HidaSaku. Damn title space was too small, and I liked the title I already had...so fuckit.

[this really only deserves the M rating for the languages. Verry nice.]

Ding Dong. Ding Dong.

"What's that, Tsunade? Carolers?"

"Oh fuc- Sakura's here already! Quick, hide the eggnog and Brandy!"

"Don't even bother, she knows you drink in the morning anyways…"

"Come on, work with me, Shizune!"

"Okay, but you still need to get the door!"

The busty blonde woman sprinted to the door, adjusting her loose ponytails before swinging open the door with mammoth strength. Before her stood two young adults, both holding heavy luggage and wearing thick winter coats.

"P-please let us in quickly, Tsunade," the shorter of the two, a pretty strawberry-blonde with big green eyes and a pale complexion, her enviable toned curves hiding underneath all her layers. Her short hair peeked out from under the hood of her coat, and a cute grin was plastered on her face. The man next to her towered above both woman at 6'4". His platinum blonde hair was slicked back, and he was groomed to a very high degree. Not to the point where he was ridiculously flamboyant, but he had the vibe of a pampered male model. He looked over the middle-aged blonde with painful apprehension, which as you can imagine, was not going over well.

"Ah, Sakura-baby. Is this your boyfriend?" the blonde asked, irritation flashing over her well-matured features.

"Yes, this is Hidan," Sakura smiled. "I'm so glad you can finally meet him!"

"Sasuke was a lot more handsome."

The man gritted his teeth, obviously restraining himself.

"Now, I have to warn you..my Auntie is quite open with her opinions," she admitted nervously."

"What do you mean? I can handle any bitch," he smirked. "If I can put up with you when you're on goddamn period. I'm pretty sure I can deal with anything."

"Oh shut up. The only thing she knows about you is that you convinced me to go to law school. Trust me, she is not excited about that. She's a surgeon, and she wanted me to be one. It doesn't even matter that I have a doctorate in psychology, she's still really bitter about it."

"That's stupid. Sounds like a raging cunt."

"She also loved Sasuke to death."

"Your ex? That fucking pussy who broke up with you because his parents made him?"

"Okay, seriously? At least try to be a little sensitive, asshole. We dated from 6th grade to our Senior year of college. We were practically married."

"Still sounds like a dick."

"SO…in short, you need to be on your absolute best behavior. I wrote a list for you. Follow this, and you at least stand a chance."

1. Absolutely no swearing

2. Do not, under any circumstances, make any bets or gamble

3. Button up your shirts like a normal guy

4. No outright sexual advances on me

5. Do not comment on her large breast size

6. Nothing perverted at all, seriously

7. Offer to help with chores and stuff

8. BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR

"I forget how much of a bitch you can be."

"Hidan. I don't think you fully understand how important this is. If you mess up, I swear to god I will rip out your trachea and choke you with it."

"…"

"And then I'll date your hot friend that always hits on me."

"Sasori? Come on, Sakura, you know I'm fucking sexy. You'd never leave me."

"We'll see," she giggled evilly.

"Um, Tsunade, how 'bout we come in? I brought a lot of presents and decorations for your new house to replace the ones Jariaya and Naruto broke," the girl proposed, softening the atmosphere a bit.

"Of course, darling. I prepared your rooms, so you should unpack your things."

"Rooms?" the man asked, confused as to why the couple would sleep apart.

"Well, I would encourage Sasuke to sleep next to my lovely Sakura, but in your case, I believe separate rooms would fit nicely," she said with saccharine sweetness. "Hidan, you'll be sleeping in the room right below the attic, the last door to the left side of the hallway on the third floor. Sakura, you can have your old room. On the first floor."

Hidan suppressed a growl of anger.

Sakura coughed lightly, an obvious warning for him to calm down.

"That's perfect, Tsunade. We'll get moved in right away."

The air at the dinner table was tense, all eyes on Tsunade and Hidan, shooting discrete death glares. Shizune, a soft-spoken woman in her late twenties, gently cleared her throat.

"So, uh..Sakura! How has work been for you?" she sweetly asked, trying to change the atmosphere. "I understand you are very successful so far."

"Eh, yes. My doctorate really helps open up opportunities. I'm the most requested lawyer at my office," Sakura proudly admitted. She worked damn hard through school, and it was all paying off.

"How has your career been going, Hidan?" Tsunade inquired, her tone harsh.

"I'm still finishing up law school. I'm not as nerdy as Sakura, over here," he chuckled, nudging his girlfriend in the side a bit.

"And how many years older than her are you?"

"Four….," he admitted, glaring at her to be stop her train of thought.

"So she was five years ahead in school than you."

"Oh come on, it's not fair to compare me to a genius! She graduated law school AND college a year early, and already had skipped three grades before then!"

"Sasuke had skipped three grades as well. That's how they met each other, in fact."

Sakura pretended to have a coughing-attack into her napkin.

