person, and he reveled in the knowledge of that feeling before acknowledging that there was someone on the boat. He realized that it was one of the Strawhats, and felt irritated that one of them would come back. This experiment was supposed to be only between himself and the cook, without interference from the others while they were on the island.
He sat up from the couch and hurried to the kitchen, unsure of where to start to find an appropriate snack for the visitor. Then he realized he would have to 'act' like Sanji in order to keep the others from knowing what was happening. If they were to know he'd switched bodies just because he was feeling someway after a date…
Well, he was sure a Strawhat would never forget.
He found a loaf of bread in the cabinet and some sandwich meat in the refrigerator just as the doors opened.
Zoro walked in with a bored expression and Law straightened up from the counter – damn bread ties! – to look at him.
"Ew, what's wrong with your face?" Zoro asked, making one of his own. "Did I just catch you jerking off?"
Law gave him a confused look. "No, of course not. It's still day light out."
Zoro paused in mid-step, looking puzzled.
"Fucktard," Law added, just in case he didn't sound Sanji enough.
"You drinking?" Zoro asked suspiciously.
"I wish."
Zoro continued to stare at him doubtfully. "What's wrong with your eyes?"
"Cataracts."
"All this time you can't see things?"
Law closed his eyes with exasperation. "What are you doing here?"
"Not that it matters, but I got bored," Zoro said with a sigh, venturing to the counter. "So I came back early. The trip took a lot out of me, so where's the alcohol you've been drinking?"
"You were lost."
"I wasn't lost," Zoro said, exasperated as he seated himself, setting his swords aside. "Quit talking shit all the time."
"Then go back. I'm busy," Law said, indicating the cake nearby. Zoro studied it with a cross frown.
"Looks stupid. What's the occasion?"
"It does look stupid," Law had to agree, looking over the icing flowers and decorations with disdain. Zoro looked at him so Law said hastily, "I mean, this one didn't meet up to my expectations. I'll just throw it out."
He realized Zoro's aura had taken on a different feeling, and he sneaked a look at him to see the swordsman glaring at him, tense.
"Unless you want it…"
"What is wrong with you?" Zoro asked low.
"There is nothing wrong with me," Law snapped back, slapping the loaf down in front of him, meat shoved in haphazardly atop of it. Zoro froze at the sight of this. "Eat and get out of my kitchen."
He dared not swallow when one of Zoro's swords fit neatly against his Adam's Apple, and the narrowed eye was promising a quick slice if Law swallowed.
"Who. Are. You?"
"Marimo," Law said clumsily, "if you don't remove this sword from my person, you will be removed from this ship. Now take your shit and get out while I contemplate this dumb ass cake."
After some tense seconds, Zoro lowered his sword to the counter and tilted his head. "Why'd you guys switch bodies?"
"Was it that obvious?" Law asked with a disappointed frown.
Zoro frowned at him, certain that the surgeon of death wasn't that dumb. "So where is he?"
"On a mission to find a lady."
"Oh. Ew," Zoro muttered with a disgusted expression. "He couldn't get any so you took pity on him and gave him your body to help him with?"
"Yes," Law said, sure it was just the same as the truth.
Zoro stared at him with such an expression that Law wasn't sure how to interpret it. He was sure there was pity there, but also revulsion, curiosity and puzzlement as well.
"This entire situation is so sad. Gimme that bottle in the bottom right corner, there. I won't say a thing for the rest of the night."
"That was easy," Law said with relief.
"Gimme another and tell him that you drank it all to avoid a spaz out. You guys were trying to keep this a secret, so you might as well as make it my while to help you keep it," Zoro said with a satisfied smirk.
"Have you heard of this thing called 'cirrhosis'?" Law asked, looking for the bottles Zoro was pointing at.
"That's where butterflies hatch from, right?"
Law slowly placed both bottles onto the counter, looking grim. Zoro opened one and took a long pull of it before exhaling with cheer. He slipped away from the counter, grabbing the other bottle. He then left the kitchen to remain true to his word and Law looked around himself, then at the time. What was taking Sanji so long to find Barbara? He hoped nothing else happened while he was gone.