A.N.: WOW. I updated. For once. Actually. Totally. Completely. Yeah. Sorry, I'll try to work on this a bit more often in the future. I'm an ultra mega busy writer. Sorry.
Darn you reviewers! You aren't supposed to be THAT good at guessing who the mystery person was. Well, I suppose it was kind of obvious. Thankfully, this falls under Drama/Suspense, and not Mystery. :P
And now...the person whom you all know...
Him.
H. I. M. Him.
It couldn't. It mustn't. It wasn't.
It was.
No! Mario thought. No, please, no! I don't need him here! I never asked for this! Oh, I even prayed that he wouldn't come! Why! Why did he have to be here? It would have been such a nice vacation without the world's worst attempts at impersonating Sherlock Holmes, with the hat and the occasional pipe. He was, after all, the worst detective ever.
"So Luigi," Pennington resumed, "what brings you here this fine day on this glorious engine?"
Mario shrugged. "Ahem, the name is Mario..."
"It's a wicked thing to tell fibs," Oh brother. Here we go. God save us.
"No, really...I'm not Luigi. 'Luigi', my younger brother, is on this train. He, me, oh, and the princess, are going to take a well deserved break over in PoshleyHeights." Mario responded, hesitating word after word. Pennington simply shook his head.
"My upmost apologies. It is a capital mistake to theorize before you have all the evidence. It biases the judgement." What does that even have to do with anything?
"Ah, well. I hope you enjoy this 'vacation' of yours. I have other business to attend to. Oh, yes. You know my methods." And the award for worst quoter of all time: PENNINGTON!...if that's even his real name... "I shall see you around, then." With that being said, he waved and walked into the nearest cabin. Unfortunately for him, it happened to be Room 12.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
The 'detective' rushed back out for air as he excused himself from the plumber. He did, after all, have other business to attend to...
A.N.: Why do I have an author's note in the middle of the chapter? Because, I just wanted to warn you that this story is not all revolved around Mario, so don't be surprised when you see content involving other passengers. Okay bye!
The train bustled by scenic views on its journey. Toadette had her nose pressed against the window as she gazed out, looking at the blurs of trees, meadows, cattle, and the occasional UFO. Or was that Jr. Troopa?
Her roomate, Peach, was setting out all of her dresses on the sofa, trying to decide what she should wear that evening at dinner. The pink one...no, the pink one...perhaps the pink one?
"Toadette, I need to ask you a question." Peach asked as Toadette got up from the window sill. "It's a dire situation. You see, I don't know which of these dresses to wear tonight. I am a princess, after all, so I have to look appealing." Toadette rolled her eyes as Peach continued.
"I cannot decide. They all beg for me to choose them! I mean, this one says 'I'm passionate about you, baby!', but then this one says 'Don't worry; I don't bite', and then this one looks at me like 'May I assist you, kind sir'."
"And this one says 'What the heck is the difference between these dresses?'" Toadette commented, pointing to herself. Peach nodded.
"You're very right. I ought to wear this pink one." she said, making a mental note to herself. Toadette finally had it.
"I'm gonna go check out the train," she rushed, hopping down off the couch and to the door. Peach called back after her.
"Well be sure to come back! You have to help me decide breakfast!"
Sure, sister...Toadette thought as she closed her compartment. It felt like a dream being on such an exquisite locomotive. The wallpaper...the lights...the furniture and decor...Toadsworth?
The humble steward caught sight of her and quickly snapped. "Just what are you doing, loafing about?"
"Um, nothing, Mr. Toadsworth. I was going to go check out the new snack bar at the, um, dining car," she hesitated. Toadsworth stared at her for a moment, then let her run off. Toadette couldn't help but feel something wasn't quite right...
Hopefully I won't be THAT cranky when I get to such an age.
As the Express continued along it's journey, the Waitress rang the intercom signalling passengers that lunch would be ready and to come to the dining car. It immediately filled with hungry passengers, making the Waitress wish even more that she had an assistant.
Daisy briskly opened the door of the car and went to go take a seat near Toad, Dixie, and D.K. Luigi, who was speculating the neat (and expensive) items in the shop, took note of her presence. Panic was painted and put on display all over his face, worrying that she might see him. Talk about self-esteem issues. Luigi nearly wet himself and, not knowing what to do, he swan-dived over the counter, crashing into the spare stock. Everyone in the car stopped for a second and peeked inside the Stall, including Daisy, who 'luckily' didn't see him, as the poor Noki woman inside darted out. Luigi's panicky face now changed to bright red. Oh well. No one knew who did it.
