The Hinata Crew were having breakfast.
For once it was a quiet affair. It didn't seem that anything weird would be happening this morning. Or so Keitaro had silently hoped. And true to his own hellish lifestyle...
A dark feeling came over him, and he felt cold all of a sudden. Then a black hole or portal? Appeared in the ground next to the table where he sat. A figure rose up out of the black swirling mist.
Once completely emerged, Keitaro noticed that something was decidedly off about this person. He was wearing a rather long trench coat that was blood red in color. A hat that matched in color to his coat and underneath the hat, there was a mop of long black hair. Under the coat he wore a black vest with a white shirt underneath it. His pants were also the same black color at his vest and boots also matched the're color as well.
He looked around until deep orange and red eyes settled on Keitaro, to which made the young man gulp in fear. Keitaro quickly thought of fleeing, but was stopped when the man or whatever he was spoke.
" Ah. You must me Keitaro.." the man said in a silky smooth voice that would have any woman practically creaming in their pants.
" Uh..well..Uh! Maybe!" He stuttered.
" Well, if you are then I have heard a lot about you from a young lady by the name of Narusegawa. And I must say, in a way she was right about you." The man drawled out.
" Umm...w-what d-do you m-mean?" Keitaro really tried to keep his stuttering under control, but he failed miserably.
" It seems that YOU have surrounded yourself with a gaggle of lovely women!" This man said excitedly.
Keitaro feeling a little more bravely, He said..."And who are you!" He asked bitingly.
Slapping his forehead. "Ugh! Where are my manners? My name is Alucard." He said bowing. And taking off his hat.
"I serve the Hellsing corporation." He rose. "Now as I was saying. This Naru, had said you were a pervert and a womanizer! Soooo I had to see for myself!" Alucard was practically jumping on the balls of his feet in joy.
"what do you mean?" Keitaro asked confused.
"Well, I thought that maybe..you could tell me how you got so lucky with such lovely women, PLEASE!!"
This was to much for Kitsune and she lept to her feet and sat right in Keitaro's lap.
"It's easy for our Keitaro here! I mean after all he has a monstrous Co...mphf!" She was cut off by Keitaro's hand covering her mouth.
"KITSUNE!" Keitaro was now beat red and everyone else had burst out laughing at him.
Poor Alucard just looked sad. He had figured out what she was going to say and he felt that he was inadequate.
" I see...I'll be going now" and just as before he opened a portal to the nether-realm and disappeared, never to be heard from again.
The Hinata Crew were having a nice lunch, still kinda wierded out by Alucard's visit earlier that morning.
Oh, and Kitsune was STILL sitting in Keitaro's lap.
And Naru's eyebrow was twitching...though nobody paid attention to her, which made her eyebrow twitch even more.
Then, suddenly!
"Bombs away! Bombs away!" a male voice, and suddenly the floor beneath the table opened up and the crew fell on top of an A-bomb. Then, the ground beneath the bomb opened up and the whole crew began an over-a-mile freefall through the sky, riding the bomb with cowboy hats in hand.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" they all shouted, waving the cowboy hats in the air as they fell.
Their target: a bunch of hippies.
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The Hinata Crew were having Dinner. Feeling a little stiff after their MEETING with the hippies.
Before dinner could really progress, there was a knock at the door. Everyone at first ignored the knocking, hoping that whoever it was would go away. Soon it was apparent that whoever it was wasn't going anywhere. But still Everyone ignored it. Then Kitsune spoke up from Keitaros lap. She had been there all day and rather liked feeling his RAM ROD.
"Naru would you get that for us suga?" said the now wiggling ash-blonde girl. The wiggling was for not only Keitaro but to see how Naru would react to her blantant display of sexuality.
All Naru was able to produce was a twitching eyebrow. She sighed in defeat and got up. After Naru walked out of the room. Motoko rose up and gave Kitsune a high-five. Keitaro just sat there with a stupid grin on his face. The feelings he was having were quite pleasant.
Naru finally reached the front door. and yet the knocking had yet to stop. " Alright already! I'm coming! " she said irritably.
"WHAT do you want!" she asked rather rudely.
A man stood at the door. He was dressed in a black suit with black glasses and an ear piece going up from his inner jacket to his right ear.A blinding white light was masking most of his features and Naru was having trouble making out what he looked like.
"W-who are you?" she asked nervously.
"Agent Smith. Are you Naru Narusegawa..?" he asked in a slow and methodical way.
"Y-Yes I-I am" she said now even more nervous. And who could blame her, I mean, after all that has happened to her in the last few days, you would feel nervous to if some black suit clad guy that was named the same name as a character from the Matrix movies. And in a way..he did kind of look like him to.
"Thank you for your time" Swiftly he reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a .50 cal Desert Eagle and promptly blew out Naru's brains.
The noise scared the others and they all ran out to see what in the hell had happend. They all winced when they noticed Naru's scared expression etched on her face. Blood and brains were leaking everywhere. They looked up and noticed that Agent Smith had yet to leave.
" your really might want to clean that up. Blood and brain matter tends to stain." with that he walked off into the bright white light.
Keitaro slid out of his bed as quietly as possible; he had barely managed to get out of a cuddling Mitsune's grip; she had followed him to his bed.
Anyway. He felt like having a mid-night snack.
He made his way down to the kitchen, not before passing by Naru's dead body at the entrance. He shook his head with a sigh.
"Geez, what a waste..." he said to himself. Shinobu spent a good while cleaning up the dead girl's bloody mess.
He then walked off to the kitchen. While he was looking for something in the fridge, he heard several footsteps coming behind him. He grabbed a slice of chocolate cake from the fridge and turned around.
He saw a –somehow- fully healed Naru behind him, with her mouth covered by a black glove and a shocked and pained expression on her face.
Behind her, wearing a full black tactical body suit and a triple visor on his head was Splinter Cell of the NSA, Sam Fisher; a knife was in his hand, and the blade was buried up to the hilt into Naru's back.
The girl finally stopped struggling and Sam drew the knife from her back. He looked at Keitaro through his Night Vision Goggles.
They stared at each other for a moment.
"I was just following orders, kid. You saw nothing" said Sam in his deep, suave voice. Keitaro just nodded dumbly. Sam nodded back and blended in with the darkness of the room.
Keitaro ate his slice of chocolate cake and then went back to bed, where a...HUNGRY...Kitsune was waiting for'im.
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A/N: now I find that these are for a good laugh, just writing them make me chuckle at times. I am sure my co-author Major Mike Powell III feels the sameway. If you also got a laugh out of this let us know.
R&R.