Chapter Three: Got Wood

Jim wasn't sure at which point things started to get out of hand. One minute everything was fine and the next minute his mind was on one thing and one thing only, and he was having to have cold showers four or five times a day, and the baking really had weirded his crew out. Despite this everyone had eaten and commented on how nice the cakes and biscuits were. He even noticed Spock's plate slowly diminishing every time he went into the Vulcan's quarters.

Tiny little things had started getting to him now as well, such as how damn tight the crew's uniforms were. Especially the men's. It was astonishing how he had never noticed this fact before, and he was sat in his captain's chair on the bridge when he first realised how uncomfortable he was. He had been staring ahead through the window into the black nothingness as it whizzed by, trying to think about anything but the shower he had taken not half an hour ago. That was when his trousers suddenly felt incredibly tight and he had to sit up, and tilt his hips, and widen his legs, and slouch down, but nothing felt right.

He looked up as Spock suddenly passed him, going over to Sulu and leaning over the control desk to show him something on a PADD, and Jim realised it wasn't just his trousers that were tight. The Vulcan had an extremely firm round perky behind that was being hugged by his black trousers perfectly. Suddenly the bridge was very hot. Jim got to his feet and cleared his throat, going over to Spock's science station and staring at one of the screens purposely.

"Commander." He called, after he felt he was able to speak coherently. "I've still got an hour until my shift ends, but is there anything I can do to help? Rather than just sitting in my chair."

Spock was by his side in minutes. "A remarkable request Captain." He seemed surprised. "But a request I would gladly take you up on. I was in fact just about to make my way to the science lab."

Jim pulled a face, but then glanced down at the Vulcan's tight-

"Sounds good." He turned. "Sulu, call me immediately if you need anything."

Jim followed Spock to the science labs, trying very hard to look directly at Spock's back and not his back...side. The science labs were clean and orderly, and Jim had rarely set foot in them in his time as Captain. Usually Spock took command over those matters - Jim wasn't sure if it was because Spock liked doing it or just didn't trust Jim with his science officers. Probably a bit of both.

Spock began examining an experiment and it took about ten seconds before Jim started fidgeting. He started to patrol the room, greeting the science officers and taking note of the work they were doing, asking questions about the plant samples or the dishing containing brightly coloured goo in them, and this all seemed to be working until Jim happened upon a plant that was, well... phallic. The stems and leaves were normal enough, a deep shade of green, but it was the flowers that caught Jim's attention. They were peach coloured, large and long with what appeared to be bulges at the bases, and there was no denying what they looked exactly like.

Jim swallowed and folded his arms. He was so glad he already had his sexuality figured out, but at the same time he wished he hadn't, because - and he was ashamed to say this - the plant was turning him on. And the poor thing didn't even know it was doing it.

"Is there something about this specimen that particularly interests you Captain?" Spock suddenly appeared by his side, and Jim actually jumped in surprise.

"N-no!" He said quickly. "It just... I was just... it looks a lot like err..."

Spock frowned at him. "I believe I have come up with a solution to your recent 'nervous ticks' Captain; something which may aid you in reaching a desired state of tranquility."

He led Jim to the far end of the lab, where in the centre of a table was a Bonsai tree. It was in a small blue china pot and was no bigger than a few inches, it's branches abundant with tiny green leaves. Jim took it gently.

"This is for me?" he asked, face lit up with a smile. If he had not been looking at the plant, he would have seen Spock's lips twitch in what may have been a smile.

"Yes, Captain. It requires your attention and care to keep it alive, which may be a more conducive way to expend your energy instead of...twitching incessantly."

"Thanks, Spock." Jim rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed.

"The practice of bonsai development incorporates a number of techniques either unique to bonsai or applied in unusual ways that are particularly suitable to the bonsai domain." Spock continued, matter-of-factly. "I would suggests perhaps some background reading. Another task I highly recommend for using up all of this energy you have suddenly acquired."

A light blush decorated Jim's cheeks. "Err yeah, thanks."

"May I inquire as to what is troubling you Captain?" Spock raised his eyebrows. "Though I your First Officer, I would like to think that we are - by now - friends."

Jim's smile became slightly panicked.

"I...uh. It's nothing Spock. Honestly, I'm fine."

Spock raised an eyebrow and stared pointedly at Jim's foot which was tapping on the floor.

"Spock, it's nothing I can't handle." Jim said, forcing himself to be still and slapping a big grin on his face. Spock looked at him intently for a moment before clasping his hands together.

"Very well. If this issue does not resolve itself soon though, I shall insist that you inform me what exactly it is, I may be able to help."

Jim made a sort of choked noise and left the science labs as fast as his legs would carry him. That would be one hell of an interesting conversation...