Except the very Sales Stall owner.
"Excuse me sir?" he questioned rudely as Luigi glanced up.
"Oh...you see...I was...a reason...yes, I have a reason I assure you!"
"Well, could you get your germs off the spare Super Shrooms? Great, now I have to replace the stock...which you'll be paying for!"
"IT WAS A GIRL WHO I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT AROUND SINCE SHE'S SO TOMBOYISH AND HOT PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!!" Luigi cried, crawling into a hole.
"I hear you." Luigi's face now showed symptoms of shock.
"You...do?"
"Yeah. But please, can you get off the Shrooms first?" the manager exclaimed as Luigi brushed himself off after the fall.
"I've been trying to woo that waitress over there. But she never seems to know I exist since I'm always here behind the glass. Four years I've been trying to impress her."
"FOUR YEARS? DANG!" Luigi yelled, deafening all in the dining car. The green cad ducked once again.
"Is that really necessary?" the manager asked as Luigi began speaking in whisper.
"Sorry."
"Yeah. If only I could find a way to tell her how I feel..."
In an instant, Luigi darted out the door, stealthily moving along the car toward where the waitress was taking an order. That's when he said, not in his indoor voice:
"HEY! THAT SALES STALL GUY IS INTERESTED IN YOU! Oh, hi Daisy..."
Once again, all eyes were toward him. The waitress was obviously flabbergasted, not knowing what to do. She glared at Luigi, then the stall owner, who was just as embarrassed. Daisy looked at Luigi and simply waved. Luigi waved back, now the biggest shade of red ever witnessed as he ran back to the stall. The manager, however, locked it before he could get in.
Someday I'll do something right...
Soon Mario joined the other passengers for the first meal on board. He opened a menu, but his thoughts were flooding about Pennington rather than the delectable sushi special.
Why is it that he simply showed up out of nowhere? Why did he leave the sanctum in Poshley Heights? Who was that poor passenger who missed the train? All cabins were full, except for 4, where Ghost T. is...which means that would be where the Paratroopa would have stayed. Wait, then how did Pennington get on? He can't possibly...
"SIR! What do you want for lunch today?" the waitress ordered as Mario snapped back into reality.
"Oh...um..."
"If you're not ordering anything, save me time, ok? I'm already the most embarrassed person on this entire train!"
He'd have to talk with his brother about people issues later.
"I'll have the Fire Flower Salad with Italian dressing then."
"We don't serve Italian here. Sorry."
"Um, then ranch will do."
"We're all out of ranch, I'm afraid."
"Here, I don't need dressing. I'll just have the salad, please."
"Which salad again?"
"The Fire Flower."
"Oh, Chef Shimi is out of the herb ingredients from Keelhaul Key. Can I get you anything else?"
"Fine, I'll have a Mega Lightning Burger or something!"
"What kind of cheese?"
"Cheddar?"
"The cheddar cheese went bad yesterday."
"WELL WHAT KIND OF CHEESE DO YOU HAVE?"
"No need to yell!"
"Sorry."
"..."
"..."
"...what was your question?"
"What...kind...of...cheese...do...you...have?"
"Swiss, Mozzarella, American, Blue..."
"Blue cheese on a burger? That's disgusting!"
"I just take orders sir, and if I may, yours is very time consuming!"
"Why do you have blue cheese?"
"It's the chef's favorite color."
"Blue cheese isn't even blue though!"
"What's your point?"
"MY POINT IS THAT ALL I DID WAS REALLY COME TO SIT DOWN AND THINK SOME THINGS OVER! I DO NOT CARE ABOUT SALAD OR BLUE CHEESE OR ANYTHING! IS IT REALLY HARD TO JUST GIVE ME SOME DANG FOOD OR SOMETHING?"
Gasp.
This was definitely an interesting train ride.
And when some outburst occurs, you can guarantee everyone will stare at you.
The dining car sure did have a lot of action today.
Considering the fact that everyone had only been on the train for an hour.
Pennington opened the door of another car as he skimmed through, sweat dropping several times.
If her royalty is taking a trip, then by surely he's here to. Oh, Sherlock Holmes would be so proud of my sleuthing!
He speculated the doors of the car, silently cursing to himself that the conductors now decided on room keys to your cabins. Surely he had been here.