"This dinner is lovely, Tsunade. Your cooking has improved so much over the years," Sakura smiled, miraculously better from her minute sickness. "The soup is excellent. Seriously!"

Her aunt glanced down at the table, from the giant bowls of Turkey herb soup, to the giant pot of stuffing, to the steaming plate of cornbread. She shrugged.

"I don't know, Jiraya came over and made it for us earlier. He's only good for porn and cooking. He's practically the ideal woman."

Hidan's eyes widened.

"Wait, Jiraya? The famous smut writer?" he asked excitedly. Tsunade's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"And how would you know of him, sweetie?" she hissed, making it clear he was under intense scrutiny. "Certainly you haven't read any of his filth…"

"—He heard of him through Naruto!" Sakura blurted nervously. "I swear to god, Naruto blabs about it all the time. You can't help but remember him after that!"

"Hmmm….makes sense, I suppose."

Awkward silence .

"We all seem done now," Shizune quipped, motioning to the half-eaten plates in front of everyone. "I'll clear the table so we can have desert!"

Hidan leaned over to Sakura, hand to her ear.

"Why don't you call Tsunade 'Auntie' to her face?" he whispered rather loudly. Luckily, Tsunade didn't appear to overhear.

"She doesn't like being reminded of her age," Sakura quietly responded. "If you ever mention it, you will suffer massive physical injury."

They all absent-mindedly watched Shizune clear the table, replacing their plates with mugs and small napkins.

"I'll go get the food and coffee," she gently spoke.

As she disappeared into the kitchen, Sakura smiled softly.

"I've forgotten how much like Hinata she is," she said, more to Tsunade. Hidan nodded.

"Yeah, except Hinata is a lot more develo-," he started, before feeling a sharp pain on his foot. Sakura's smile was forced and wide.

Awkward silence.

Shizune finally reentered, balancing a giant metal container on top of a giant box. She placed each gently on the table before pouring everyone's coffee.

"Now, tonight's desert is very special," Tsunade grinned. "Sasuke actually stopped by early this morning and dropped it off. He would've stayed to visit, but he had to leave for a business trip to France."

"I know how you love France, Sakura dearie. He offered to fly you out there if you wished," she commented.

"SO, let's open up this thing!" Hidan interjected, rather overenthusiastically.

Shizune pulled open the top, revealing a very decadently decorated cake. Clouds and piles of frosting and candy cake designs covered the thing. It was perfect. Way to perfect just to "drop off", Hidan subtly noticed.

Sakura picked up the card skeptically, reading aloud.

"To the most beautiful woman in the world and her lovely family. May you have a wonderful and fulfilling holiday

P.S. Your gifts shall arrive Christmas Morning, don't worry

Love, Sasuke Uchiha"

"That is so cheesy," Hidan growled.

"Shut. Up," Tsunade commanded before continuing in a sweet voice. "Sakura, baby. He has been asking about you very frequently for the past month. Ever since you got your law degree, his family has realized you would make a wonderful asset. Imagine the opportunity!"

"Auntie. I told you awhile ago that I have no interest in someone who follows their family's every request. I have done very well-off without him, and I really don't care what he thinks ," she quietly responded, heavy irritation laced with every word.

"Perhaps I should cut it now?" Shizune offered nimbly. Without anyone's response, she began serving everyone a generous slice. Hidan squeezed Sakura's thigh under the table for quiet support. She would definitely be ranting about this later. As they all bit into the sugary confection bite by bite, Hidan could feel rage bubbling within him.

This guy needed to die.

Shit, he thought to himself. I promised Sakura I wouldn't get involved with the old gang anymore. Another thought flashed through his mind. Yeah…and that douche is Itachi's younger brother. I doubt he would carry out that job…hah.

As he came back to attention, he noticed everyone was done except him.

"Aren't you going to eat?," Tsunade asked. "Don't tell me you're one of those guys who diet…"

"Sorry," he grinned, throwing caution to the wind. "I'm not hungry for bullshit. Great coffee, though!"

The things he does for Sakura's pride….

"This is your last chance at redemption," Sakura hissed, sitting on the floor next to him, a massive pile of presents obstructing most of her view. Apparently, her old friends from this area still believed in Christmas. He glanced down at his presents to her, feeling a bit nervous at the thought of her comparing them to others.

Shit. Didn't Sasuke say that he was sending some? He panicked.

Tsunade and Shizune both went successfully, actually enjoying Hidan's presents for them. He had spent hours with Sakura in a crowded mall, picking out the perfect things for them. (He really didn't care that much about presents, but he understood girls took it pretty seriously)

2 pounds of white peach tea for Shizune, from the super-fancy place, Teavana. [side note: I bought loose tea from there yesterday: 8.2 ounces of Samurai Chai Mate mixed with White Ayurvedic Chai. Super delicious, but holyfuck $35 with tax. I spent 35 fucking dollars on tea. ]

For Tsunade, a set of three business suits custom-made for her size. Nevermind the fact that Sakura happened to have her measurements was pretty weird, but the woman didn't seem to notice/care.