Suddenly, one of the cabins opened. Pennington ducked behind the wall, but sighed in relief when it was only the little family of Goombas. He smiled at the young girl, who simply beamed. Her parents hurried her along into the next car over, which ended up being the dining car. When he knew they were clearly out of sight, Pennington resumed his search, and left for another car.
Milliseconds after he disappeared, Toad and Toadsworth waltzed out of Cabin 8 and knocked on Peach's door. She came out, wearing a fresh, clean dress (which you couldn't really tell since they all looked the exact same) Peach smiled, and her humble fungus escorted her to the dining car.
Trumpets practically blared when she entered. Everyone stopped wolfing down their lunch to pause and bow to her highness. Daisy rolled her eyes as he continued her taco.
"Um, something the matter?" Dixie asked as Daisy merely shrugged.
"No. That's just what she does: having every single citizen in her royal universe worship thee."
"Well, she is the princess..."
"Well, I am her cousin..."
"Well..."
"Swell."
And with that, Daisy grinned as she excused herself to her room. Dixie let out a heavy sigh and glanced at the others at her table.
"Why do you think she's so upset about her cousin?"
Yoshi and D.K. paid no heed to her as they continued their delish banana cream pies. Dixie got up from her seat, and standing behind them, snapped and shoved their faces into their dessert. Passengers gasped (again) as Dixie rubbed her hands and sat back down. Two faces covered with fruit and crust glared at her. Dixie resumed.
"Why do you think she's so upset about her cousin?"
"Possibly the same way I'm upset with you right now." D.K. scowled. Yoshi licked off the cream and got up from the table. Dixie murmured something about rabies and left as well, leaving a lonesome rabid ape.
"Well what are you looking at?"
Luigi heaved himself onto the top bunk of cabin 13. He watched as scenic cliffs zoomed by the window. He silently prayed he could be like them right now.
What am I meant to do in this world? Surely not anything with people like Daisy. It's like the L on my cap stands for 'loser' or something. If only I could manage to find a way to show her my feelings for her...
"Good heavens! What good does it do to have luggage in a place where your passengers cannot reach them?"
Luigi snapped out of his thoughts and pressed his ear against the door.
"I am sorry, but I cannot just let you in the luggage car."
"But I simply MUST have my necklace! I'm not the world's...well, I already AM the world's greatest fashionette diva...but I implore you, that necklace ties the ribbon on top of this beauty."
"Well, I'm aloud to go and look for it..."
"NONSENSE! What kind of service is this? Rummaging through other people's precious belongings? Hoo! I ought to blow you right off this train! Service was much better SIX YEARS AGO!"
"Mam, is there a problem here?"
"Oh, Doopl...I mean, conductor, could you allow me to get my darling necklace from my baggage which this man certainly has extra of because he WILL NOT LET OTHERS GET THINGS FROM THEIR STUPID...well, my fabulous...LUGGAGE BECAUSE HE CANNOT ALLOW THEM TO GET THEIR STUFF?!?"
"Certainly miss. You sir, ought to be punished for not letting this poor passenger get her desired things."
"You don't look all that familiar, sir. Are you really the other conductor? Oh, never mind. Let her in. I mean, it's not like your some disguised person or something!"
Gasp.
Luigi had the greatest idea on how to get a date and tell her feelings:
Doopliss.
Mario had finished his meal a while ago, not hungry due to the fact of Pennington. Something was definitely fishy with him. Like always, but he had to find out.
"Mario! You must join me for dinner!"
He turned to look at Peach, who was motioning for him to join her. But she said dinner...
"Oh, lunch! I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated."
Mario knew he was going to have to hear the princess out through whatever stress she might be going through. He pulled up a chair and glanced at his watch.
"You see, Toadette...I do not know, but she seemed rather ill earlier. I was trying to decide on my attire this evening, and she..."
An hour later...or at least it seemed like it.
"...told me that my hair would look good with a perm. The nerve of some hair stylists! Mario?"
Mario jolted back into the real world, apologizing for 'slightly' trailing off. He looked at his watch again.
One minute had passed by.
"Peach...I'm...I'm sorry, but right now I have to go care to some other things, which are as important as Toadette's sickness of elephants who looked like running into street poles that got perms for their hair." Peach looked dumbstruck.
"That's not what I was talking about..." she mumbled. Then she sighed and got up from the table. She showed a small smiled and then placed her arms around the plumber.
"I'm sure whatever you have to do is just as important. I just know that you can always save me in whatever time may come. I trust you in everything you do for me."
Deep.
Mario smiled as well and excused himself to leave. Peach looked back at him, but was stopped by Toadsworth who grumbled about how stereotypical something was and that her highness should learn otherwise.
Mario closed the door over, and plopped down, his back against the material.
What am I even worrying about him for? I always do this. It's a vacation, for crying out loud! I'm sure the princess had something important to tell me.
And with that, he returned to the dining car meeting up with a beaming Peach.
And of course.
Just as Pennington entered the car he left.
"...and then I become a shadow and you can go ask her on a date. Is it a deal?"
The duplighost had an odd expression as Luigi explained the details of his plan. "Whatever dude. I have to get back to my colleague, a.k.a., drama cloud. What's in it for me though?"
Luigi figured that was coming and began rummaging through his pockets, pulling out gum wrappers and wads of paper and erasers and a Daisy sticker and a popcorn kernel and a free waffle at a pancake house and a peach pit and...
"Aha! How about this? You're an actor, right? A ticket to a play, that's said to be the ABSOLUTE BEST!"
Doopliss made a funny face. "You know, you're right! It is the absolute best! Called Paper Mario, right? Yeah, gimme a ticket to a play that I end up acting in and you don't even end up going to? Ha!" With that he ripped up the ticket and threw it in Luigi's face. "Got anything better?"
"Um, a free waffle?"
"Whatever."
"Yes! Okay, so you just clone me with some creepy device grid thing, andI end up turning into a purple shadow and you do the rest. Okay?"
Doopliss had already converted himself into an almost perfect copy of Luigi. A purple figure stood beside him. His name was...was...
"Holy cow! Dude, you need to get some serious help! What the heck is that smell?" If the no name had a face, it would be red. Doopliss made a peace sign and left Luigi outside his cabin.
No one knew what the heck a purple glob was doing in the middle of the hallway.
Five minutes later...
A small crowd had gathered around the thing as Luigi returned from talking to Daisy. Immediately he transformed back, and the purple ended up as Luigi.
"OH MAN! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? I WAS ABOUT TO WET MY PANTS THAT YOU WEREN'T COMING BACK!"
"Chill man! And thank God I'm out of those clothes! How can you live with that?"
"What's that?"
"You know, that!"
"..."
"Whatever. She said she'd be very much obliged to join you, bla bla bla, she wants to talk some things over, and it would be fun-"
"YES!" Luigi cheered as he darted out the car.
"-ny."
Something had happened in the dining car. No one knew what, but a large group had collected and fingers flew along with cabbage as everyone yelled over something. Chef Shimi left the small kitchen and gasped.
"What in good gravy is happening? What paused all this? GAH! CAUSED!"
Bombette spoke up. "Well, SOMEONE entered the car at Sonic speed, and tripped over me and stole my engagement ring!"
"WHAT? You HAVE that right on your braid!" the Noki exclaimed.
"WELL, SOMEONE PUT IT THERE!"
"YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE DUMBEST ARGUMENT IN ALL OF HISTORY!" Bamma yelled.
"DUMB ARGUMENT, MY HAMMER!" Hamma put out there.
"Good heavens! Princess, what is going on?" Toadsworth asked concerningly.
"I...I don't know! There's just some big disagreement, and everyone's getting mad and everything!" Peach explained as best as she could.
"HEY! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!" the Waitress erupted.
"OW! QUIT IT! QUIT IT!"
Mario was with Peach and Toadsworth, fully confused as to what was happening. Toadsworth broke the ice between them.
"Well, I daresay! Master Mario! You go find out what is happening with all this ruckus! The princess must not get a migrane!"
Suddenly, the doors of the dining car swung open as the Bumpty detective lifted his magnifying glass. But something overtook him that caused him to drop the Ultra Glassifyer 10000000, which hit the ground, breaking into several pieces of glass.
That something:
Him.
A.N.: If you thought that chapter was random and bizarre, sorry. Things should play out later on in the story.
Again, sorry for such an everlasting wait! But I'm back on track, so you can still read and enjoy this story!
I put out a new poll! Go check it out and vote on who you think is going to hold everyone hostage on board. There's some surprise behind all that, too. Just wait and find out!
And the humor...don't expect there to be a whole lot in future chapters. The mood isn't in stress and terror right now, so I like to throw in a bit of comedy. But future chapters, especially after the epic next one, should have more drama and suspense.
And once again...thankfully this isn't mystery!