Now for all of Sakura's gifts. There were a fuckton.

Dozens of giftcards, sets of lotions and herbal skin stuff, coffee beans, and clothes. Tsunade, of course, had gotten her a "practice surgery kit", which to be truthful, sounded more aimed towards psychopaths and serial killers. Shizune had purchased a set of "designer" makeup, by Dee-ore, something or another.

But now the final judgment time had come.

His presents.

He nudged her to open the big box first, which she opened with a slight blush of embarrassment. There was the entire Twilight book series [collector's edition], all autographed by the author. She squealed, giving him a bone-crushing hug.

"Feeding her teen romance addiction, I see," Tsunade commented, trying to sound bitter, but actually hiding an appreciative smile. Seems Hidan has been getting on her good side, for some god-knows-what reason.

The second, the tiny box, was opened gently, made her narrow her eyes in confusion. All that was in it was a note and her camcorder (that she owned..).

Expecting jewelry? Not this year! But play the most recent video.

She turned it on and pressed play, Hidan popping up on the screen.

I know you always get super excited when you see babies and puppies, and since I don't think you remotely have time to pop out a kid, here ya go! Then the camera shifted to a small dog bed, a tiny light-brown puppy curled up in a little ball. It's eyes slowly opened towards the camera, an adorable pale blue.

"" Sakura cried, jumping on him to give him a hug even tighter than before. "Oh my god, I have to think of names…This is going to be so exciting!"

"You're welcome," he grinned, enjoying her perfectly enamored face. She was always so adorable when she was excited.

Ding-dong.

"Who's at the door on Christmas day?" Tsunade irritatingly responded. She got up and opened it begrudgingly, only to be welcomed by three delivery men trying to hold up dozens of gold-wrapped presents.

"Those must be the presents Sasuke sent," Shizune said, watching the workers place them on the floor before leaving with rehearsed "Merry Christmas" wishes. Sasuke must have certainly pulled some strings, since UPS and Fedex were closed today.

Instead of taking turns, since there was so much, the three women tried their best to dive through quickly. Since Hidan obviously didn't have anything from Sasuke to unwrap, he just watched Sakura. She threw the cards aside, saying something along the lines of 'I'll read them when I need a laugh later.'

20 fucking boxes.

The first, she opened with a look uncertainty, pulling out a pile of what had to be ten pairs of Victoria's Secret Lacie thongs, which, while being her favorite kind of underwear, was mildly disturbing to be opening from an ex-boyfriend.

The second: edible massage oils.

The third: a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs and leg restraints.

"This is getting wildly disconcerting," she muttered. Hidan was completely quiet.

The rest ranged from ridiculously-overpriced corsets from Agent Provocateur, to waterproof lubricants, to string-based lingerie that seemed like a puzzle to put on. Sakura stuffed them all in the original boxes before Tsunade could see, and Hidan helped pile them in a corner so she could "get rid of them later."

The rest of the stay went nicely, Hidan and Sakura leaving the next day with warm smiles from Shizune and pseudo-acceptance from Tsunade. (She made sure to whisper in his ear before they left: I swear to god, if you disappoint or break up with her, I know drugs that kill you without a trace.)

And as he backed out of the driveway, everything packed in the backseat and trunk, Sakura gave his shoulder a gentle rub of appreciation.

"You really pulled it together for the most part," she grinned, obviously immensely proud of him. "We might just have to come back for Easter."

"I think I might need fucking longer than that to recuperate after dealing with all that shit," he growled, eyes on the road. "I don't think I've ever been so scared for my life for that long."

"Oh come on, I lasted 15 years with her, she's not that bad…."

"Whatever you say…"

"Well, you will definitely be rewarded and then some," she huskily replied, giving him a wink. "Only 30 more minutes till we get home."

A box hit her head when he took a rather sharp turn, making her wonder what was inside. The package looked familiar..

"Hidan, did you keep all that shit Sasuke sent?" she asked carefully.

"Well, let's just say it certainly won't go to waste," he smirked, earning a deep blush from Sakura.

"Oh god…"

"Yeah, you can practice saying that."

"Stop it!"

"I'm not sure you'll be saying that..."

This is Sasuke's phone, please leave a message after the beep.

* Beeeeep. *

Hey, Sas-gay…This is Sakura's fucking sexy boyfriend, and lemme tell you, all those gifts you sent her sure went to good use. Really, reeeally good use. Thanks for that! Though you should've included some cough-drops or some shit like that. Her voice has been suuuuper hoarse, so we have to calm down until it gets better. Bye!

[le fin]

Okay, so I just finished my paper. Literally. 20 minutes ago. I am going to write SO much in the next day, you have no idea. I am finishing this thing [at least the chapters I propsed..heh.].